Kind: captions
Language: en
Netflix has become shorthand for uh you
know just sort of a meme life of a guy
sitting in a dark room smoking weed red
eyes not going to bed almost sort of
staying up out of spite to like you know
you to my boss who I guess controls my
day and so by me staying up late I'm I'm
controlling my time
but I have a feeling that what's going
on is people aren't in control of their
emotions so they're not framing this
hard time that they are legitimately
going through they're not framing it in
in a way that will allow them to act
productively so they then feel a way
they don't want to feel they don't see
an outlet through Behavior to fix it so
they start consuming consuming consuming
alcohol weed porn Netflix whatever which
all of those things can be fun in the
right amounts at the right time um does
that seem true to you that this is
ultimately them trying to numb out
effectively well well um it's very
difficult to be a human being let's
let's start at a very basic level going
back to our earliest
ancestry so unlike animals we are not
programmed now animals aren't completely
programmed that's a myth but they're
much more programmed than we are by
their instincts so a leopard doesn't
wake up in the morning and go what am I
going to do today am I going to hunt
this animal or that no I think it's kind
of cloud no they don't they don't have
that choice we do and that's what makes
us aimless that's what makes us wake up
in the morning go man what am I going to
do so what that means what that
translates into is the human being has
emptiness has a hole inside of ourselves
a hole that we need to fill in some way
because we have incredibly active Minds
The the brain if you break it down as I
said earlier we should be fetishizing it
if you study the brain in in a larger
sense it's absolutely astounding the
powers that it has the amount of neural
Pathways that connect the complexity of
it and the activeness of it I meditate
every morning and as I try and still my
mind whoa thoughts are coming like this
you can't believe how active your mind
is you're just not aware of it and but
we have this emptiness we don't know
what to fill it with this mind is active
we're not programmed we don't know what
to do and because of that emptiness we
have to fill it with something we're
restless and and if we don't know what
to fill it with we're just going to
consume consume consume consume consume
as a way to kind of deal with that empty
feeling as you say to numb ourselves
we're going to eat eat eat we're going
to watch movies we're going to binge
watch we're going to get addicted to
porn because it's filling that emptiness
it's taking that AC of mind and it's
dumb it's numbing it and it's like you
know it seems satisfying because we
don't have to deal with these other
things so you have to be aware that you
have this emptiness inside of you
everybody does I have it everyone does
but my life the way I go and I don't
mean to be put the focus continually on
me is I wake up every up every morning
now because I've reached this position
and I want you to have this this
privilege that I have I'm not saying
that I feel so great I want you to have
it I have this feeling I wake up in the
morning I know what I have to accomplish
I know what my goals are I know what I
have to do that particular day I know
what I have to do that particular week
these are the things that I can do to
fill that emptiness to program to give
myself a purpose to have that North Star
that you're talking about and yes within
those parameters I can waste some time
reading about the Lakers on on
lakersground.net you know it's website
that I that I lurk in or I can read
articles that have nothing to do with my
life you know I can go on and on I can
waste time but I have a general
parameter I don't have that gnawing
emptiness that has to be continually
filled by consuming consuming consuming
so be aware that your mind is so active
that you have to have something to fill
it but it's your choice whether you're
just going to consume mindless stuff or
you're going to actually use that
Restless active brain of yours and put
it to some incredible function how do
they figure out what incredible function
to put it to well that's the million
dooll question and that's why I wrote my
my fifth book Mastery um so I have a
chapter one in Mastery called um
discover your life's
task and it's not easy and I don't have
like a formula for it but I I kind of
lay out the process that could lead you
to it so if you're 22 or or
younger then it's it's pretty clear what
you have to do and it's not so difficult
if you're 29 30 gets more complicated if
you're 40 it's very difficult if you're
50 it's almost impossible so the younger
you go through this process the better
and what it entails is figuring out what
makes you unique in life and I don't
mean like total weirdness unique I don't
mean that you have to be like some
flamboyant rock star Etc it can be what
makes you unique as an entrepreneur as a
business person what makes you unique as
a social individual as somebody who
likes to interact with people what makes
you unique in any Endeavor right going
into looking at your childhood and being
honest with yourself and
saying I'm I'm mening this thing now
that I'm 22 but it's not really me it's
what my parents want me to be interested
in it's not really me because it's what
other peers think is cool right now it's
not really me because of blah blah blah
blah blah what is really me okay so you
got to peel away these layers and you
got to come at so when you were born I
like into what a seed is planted that
seed is your uniqueness because a your
DNA has never existed in the history of
the universe and never will exist again
okay it's impossible it's so unique
B your parents are not like any other
parents and they're going to raise you
in a way that's different from any other
parenting couple in in the history C
you're going to have early experiences
that are not like anybody else that is
unique that is you that is what
separates you from the 100 billion I I I
narrowed it down how many humans have
left lived in the because I had it in
one of my chapters I think it's 100
billion somewhere around that 110
billion ever This Is What Separates Me
from Homo sapiens let's draw that line
who have ever lived before okay and it's
real it
exists and it's not like a single thing
it's not like oh I was meant to be a
fireman oh I was meant to be a
politician it's vaguer than that it has
to do with things that attract you
whether it's Sports and and your body
whether it's mathematics or music music
or whether it's words and literature or
whether it's social things or whether
it's building building a house carpentry
or building a business
Etc what is it that excites me what is
it that I'm drawn towards what I call
your Primal
inclinations going through that process
and figuring out digging up that seat
and figuring out what it is is the most
should be the most exciting process in
your life because if you do it all the
stuff that we're talking about all the
bad circumstances of the world
everything you're facing you will
reverse that power you will discover
your superpower you will be motivated
you will find the energy right you will
know what to ignore it's not worth my
time to be watching this podcast to
reading this book it's not worth my time
to be wasting my energy doing this that
or the other I know what I want
okay when you're 21 or 22 man you could
go if you figure that out it doesn't
have to be so specific it just has to be
this is the general direction I want in
my life these are the people that I want
to end up being like even though I'm
going to be myself in that within those
parameters then the world will open up
for you and you'll have a little bit of
that radar that will guide you through
life
okay if you're 30 years old it's
different in the 30 years old you go
through the thing of where did I go
wrong because you wouldn't be going
through this process unless you went
wrong if you're going right then you
don't need you can ignore everything
most likely you where did I go wrong why
am I in this [ __ ] job why am I unhappy
why am I drinking why am I addicted to
this the other thing my frustration my
unhappiness is speaking to me it's
telling me something it's telling me
that I took a wrong turn all right now
go back and figure out where you took
the wrong turn and what it was where you
how you can perhaps correct your path
how do you solve for that how do you go
back and figure out where the wrong turn
was well you're um so often times uh you
choose a wrong path for reasons that
have to do with
money with what you think is status what
other people think is cool so um look at
your first choices like you're 23 years
old and you decided to go work for like
a big
Corporation and now it's sucking your
soul out and you feel empty and
frustrated okay I'm frustrated I'm
unhappy
well I chose to work in this kind of
soulless environment and I quit when I
was 27 and then I started working as a
barista okay okay I went wrong there all
right so that's not where I was meant to
go all right what was it out of college
that I really wanted to do what was it
that excited me what is the path I would
have taken perhaps if I hadn't listened
to my parents or I hadn't followed this
I this dumb idea what is it that that I
could have done and at that point if you
can be have just a tincture a little
flash of Enlightenment about that then
you can start building on it and you
start going all right I took this wrong
path all right now I have to head it in
a different direction I'm not going to
give up I'm not going to stay being a
barista because that's not going to lead
anywhere I have to figure out a career
for myself that I can't give up the
eight years I spent out of college
because that's that's us useless that's
not going to go anywhere you're not 22
anymore all right I have to adapt what I
learned in that time and I have to apply
it in a different direction so you're
going this way your decision now isn't
to go this way it's to go this way or
this way a subtle little deviation
closer towards what you were meant to
what excites you and I have people
who've written to me about the course
Corrections they've taken they went from
being a lawyer to being a writer about
legal issues they went from a lot of
podcasters believe it or not have a very
similar story they went into the wrong
profession and then they discovered that
what they really liked was
podcasting and they applied so I just
had a interview recently with Andrew
huberman you know one of the most
successful podcasters of our era
brilliant man a neuroscientist he was a
neuroscientist working for a university
Etc
he was really really unhappy about all
the politicking and he told me that he
read Mastery and Mastery had a very huge
impact on him and I I don't want to take
credit but kind of to him it saved his
life wow he decided he had to get into
podcasting that he loved interviewing
people that he loved the interaction
with other people instead of having to
do all the research he wanted to be able
to take that research and apply it to
his interviews and interview fascinating
people okay it's a very common scenario
among people in the podcasting business
but there are other scenarios that
people have written to me about who have
made that course correction in their
late 20s I talk about in master I talk
about Paul Graham who was a master in
artificial intelligence in the 70s when
it was just a little baby about to be
born was just in the first
instances and he was a computer hacker
and he didn't enjoy it he hated working
for companies so he went off and became
an artist he just studied painting in
Italy he came back to New York he was
kind of living in a loft and in New York
very poor but he was kind of enjoying it
and then he heard an ad on on the radio
for this new online this is 1994 mind
you this new online world of advertising
and marketing and selling products that
was about to happen and he got very
excited and he goes well I'm poor I
don't mind being poor but maybe I could
make some money and and still have my
life and so he decides he's going to
take all his computer skills and he's
going to combine them with all that he
learned in art and he's going to design
a very aesthetic a very pleasing a very
userfriendly site for selling products
on the internet it ended up turning to
something that Yahoo bought for $5
million back then and then he became a
billionaire on and on and on he made a
course correction kind of thing so
it's possible it's very common scenario
when you're 29 30 years old it's not so
common when you're 40 but I have heard
some stories it's pretty much I've never
really heard it when you're in your 50s
so tell me about that
so what is it that makes it impossible
is it just the people can't muster the
will because they don't think they have
enough working years left is nothing is
impossible so I overstated the case but
it's unlikely first of all you're said
is it unlikely due to a flaw or well as
you get older you get rigid you think
you know all the answers you're used to
you have habits you my life isn't at all
what I thought it would be I'm 50 years
old but I know all the answers yeah
that's terrifying yeah uh um I I have
habits is you're not aware of it but
you're not so fluid you're not so
flexible you think you know what you
know what what the right path is you're
not willing to admit your mistakes
because then that throws open when
you're when you're 30 you go okay I made
eight years of mistakes when you're 50 I
made 28 years of mistakes and that's a
painful realization and we don't like to
have painful realization what's your
advice though to somebody like that
because let me tell you if you and I are
friends I'm dangerously close to 50 as
it is but if I get to 50 and I'm like
hey uh made a lot of mistakes picked the
wrong path I I want you to kick me in
the ass make sure that I don't just
resign what would you say to somebody in
that position well it's it's actually
not so difficult because you have
accumulated hopefully a set of skills
maybe one skill maybe two skill maybe
three skills if it were in the case of
you it was creating a product marketing
it then being a podcaster then creating
this this Animated World then this
educational stuff you've got four five
sets of real skills there but you're not
satisfied how can I take these skills
and a package them and move in a
different direction that is a new
frontier for me that excites me that
builds on what I have so it's actually
an advantage in a weird way but the
disadvantage is you're rigid you're set
in your H in your ways you think you
know the answers you're not so fluid
anymore you're not willing to make a
change in your thinking to
going it's
2028 whenever you turn 50 I'm just
speculating and uh the world is really
different now it's not the way it was in
2012 when I was building my Empire etc
etc am I willing to now face
2028 and the altered landscape which
means altering how I think and how I
adapt and not not being so said in ways
like Robert Green is about AI maybe AI
is a fantastic tool you know I realize
my limitations I know I'm an old man I
know I'm a dinosaur I'm aware of that
but am I willing to shake myself up and
go it's 2028 the world is different
people are young they don't think the
way I think anymore it's a whole new
generation I have to I have to be sharp
I have to alter my game I take those
skills that I have I adapt it to this
new world to this new AI Frontier I hate
to say it kind of makes me nauseated but
okay I have to adapt myself to this new
frontier can I do it cuz when you get
older it's hard to do that it's hard to
say I'm dealing with a new generation
I'm dealing with a new landscape I'm
dealing with my own obstacles and my set
ways of doing things can I overcome them
you know kind of
thing okay so if I did all that calculus
and I was like yeah no I'm uh I'm done I
don't I don't have it in me to keep
going
um what would you say
well um you have to find energy and love
in life and
so maybe um there's something that
you're
doing that maybe isn't going to be so
thrilling like this new career path that
I'm saying but it will be more
energizing you have to challenge
yourself so a lot of um feeling stale
and lifeless is you've run out of
challenges you've conquered
you've done with certain things but now
it's it doesn't it's not you don't need
to rise to the occasion anymore you've
kind of reached this Plateau you need to
create a challenge for yourself so
within the business that you have that
you've been doing whether you're working
at a in an office for someone else or
you've started your own business I'm
going to do something a little bit bold
I'm going to start a new Venture that's
just like my old Venture based on all
the same skills but it's a bit of a risk
to take a risk to shake yourself up a
little bit you know it's not a similar
thing but with me and my
books I never try and do the same book
over right because I know if I did I'd
be bored as hell I need challenges my
mind is so active I can't even describe
it's terrifying sometimes and if I am
bored I don't have the energy and I get
frustrated I get depressed so each book
has to be different has to challenge me
it has to go you've never done this
before you might fail you might not make
it what you thought you did you better
you better be up to the challenge it
excites me so if you're stale you need
challenges doesn't mean you have to make
a career change but you have to take
some kind of risk if you come to me
after this next book which I'm sure will
be amazing and you even half reach
towards the I'm tapping out Bell
uh if you're just done and retired and
you're super passionate to go travel or
something like that cool I'm going to
clap and I'll help you ring the bell but
if you're doing it because some part of
your spirit has been
broken I'm going to be Hey listen this
is an identity problem right now you are
allowing yourself to be uh cowed by a
terrible set of [ __ ] values and you
need to right now decide what ought
someone do with their life like what
should you be doing with your life and
this is where everybody [ __ ] hates
moralizing but I think people need to
moralize in their own life people need
to have a sense of like what should life
be like when we look at the landscape of
a life well-lived what what ought it be
for me you should be trying to ring
every bit of potential out of your life
so cool maybe your last book bored the
[ __ ] out of you fine do something
totally new I'm here for it but find
something that's going to make you feel
feel alive I have done jobs that made me
feel the exact opposite and I would give
up Creature Comforts I would give up
money I would give up just about
anything to feel alive and so when I
watch people live lives of quiet
desperation most men lead lives of quiet
desperation thorow whoever said that so
it's like hey no way like that is crazy
people need bright lines in their life I
I will never get addicted to drugs
because I just would tell myself there's
a bright line you can't do whatever
substance more than twice a week three
times a week whatever the second I'm
doing it more than that I know that I
have a violation and I'm going to
immediately address it it's like if I'm
feeling I'm not going to allow myself
see how many people I can piss off with
this I'm not going to allow myself to
sit in depression I may not be able to
stop myself from getting depressed but
I'm not just going to allow myself to
sit and wallow in it this goes back to
I'm not going to trust my emotions I'm
going to ask myself what my value system
is is my value system that hey if you're
suffering you just sit in it no so it's
like people need to address this stuff
so having a biological experience
there's something going on in in my
brain in that case or gut and I need to
address it and so figuring out what
exactly that is and then making sure
that I'm making changes based on value
system frame of reference beliefs to
ensure that I'm moving towards my North
Star and I can only imagine if somebody
doesn't know me and they're hearing this
for the first time this is going to
sound so paana everything in my life is
because that's how I respond to
everything every time I've had just a
grotesque challenge uh yeah Jesus Christ
the number of things that I've been
through in 20 plus years of business uh
it's crazy and inevitably you hit hard
times brutal times soul sucking times
whatever whatever and I have realized
that all of my SE success is predicated
on one simple thing never quit and I
don't quit because I'm able to recharge
Myself by going through the process that
I just walk through should you come to
me and say that yeah some part of my
spirit has been
broken well I don't think that'll happen
you're not talking about me personally
no I'm just saying like this is
obviously at the end I'm talking to
myself in all of this as a reminder to
how I'd want to react but I really do
try to frame episodes around okay there
is a person watching the show they are
in this case uh they're feeling hopeless
they are being consumed by this moment
in time and the realities of their life
because I the most horrible thing about
excuses is that they're valid and so
people have valid reasons to feel
hopeless but and now what like what are
you going to do and so if people just
allow themselves to sit in that that
that is a value system problem you have
to build a frame of reference that moves
you towards your North Star and unless
hopelessness is your North Star there's
clearly a problem yeah yeah so um to me
that North Star is a sense of purpose
which makes everything else kind of fold
into what you're talking about and fit
so you don't need anything else so when
you have a sense of purpose when you
know what makes you unique when you know
what your calling is in life then if you
hit a moment where you want to quit you
know all right I'm not going to quit I
just need to go a slightly different
direction here because I know that that
this is what I was meant to do these are
my strengths these are my good qualities
Etc and you know I'm I don't like
talking about myself so much but here I
here I go talking about myself again
um when I was in my mid 20s I was you
know in my journalism career I was very
unhappy it wasn't working for me I was
depressed so I go and I leave and I go
to Europe and I travel Europe and I had
a heck of fun I was seducing I was
seeing incredible things I was learning
languages I was trying to write novels
but I was poor and I was starting to get
older and I was going God this isn't
working and I got very depressed then I
came back to Los Angeles and I go I know
I'm going to become a screenwriter it's
Hollywood hooray I'm going to make money
but I'm going to write it's going to be
fine I like theater it's going to be
exciting I start going in I hate
Hollywood it's soulless I'm not very
good at it I start getting very
depressed probably the most depressed
I've ever been in my life at that point
in my one-bedroom apartment in Santa
Monica as I said I probably had moments
where I was slightly suicidal I know I
did I'm not wasn't slightly I was I was
depressed and I was like God damn it
what am I meant to do in life and then I
had a fortuitous encounter with a man
who produces books he asked me for an
idea for a book and I kind of improvised
the 48 loss of power and it all fell
into place but my lesson is my long my
long-winded story is I got depressed I
got down on myself but I never gave up I
kept saying I'm meant to write I'm a
good writer I have a way with words I'm
undisciplined I have flaws I'm not good
at anything else but I can write I have
a message I have something to say say
and it kept me going it kept me going
after all of these circumstances in
which I think a lot of people would have
given up at that point and I didn't give
up because I had that inner voice saying
you're meant to write you're you're good
at it you've developed skill don't give
up keep trying keep trying keep trying
it picked me up every single time and so
when I look at people and I go they
don't have that and I understand that
it's very sad because if they face
situation like that they do they give up
and then they they go funnel down a dark
tunnel a dark path in life and so that's
why I wrote Mastery I don't want you to
get into that that downward syndrome I
want you to see the fact that you have
an overall frame an overall purpose that
gives you that radar so when things are
bad you don't give up you just say I
need to make a slight course correction
to where I'm going in life
life yeah it's interesting I think
people have a really hard time building
out the road map I think that uh to be
nearly 40 for things to not have worked
out I think as you well know that's a
very hard place for people to be in I
think the scarier thing is to want to be
a writer but you're not a good writer
and I can imagine there's a lot of
people that finally figure out okay this
is what I was quote unquote meant to do
but they actually suck at it
it's very true and people have presented
that to me as if it's like maybe a kind
of a flaw in my theory and I and I and I
knock my head against it and the only
thing I can say
is if you were young if you were three
or four years old or five and you
decided that you wanted to
write then you would have built the
right skill you would have known that
because you had a flare you had a love
of
language and you realized it because you
were reading books and you just were
attracted to words and you would have
built those skills you would have
developed them but the reason you're a
bad writer is you chose writing when you
were 10 12 15 years old because you
thought it was cool because you read a
book you thought H this would be
something you thought it was easy you
thought I I write everybody writes I can
become a writer I think you chose a
false path now maybe I'm justifying that
to myself but I I think if you had a
true love of words you would have found
yourself a niche to where you would have
mastered you would have spent Life Time
developing those skills like I spent 18
years more developing writing skills I
was terrible I failed again and again
but I was developing skills you weren't
developing those skills because you were
kind of half asked about it and that's
why you failed it wasn't what you were
meant to do and you know somebody once
said Robert you talked about 10,000
hours which some people dispute is
actually valid Theory blah blah blah
which I think is [ __ ] but I've been
painting since I was 18 years old I'm
now in my
50s I've put in my 10,000 hours and I'm
not Leonardo da Vinci what are you
talking about well I go you put your
10,000 hours in over 33 years if you had
put those 10,000 hours from the age of
18 to 24 and starved because you
couldn't make a living instead of
becoming Insurance Brokers which is what
you are you would have developed those
skills in that year you would have put
the 10,000 hours in a condensed period
of time but you didn't because you
really heart wasn't into it your heart
was into making money and being
comfortable because to be an artist you
have to be willing to starve I was asked
by an online coach if they needed to
build their own app in order to launch
their business I told them what I'm
telling you now focus on what you're
great at and leave the tech to online
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and join the creators and entrepreneurs
who have made over $6
billion to be a writer you have to be
willing to be a failure and you have to
be willing to be alone do you know how
lonely it is is to be a rider you're not
out there having drinks with friends
going to parties you're in your goddamn
office alone without any distractions
you have to have a stomach for a
loneliness for facing a blank piece of
paper it's not easy and if you're not
truly into it you won't make the effort
to get over that mountain and develop
the real skills so that's why I think
people generally become like a mediocre
writer 40 they go [ __ ] man Robert Green
is wrong I I don't this isn't meant for
me blah blah blah it's interesting I
think all of that is true the only thing
I disagree with is I don't think
anybody's meant for anything I think
there are definitely things you're going
to get a disproportionate return on but
I'll give you an example of a uh no
longer super young man that I know uh
who went to film School graduated
thought he would get the three picture
deal he didn't he went into business as
a way to get rich so that he could build
his own
studio uh thought it would take 18
months it took 15 years and in the end
he realized oh my God I spent 20 years
plus now at this point uh this he is me
um it's you oh yeah I always knew I
wanted to be a Storyteller but I got to
my mid-40s before I actually was able to
put time and energy into doing it and so
for you could certainly say that I made
a whole series of bad choices it's hard
to cry about it recording this in my
fancy house uh but the reality is if I
had to do it over again I would
certainly do it differently and but the
way that I approach it is that now I
just need to get good at the thing so
what I worry about is that what people
are really doing is measuring themselves
against a financial yard stick or
they're measuring themselves against how
that person has a bestselling book and I
don't and my thing is okay you're asking
yourself the wrong question the question
people think they're supposed to ask
themselves is what would I do uh if I
knew I couldn't fail terrible [ __ ]
question what you should be asking
yourself is what would I do and love
every day even if I were failing because
hey the odds of you failing are very
high but if you're pursuing something
that you actually love and care about
then it's like cool pour yourself into
getting good at it value yourself for
this sincere Pursuit maybe you never get
there but man if you actually value
yourself for the sincere Pursuit and
you're pursuing something that you
actually enjoy the doing of which is the
only part of it I can guarantee because
no one can guarantee success then cool
you I won't say you can't lose but I
will say that man do you take the sting
out of that loss by being like I've
really enjoyed this so for instance when
I first founded impact Theory the number
of people that offered me ownership in a
company come run this new uh food
company or whatever so I had so much
credibility in that space and I turned
them all down and they were why I'm
starting a media company I'm going to
beat Disney
and everybody was like well that's dumb
because you don't have any experience in
that area you just had a historic exit
from a food company you should be doing
food and that would have made me more
money but that would have also made me
miserable and
so I had to figure out what do I value
myself for because if I build my
self-esteem around money success
accolades whatever I'm going to be
miserable but if I build my self-esteem
around the sincere pursuit of something
that makes me feel alive cool now now
we're in but you have to be very
thoughtful about what you value yourself
for okay a couple of things um so it's
very hard to keep at something if you
get no validation for it so if you want
to write and I know this from personal
experience and you never get anything
published and or you get it and only a
few people read it and you get bad
reviews it's very hard to keep going
it's very difficult to keep pushing and
pushing and pushing right and so if you
I actually believe that if you spend the
time that apprenticeship phase and you
are earnest about it and you're
self-aware and you're looking not just
at yourself and what you love but you're
aware of what the world is and what the
market is for books that you will find
an audience that you will find a niche
but you somewhere went wrong and where
you went wrong was you didn't pay deep
attention you didn't pay deep attention
to your to where your business was going
to the times to your audience and you
failed in that way so it's not just a
matter of the 10,000 hours it's also
being aware of the cultural moment that
you're living through and being just
aware in general of how things are
changing and what your audience is and
what will feed the public right now as
it is and so you failed at that and and
if you
hadn't guarantee that you'd be a
successful author now as far as your
story is concerned I have a much
different take on it but I'm not you
which is nothing you did was wrong
everything you did was right and it and
it was a link and a chain that led you
to your mid-40s or you're about to have
fantastic success so if you were 30 and
you went through a different process and
you go I'm just going to go right ahead
into animation I'm not going to do this
other stuff that's that distracted me I
don't I don't know if I'm going
correctly into your story but something
else would have happened something else
would have turned wrong but everything
fits into place Amor Fati everything has
a purpose You Were Meant To Go off into
these side roads and discover yourself
and you're tougher for it and you're
stronger and you've learned incredible
lessons that are now going into what
will be a mega successful business I
have that attitude because I think it's
the best attitude to have have no
regrets everything what I learned from
so even my bad jobs and I've had do you
know how many bad jobs I've had I've
worked in in construction in gree a
miserable job I worked in a hotel I
worked in a detective agency which might
sounds like fun but it was very
depressing I was a waiter I had a whole
string of crap jobs I know what that's
like you know but I learned from every
single one of them I learned about human
nature I learned about how horrible can
people can be which went into the 48
Laws of Power I learned how manipulative
people can be which went into the 48
Laws of Power I learned how to observe
people I learned what I didn't love
everything my motto in life on my
Tombstone is everything is
material everything is wood for the fire
as to quote Marcus aelius it's all going
into that fire and it's all for a reason
and a purpose and maybe it's not true
but it's the most beautiful philosophy
you can adopt in life it's interesting
um we have we are achieving the same
outcome but viewing it incredibly
differently so for me I I don't mind
being wrong I don't mind having mistakes
and so I don't mind and this may just be
how we think about the word regret I
don't mind having regrets I don't I
don't mind that I would do it
differently if I had to do it over um I
can't do it over and I love the way my
life turned out and I don't have a beef
with it it's just I don't want to lie to
myself and say uh oh no no I did it
perfectly everything happens for a
reason I don't think things happen for a
reason other than that you when it when
it goes Ary it is because I am dumb and
did the wrong things uh that that is a
reason um but yeah I don't know that
doesn't bother me in fact I find it more
empowering to say oh yeah I [ __ ] that
up but I learned from it and so that was
useful in the end anyway that's the same
thing that I'm saying that's what I mean
we've we've come to like the same
conclusion but through a different means
okay um because very much I I don't know
why I rebel against the idea of Fate uh
I suppose I can quote The Matrix and say
I just hate the idea that my life is not
in my control um so it's far more
interesting to me to say oh things don't
happen for a reason there is no net
under this tight rope I'm walking on if
I fall I may truly fall to my death
things don't happen for a reason there
is no grand plan here no one's coming to
save me I have to do this myself and I
won't do it perfectly I will make
mistakes
and so I'm not going to Value myself for
doing things perfectly that's a suicide
mission but I never said it it's perfect
all the twists and turns of my life
weren't perfect they were terrible they
led to depression but they happened for
a reason they made me stronger I learned
from them so you can have a bad
experience and you can throw your hands
up in the air go damn it why did that
happen I should have done something
differently or you can go this is what
Amor Fati means I can learn from it
it happened for a reason it taught me
something it taught me that this was the
wrong thing I should do it taught me
that I am intended to do something
differently everything in life is a
lesson is teaching me and I do believe
in fate and I do believe in in there do
you believe your whole life is on Rails
though no this that's mechanistic for me
well there's a great book written by
Robert Hillman that I recommend for
everybody called the soul code and he
explains in modern terms that's not so
woo woo about what that fate can mean
can you Channel it I'm getting tired and
it's hard but I'll try um so you have
your
genetics okay you don't control your
genetic makeup right it's sending you on
a path you think that it's all luck and
chance but no you you have genetics you
have DNA that is controlling some of
your
behavior and it's setting you into
patterns of behavior okay some of those
patterns can be very positive and some
of them can be negative but what you
were what happens in life is kind of
actually under your control and the Fate
is saying that because it's something
that is sort of inscribed in your
genetic code it was meant for you to to
happen that way and you see it and you
actualize it and you make it a positive
thing you discover what that seed is
what you were meant to accomplish in
life you realize your fate so there's a
quote that I use in Mastery by pindar I
hope I can remember um see who you are
by becoming who you are so you see what
your fate is and you become that fate
and you realize it by your
self-awareness so a lot of people don't
realize what they were meant to
accomplish in life and then they they're
just failures and that's what their fate
is right but I realized what my fate was
it guided me it didn't mean I was
destined to work at Esquire magazine
when I was 23 years old and and hated
didn't mean that I was destined to work
for this director in Hollywood and have
a terrible experience it just meant that
I was faded to have paths in life that
didn't lead to what I wanted and I would
realize and go I need to keep doing this
it meant I was meant to be a writer and
I hung on to it I'm not giving robbert
Hillman justice as I said I'm kind of
tired but that's that's how I look at it
it's not this woow woo thing that
everything in life is determined do you
understand the difference I do I feel
like um for me it's almost certainly
just semantics there might be some uh
real
thing that I just don't like cuz clearly
Rober your life's amazing so if that's
the way that you have dealt with
everything uh then that's phenomenal and
it works for you and the last thing I'd
want to I'm not trying to convince you
my way is right I'm just um laying out
the way that resonates with me is that I
like to remind myself that sometimes
things go wrong because I was stupid and
I didn't think about it
properly um I'm not it wasn't faded for
me I don't need to love what happen
happened I can just say cool learn from
this and so there is a a
self I'm poking in the ribs to remind
myself hey if you go on autopilot again
odds are you going to make that same
mistake so you need to be we're just
arguing over semantics because we're
saying the same thing in the end okay
maybe I think we are we'll see there
could be second and third order
consequences I'm not anticipating but
yeah look no I think that we ultimately
get keep getting to the same place
through a slightly different means yeah
cuz I'm not saying that my mistakes were
perfect I'm just saying that they it's
the same thing we're just are we should
we should move on here because I believe
we're saying the same thing it's just
that I am stupid I have flaws I make
mistakes but I learn from them I realize
that they happen for a reason and
they're teaching me something about
myself so we're saying the same thing I
believe yeah it's interesting I want to
let it go but you use the words it's
teaching me and I think it's important
for people to understand it's not going
to teach you [ __ ] you're going to have
to learn like you have to be the active
participant in this it won't happen by
accident anyway we'll stop there with
that yeah but if if if you're aware of
what you were meant to accomplish in
life you will learn yeah I don't agree
with that all right all right so
interesting uh so what's that arante
what does that mean that means just
forward in Spanish okay perfect forward
we go uh let's let's build people back
up we've talked a lot about the problem
we've talked about how you can find
yourself in in some pretty Dire Straits
um so for me it would be all right you
have to figure out where you want to go
you have to know that with with a
Clarity that's terrifying yeah you have
to have a set of values and beliefs that
are going to essentially force you to
act in the ways you would need to act in
order to accomplish that um what's your
setup for people if they want to
well the problem with with how you laid
it out is it sounds kind of dire it
sounds kind of dreary man I have to go
through all of that yes that's like man
I don't it's not even worth it I'm just
going to give up I'm just going to keep
smoking pot it's a lot more fun if that
were true I'd leave people alone I think
what I try to appeal to people is it's
fun when you figure it out life becomes
thrilling it becomes an adventure you
know that okay I'm in my
20s I I can go out and have fun I can
waste some time I can have this
adventure but I'm learning from it and
it's helping me grow and I know that I
have a sense of direction so you know if
you want to be um be a great basketball
player or a chess master in the
beginning it's tedious it's boring it's
hell you're frustrated 5 years down the
line it's kind of getting easier and
better 10 years down the line you're
able to shoot 60% on three-point shots
you become a a Grandmaster or whatever
the step below that is you're having fun
it's exciting so following this path is
actually the most thrilling thing you
can be on because you're not going to do
it if you think it's all drudgery and
pain and I've got to spend so many years
self-sacrificing not being able to no
man you're going to have fun overcoming
challenges getting good at something is
the greatest high you can have if you
want to be an
entrepreneur and you're 23 years old and
you go nah I'm not really ready for it I
need to go back to business school okay
no you start your business now and it
fails and it's painful and you go [ __ ] I
don't know then you go I'm going to do
it again because I learned some terrible
lessons and you do it again and it
succeeds and this is like 7 years later
man what a feeling you've overcome
yourself you you've mastered your own
weaknesses you're having fun people are
admiring you you have the attention that
you want women are flocking to you
whatever you want to however you want to
say it it's a high it's great so
mastering something becoming great
figuring out what you want to do is not
painful it's the most fulfilling
decision you can ever make and it
involves some tedium it involves a
couple some years of
frustration but if you can if you can
delay immediate gratification if you can
say it'll come to Something in three or
four years if I'm focused if I'm
energized then you're going to reap the
rewards I guarantee you because that's
how the human brain is structured so I
like to flip the script and make it seem
like something that's incredibly fun and
that's why I wrote Mastery where the
last two
chapters are about being creative and
about the feeling of being a master at
something where you have an intuitive
feel it's like a superpower at that
point and it's an incredibly
intoxicating sensation and I set it up
that way because I wanted you to realize
that this is a goal that you can have
and it's incredibly it'll give your life
a sense of direction so um I just want
you to feel that there's another path
even in these miserable times even with
all the problems there is a path that
will lead to something so different and
it'll turn your life around and and I I
mean I know it's hard to convince people
with words and that's why I wrote that
book but I honestly believe that
powerlessness yeah corrupts more than
power yeah it's a quote of Malcolm X
actually okay tell me more well um so we
all desire a degree of power and control
in life and you have to understand the
word power is not just like about
politics or about Elon Musk or anything
I'm talking about in our day-to-day Liv
Liv right how we interact with people
the sense that I cannot influence my
boss my colleagues my wife my children
the people around me is deeply deeply
miserable for us right it makes us feel
powerless and when we're powerless we
either we turn in on ourselves we end up
hating ourselves and we get depressed or
we become passive aggressive and we
start manipulating other people in way
ways in which we can justify to
ourselves as oh no I'm not really doing
that I'm actually a good person but it's
actually can be very very harmful so you
have to admit that you want a degree of
power you want the the ability to
influence people and you're not going to
be hypocritical you're going to be
honest with yourself you know niceness
is okay is a good quality if it's under
control if you understand it and if you
use it and you know how to use it
strategically and it's maybe it's a part
of your personality it's authentic but
it doesn't govern you you are in control
of it and what happens is if you're the
pleasing
type which is your whole strategy in
life is pleasing other people getting
them to like you which is you know a
quality that a lot of people have men
and women right it doesn't come from a
place of security it comes from a place
of deep deep insecurity you're not you
don't understand really who you are and
so you can't control it and so so you're
always trying to please people and when
we can sense we can smell people's
insecurities and when it comes to like
seduction with between men and women
women have a sick sense of they can
smell an insecure man right and you can
they can smell it in you they can smell
it in all kinds of ways and trying so
hard to please and trying so hard to be
nice secretly indicates that you're
actually very weak inside and it's very
much a turnup is very anti- seductive
and
so you want to be nice but you want to
be strategic about it you want to know
sometimes I don't want to be nice
sometimes I want to show create
boundaries sometimes I want to pull back
I want to play the coet I want the woman
to know she does she can't take me for
granted right I'm not interested in her
the moment you show her that you're not
interested in her she's going to be much
more interested in you you're willing to
play a little bit that tough part of it
you're in control you're strategic you
know when to use absence and when to use
presence when to to text them and call
them and when to disappear for a c a
week or so and make them feel like they
don't you know they they can't take you
for granted so know when to be nice and
you can use it to to effect but you also
know when I don't want to be nice in
this world and that pertains to all sort
of situations and negotiation Etc if
you're always so nice in business you're
you're going to be a doom you're not
going to survive very long I come at
this from a evolutionary perspective and
so the reason because I was so bad with
women for so long and then figured out
how to quote unquote play the game and
it worked literally on a dime from what
literally from one day to the next I
could not be successful with women to I
felt like within my sexual market value
let me not oversell this but within my
sexual market value I could be
successful sort of when I wanted to be
and it it was so it was such a set of
rules that I was following that I
actually had to laugh out loud I was
like I cannot believe it took me this
long to just figure out that oh I have
to present myself a certain way that uh
you don't want to go for the cloth right
away that you really this is about um a
strategic revealing of your personality
it's about understanding what's going to
get them exciting you might hate this
description but it's marketing once you
understand that you're a brand you have
to establish what your brand means you
have to make them feel some kind a way
about you the way that you're
establishing your brand better be real
and one of the things I'm sure we'll
talk about today is I take all of this I
I've been married to the same woman for
21 years we've been together for 23 to
me that we had to seduce each other in
the beginning and then at some point
that becomes a a deep long-term pair
bond which is a totally different game
and I really hope everybody can get good
at both games because that's really how
you end up having an amazing love life
that will ride with you through the ups
and downs but seduction is real people
need to stop pretending that it's not
from