Kind: captions
Language: en
[Music]
you have been successful by virtually
any metric that a human being can be
successful Fame wealth longevity of
career family you seem joyful but I have
found that when most people go after
success they end up getting lost
somewhere so I'm curious what do you
think it is that people get wrong about
success is that they don't have the
right definition of it or they pursue it
in the wrong way like how is it that so
many people get lost I think probably
because the destination isn't what they
thought it was going to be I think it
very rarely is
even in things that have succeeded and
that have fulfilled me the headline that
I chased was always different than I
thought it was going to be once I got
there oh once I get there it's going to
feel like this and it's going to mean
this it's going to be some sort of ta-da
moment oh I did it which is never true
because we consciously update our iOS
for what we call happiness for every
Peak we seem to get to the top of where
Joy is more of I believe the the the the
the the doing what you're fashioned to
do and enjoying the process and I I've
got thankfully some proof in my life
that I got more results when I was a got
obsessed with the process than I did
when I was changing the results so
hiding in that is a sense of there is a
thing that you should be pursuing or
maybe even ought is the right word
what is that highest level thing that
people should be optimizing for is it
Joy fulfillment accomplishment hard work
look I'm I'm a big goal Chaser headline
writer I I need accomplishment I need
achievement for my own significance when
I don't have it I do feel more
insignificant I think that's more of a
weakness of my own Spirit to feel maybe
not as alive and as confident when I'm
not achieving but that's that's sort of
another category is it a weakness though
like this to me is getting what I'm
really trying to drill down into is
you you have achieved so much at such a
high level you also seem joyful no one
knows but you what it's like to be
inside your mind but I would say that
people necessarily need to work hard
towards something that is what I call
exciting and honorable it needs to
excite you but it needs to elevate you
and other people and when I think about
what one ought to do that's what I'm
always like that's what you ought to do
and I like the word ought I think it's
fair for us as Mortals to say hey we can
call an ought not just a maybe I think
there is a right of passage to an ought
I think we're an involved enough species
to say no there is a right and a wrong
there's a better path and and a not so
good path there is a transcend itself at
least to chase a better self a
projection I think it's fair to project
and believe in a delayed gratification
that no I want my life to have some
escalation
yeah I know it's gonna have its Downs
enough but I want to have at the end at
least have a small ramp or what the hell
are we doing here or what is evolution
you know so at least to chase after that
I I I find myself
I call it uh oversea
and it's yeah it's it helps me and it's
it's helped me with satisfaction and
it's given me a lot of Joy but it also
I'm still have to Wrangle and get a
handle on it what I mean is
or I have such high expectations of
others of myself of a piece of art of
what a place is going to be like that
I'm going to vacation and it never lives
up to what my imagination is
and
intellectually I'm quite sound and going
well if you got the eight because you
went for the ten and if you went for the
eight you might have just got a six
maybe a best seven so Bravo or you
trusted the person more fully than maybe
he or she trusted you but in doing so
you allowed them to trust you more so
actually it formed a more reciprocal
relationship and allowed a deeper and
better relationship and was more
successful with the Bose hours than if I
would have would if I would have gone in
trusting less but reality Barry seldom
lives up to the ideal I'm chasing and in
my own reality very seldom lives up too
what I'm chasing I'm just still working
on shaking hands with well Bravo that's
as good as it gets you don't get to
you're not going to get to that 100
you're not going to reach that
Perfection and you know what
sometimes a minuses and B's and C's in
classrooms that's pretty damn good if
you got a real measurement and and 100
and a plus is like whoa that's Utopia
that's Eureka that's heaven on Earth
and being how quickly can I go all right
there's nothing else I can do
now I'm happy with that result let's see
how I scored
um so I mean I think at least
we all we all Bend Anita something
whether that's our past our future our
children our transcended self our better
self or God
and I think that's you know as a
religious person who believes in God am
I trying to live more in God's likeness
as far as I understand it yes sir well
before you move on from that I'd be very
curious to know so in this came up in
the vein of like okay we're trying to
optimize our life there is a thing that
we ought to be doing uh I am not
religious but I find that it is an
incredibly useful tool for a lot of
people in terms of giving their life
framework so when you think about
bending the need to God what what does
that mean exactly what
um what ideal does that represent
seeing
a beauty that that is Immortal that I
that man had nothing to do with
in all living beings and in people
seeing a an a major capacity and
potential in people and in myself
um
see in
the past
weeds that are all over
in myself in people and and seeing a
beauty on the other side and then
didn't the person seeing seeing people
realize that in themselves
um I don't know if
I have no proof no one does that there's
going to be
life after this life but I'm and I'm not
looking forward to leaving this life but
I'm damn excited about what might happen
when it's time
it humbles me in a way that it gives me
great confidence
where it didn't used to
it used to Humble me in a way that maybe
I felt more lowly or my head would bow
down and my shoulders would slump
I believe it helps me try to the ought
to Aspire to more what I ought to be
more daily and be on that be on that
grind or when it's easy to to to enjoy
that downhill and go yes it doesn't have
to be or you don't have to break a sweat
all the time it it can be easy to see
the beauty and to and to to get a
reciprocal reaction from the world when
the world's in Reverb and is given back
what I'm giving out that's when I feel
when I'm not objectifying the world or
either or people is when I feel like I'm
in in closer living closer to God's
likeness I'm chasing an immortal Finish
Line with no proof that there is
and Immortal Finish Line and
even if you scrap it down to and I have
had my agnostic years atheist years and
have many close friends that are both
but even if they scrap it down to if I'm
wrong
oh let me retrograde that I'll think I
would do it different you know what I
mean I think it's still a compass that
helps is hopefully helping me
be for a lack of a better term the the
the best man I can be day-to-day for the
things that I value the most and they
keep it my believing God keeps me
striving for that and keeps me
humble and and sort of sober to not be
overly flattered or impressed with the
wonders of mortality which I see every
day and I'm like wow see people do
create art something that's better and
different than I could do it to be able
to go wow but go oh that's just a mortal
thing
that's just oh that's something that
we're doing in this little blip of time
we're in so it gives me great courage
I think as well when I am most
spiritually sound which is not always
yeah I think everybody struggles to stay
on the straight narrow but the thing
that I find interesting about religion
I think everybody myself included has a
god-shaped hole in their heart and I've
heard Jordan Peterson quote Carl Young
in saying that basically Christ while uh
all about Mercy ultimately comes back as
a judge and that young was saying that
the the point there is that any ideal
that you're striving towards right none
of us are going to be Christ but we can
aspire to be christ-like and it gives
you I actually really like the uh
definition that you were giving about
your faith gives you something that
allows you to see who you could be
through the weeds and to see that beauty
of creation Humanity the Transcendent
and at first I thought you were gonna
get into like that it's about awe and
just being kneel in the face of awe and
there actually is I think wisdom to that
but there's something even more profound
about what you were saying
if I'm interpreting you correctly that
you know whatever it is you're trying to
achieve in life it is going to be
difficult there are going to be hard
times and I've heard you say something
that I think is very powerful which is
never see yourself as a victim and so as
we're all going through this life and
things are getting difficult and you're
trying to hold on to that image of what
you could be of what life could be and
you're getting lashed by you know the
the reaches of the Jungle but that
whether it's religion or just what one
ought to do that you have a very clear
vision of what it is on the other side
to keep you pushing through all that now
you have an event coming up called The
Art of Living is that what you mean no
that's sure part of it it's not a not
not that you have to be a believer in
the art uh to achieve the Art of Living
it's it's based on this event that we're
gonna do on the 24th is is I believe
there's a science dissatisfaction so
there's the science and that's the
knowledge and once we learn to make
choices that were measurably
pay us back give us more residuals for
longer term for longer time in life
we start to fall into that wise place of
being able to navigate The Art of Living
where life becomes a little bit more of
a dance where we see the context we see
the innuendo and we see the subtlety and
and and and and we have to make a choice
and both can look the same and it's like
what am I going to call an audible here
I've got a Playbook from the science of
satisfaction but what's my choice we
start to work off intuition it goes from
the intellect down into the the body and
that's when it becomes an art
um that's an individual practice I think
for everybody but what we're going to do
on the 24th is dive deeper into the sort
of the the digits the actual measurable
tools of how to get more satisfaction in
your life so you can get into the art
of living which is an art in fact
and Faith the facts and the science
that's the that's the science of
satisfaction the fate and that's what
the world's doing without our doing what
when our hands with our hands on the
wheel or not where that road goes and
how to navigate it that becomes the art
um but the two are not a con not or not
a contradiction now when I think about
the great artists and music especially
for somebody living in Austin seems like
um a great example so if you want to be
an incredible musician one of the things
you're going to spend a lot of time on
our scales so you're going to be once
you master that you master the
instrument and the finger movements I'm
assuming one's playing guitar in this
analogy uh and you master all of that
stuff then you can express yourself then
you can be creative then you can as
you're saying you know create that art
so when it comes to the Art of Living
what are the scales what are the things
that people can practice obviously I've
read your book which is tremendous green
lights for anybody that hasn't read it
yet really amazing listen to the
audiobook it is unbelievable but in that
you give a lot of these sort of like
um look at things this way try this what
you were calling your bumper stickers
what are some of the things that you
think for somebody that really wants to
to do the dance of life well what are
some ideas that they should hold on to
that will allow them to dance well so
where Green Knights was an approach book
as you said hey approach this Have A New
Perspective maybe we've had a look at
this or that are red lights and our
green lights and yellow lights in life
what we're going to try and get into in
the 24th let's talk about more again the
process of it um I think the process
right now
especially coming out of a universally
disrupted foggy last few years
with covert disrupted Our Lives to some
extent things seem to be clearing up the
little bit of fog is clearing up we can
at least make some plans and projections
a little further down the road than we
were able to no matter where we were
whether we we couldn't trust in a plan
either from ourselves or someone else
much longer I couldn't go much further
in five days over the last few years but
that projection's extending
and we can make plans that I think we
can trust on further out I think we need
to start with what I'm calling
we have to start admitting
more not judging admitting
let's get rid of the lies
process of elimination first before we
get on with playing offense let's admit
the lies that we tell ourselves let's
admit the lies that we believe that the
world tells us let's admit the ones that
we keep under our vests for our own
convenience because they've been getting
away with them and they kind of been
let's just admit that don't judge it I'm
not saying so I can lay the hammer on
you and go you see you son of a
I'm not saying that and I'm not and I
don't think any of us should be doing
that to ourself right now so there's a
bit of amnesty and just admit it don't
just let's admit the lies that we tell
we believe in the Kool-Aid we know we're
drinking the candy we know we're eating
but we like to call it broccoli because
hey it gives us some identity and some
sense of purpose let's clean the Slate
there first
and then
I think we need to Define what we want
more of the world tells us every day
it's a it's more it's quantifiable only
there's a lane there's a there's 360
Degrees that lane that is vertical is
packed with traffic everybody wants on
that lane we're being told retail
therapy success more money it's the only
way to win this life
got no problem with any of that but
there's 359 other lanes in the degrees
of 360. that have a lot less traffic on
them that also have a lot more
qualitative value to them so where can
we scale wider where can roots go deeper
what Define what we want more of yeah we
all need to pay our rent
but
I'm sure you know and I know I know a
lot of people with more money than
anyone else the the most money in the
world and they are have some major gaps
and where in their own sense of joy
and a lot of them people will admit it
in the last years of their life and go
oh
what was I doing why did I pack the
U-Haul behind the hearse
you know
um so can we Define our own more what we
what we value the most and make sure
that we're given that we're tending
those Gardens as well and it made it's
going to be individual and those values
with that scale will change through life
my values are different now that I have
kids than before I had kids they are
things things move up in different
levels on the um from from one to ten
um so then defining our more defining
what we value
um big on big on value I think values
are the way forward if we can Define
that and also re re re
rewrite our social contracts which are
very murky right now what we can expect
from ourselves and each other without
signing the paper yeah because I I agree
with you on values I think they're
incredibly important I'm constantly
trying to get people to understand
something I call frame of reference so
your frame of reference is how you see
the world it's like a fun house mirror
that you have self-warped to show you
the world in the way that matches up
with what you believe what you value uh
your routines and the rules in your life
but anyway most people values is
probably the most important
what are the values that you think that
we should be aligning around you've
talked a lot about uh sort of seeing
yourself as a minister of culture and
I've heard you talk very well about like
Austin and we need to Define certain
rules what do we do what don't we do I'd
love to hear like just at a high level
what you think us humans like what is
the closest thing to a universal value
system that will lead to fulfillment is
my word but
yeah
um
okay I'm still writing out these what I
think are would be fair to have have in
the algorithm for universally
um and I'm open for things to be added
um look one that is consistent that I
that I always come back to that I think
we could all shake hands with more is a
certain responsibility
and how our freedom like taking
responsibility
yeah a personal
responsibility
um and I
how how you can't have true freedom
without
having responsibility
um gratitude I I I I I believe gratitude
is something that if you're thankful
more thankful for something in your life
you give it more value it therefore has
more meaning
and when it means more you take care of
it and you scale it and you're more
generous gratitude actually leads to
more generosity and
I also the end point which I want to
come back to I'll come back to again
again
that value as well as many others
is the most self-serving
value
so I have a lot that I believe that all
I'll leave all these values that we need
to be the more truly selfish
we are to serve ourselves the more we
can actually serve others more self less
we can be we just have to get those we
we see those as a contradiction
um delayed gratification some would say
it's a sign of maturity it's just an
investment in ourselves to just believe
in ourself enough to project to say I'm
going to pass up the plastic ring today
for the Gold Crown tomorrow I'm gonna
maybe make a sacrifice today for a a a a
a a a Monday off instead of the Friday
off if I'm getting a long weekend give
yourself the give yourself the extra win
the freedom be cool to your future self
on the back end the Long Money whether
it's investment something for our kids
or thinking about another the Next
Generation or what we would do I I I had
this little simple situation the other
day I pull in I'm going down the down
the road out here it's traffic it's five
o'clock traffic
cars pulling in from off onto the
highway I let this car in
a few cars behind me honk the horn I let
her it's a woman we drive for 10 minutes
I'm going home
this woman in this car remains in front
of me
I go to my house I pull in my house I
see she pulls in next door she's my next
door neighbor I get out of my car she
gets out of her car she yells over hey
Matthew thanks for letting me in
you need anything let me know
so ultimately letting her in was a
selfish Act
I got someone who's looking over my
house checking out my property looking
out for me next door I didn't do it
because of that but
you're invisibly you don't know when
you're creating a sort of an army
of soldiers there's a way we can act
where you can and I'm not gonna do some
would call it karma but there's actions
and choices we can make where you're
building Goodwill out there that will
serve you
the most even though someone say well
that's a self-less act well ultimately I
think it's a selfish yeah if you
redefine selfish which I'm trying to do
um responsibility how that leads to
Freedom gratitude at least generosity
risk-taking
is one
forgiveness is another if you get real
repentance from the person who
persecuted you
um that measure David Brooks talks about
it you know if I do you wrong
it's first year I think it's first year
step to come to me and go hey dude that
wasn't cool you pick my pocket
we we had a deal and you screwed me over
now I have to either go
yeah so it's a character trait so don't
don't don't don't do any more don't deal
with me anymore or I have to really
repent and go geez you're right
and and if I convince you that I'm
really truly sorry for that
now you get to not only forgive me but
go
come on now I'm a soldier for you
I'm a soldier for you so forgiveness is
actually really selfish in that in in
that in that uh situation often as well
I would say look I think we can all be a
little bit more accountable to each
other
um we are we it's so easy no one's
embarrassed anymore about over
leveraging themselves and I'm always
saying dude just
say what you can do and do what you say
if you can't do it just say you do me a
favor by just letting me know no that's
not for me thank you bro I just checking
you know uh we don't like to hear no no
please tell me no instead of walking my
dog with these yeses but never following
through on it you're doing me a favor
and I'm not gonna be upset with you so
so
to be more uh to to admit what we can
and can't do where do you think that
comes from
the inability to say no is it the
discomfort of not being able to do
something for you is it like Hollywood
so I'm sort of tangentially uh bumping
into Hollywood and one thing I find
they'd never just say no they won't no
one says yes and then if it's a no they
just don't show
and you're like dude you could have just
told me no I just if there's somebody
else I wanted to invite you can reboot
your life your health even your career
anything you want all you need is
discipline I can teach you the tactics
that I learned while growing a billion
dollar business that will allow you to
see your goals through whether you want
better health stronger relationships
more successful career any of that is
possible with the mindset and business
programs in Impact Theory University
join the thousands of students who have
already accomplished amazing things tap
now for a free trial and get started
today
but now you just did you know showed on
me you know and I always I try to
practice I'm a no until I'm a yes
because I don't want to over leverage
and go nah you don't know if he's going
to show up or not I don't like it when
it's done to me where does that come
from
um
look in some cultures know is a put this
considered a put down I was just in
Vietnam
they never say no the furthest they get
is they go maybe because it leaves it
leaves it ambiguous and if they don't
follow up on it you can't really condemn
them but a no in Vietnam is a put down
it's like oh you just lowered me
to a lower level of humanity Than You by
declining
what I what I offered I I think we
should embrace the reality of no much
more quickly my my favorite friends the
ones that we have less mendacious talks
the ones that I can trust the ones that
I respect the most are the ones at all
I'm like hey man this project I really
think for everyone they're like looking
they're like
dig it man not for me I'm like oh okay
thank you we don't have to each
other with all the extra words and walk
the dog and carry it put a flag on that
email because I gotta follow up on that
but I'm not quite ready to say no so I'm
gonna flag it again and let's get a
chain going back and forth Tom when you
should have said in six months later
tell you know when you're like dude why
didn't you just tell me back in March it
would have been easy I wasn't going to
take it personally you know
um do you think some of that comes from
people don't know they don't know who
they are they don't know what they want
I find that a lot of it come like the
Hollywood thing is is different I think
they're not sure what's going to work
and so or who's going to be hot so they
want to make sure they leave all doors
open but I think a lot of times people
are they they don't have Clarity
themselves about what they want they're
trying to do too many things they
haven't narrowed down their focus this
is my own like I am very much talking to
myself here uh it is so hard for me to
go okay there's 99 doors I could go
through and only one that I should go
through and it's very hard to shut all
of those doors
yes
it is
and I understand keeping options open
but there's a way to keep options open
that's not at the expense of
tooling someone else along whether it's
in a relationship or a business
and it's even fine to say that that
thing that we think oh I bet this other
person doesn't have 99 doors open like I
do when the fact is they probably do
have 99 doors like you do that they're
keeping open so when you tell them hey
in the context of this situation I got
this this and this and this going as
well and we only got 24 hours a day and
I gotta measure a gap because if I do
this I want to be fully in I'm going to
be fully committed I don't want to
half-ass it if I do it so let me to be
fair to you let me let me I need some
time to measure this and then to come
back and go and I took this other
opportunity
I I I don't have room for the one you
have offered me
it's hard to say but that person
respects you more when you do that and I
respect that moment that's done to me
so looking at your own career you've
you've done some hard rights one I
always find it fascinating with people
that have had longevity like you've had
where it's you've reinvented yourself
multiple times
but and you know we talked last time we
were together about the the big one
where you stopped doing rom-coms we have
to retread that but I'm curious as you
move into this year what you're doing
with the Art of Living getting into the
uh you know the how one The Art of
Living just really helping people with
wisdom that you've acquired over the
years but man like that's a that's a new
phase so how do you think about that as
you go from one phase to the next it is
it sit down meditate talk to the family
run numbers like or is it gut intuition
God told me like how do you it's a
little of all that and thank you for
that list and I think that list could
even go on
um look man you know and I look in the
mirror and go you know what do we things
were going really well what are you just
hopped up and decided do you want to you
know hadn't made a movie in four years
yeah I did
am I going is it would some call that a
midlife crisis I don't call it what
you want
I may have talked to you about this the
last time but well the challenge that I
found myself instinctually putting on
myself was this I was like is why it's
part of the writing of the book I go act
I'm going through five filters someone
else's character someone has a story
directed by someone else lensed in a
camera by someone else and edited by
someone else that's five filters from my
raw expression I was really wanting to
go what's the my raw expression well
writing a book is one filter it's a
written word right now we're filterless
even though we're virtually talking to
each other it's direct communication
it's stand up it's a direct
communication no filter but this going
through now I I I I I'm trying to
challenge myself and instinctually been
challenged myself say look man the big
movie McConaughey The Big Show is the
one that was called action was called
once and you were born and Cut's gonna
be called once when you leave this life
that's the Big Show we're all in that
we're all the main character in our own
show and it is being recorded by the
hands of time Who Who Are You in this in
this in this in the show called life
what do you give a damn about I'm doing
my BET right now my highest value is my
family
if I go there I know I can't go wrong if
I spend time tinting in that Garden I
know I can't go wrong and I got 18 years
to do it with each kid and I know that's
going to go by fast and that also means
trying to be the best husband I can in
my life I truly believe if I go there I
cannot go wrong is that enough to get me
off every day to make me feel completely
significant no I still have creative
juices in me that I'm like I gotta do I
gotta create something a piece of art I
gotta dispatch something I got to put
something out tell a story I'm gonna
think I'm a pretty good Storyteller I've
gone and do it through other characters
what about what if I was what story am I
telling
I write
every day something comes I don't have a
time where I sit down and write
24 7 some of the best ideas come at two
in the morning
definitely argue actually the truth that
my best money making ideas
come after midnight
but the best and then I'll go and I'll
look at everything and go
all right you wrote for three years have
a look what are the themes
some of the the new themes that I found
that I want to share are
having to do with defining things we're
talking about admit
values how do we get more joy how do we
get more balance
how Are we more cool
and re I love redefining words I don't
mean cool like hey man be cool I'm cool
cool is being yourself that's a damn
hard thing to do though
but boy if we can do it when you hear me
talk about Austin that's the DNA of
Austin just be yourself man
and that DNA is getting tested now but
that's that's that's what I love about a
people that's what I love about people
so I like nerds more than dorks a nerd
knows who they are man they're on the
front row making Straight A's in math
and arguing about Star Trek and
great that's cool
a door is different dork tries to be the
something to everybody and they'll be
whatever they think you want them to be
oh man I don't I don't like hanging
around with that person I can't trust
them they're fair weather on everything
I even appreciate an more than a
door at least we stand
you know
um so I'll gather I'll gather my stuff
see what the themes are and now I'm
aligning those and starting to figure
out the best way to share them
and and share them with the world and
hopefully people find them entertaining
and may be helpful yeah if it's anything
like your book I have no doubt that it
will be I want to talk about uh risks
and indecisions so one of your values is
risk you want to see people take more
risk I'm I will assume that you
calculated
something that has intention but what I
find is most people so partly is the
fear of the risk so they don't move but
part is that when they have all these
different things as they're trying to
make a decision about how to reinvent
themselves what to do next they're not
pushed enough in any One Direction now I
have a rule in my life that says I can
make a mistake that's fine but I can't
stand still and so that's really helped
me now it's caused me to make some
mistakes before but the when you look at
my life in totality the level of success
that I've had is because I never allow
myself to stand an indecision do you
have a similar rule like how do you
finally get over the Finish Line with
something first of all
damn it if not at least 99 maybe 199 out
of 200 times might be the percentage the
real rubber of the road of if it fails
is never as dire as we
presume it was going to be I've also
found consistently that those people
that do nana nana boo boo yeah when you
fall on your ass
are on the sidelines for a reason
that the real heavyweights that you want
to be around that I know I want to be
around are usually right there
helping you up or stand next to you and
going me too man nice try shits what's
the next move here you're like oh yeah
and that that's not misery loves company
that's actually I think more success or
maybe there's a better word loves
the company
um
making a decision I've wrote about this
in the book I do think
and I've had to push myself to do this
sometimes just making a damn decision
and commitment to it is the best choice
because not moving that indecisiveness
between two things
that limbo
you can walk that freaking tightrope
forever and you think it's gonna last a
week and then it's a month and a year in
a decade and then you're looking
up and you're going 15 years later going
I haven't moved I said we opened up the
talk on this subject
I know for me man most things that I
went after
that that headline I chased that
decision I ranked that risk I took when
I got there the headline was not the
same or I took a feeder on the road but
just just the movement to make the
choice to jump and not fall to
affirmatively take it
just gets things in motion again man and
all of a sudden it's it's it when things
are emotion now now we're mobile as you
were talking about we can call audibles
on the way we can meet somebody that is
a new opportunity because just it just
shifted it and and I know it's like
putting WD-40 I can have stuff in my
life to get stuck it starts getting
rusty and it's like no man just make a
move I don't know what you want to can
make one it's not any of the ones and
often
that happened to you like either
decision that you think one is Paramount
and one's not there's not that big of a
difference there's not as much of a
dichotomy or contradiction between the
two damn decisions we're measuring all
the time as much as we make it to be
um and back to the beginning
it's the wrong one the people you give a
damn about
forgive you for it real quickly and I'm
like at least you were in the game at
least you weren't on the Saudi yeah come
on I'm in it too
there's room on the field for the people
that you that you want to be playing
with I think there is so much in what
you just said so there's two things I
want to try to tease out there so one
there's this idea of the people that
take the biggest risks are the people
with the biggest
um the most secure home life
and so I I find it interesting that uh
it seems like you have a very stable
home life from both the relationship
that you had with your parents your
siblings to your wife your kids you talk
a lot about that so I have to imagine
that somewhat plays into it the thing I
say to myself is look if I lost
everything if I have my wife I'm still
good and then the idea that
um the the failure is never as bad as
you think it's going to be and so when I
think about what would make a failure
bad it it's because you value yourself
for the achievement rather than the
pursuit
do you think about that like so even
when you say you have like this cheeky
look on your face of like you know even
if it doesn't play out and I can see
that you like the the tightrope walk of
like really trying something that has a
shot at failing so what going back to
values what do you value yourself for is
it achievement is it Pursuit is it
something else entirely
um I think I overvalue
achievement I value achievement more
than I'd like to
more than I wish I needed
for sleep up for my own significance
you said to admit it
yeah
and at the same time
I
I'm not boo I'm not poo pooing that I
that I that I'm ambitious and won't
achievement
I'm glad I have I like goals I'm glad I
like to chase things down greatest
traits can seem to be greatest
weaknesses I get preparation is one of
my greatest strengths I also think I'm
like sometimes like as we started off
the conversation man I can point aim aim
aim aim aim hey before I shoot I'm like
shoot bro go take the shot who cares
take the shot you're prepared you know
so I can I feel like I can because I can
prepare
forever
I'll never get tired of preparing I can
go prepare for the rest of my life for
one thing and feel like I still could
use more time
so I think it can keep me sometimes from
taking a risk so I have to catch myself
and go dude you got it let's figure out
this out on the field let's get it in
the game let's get live let's make that
choice that affirmative move and and and
play it live
as much as I like to prepare
I do I do
I do I do I do take risks though but I
when I'm best
when I most myself it is the pursuit
because I don't like Landings anyway
I like entrances and exits I do not like
I cannot stand destinations it's never
that it's it's never fulfilling to me
it's never it's you know the
entrepreneurial Spirit of me hops up and
wants to go oh no create a better
reality no that's not good enough and I
have to go whoa whoa this is that's
that's a pretty high level for reality
bro appreciate that go back to the
Gratitude go back level out because I
mean that's a big balance isn't it got
to be able to get hopefully be get off
to reality enough
to not go insane at the same time if
we're not impressed create our own
Impressions which is the entrepreneurial
spirit and that's part of that I think
another Art of Living for people that
are that are that are that maybe are
Achievers where do you balance that
where do you keep updating the iOS to go
I'm going to create a better reality or
I'm going to keep chasing that and where
do you go man I just need to look the
world in the eye it's flat and see the
beauty in it and now a lot of times
that's where the inspiration will come
from me when I can level and go oh it's
right in front of you man just do it it
because I have a feeling that what we
are all really doing is you're
vacillating between I really want to go
hard for this thing I really want to
achieve it you're giving into that and
then you realize okay now that's
starting to be too much I need to be odd
by the beauty of this I need to remember
what my ideal is my deal has to do with
family and values and all that and then
as that resettles and your foundation
feels firm again then it's like okay I
can dream again and I can push myself
but I I think I I think it is that I
mean you called it a dance earlier you
really are like you want to push it
until it's like ah maybe this is a
little too stressful or a little too
much risk and so now I'm going to back
off but the people that break and give
up or that they you know they touch the
hot stove and they're like I won't even
cook again it's like that to me would be
the wrong response to a problem I'm with
you 100 I believe
that
we quit as people too quick now I think
that's one of our big faults is we quit
to quit oh it gets a little hot oh the
relationship gets a little off uh oh I'm
out we pull the parachute a little too
quick and and I
you can't commit fully to everything
there are some relationships that
shouldn't last there are some Pursuits
in our career that you go no I gotta
pivot take another thing but
commitment to get obsessed with making
something work
is a is a wonderful freedom
because you don't when you give yourself
the non-negotiable you don't give
yourself the app you don't give yourself
the crutch you don't give yourself the
net to fall in
if you do fall
you could you
you I don't know you I find I fall and
kind of hop back up or or I don't fall
at all because my feet are off the
ground I'm actually flying I love that I
think we suffer from the reverse of
icarus's story more than we do icarus's
story about whoa
for people that don't know that story
hit him with it yeah so Icarus takes his
son flying and then he's an angel right
I guess he's got the wings and wax on
his wings and the son wants to go I'm
going to go up there close to the Sun
Nicholas is like whoa It's too too hot
up there when the sun doesn't listen
flies too close that sun the sun s-u-n
melts just the wax on his boy's wings
and so the boy falls back down to earth
and into the ocean
and you know what that moral of that
story is hey hey hey hey don't don't fly
too high keep going I think we suffer
from the opposite I think we get up
there and we think it's getting hot and
our wax on our wings is going to melt
and it's only 50 degrees Fahrenheit it's
like we're not close to the wax even
close to to Melting man what are we
talking about we put these
mortal Lids on our our capacities all
the time and it's actually arrogant of
us I think it's extremely arrogant of us
to do that rather than being oh no no
that's that's uh I don't want too much I
need to be humble no I think it's
arrogant
to say no that's that's that that's
enough that's that's as high as the roof
can be that's as much as I can do
and what about what happens
we choke we we we get nervous we fumbled
the goal line and you're like dude
you're at that field what do you mean
you know you know I love that this for
sports analogies that Bo Jackson he
didn't run just across the goal line he
ran across the goal line through the end
zone and through the tunnel
you know that that that if we that's
what I mean when I talk about a mortal
Finish Line if we put the if we
understand that the Finish Line's way on
the other side it's not even what we can
conceive and perceive
that's mortal it's measurable that's
that's not even close to the real Finish
Line
boy all of a sudden
the task
feels more like an experience an
experiment
and I'm able to be much more in the
process
when I feel like that Finish Line's way
out of my sight line I can't even
imagine it and I'm able to do whatever
it is I'm doing better
because I don't even think I can get to
the result that's the point right there
because I don't even think I can get to
the actual result unreachable well great
so let me just Chase it and see how
close I can get to it by the end of my
life
that that that's that's what I mean by
when I say earlier oversee that's what I
mean by that's when I feel like it's all
the pursuit
all the process
that's when I'm happiest or I have more
joy and getting more done and look
around and then and valuing more
correctly the things in my life why is
that those stable things in our life
that we do have up above that we know as
you said your wife that will will be
fine
we just take care of that
sometimes they need us to just
hey quit looking over my head just just
just look look at me right here world's
flat man our feet are on the ground
gravity's real just just
hey I just want to sit here with you can
we not think about what's around the
next turn we not thinking about doing
anything better
can we not think about how to improve
nothing for a second
and just sit here and there's real value
in that and it can be it can be hard
think it would be hard on ourselves too
but I sure do applaud that
the the ambition of that how do you keep
that relationship with your wife so good
is it
uh do you guys have rules is it just
quality time is there is there some
magic there
I don't know if there's Magic
but
she's always
we've always rooted rooted for what is
essentially what we love about the other
that that I had even before I met her
that she had even before she met me
um
we do have some structure in that
science of satisfaction she has created
some science that at least
doesn't let us get too far into the red
meaning like when I go to work on a
project somewhere
before we ever had kids she goes you
wanna have kids I said yes ma'am she
goes okay one rule you go we go
that's means what does that meant over
14 years that has meant
the longest I've been away with my
family is nine days wow
I know I even say that I'm like wow and
that's her doing that's her going uh-huh
that's how it's got that's how it's
going to be big someone would say big
sacrifice for it yes but doing it for
our relationship and the family and that
has helped because I do get obsessed and
just want to go fly and she does help me
when I go out the door or go to my
office these stage she does help me go
don't look over your shoulder go conquer
go fly go do it I got things are handled
back here
I've got it handled if I need you it'll
be an emergency and I know where to find
you
oh
there's a great
privilege and freedom that she she gives
me in that to go
do what I need to do to to be a wolf and
a renegade and Creator is is I like to
be
um and then it takes patience because
I'm not
I chase some things down that
I don't end up they don't end up adding
up
and you look back and you go it's easy
for someone to go well let's prorate
that last three weeks when you I just
let you go and nothing came of it you
know what I mean she doesn't keep score
on me and go
now it didn't count so now you owe me
because that one didn't come to fruition
she doesn't keep score on me even though
I don't like coming back
with my preferable tale between my legs
going so long and missed it that one you
know what I mean but thanks for letting
me go get obsessed with it for a while
um so we're pretty fair I think with
each other she's definitely fair with me
probably more fair than I am with her as
you said that you're a wolf a renegade
and a creator
what what does that mean and the one
that I really want to know is Wolf well
Wolf's wolves go off on their own
wolves are also anti
you know you wanna you wanna you wanna
Wolf's like a coyote you want to get a
wolf to to do something and ask them to
do the opposite you know what I mean I'm
like I tell directors of people I work
with all the time I said dude I'm easy
to work with just don't tell me what to
do
suggest unless but but but but if you
and I even tell if you can make me
believe it's my idea
but and I even tell them I'm giving you
the trick Stephen just trick me and I
love to be tricked and I'll go with it
just make me think it's my idea the
truth is hitting your career goals is
not easy you have to be willing to go
the extra mile to stand out and do hard
things better than anybody else but
there are 10 steps I want to take you
through that will 100x your efficiency
so you can crush your goals and get back
more time into your day you'll not only
get control of your time you'll learn
how to use that momentum to take on your
next big goal to help you do this I've
created a list of the 10 most impactful
things that any High achiever needs to
dominate and you can download it for
free by clicking the link in today's
description alright my friend back to
today's episode I love a singular
experience when I'm alone doing
something intuiting something have an
experience
when I'm with someone else
I sometimes have trouble getting that
same full experience but being able to
go oh and it's with someone else
sometimes I feel like oh I'm only
getting 50 because I had to reference
something with someone else or say hey
what do you think or experience that
even a sunset
it's like
and I that's my own thing I gotta work
on it because I should be when I'm when
I'm when I'm when I'm cooking and gas
okay when I'm catching green lights I
can have that full experience myself
with a million other people it's still
my individual experience but I I do
sometimes have to block the whole rest
of the world off until everyone just get
back let me go find out I want to succe
I feel I want to feel like I if this
succeeds I can look myself in the mirror
and go good job I want to feel like if
this fails I can look in the mirror and
go that was on you
I wanna I wanna know that I just want to
know one way or the other and if I get
too many cooks in the kitchen
I'm like
who's to blame then the distance didn't
work or who's to Herald that since it
did work do we there's a there's a way
to do that but I still have to work on
that and that's I think what I mean by
wolf
the Renegade obviously I have a guess
not being confined conforming to other
things but blazing your own path is
there
um more to that or is that just is that
innate to you is that what your parents
taught you to be like is there a value
in there well my parents were definitely
Outlaws
I mean they
review you read the book you said my mom
made up all kinds of existential rules
that poet that that that
but but when in the seventh grade poetry
contest when she gave me that poem that
I I didn't even write it it wasn't mine
it was from Anne ashbert it was like if
all that I would want to do would be to
sit and talk to you would you listen
and I'd written in my own point which
she looked at she's like Ah that's all
right but what about this one and I read
it she goes do you like that and I go I
do like that she goes she understand it
what's it mean I said well yeah I do
understand sometimes you just want to
talk to somebody just someone to listen
to you she was like yeah
right there I went
what do you mean right but it's no it's
approach contest I gotta say she goes no
right there I go but this from Anne
Ashbury she goes no you understand it
right it means something to you
personally I went yeah she goes then
it's yours
I write that poem sign my name won the
seventh grade poetry contest so that's
hilarious plagiarism but that's what
happens my mom's Outlaw logic was from
her stuff like that so I suppose part of
the Renegade comes from
from them to to to think and make your
own realities
um
but I'm not
you know the the
I'm there's certain things that that
socially
politically that we just all kind of you
look up one day and it's like when did
that become sort of status quo
did I miss the class that everyone just
all of a sudden said
yeah dude that's that's business that's
politics I mean I know I had them over
for Christmas I know they spend time
with my children but now they lied about
me and cheated and stole but hey that's
just business
I'm not ready to shake hands with going
oh that's just the way it is when did
that just become yeah that doesn't go
off those things don't go off my
back like water off a duck's back and
I'm not ready to and I think that's part
of growing older though too what things
do we start to forgive in the world and
ourselves
because we get older we understand it's
not like young revolutionaries it's not
all black and white so we start to see
the Shades of Gray and all the different
colors in the truth and there's context
and there's there's both sides two
things can be true but the slippery
slope where we can go wrong with that is
going from skeptic to cynic from going
to oh yeah I don't really stand for
anything because yeah it's all just
relative and everyone can just it's all
personal everyone can just do Define at
their own way I think that's a slippery
slope so what do we start to let go of I
know that's something that I'm
constantly challenged with as I'm
growing up and I'm 53 now and
um me like most people don't want to be
that stodgy guy that's just still stuck
and being all nostalgic about the way it
used to be or anything like that but
also don't want also know that true
progress doesn't mean just saying yes to
everything and throwing everything in
the past out
so again I think it's more of a paradox
than a contradiction what are the tried
and true tested values from the past
that will work in the future no matter
what the future holds
and how do we adapt and what do we
accumulate and take on and keep learning
from that