Kind: captions
Language: en
do you have a math equation for lack of
a better word for
fulfillment how would that be a plus b
yeah kind of so here I think that so I
agree with you so violently I want to
bite through the table uh so I might not
be the best use of my teeth uh so I have
a rough formula of what I think leads to
fulfillment I think about this a lot so
I'm always looking for somebody that can
help me refine but I think it goes like
this it has to be hard and there's
reasons for this from an evolutionary
standpoint but it has to be hard it has
to be something that you get more energy
from than it takes so it's something
that you inherently enjoy and it has to
be something that allows you to
transform your potential into skill set
and that skill set has to be something
that serves you and the group if you do
all of that you will be fulfilled if any
one of those pieces are missing it's
really hard it's something you love
you're improving your skill set but it
only serves you you won't be fulfilled
if all of it but it only serves a group
and not you you won't be fulfilled it it
seems to me that it has to have all of
those
elements yeah I mean I think there are
people unfortunately who get that
fulfillment without the group part do
you do you think they're actually
fulfilled yeah I mean um if you like
artists who write to do some kind of
great art but they're not necessarily
the best people people in the world you
know it might be a total dick but if
there are which I think is its own
punishment PS but they may find
fulfillment in their art if they get
feedback from the group the group is
moved it's
Sublime you know and so their art
creates the desired feeling in that
person they have contributed to the
group in my estimation but if that same
artist made art and nobody gave a [ __ ]
about it I don't think they would feel
fulfilled well you know I don't want to
split hairs with because you're largely
correct but I do I can't think of
examples of people who were ignored in
their lifetime and it was painful but
they knew they were right they knew they
had created something brilliant they
knew they had created some invention and
it was ignored and nobody cared and
nobody liked them and think about Tesla
Nicola Tesla yeah he was pretty
miserable yeah so despite doing all this
incredible [ __ ] being out of step with
your time is rough you are the shout and
the echo so even though when Einstein
was asked what's it like to be the most
brilliant man alive he said I don't know
you'll have to ask Nicola Tesla despite
that Tesla died very unhappy by all
accounts I obviously did not know him
certainly alone and broke and so there
was something was missing he could never
get I'm I am definitely psychoanalyzing
somebody I have no right to but I have a
gut instinct that because he could not
figure out the echo part of doing
something in a way where people reflect
Ed back that yes this is amazingly
valuable that even though now we all
reap the
benefits was very little consolation I
can't think of it because my mind is
slowing down but I was talking recently
uh with my wife about artists and
composers Etc who had no success in life
she's going really yeah never sold any
books their music was ignored but my
research of them they they had just in
the work itself in the absorption of the
mind and composing This brilliant thing
or in writing this thing they had that
flow yes so the pain is definitely there
I'm not arguing against you because they
said oh you might be right I mean I'm
utterly FAS splitting hairs but the the
thing is is the sense of flow because
what happens is what makes you miserable
is your self-absorption in many ways
right the worst form of therapy is to
sit there and talk about your problems
the best form of therapy is to get
outside side of yourself brother the
people are going to be like the record
just skipped for a lot of people go back
the worst form of therapy is talk
therapy what what yeah yeah I well I
mean maybe not the worst but it's not to
me the most productive therapy to just
talk about your problems really why
because it's like it's like accentuating
your self-absorption
right whereas what you need is to get
outside of yourself not into all of your
your problems now of course I'm I'm
contradicting myself because I talked
about introspection that's a different
thing we're not introspecting about my
problems what my parents did to me more
and more oh I'm so miserable blah blah
blah I'm sure there are forms of talking
therapy that are good so I shouldn't
generalize that but what I think I don't
know something feels intuitively right
about this yeah well I just wrote sorry
I keep doing that about um this man
people won't have heard of him he's he's
a a
Russian Mystic whatever you want to call
GFF who had these exercises name but I
don't know um and one thing he taught
his students was to not vent your
unpleasant emotions so we had this
exercise called
self-observation where you to go observe
yourself like you did in the most
deepest way not just your thoughts but
about your body and how your body and
your mind interact in this insane
continual blend there's no separation so
one kind of thought will affect your
body but a feeling in your gut will
affect your thinking your all this
observe yourself observe yourself
observe yourself and he said you will
discover in observing yourself that most
of your thoughts revolve around
unpleasant emotions it's a very bad
thing to realize but it's true I use the
number 95% but I I as I said I'm pulling
it out of you know what again um okay so
most of it is dealing with frustration
resentment anger bitterness etc etc ET
Etc okay and he said look at those
emotions see them do not judge them do
not say they're bad or good or whatever
and don't ever talk about them don't
vent them to people you can look at them
but don't talk about them and the people
who experience go whoa by not talking
about them they start they start to go
away I didn't really feel them because I
never expressed them so expressing them
was kind of what makes them stronger and
more embedded inside of you I feel like
we're doing that culturally right now
yes most definitely I mean
look what is the Crux of the problem in
people today if I had to summarize it or
and I don't mean people include myself
in them us because I'm a human being as
well as far as I know I've heard yeah
it's that we're
self-absorbed right I think that's the
root cause of so many of our issues
right because we are creatures that are
actually built for empathy for actually
putting our minds into other things into
people into animals into solving
problems into our work that's who we are
and we've turned that around where all
of that voracious brain energy that we
have as I said I just wrote a chapter on
the brain and it's this insanely
powerful instrument that is so complex
people say it's the most complex piece
of matter in the universe right it's so
power powerful and when you turn it
inward it just eats Us Alive inside it's
like a bacteria eating us from within as
opposed to exteriorizing into work into
creating things into building things
into empathy into working with other
people and if we're getting all ranty
and outraged about Justice etc etc what
you really need to do is to get outside
of that and out helping other people
genuinely helping them right if your
cause is and it's my cause as well as
the environment which I believe EXT a
lot where my charity goes to then
ranting and complaining online and
making people feel bad is useless go out
and start a movement create something do
something you'll feel so much better
about yourself and you'll be
contributing it but what we don't need
is more of that self-absorption it's
like a centrif centripedal force that's
drawing us further and further and
further in my problem
my parents my education my brother and
sister my
wife more more inward more problems it
gets deeper deeper more inass erasin
inside of ourselves right you want to
get out of yourself right and put it
into your work so you know let's say
you're an artist right I have great
respect for artist I kind of wished I
had been an art I'm a failed artist this
is a guy who's written incredible
bestselling books I've walked through
bookstores and watched them bring in
stacks of books that you wrote decades
ago oh yeah but I wanted to be a a
novelist you know so fascinating it is
so weird to me that you can sell at your
level and still be like oh but I wanted
to be this I'm the same which is why I
have such a response to that because I
am not good at the things that I wanted
to be good at and the things that I am
good at that other people Envy me for
I'm like like that's not very
interesting what is it that you wanted
to be
that list is very long I my if I could
Snap My Fingers I would be Elon Musk
that is like my fantasy of fantasy you
have plenty of time you're young yeah
we'll see a I'm 46 what's he like 47 48
like he's barely older than me over 50
Now 51 52 I mean he's like was certainly
within Striking Distance and look I am
honest enough with myself know thyself
as Robert Green would say uh that I
don't my brain doesn't process data the
way that his now he warns people like me
not to want to be like him because he
says having the intrusive thoughts that
he has around engineering and problem
solving he said it's you know it's like
having this thing turned on that you
can't turn off you wish could
interesting but I I would pay that price
so before we started rolling you and I
were talking I'm I am very enamored with
what you've created and put into the
world and you've you still fill a niche
that so few people are able to fill I
think it's utterly fascinating you I
said once in our earlier interview that
when I read your books I can hear wolves
howling in the background but in real
life you're so lovely and kind and
considerate so most people that write
dark books are [ __ ] dark and they
don't even realize they're writing a
dark book but like your stuff really
deals with an underbelly of The Human
Condition but yet you're this lovely
person anyway what you've put in the
world I think is absolutely
incredible and so I I totally understand
the the impetus to be good at one thing
to wish you were good at something else
but it is a very fascinating part of the
human psyche well probably if I had been
a novelist I would and I was at this age
and I was successful I'd say you know I
really wanted to write non-fiction books
corre The Grass Is Always Greener so who
am I to say if you like that clip check
out the full powerful episode here and
I'll see you
there