Kind: captions
Language: en
[Music]
Tony Robbins welcome back to the show
thanks for having me back brother
dude very excited so you recently did a
study with Stanford University that
shows that your date with Destiny
program is more effective at impacting
positively depression than traditional
um medications and things like that why
is it so effective what tactics are you
giving people that is so transformative
I think it's 50 percent higher uh
positive emotion and 70 percent less
negative emotion which is pretty insane
it's actually even better than that I
got approached by Stanford during covid
because you know I adapted I want to try
and help people and all of a sudden you
know fifteen thousand person stadiums
they wouldn't let you have 10p 100
people in the stadium which is
ridiculous and so I eventually created
this giant 20 foot high 50 feet wide 25
000 square foot studio and we started
delivering to people all over the world
and so they had some people go through
date with Destiny two of which I think
were clinically depressed and they came
back with none of the symptoms and they
said you know what this is unbelievable
this is six days what data did he have
on this and I said well you know I got
zillions and zillions of you know
testimonials and stories but no one's
ever studied it so they said listen we
think this could be incredible and they
explained to me that right now if you go
across the meta studies on depression
which is out of control since covet
obviously it's not coveted as much as it
was the shutdowns and the fear and then
now the fear of people you know a lot of
people are afraid we're gonna all die
within 12 years of course is not true in
terms of the environment but all of this
fear has put people in a place where
there's no compelling future and that's
one of the things that we all need we
can all deal with the difficult today if
we have a compelling tomorrow but anyway
they decided they said look you know
right now the meta studies show that
across all the treatments both
combination of therapy and drugs the
only about 40 percent of people get
better and of that 40 60 don't get
better the average Improvement is 50 so
they're half as depressed as they were
some people 100 cure very few though
unfortunately and I say well that's not
much better than you know Placebo and
they said we agree three and I don't
know if you've seen the cover of
Newsweek talked about ssris you know
they do not uh change with depression
and we're still giving people these
drugs it's crazy because they don't have
an alternative so they came in and they
put a group together and the most
successful thing they've ever done was
done by Johns Hopkins two years ago
where they gave people a month of
psilocybin and cognitive therapy and of
course psilocybin is not a legal drug
but the bottom line with the results
were unbelievable 53 percent of the
people uh a month later had no symptoms
of depression nothing like it in the
history of Psychiatry or psychological
approaches when they did our tests the
numbers were so radical they sent them
out blind to two other organizations to
be absolutely certain it was accurate
100 of the people not one person out of
the group still had depression 30 days
later and 19 of people had suicidal
ideation none had suicidal ideation so
this date with Destiny I just completed
they did a study for 754 people it'd be
the largest Landmark study I've ever
done but they really want to just show
people people what can really be done
and the answer to your question is you
know the way you experience life you
don't experience life you experience the
life you focus on and what you focus on
is based on beliefs and values whatever
you believe you tend to see that you
know if I said to your audience right
now close your eyes before I close eyes
look around the room and see everything
that's brown everything behind you
around you clothing anything on the
walls books anything and then say close
your eyes and tell me everything you saw
that was read people usually smile you
say a lot more Brown Than Rap and I am
open their eyes and look for red and
guess what they find plenty of red well
you get what you look for so our beliefs
our values our rules that determine
whether we experience heaven or hell
inside they're all internal so it's like
we can't control the external world we
can influence it we have total control
of this internal world but most of us
don't know how so over those six days
people change their beliefs I don't tell
them what to believe they discover
what's limiting them they shift their
values to what's more consistent with
where they are and instead of being
pulled apart like you know I want to
make you know everybody happy and be
honest simultaneously I want to make a
billion dollars and sleep till noon
those create inner conflict we help
people resolve the inner conflicts
create a compelling future and be in
control of their own life and you're
right A year later they found 71
reduction in negative emotions 52
Improvement and positive emotions a year
after doing this so the long impact of
this is what they're most impressed by
talk to me about what causes depression
because I know I talk a lot about in my
own work when people ask you know hey
I'm really struggling what should I do I
actually would tell people cognitive
behavioral therapy if it's really stuck
then look at some of the research on
psilocybin which that's me grappling
with like what is that really deep
neurochemical entrenched Pathways that
people can get into with depression and
I've always been hesitant to to cheapen
the cause of depression by saying oh you
just have to think better have better
beliefs all that but when I saw the
results of the date with Destiny
research it made me think maybe I'm
making the problem harder than it really
is is it is it really that the the
entrenched depression is just the way
that people think or is there something
so real to trauma that it's sending you
into a neurochemical Cascade that you
can't get out of in any simple way
or rather than me answer that question
the head of the NIV HD or however they
pronounce it uh you know for 22 years I
don't have it in front of me I wish I
had to give you the exact quote maybe
I'd give it to you you can post it
afterwards if you'd like but he said you
know in 22 years uh I spent whatever it
was 20 billion dollars it's one of the
most interesting studies in the world
and we didn't move uh you know one
person out of depression the bottom line
is biochemistry is part of it but it is
related to what we focus on and what we
feel I can change your biochemistry in a
heartbeat close your eyes and have you
imagine one thing I can disrupt you put
produce fear close your eyes produce
something else we can produce a
parasympathetic effect a calming effect
so you cannot separate the mind and the
body you know together and so my
Approach is both I think you know from
going to events I believe in physiology
first but it isn't just biochemical it's
the way you move it's the way you
breathe it's the way you gesture if I
said to you there's a depressed person
behind curtain number one over here and
I'll give you a hundred thousand dollar
donation to your favorite charity if you
can describe their posture everyone
knows what's their posture like where's
their head
down down where's the shoulders slouch
are they breathing full or shallow
shallow that's right are they talking
loud or quiet soft fast or slow slow how
do you know because we've all practiced
this [ __ ] at some point and then
depressed right but if you take that
same person I don't care what's going on
with them and you put their shoulders
back I know this sounds absurd and you
have them breathe different and they
speak at a different Tempo and they move
their biochemistry changes like that so
you got to shift the way the body's been
used but then also you have to create a
compelling future this is the way I look
at it I look at this five to thrive let
me give you a little picture in your
head think of a triangle the first base
of three things the base of how you use
your body affects your depression or
your excitement if someone's depressed
or they're excited they use the body
differently they breathe differently
they move differently they speak
differently so you can make a
biochemical change just by changing the
body radically enough in the way you
move second is what you focus on
determines what you feel so if you're
supposed to meet your husband or wife at
7 pm for dinner and you get there and
they're not there boyfriend girlfriend
whoever what do you feel well some
people go I'm angry some people go I'm
worried well it's only seven you know
they'll say it's 7 30 and they've not
shown up they've not called they not
text well now it's gonna be going really
worried I'm really pissed off you know
it's 8 30 11 cold you know I'm full a
woman tells me right I didn't wait for
the bastard but my point is whether
you're angry or whether you're worried
those are biochemical effects but
they're all based on what you focused on
if you were really angry like they did
it again you know they're probably
screwing around with somebody else if
you imagine that in your mind you're
going to be upset but if you were
worried you thought what if they're in a
car accident and you're going to get a
very different biochemical effect but
people have habits of what they focus on
and those habits become your biochemical
habits as well and so they reinforce
each other it's not a one-way street so
that's why you know I really believe
exercise is one of the most important
elements pushing someone beyond their
normal Comfort zones physiologically
while you're simultaneously are working
on their head creating something so you
need strong physiology you need a really
clear Focus because you're only
experiencing what you focus on the human
brain is a distortion deletion and
generalization device your conscious
mind can only handle so many things at
once you're not thinking about your
clothing touching your skin or you know
the sound of your heartbeat until I
mention it or let's say the you know the
sound of the in your ear of being able
to hear that heartbeat all those things
I have to call your attention to because
your brain is deleting most of what's
going on so it's not overwhelmed
consciously so we pay attention to a
small amount of things so if you're
really happy you're deleting all the
things that could piss you off or make
you worried if you're really worried
you're deleting all the things you could
be grateful or happy about so and we
tend to generalize Our Lives because
we're cognitive misers we don't want to
think things through so if you have
strong physiology strong Focus then the
third piece is meaning is what creates
emotion like if somebody says something
and you go they're disrespecting me or
they're challenging me or they're
coaching me or they're loving me well
whichever word you select for those
Sensations in your body your
biochemistry becomes and so you know
somebody might say oh you know this
happened to me because God's punishing
me or this happened to me because God's
challenging me or there's problems here
because it's a gift from God or someone
else says it has nothing to do with God
it's the fact that I've been a lazy
bastard right whatever it is you do in
your head there is a biochemical effect
so there's the body there's the focus
and there's language those three shape
how you feel moment to moment if you're
excited right now using your body your
focus and your language in a different
way than if you're pissed off than if
you're worried Etc but then what makes
you use these three once you understand
them is you need what's called a
compelling future you need something
that gets you to move forward and like I
feel so bad for the generation today you
know Z generation Millennials because so
many of them are now talking about not
even having children because of the
exaggeration of the problems we've
always had problems I remember we're
going to run out of oil where the the
ozone was going to be destroyed and then
1870s the cover of Time Magazine we've
always had these challenges and we've
always learned to adapt to these
challenges whatever those challenges may
be but people today think these problems
are forever because we've had some times
here that we've never had where we
literally shut down the whole world and
had people trapped in their homes and
that has an effect on people because
they don't have a compelling future so
you have to develop a committing future
and what allows you to do that finally
is what's under this triangle if there's
a circle think of a compelling future
and there's the power of identity
identity is who are you beyond the
problem there's something inside you
that's bigger than anything that's ever
happened to you that ever could happen
to you and tapping in and finding that
part of yourself is how you get someone
to have sustained strength so they have
a reason to do it a compelling Future
something they're going for and it's got
to be a compelling future about more
than just getting by that's not
compelling or surviving or doing okay
you know the secret to anyone who
succeeded is they found something they
care about more than themselves
something that has meaning for them that
they want to serve more than themselves
because as human beings if you get in
your head you're dead almost all of us
can find something to be upset about
that's the nature of the Mind the mind
is constantly dissecting things
separating comparing but when you look
at back and you take a look at
somebody's life and you look at the
totalitarian aspect of what am I here to
serve what am I here to give what am I
being called to for Life those are the
people that you know were in
concentration camps and survived you
know if you read Man's Search for
meaning Victor Frankel one of my
favorite people on earth right it's the
entire piece was they had a will to live
because they had a compelling future
they said I'm going to live so that I
can tell this story so it'll never
happen again they suffered the most
intense suffering but they made it
through it because they had a compelling
future so identity and compelling future
are the ultimate things that shape
people and so what I do is I really help
people discover those things and I do it
through immersion because a little step
at a time is like trying to learn a
foreign language you know most people
took a language in high school and
college and they can't speak it but you
know if I said I want to learn Italian
and you have the money and time and I
dumped you in Rome and said I'll see you
in 90 days 90 days from now with no
teacher you'll speak fluently because
you're in it speaking and breathing it
that's how we learn best not one word at
a time or uh cat it's cat cat cat cat
right so I see that with my daughter so
the same things with humans so I do
total immersion training and I and I've
learned over the years that people want
a great education but they want to be
entertained first we're we're no longer
an Information Society because
information is too much right we're
drowning in information we're starving
through wisdom so what I've learned how
to do is how to capture people's
attention who wouldn't sit for a three
hour movie for 10 11 12 hours a day now
even at a distance you know because we
do all these programs now live and in
person we also do hybrid where people
all over the world are participating and
we're doing 12 hours a day and they're
out of their mind entertained emotion
juice everything they want they're
getting the best education and while
they're doing it while they're there I
have them do the things that produce the
change so when they leave they've
already made change they already have
momentum and that kind of e-cubing is
what I call it entertain them educate
them and Empower them that process I've
kind of refined over the last 45 years
this is my I'm about to end my 46th year
doing this I started when I was three of
course right standard that's what I
would have guessed yeah so all right
talk to there are people in my life that
I love very much that I have repeated
you back to them a thousand times and
they still don't make that change yes
how do you I actually heard you at one
point say look effectively I'm a
filtering mechanism I'm not worried
about the people that aren't prepared to
make that change I want to find the
people who are and give them the tools
that they need
is that have I understood that correctly
do you just sort of accept that some
people are never going to do it or is it
just immersion or whatever that is
missing and you could get even those
people to make a dramatic change yeah if
you can get them inside it's the latter
right no you know all I'm saying is I
don't go running around you know
imposing my view on everyone right uh
when I was in my 20s I'd be poor I'd go
to Denny's in the middle of the night
should I help somebody in these two
stories I see some poor guy at the
counter go Hey listen I got these tools
I can help you I mean that's how crazy I
was so I think you're probably referring
to that like no if people raise their
hand I'm here but uh but people drag
people all the time or pull people don't
want to be there and you know they're
going to be there for 12 hours in a day
and I address it right away but usually
within 20 or 30 minutes people are so
engaged that they're they can't even
believe it they're enjoying it's not
what they think they think it's going to
be I don't know what they think it's
going to be sitting in a room someone
just talking at you and that's not what
this is this is an experience but yes
they need to have experiences a belief
is a poor substitute for an experience
so you can tell somebody something and
they can nod their head and cognitively
understand it that's very different than
the visceral experience of getting it in
your body where it starts happening
automatically and just think of the
learning process or even mastering you
know you're you're a person like myself
we're always looking to master different
things how do you master things well
first first step is cognitive
understanding right you understand how
it works and that and four dollars will
get you a Starbucks right because you
know understanding doesn't do anything
but you have to get as a first step and
most people oh I already know this I
know this because they understand it if
you're not doing it you don't own it you
don't experience it so the second step
is enough repetition of what you
understand with enough emotion and we
produce emotion using music and movement
and everything else and asking questions
and have people remember in closed eye
processes because you know if I asked
you where were you on 9 11 almost
everyone on Earth can tell you even if
they're not American where they were and
they first heard about the towers coming
down who was around and what they saw
but if I ask you where are you on 811 no
one can tell you unless they have
something really special happen that day
because information without emotion is
barely retained so when you're telling
your friends that's not going to do
squat they're going to not do that even
if they understand or go that's
interesting there isn't in the emotional
shift because people only change in an
altered state you know most people you
know think uh you know hypnosis is
something that people do to them most
people are living in a hypnotized State
you know if you watch somebody you're
driving your car and then something
catches your attention you kind of focus
on it for a while and then also you go
holy [ __ ] who's been driving this car
quite a few minutes right well you're in
a trance or you go to a you know to a
hotel and somebody pushes the elevator
and it's already lit up and they push
the button if I could get five bucks for
every time this happened right they're
just in a trance they're just going
through the automatic motions for most
people about 48 of what they do science
says every day is automated so they're
not really thinking clearly they're not
open to what's really possible so we're
doing is we break that up by doing
something with such immersion and so
then the third step is you do it quickly
and then it gets in your body so that's
like confidence is tying your shoes like
you know I can get up and do twelve
fifteen thousand fifty thousand you know
these days we got a million people that
did my last five day seminar one million
people over a million people so it's
like it's like the size the audience
gets larger and larger and larger and
I've developed stronger and stronger
skills to do it but it's also getting it
into people's bodies because like a
tying your shoes you've done it so many
times you don't have to think about it
it happens well I've done so many
versions of things for 45 years that you
know it's like when I go to have you
know I've challenge somebody's facing I
got 50 answers and they're already in my
body I don't have to think it through
and try to figure it out while they're
away while I'm wasting their time I can
just deliver the result but that's what
makes the master something and so you
need immersion and so do you does it
require hunger yes but hunger can be
awakened somebody can have no hunger I
have no interest but then they see
something that really excites them or
they go through a painful enough moment
or they get an environment where they
see what's possible and that's what
happens in our environments
okay so let me run an idea by you I I
will frequently get parents ask me who
they just their kids are really
struggling they don't know what to do
and
um
I always give them here's the backstop
reality if you absolutely must get a
change in your child's behavior I'm
going to tell you what will work you're
probably not going to do it but I am
convinced it will work every time you
can have to kidnap them you're going to
take them somewhere remote and you're
going to put them in a group of people
in in the company of a group of people
that they respect and to earn their
respect they're going to have to change
their behaviors into what you want them
to do so assuming that you want them to
do something that's actually good for
them uh stop doing drugs stop wasting
time living in fear whatever and you put
them in that group and they're going to
have to conform to the the core values
of that group which you will have you
know brought them together for that
reason that they have positive uplifting
core values but the key mechanism for me
is that to gain acceptance from these
people that are worthy of respect they
will have to conform but I think they
have to want their respect do you think
there's any of that or on mass can
people do this in isolation
well of course people can do it in
isolation people do it all the time in
isolation your strategy is a really good
strategy and uh you know I have five
kids and five grandkids
um my second youngest boy
um uh had an experience where when he
was
16 he got caught up you know he went to
school at lay Rose in Switzerland an
amazing school he wanted to go so badly
I had the contacts I thought man if I
could have done this gone to school his
roommate was the king of oman's son who
had at 16 years old or 15 years old
actually they were 15 at the time he
already had 14 cars every kind of
Ferrari everybody can imagine a
different Rolex or you know fifty
thousand dollar watch each day and so my
son who I said you're going to work your
ass off during the summer to help pay
for this here's how it's going to work
my son then uh kind of adapted to that
environment and unbeknownst to me the
woman in my life at that time gave him a
credit card and at 15 years old he spent
over a hundred thousand dollars
competing with the kings and queens kids
well and started doing drugs you know
light drugs or you know smoking dope and
so forth pot uh gained over a hundred
pounds and I I when I first went to see
him in Switzerland they won't come for
the first three months they're very
strict they want the kids to adapt and
he gained like 25 pounds and I pulled
the counselor aside and said listen this
isn't right and he's like no this is
initial transitions we see this all the
time he's going to play rugby he's gonna
lose weight well over the next year and
a half he gained over 100 pounds so I
got him out of the school I brought him
back to the U.S and sure enough within a
very short time I had to do an
intervention on him and because one of
his friends told me what was really
going on with him and so I did the
intervention he's not my blood child so
he said you know I'm gonna I'm gonna
call my real father who you know was a
nice Man Who provided you know his
physical sperm but had not been around
most of his life I've been you know I've
been raising Josh at that point since he
was five years old really painful
situation but if you're a father you got
to do whatever it takes and so I knew
what he needed was what you described he
needed an environment where he had to
earn everything because unfortunately
his mother and I were divided she was
giving everything on the side so he had
no sense of inner Pride it's like when
people talk about self-esteem I hate the
term it's so overused but self-esteem
does not come from what other people say
to you someone can tell you your whole
life you're beautiful you're strong or
smart and you cannot trust yourself or
not think so someone can tell you're a
piece of crap and you go I'll show you
and some part of you it grows as a
result so it has nothing to do with
people say to us self-esteem is earned
by yourself for yourself it comes from
doing something that's incredibly
difficult and no one else knows it you
know it and that's why you have esteem
for yourself so he had none of that the
truth is hitting your career goals is
not easy you have to be willing to go
the extra mile to stand out and do hard
things better than anybody else but
there are 10 steps I want to take you
through that will 100x your efficiency
so you can crush your goals and get back
more time into your day you'll not only
get control of your time you'll learn
how to use that momentum to take on your
next big goal to help you do this I've
created a list of the 10 most impactful
things that any High achiever needs to
dominate and you can download it for
free by clicking the link in today's
description alright my friend back to
today's episode
so I got him in an environment and you
know he said you can't make me do
anything and you know he was 17 almost
16 at this point and I said you know as
long as on your father I can make you do
anything and I put him in this
environment where they took away
everything cut his hair and he had earn
it the right to use salt and pepper he
had to learn that he had to be
responsible for things it wasn't so much
respect it was pure
punishment reward you know it's like
real basic conditioning in the very
beginning now my son is a very smart kid
he's an adult now he's completely
transformed this is 20 years ago but he
manages to get the owner of this
facilities to have run this for 20 years
I've never seen a faster turnaround than
your son he's obviously your son he was
applying all these tools he's helping
other kids he's being amazing and so
normally they stay there for a year and
they've only been there two months and
of course I missed him his mother's
crying and so we brought him back and
within a month he was doing drugs and
and stealing from us so I put him back
in the environment for a year he lost
120 pounds he's never gained it back he
developed a different set of value
systems for himself and Josh today you
know 25 years later I have two
grandchildren from him he's my partner
in several businesses we've taken from
zero to four billion dollars to give you
an idea I mean and I couldn't be more
close to him but it was one of the more
difficult times so yes sometimes you got
to do an environmental change because
the environment they're in reinforce
versus the behavior they're in the
beliefs they're in the way they live
that they're in and that's not an easy
thing to do but so what you're talking
about is an extreme a lot of people do
it with things like uh Outward Bound
right it's a great piece a lot of people
take their kids who are you know wasting
away and they put them in an environment
where they're in in nature and they
can't survive without taking on the
challenges and the people around them
and so that's another shaping device
like that so I'm a big believer in
immersion where someone has to grow
where it's not a should grow it's a have
to grow there's no choice because you
know when I work with people what I
basically do if you watch me is I ask
questions I do different things but I
basically put the walls on the side
behind them come in and in and there's
only one way forward and magically they
move that direction that's my job right
so I know how to do that in lots of
different ways that don't require me
taking somebody off for you know a year
and setting them aside but I just want
to point out that in some cases with
drug use and things of that nature your
approach would be a very good approach
it's not necessary you could take
somebody for a few days days aside and
put them in a new environment and have
them completely rewire how they are
because remember everything is
conditioning so the habits you have the
way you think the way you feel the way
you perceive life is conditioning any
condition pattern can be changed with
new conditioning and it doesn't take as
long if you know what you're doing you
know they did research at UC Irvine
years ago
and I don't support this research but
this is what they did they take a monkey
and they take down four of his fingers
and then they just bend his finger
manually ten thousand times so if you do
this right now if the people at home say
if they say well your finger how'd you
do that I know I just thought it well
well when they untape the monkey's
finger guess what he does this for no
good reason it's conditioned imagine
every time you bend the finger you're
putting a thread of connection between
neurons nerve cells in the brain it's
not fancy just think of nerve cells do
it again two strings ten thousand times
you're wired right well some people are
going on the way to work every day and
they get off in the same on-ramp but one
day they're on the phone and they don't
need to go that off ramp and they get
off on it automatically right they're
like a monkey they've been trained but
what UC Irvine found is they could
interrupt this pattern and they could
create a new pattern and it didn't take
ten thousand bins to do it if they
stimulated the pleasure center of the
brain if they stand in the pleasure
Center Wally bent the finger they got
like a hundred strings of connection so
two dozen of these produce what they
used to get from ten thousand so I use
that principle and what I do that's why
people enjoy it so much it's not a pain
driven experience it's a pleasure driven
experience because listen your brain's
going to avoid Pain any way it can it's
going to move towards pleasure well if I
can get you to link pleasure to what you
need to do so it doesn't take willpower
it's like willpower never lasts I got a
lot of willpower I know you do too but
there's a limit to willpower there's no
limit to when you link pleasure to
something how far your body mind and
soul will push towards it so it's really
changing what you link pain and pleasure
to that creates lasting change
all right so talk to me about trauma
there I've seen people in your own
seminars that have been through things
that are so traumatic it's almost hard
to believe that a human can put another
human through something like that but
they do
how does somebody like that who is going
to have a very hardwired sense of their
own identity of that they're broken in
some fundamental way that there's no way
beyond that identity and that's creating
what I call a frame of reference so it's
the Distortion you were talking earlier
about we distort things it's creating
that distorted fun house mirror that
they're viewing their world through
how do you because I know somebody uh
that's been through something like that
when they hear all this it just sounds
too facile it's too easy you're just
making it sound so simple yeah what's
the process for overcoming that trauma
well first people get vested in their
trauma people get vested in their pain
if you want to know the largest drug on
the planet it's not cocaine it's not
heroin uh it's not pot it's not you know
some prescription drug the biggest you
know drug on the planet is problems
because everyone has a deep fear
everyone and the deepest fears we have
are two one is that we're not enough
we're not smart enough young enough Rich
enough pretty enough funny enough
something enough
and if we're not enough it digs the
deepest fear we have which is we won't
be loved and love is the oxygen the soul
so you know a baby is if they're not
physically kinesthetically loved they
develop what's called failure to thrive
syndrome that's how desperate our
nervous system is for love so human
beings when they think oh my God if I
fail at this it'll look like I'm not
enough and I won't be worthy of Love
they tend to come up with a reason why
that's either not their fault it's
something that was done to me I've got
ADHD I was born with it I was raped I
was whatever and they might even tell
the truth someone may have really raped
it's a horrible situation but other
people raped and they've gotten through
it and they're on the other side of it
this person hasn't because it becomes
their reason for not being where they
want to be in their life and so the
bottom line is a mother can lose her
daughter or son through a drunk driver
and spend the rest of their life in pain
and another one crates mad Mothers
Against Drunk drivers and does something
about it and feels a sense of freedom
and a sense of serving that child in a
sense of higher purpose and what the
they're doing so it's not the problem
it's not the trauma it's finding what
they value more than the problem
and everyone has a place where there's
something that value more than the
trauma some people gather trauma because
they realize I've been so traumatized
loss of this child that my other child
feels completely unloved and they they
realize I'm losing that love I'm losing
that child if I don't get my [ __ ]
together right they need a higher level
of what's called Leverage Leverage is
what makes change a must not a should as
long as it's a should you'll have your
story and your story could be a true
story and you'll tell your story and
share your story with yourself or other
people or both and you stay stuck the
trauma is you know it is not it's a
bruise it's not a tattoo right and
Hebrews can be healed but not unless
you're vested in healing it and what a
lot of people do I remember when I was
diagnosed with a tumor in my brain
I've seen this happen so much that I
didn't tell anyone I didn't tell my
spouse at the time the first day I was
trying to process it because I didn't
want people to start treating me
differently and so the only person who
knew for the first day or two was my
assistant because she had talked to the
doctor so before I'd even be able to
tell my spouse at the time all of a
sudden you know everyone treated me like
I was indestructible I taught people to
do that it's like because I want to help
everybody so there was no no it's like
I'll do whatever it takes right so it
was it was inhuman at the time and
suddenly my assistant started saying you
know we shouldn't book that right now
and we shouldn't do this right now and I
started getting love and attention and
connection for having this problem I was
like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa I'm not
I'm not gonna go down that slippery
slope but that takes a really conscious
mind to do it and and lucky for me I've
had a chance to deal with millions of
people so I see these patterns all the
time but most people their problem is
their drug it's the drug against the
fear that I'm not enough and I won't be
loved even if they go no it's me I'm I'm
so messed up what you're really saying
is reassure me love me they're wanting
that connection through their problem so
you got to decide there's something you
value more than your problem when you
decide that you can make it happen but
most people aren't going to do that
unless they get an environment where
they see that happening and then you
know in our environments you know I have
a one of my nights a date with Destiny's
called you know suicide night and it's
not to be humorous it's just in any room
with several thousand people in my case
five or ten thousand people you know
there's always at least a dozen people
that are suicidal and I've not would
have been doing it for you know 40 years
and you know it doesn't matter who it is
I did one through uh through Zoom last
year to give you an idea which is a
little scary because when in my presence
I know they're not going anywhere I can
handle it but it's Zoom they could just
close the computer and then what the
hell happens right if they got freaked
out in the middle I have a partner in
this process Chloe Madonna's who's you
know every five years psychiatrist and
psychologists around the world gather
and pick the top 10 people representing
their field and for the last 30 years
she's been in the top ten so she's made
films of all my work and now therapists
get you know continuing education
credits uh to continue to certify
themselves by studying these so we're
training people to do this so it's not
just happening in my seminars or date
with Destiny I'm assuming this comes
back to the triangle but what are you
looking for like do you have to first
understand the story that they're
telling themselves to help them unwind
that like when when you're trying to dig
into that what are you looking for to
leverage to narrow the walls to get them
moving in a Direction
I'm listening for something that they
value more than they're paying and or
I'm trying to dig to find where that is
but I first try to figure out like if
you think we all have a life story right
some people's life is a warning some
people's life is an example if your
Life's a warning it still can become an
example if you're alive right you have
that choice that's the greatest story of
all time the comeback story right so
what I'm looking for is what's their
story and the story is driven by number
one what's their desire if you go to a
movie read a book in the first few
minutes the main character you'll
discover what their desire is it to
merge with God is it to find a great
relationship and have children is it to
free themselves from being enslaved or
whatever it is there is a driving desire
and then there's always as soon as you
have a desire there's a problem because
otherwise you'd have your desire and the
problem usually is character peace is
missing within yourself you're being
selfish you're not giving enough you're
not creative enough you're not trusting
enough something enough and then as you
go through the story of a person's life
what happens is they come up with a plan
and there's always you know the phrase
you know if you want to make God laugh
tell her your plans right you know so
it's like the plan doesn't work you end
up having battles and the battles
invariably are with external enemies
with intimate enemies like who can hurt
you more the person you don't know or
the person you love who seems to
betrayed you and then there's the
internal enemy the conflicts within
yourself and as you fight through those
battles if you continue to grow you come
to a point where you have insights you
see what the real truth is it isn't
somebody else it's me this is what needs
to shift and if you see that and act on
it kind of jump through the opening so
to speak then life's never the same
again or life is happily ever after as
it says in every story right because
you've made a shift in the core values
and beliefs and emotions that are
driving your life so I look at it that
way I'm looking to see what's their
story and you want to change your life
change your story are they playing in
the position of the the pawn are they in
the position of the king are they Court
gesture right right are they the Martyr
you know what what is the role they're
playing what's the story they're telling
themselves and then I dig for something
they value more so for example the woman
that uh was going to take her life and
already given up all her stuff
um in a few seconds of talking with her
so she mentioned something about her
father who just died and so I asked her
a little bit about her father both her
father and mother had just died she'd
gone through sexual abuse and her
brothers and sisters didn't want to talk
about it and as a result they were
estranged from her and so she felt she
had no friends know anything suffering
financially and in a lot of physical
pain so all these things happening once
people say guess what dying would be
easier than living which is not true but
if you believe it you try to take your
life so as I dug in about her father he
grew up in the depression and he was
extraordinary and I could just see the
respect and love for her father so as I
had her tell me these stories and I said
well how did he do that during that time
when he had no money and people were
jumping out of buildings and and I and I
go deeper and deeper and it's like well
he just valued this and he was he
learned from his father and you know he
he never forgot these certain core
lessons and I said oh I said that's
interesting and I said so and what core
lessons did you get from your father and
gradually I started finding where the
resources were why is she not going to
kill herself why what's the leverage
that I can use to get her to shift and
then you can watch this emotional
transformation happen over about 45
minutes until it was so unbelievably
emotional and complete at the end like
no I'm never going to take my life I
can't take my life I'm not taking my
life and she starts to rebuild things so
really fast I want to I want to push in
on that so
was it that what you were uncovering is
that through her dad she could see
meaningful values that she already
resonated with and then it was about
getting her to transpose those values
from your your putting them on your dad
but you can value those same things in
yourself now you have a chance to live
up to those values which will help you
change your story and your sense of
identity and that's going to give you
the meaning and purpose to pull out
that's the intellectual description of
it the emotional description
yeah and which would not have moved here
though that's the mechanics what moves
her is I can't let my father down
I'm the worst time I can't let my father
down that's what I took her to right and
then building a compelling future what
she can build what she can do what she
does have the ability to make happen
what she has broken through like tapping
into the resources she deleted inside of
herself and reactivating them so she
feels alive again inside herself
although all the other things you
described are the structural
intellectual impact of what actually
happens but that's not what changes
somebody it all comes from emotion we
are emotional creatures we all study
like you're talking about it using your
brain you're such a smart person I love
you dearly and you analyze it all but
your effing brain isn't going to do [ __ ]
what's going to do it is enough emotion
what motion is the power emotion is what
starts Wars It's what ends Wars emotions
what gets you married emotions is where
kids comes from divorce is where emotion
comes from everything that you can think
of of a major change in humanity from
the most extreme of War to the most
gentle of love all come from human
emotions so it's the mix of emotion it's
like knowing what you want and having
the right fuel to get there and you have
if the fuel has no combustion You're
just bored you're not going anywhere if
the fuel is total trauma and I'm
overwhelmed you just blow up and go
nowhere there's that delicate balance
and I've learned over the years how to
help people find that balance what is up
my friend Tom bilyu here and I have a
big question to ask you how would you
rate your level of personal discipline
on a scale of one to ten if your answer
is anything less than a 10 I've got
something cool for you and let me tell
you right now discipline by its very
nature means compelling yourself to do
difficult things that are stressful
boring which is what kills most people
or possibly scary or even painful now
here is the thing achieving huge goals
and stretching to reach your potential
requires you to do those challenging
stressful things and to stick with them
even when it gets boring and it will get
boring building your levels of personal
discipline is not easy but let me tell
you it pays off in fact I will tell you
you're never going to achieve anything
meaningful unless you develop discipline
right I've just released the class from
Impact Theory university called how to
build Ironclad discipline that teaches
you the process of building yourself up
in this area so that you can push
yourself to do the hard things the
greatness is going to require of you
right click the link on the screen
register for this class right now and
let's get to work I will see you inside
this Workshop from Impact Theory
University and tell them my friends be
legendary peace out
okay this is really interesting and may
you may have put your finger on the
thing that I struggled with the most the
thing I find compelling is for sure
being able to understand intellectually
what's happening because I've used that
to change my own life that is the thing
that works on me do you at all feel I
would ask you to consider something
please what you just said is absolutely
true I know you really well you know how
much I respect and love you personally
and what you accomplish in life is
extraordinary what your community
accomplish is extraordinary but there's
an emotional inflection that made you
use those things
in those moments it wasn't just those
understandings
if the emotion made you find the answers
brother and then you have a really smart
mind you found the answers for you got
to use it but there are inflection
moments that made you do it there's a
reason why you left your company after
building it to a billion dollars it
wasn't intellectual
there's emotions
so but you have developed your mind so
much it's like your right arm your bicep
is really strong your left one not quite
as much
and I'm inviting you to consider that
your left one is your more powerful one
and you've used it in key moments but it
also it's very protective to use the
mind because we're all afraid to feel a
little too much so the more I can
understand it I put it out here I can
analyze it I don't have to be in it but
the truth is where you're going to wear
your impact or your real since impact
Theory where the real impact is is when
there's enough emotion that gets you to
apply the things that you understand
intellectually right or find the answer
that you you didn't even have the
answers you found the answers
intellectually because the emotion drove
you so it's really studying what creates
that emotion that makes the difference
in anybody's life that's where
everything begins and ends is with
emotion and yet our society is all about
up here you know Chinese medicine it's
all about the heart right that's
considered the center right in America
we think it's the brain yeah you know
when you first are born you know your
heart starts beating that's how we know
you're live and there is no brain yet I
mean this literally is the new initial
sense of intelligence that's why you
know for thousands of years even poets
have talked about the power of the heart
well the heart has tremendous power and
there's a biochemical connection between
the brain and the heart that I know you
know about and learning how to use that
is where you create more lasting change
when I was understanding it all I was
good when I learned how to move people I
got great at what I was doing
um
yeah that that feels like a really
important statement and now I'll give
you a little more insight into part of
what Riles me up
the reason that people in self-help fall
into snake oil salesmen territory is
some people are very good at
orchestrating emotion but they don't
actually know how to create lasting
change in people and so it's [ __ ]
and so many people get caught up in that
part well that's just watch like that's
like the pump up right they're pumped up
and then it drops right it's gone right
yeah so that that's my big fear not
necessarily with myself I'm pretty good
at getting myself to do what is useful
to me in terms of moving me towards
fulfillment just to put a really brief
cap on it yeah but I what do you think
about in fact I'll ask it another way
how have you avoided
falling into the realm of [ __ ]
because so many people that mimic you
they only exist in the realm of getting
people to feel something emotional but
you don't so you uncover this okay I'm
going to make this about not letting
your dad down
But the A year later and I'm just going
back to the study now a year later
people still have this lasting impact so
how and where are you translating it
from the all right we're not going to
let your dad down and this is how we're
going to do it because it's not enough
that's what that provides the leverage
right now we've got to condition your
nervous system to feel a different way
in these contexts right now where you
feel overwhelmed and so I use emotion
with Precision it's more like a laser
it's not a pump up uh you know people
see a seminar with me and they see