Kind: captions
Language: en
you really have to
work hard
for a set of skills
that matter to you now the skills have
to matter that's a key part of the
equation
once the skills matter to you and they
allow you to serve not only yourself but
other people and then you actually go
and serve those people it becomes this
really potent cocktail of neurochemistry
but I want to make sure that everybody
understands the game that you're playing
is a game of neurochemistry right in the
last year at least two billionaires
committed suicide
so I mean like it's heartbreaking When
anybody commits suicide but when
billionaires start committing suicide
like if the answer is not just
self-evident beyond all imagining that
money is not going to solve the problems
that exist between your ears like
there's there's nothing more anyone can
tell you a fool never learns
a smart man learns from his mistakes a
wise man learns from the mistakes of
others on this one I'm [ __ ] begging
you be wise I'm not telling you not to
chase money I'm just saying it's not
going to feed you emotionally the way
you think it is so you've got to
completely Divorce Yourself from this
notion of outcome and become completely
obsessed with the idea of sincere
Pursuit now why sincere Pursuit
the reason to tie your sense of self
your self-esteem your pride your ego
your identity all of that the reason to
tie that to sincere Pursuit is it's the
only part you can control
I cannot promise you that you'll ever be
successful
you cannot promise you that you will be
successful
but you can
promise and know if you actually did it
to show up every day and really pursue
it
you control your mindset
you control how you feel about yourself
nobody can actually get you to feel some
kind of way about yourself
you allow that [ __ ] in right that's like
the cheesiest self-help [ __ ] you're ever
gonna hear but it got cheesy because
it's so true so people repeated it a lot
and if you lose sight of that if you
lose sight of what you allow yourself to
think is going to control you at a
neurochemical level
and at the neurochemical level that's
going to influence then again how you
feel and how you think and then you get
into this death spiral where you're
thinking negative [ __ ] you believe in
the negative [ __ ] which makes you feel
badly about yourself and then you get
stuck in that and you can't get out and
you see a lot of that on the hopes and
fears
people afraid they're never going to be
able to break free people in this
[ __ ] room that took the time to write
it down that they were never going to
get out of that negative Loop
and that negative Loop is really real
but here's the thing the negative Loop
is based in biology
and once you begin to understand what
the biology is exactly then you can
begin to take control of your life and
step one in the biological train is to
break the tie that you have between
outcome
and worth
once you begin to break that down then
you can step to [ __ ] naked and raw and
say all right this is just practice
and once you're in that mode of
practicing you're in skill acquisition
mode
and the name of the game is skill
acquisition like it really is sort of
that dull and boring it's just about
getting so good at something that you
can't be denied
and that's one of those things like I'm
gonna say that phrase so much that I
worry that's going to become trite but
that is one of the most
awe-inspiring Notions on the planet
the thought that you could become so
good at something
that you leave people in awe
and when you can leave people in awe you
can do just about anything you want with
your life
the easiest way to talk about awe is to
think of sports figures right you've got
sports figures you see somebody like
Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant you see
what they do and you think oh my God
like they're given a human body just
like I was but look at what they're able
to do with theirs it's absolutely
extraordinary and whenever you talk to
the best of the best these [ __ ]
always they always put in the work
and that is
the obsession that anybody that wants to
be great and Achieve something has to
have
it's got to ultimately boil down to the
skill set now here's the problem the
reality and this is where I think most
people get derailed if you're able to
detach yourself from the outcome you're
able to start thinking in this new way
it's about sincere Pursuit that idea of
sincere Pursuit puts you in the path of
skill acquisition the next thing that
kills dreams real fast is the reality of
what you're trying to build to
understand the reality
who knows what is the second law of
thermodynamics
entropy now entropy is a fancy word for
chaos
what it's saying is this is a this is a
[ __ ] law of physics
everything moves towards chaos a system
without additional energy added will
always move towards chaos think about
your bedroom think about the dining room
table think about anything you leave
that [ __ ] alone for 30 seconds she's
already poking him like yo [ __ ]
I'm gonna send him pictures because God
damn that's chaos
that is certainly my wife she's
literally laughing right now because I
am an agent of chaos when it comes to
that kind of thing that is for sure
anything left to its own devices is
going to move towards chaos all right
staying with physics
how do we then create things that have
order and structure
we pour energy into the system and I'm
not saying this in a woo way and
everyone in this room has permission if
you ever hear me use the word Quantum
Mind just [ __ ] punch me in the mouth
if Einstein didn't understand quantum
physics I assure you self-help movement
does not understand quantum physics so I
I want to keep this [ __ ] nice and real
grounded
that that drives me [ __ ] nuts the
reason it drives me nuts is I think it
throws people off the trail of what you
really have to [ __ ] do
all right so the thing that really
begins to [ __ ] people up is that they
have this idea they want to accomplish
something with their life they're able
to move over start thinking about
practice it's all about Pursuit they're
judging themselves based on that are
they sincerely going after it or not and
then they get into the middle of that
[ __ ] and it is so mind-numbingly boring
in fact we I think have some photos at
least if you haven't already shown them
that are the realities of what quest was
like to build it because what people see
they see the sexy side they see us at
the Inc 500 Gala they see Lisa wearing
her Louboutins showing off the red under
Soul she was very proud of those
but they don't see this [ __ ] which is
where it started when nobody knew who
the [ __ ] we were
this is before my man Dave Barham who's
hiding in this audience somewhere
this was when nobody knew who we are
nobody gave a [ __ ] people were actually
saying things like I don't eat protein
bars man no thanks I don't want any we
were giving them away for free people
wouldn't take them
we called one distributor up and he said
and I quote I need another protein bar
like I need another hole in the head
we went into a category that had 1600
other bars and flavors and had been
declining for years in sales nobody
wanted the product that we were making
but we believed we had what Peter Thiel
calls a zero to one we had a secret that
nobody else understood it meant that we
had to become our own manufacturers
which is how I went for making software
all day to making protein bars all day
so this is me literally making protein
bars like this is the the grind this is
the boredom this is the sincere Pursuit
this is the showing up every day we had
to assemble our own equipment which I
actually think we have a photo of as
well so this is us this equipment showed
showed up one day
a big [ __ ] off like semi backs up and
we're all like
well how the [ __ ] are we supposed to get
it out
I'm not joking and we're like are we
really that dumb and so we're scrambling
and we're like all right the the
neighbor in the building he's got a
forklift but nobody knows how to drive
forklift and I'm like
actually I do and my partner's like what
the [ __ ] and I'm like as a kid man in my
family you had to work dead-end jobs my
dad had me in a paint factory I worked
in a paint Warehouse I worked in a paint
factory and a paint store I'm a [ __ ]
certified forklift driver so
we actually had video of me I turned to
the camera because we were filming it
and I was like Dad wax on wax off I was
like [ __ ] you want to talk about a skill
I never thought I would need
there it was so I literally drive a
[ __ ] forklift put all this [ __ ] down
and now here we are not knowing
literally there's a manual in here
somewhere and we are
opening the manual going through trying
to figure out how to put this [ __ ] back
together it was [ __ ] bananas but this
is like this moment right here one
what's on my face
I'm [ __ ] smiling man I'm smiling
because I believe in what I'm doing I
have a mission I'm not just trying to
get rich there's something that I
believe in there's people that I love
that were suffering that I wanted to do
something about I had them on my mind
and then truly advanced class [ __ ] and
hopefully we'll get into this more later
when [ __ ] really [ __ ] goes wrong man
this is promise to yourself number two
promise to yourself number two when [ __ ]
really [ __ ] goes wrong that's the time
to laugh
that's the time to be like all right if
I go playful right now it will change
the dynamic of everyone in the [ __ ]
room I'm gonna ask one person in this
room I want to [ __ ] hear you when I say
your name you better be in this room too
Casey Elliott make some [ __ ] noise
[Music]
that woman is so hardcore you can't
imagine
but she really feels it when she [ __ ]
up
so Casey when you [ __ ] up what's my
attitude
am I angry
am I upbeat
she's like [ __ ] you're not
upbeat
understanding you give me that much
whenever possible to bounce in that
opposite direction
and
change the dynamic of the way that
you're thinking so that you don't get
trapped in your own neurochemistry
because when you have an emotion
the chances are you believe that emotion
but the brain has this crazy [ __ ]
weird mechanism where however big you
react it goes oh it was that big of a
deal so if you freak the [ __ ] out and
you're yelling and screaming then your
brain's like yeah man it really it
matters that [ __ ] much like I said no
cheese on this [ __ ] hamburger
it's [ __ ] cheese on this burger
that [ __ ] is crazy you you can't [ __ ]
do that you can't put
get the [ __ ] paper says no cheese
and when you wind yourself up like that
then literally it just gets hardwired
that yeah this really is that
catastrophic but the reverse is true
something horrifying happens something
terrible goes wrong and if you can in
your mind just flip it and be like yeah
we're gonna figure this out and I
remember in the early days when we got
the equipment
everyone told us guys the bar you want
to make it cannot be made and I can't
tell you how many times we heard that
it's kind of a boring story as to why
but people just kept telling us over and
over it can't be made it can't be made
we never plan to be our own manufacturer
we thought we'd Outsource that every
time we went to make it somewhere they
said you're going to have to add liquid
sugar to this otherwise there there's
just no way to make it and we said well
that would defeat the purpose of the
whole company so we're not going to do
that so we're going to go buy our own
equipment they're like you can buy it
it's not gonna [ __ ] work and we were
like no no man this is definitely people
are just being too lazy and we've got
the will to see this [ __ ] through
so we're like all right let's buy it
send it in got it put it together we're
like I knew it forklift driving the
whole nine we're like yeah we got this
and then we ran the first attempt
and it didn't work yeah that [ __ ] you
can't you can't make that bar in that
equipment I'll just I'll save you some
time if anybody wants to buy some old
equipment by the way let me know
so we had like this area that we called
our Follies and so we would take things
that didn't work and we would put them
over there
and when we first got this stuff
together and it didn't work and we were
trying and trying and trying and trying
and it was hours and by the way I'm not
I am not this is a shout out to the guy
earlier who told me he burned the ships
to be here I'm not a burn the ships guy
I don't think you need to burn ships I'm
a Knights and weekends guy I think you
need to work harder that way you don't
have a gun to your head financially
because that puts you in a place to make
short-term decisions instead of
long-term decisions you always want to
be somewhere where you're making
long-term decisions so we were running a
software company by day and then on
nights and weekends we were building
quests we were making the bars at first
by hand then we were getting the
machines and trying to figure that out
and then when it didn't work one of my
partners was a literal Iowa farm boy and
he had worked on tractors his whole life
and he's watching the line one day as
it's just all going to hell
he's like
I think I can fix this
and we're like okay
and he was like no no you're gonna have
to let me cut it apart though and if it
doesn't work then we're out it was like
all of our money
and we're like whoa now you have to keep
in mind
I went to Lisa and I said hey
we're gonna have to put our house up as
collateral for this company
and if we fail
then we lose everything
and she literally without missing a beat
she says
I bet on you
that that is that was one of those
things where literally in the moment I
was like
it again
which she has so many times that woman
she is for Real ride or die but in that
moment where he's like hey I want to cut
this [ __ ] apart and then put it back
together but if it doesn't work then
we're out the money
I'm thinking I'd be out of my house and
the one conversation that I don't want
to have with my wife is
hey you know we we had literally I think
just got in the house like six or eight
months before that
so I was like I do not want to have that
conversation and so that's where the the
mentality of burning the ships becomes
important but tie it to something that
is already real it's already there
there's no way around it you're not
going out of your way to create more
problems for yourself so I was not going
to lose that house and so that became
like the thing in my mind all right
we're gonna try this but we are going to
make it work and so he literally got a
Sawzall out and a blowtorch he cut that
[ __ ] apart he put it back together and
it actually [ __ ] worked and that was
one of those moments where you're like
Whoa man you really do have to have a
certain appetite for risk and so that's
the third thing I'm going to say you
guys need to do you've got to give your
yourself permission to royally [ __ ] up
because if you're afraid to royally [ __ ]
up if you're afraid to lose the house
it's okay to say I'm not gonna do it man
I'm gonna fight and push and I'm gonna
do everything I can to stop it but if
you're not willing to accept those kinds
of consequences you will have to play it
smaller so you've got to give yourself
permission to royally [ __ ] up now why am
I not afraid of royally [ __ ] up
because I know one thing this is so
important
failure
is the single most
information Rich data stream that exists
you will never learn faster from
anything than you'll learn from failure
one pain psychic pain triggers all kinds
of things in your brain the hippocampus
becomes more active your amygdala
becomes more active you write the
memories harder your brain focuses on it
more so there's just this intensity that
happens when you fail
also failure is essentially
the closest thing you're going to get to
a sporting result the nice thing about
sports and part of the reason they
become like this gladiatorial thing that
we obsess over and think about is
because you know who won and you know
who lost you know who's the best you
know who's the worst you can see the
[ __ ] stats you watch it happen before
your eyes it's very hard in life we
don't often get that does my boss like
me do they not like me am I going to get
the promotion am I doing what I want
should I even be in this job like you
have no [ __ ] idea and then you make a
decision and you don't know like would
it have worked out better the other way
who knows you never get to try it
so when life slaps you in the [ __ ]
mouth and you realize that you've really
made a catastrophic error then if you
can approach it defenselessly
meaning
you're not trying to protect your ego
because you wisely have already promised
yourself that you're not going to tie
your ego to the outcome you're going to
tie it to the sincere Pursuit so you
need only ask yourself one question in
attempting that thing that I just failed
catastrophically was I sincerely
pursuing the right outcome and if the
answer was yes you get to feel good
about yourself
and so you step into that moment saying
I tried and I failed I know that failure
is the most information data Rich stream
that there is so what is the lesson here
and getting good at teasing that out and
facing even more than I'll say figuring
it out facing
what you've done wrong owning it
accepting it
allows you to not make that mistake the
next time
and my encouragement to you guys is
never judge yourself to the lens of a
moment you're going to mess up you're
going to mess up a lot and if you Loop
negatively over that mistake it just
isn't effective
and I always tell people do and believe
that which moves you towards your goals
like if you just repeat that one
obsessively in your head then one day
you're going to get to a point where you
do something and really makes you
dislike yourself
and you're gonna have to ask does
disliking myself move me forward or not
if it moves me forward then I'm gonna do
it but chances are it's not going to you
may want to feel the sting of it that
may really Propel you forward but you
don't want to exist in that state where
you're just allowing yourself to beat
yourself up because no good ever comes
of that at that point it is simply
punishment
and so you have to ask yourself the
value of that punishment the value of
the duration of the punishment and so I
began to be able to talk myself out of
these self-limiting ideas these beliefs
about myself not being able to do it
simply because I said I'm willing to
live even if I don't believe it I'm
willing to live by the edict that I
should only do and believe that which
moves me towards my goals and I had this
thing in me I wanted to punish myself I
want to beat myself up when I did
something stupid I want it I certainly
started thinking less and less of myself
and it just became ever more clear that
that wasn't serving me it wasn't
propelling me forward
and so building in these beliefs
rules in your life become the foundation
upon which you're going to build
and so this notion of building something
Brick by Brick of looking at your life
on a long timeline of not judging
yourself in a moment but rather I like
to look at myself in 10-year increments
if you ever want to feel good about
yourself look at your life in a 10-year
increment because maybe over a month you
didn't do anything very interesting you
can't really put your finger on what
you've learned or who you've met or have
you really made any progress maybe you
had a bad year and so looking at that
year you're like damn man I really move
backwards
and I asked this question one time of a
guy that went through his residency
and I said he was about to become a
full-fledged medical doctor
and anybody in itu this literally just
happened this last week
and I said think back 10 years
and what you knew about human biology at
that point imagine you were going to
step out and perform surgery on somebody
or be a GP and make recommendations for
somebody with the knowledge that you had
then what would that feel like he was
like that'd be terrifying I'd be
terrible
and I said now imagine
how much you've learned in that 10 years
and he was like yeah [ __ ] he's
smiling and I said now I want you to
realize if you play the game right 10
years from now
you're going to think of who you are
today the way that you thinks of you 10
years ago
and that's when this [ __ ] gets fun
because when you realize ah stumble here
there failure fall on your face whatever
none of it's really going to matter if
you're just
relentlessly learning and learning and
learning and learning and learning and
if you're doing that and if you're
staying focused then you're going to be
able to begin to stack these bricks and
build the thing that you want to build
but to build that thing you're going to
need clarity
the truth is hitting your career goals
is not easy you have to be willing to go
the extra mile to stand out and do hard
things better than anybody else but
there are 10 steps I want to take you
through that will 100x your efficiency
so you can crush your goals and get back
more time into your day you'll not only
get control of your time you'll learn
how to use that momentum to take on your
next big goal to help you do this I've
created a list of the 10 most impactful
things that any High achiever needs to
dominate and you can download it for
free by clicking the link in today's
description all right my friend back to
today's episode
now I'm just curious as to what's on the
screen behind me the bad news is if I
were to sit with you and push you on it
the odds are that you still lack that
clarity now Clarity is one of those
things that I talk a lot about so I'm
not going to beat it to death tonight
but I just want to say however clear you
think you are you're not clear enough
yet
and the reason that I can say that just
beyond a shadow of a doubt is
when you know something from like ten
thousand angles you just know it from
every which way you know exactly like
quadrants on a map you know precisely
latitude longitude all of it down to
like a grain of sand of where you're
trying to head
when you have that then you really can
come at it from any angle you can divert
for a moment because you know where
you're going back to when you don't have
that Clarity you're always lost and
that's where most entrepreneurs spend
their time because remember
if I was the person I wanted to be I
would have walked out tonight and said
the only thing that stands between you
and your dreams is a set of skills
and then drop the [ __ ] mic but I know
that that doesn't break through it
doesn't get through to people the way
that I wanted to but once you if you can
return to that over and over and over
and every time something goes wrong in
my life I am asking myself one simple
question what is it that I suck at I
suck at something there's something I'm
doing wrong by definition if I were
doing it right then I would be getting
the outcome that I wanted I'm not
getting the outcome that I want
therefore I'm doing something wrong it
is all my fault I'm not trying to feel
badly about myself because I am divorced
from the outcome I'm only valuing myself
for being a learner sincerely pursuing
that's it
so I'm not saying all that stuff to kick
the [ __ ] out of myself to feel badly
about myself to hold myself back I'm
saying it because the reality
working your ass off getting [ __ ]
good by the way this is me at an airport
we had a delay in fact anybody see the
Tony Robbins episode
that's me stuck in the [ __ ] airport
on our way to interview Tony Robbins and
I was like this [ __ ] is gonna
know I know who he is
the intro was like broken into chapter
and verse
I had that [ __ ] down he actually I don't
remember if it made the Final Cut but he
was like yo
I'm sorry you had to read all that
I was like Tony I needed you to know
I know who the [ __ ] you are Tony
but like really going in heads down like
just just believe this
this is my new obsession
the human animal
we don't have
big fangs we don't have sharp claws
what we have is the ability to change
we're crazy adaptive
and I'm sure you guys have heard the
quote it's not the strongest of the
species that survives nor the most
intelligent but rather the most adaptive
to change
our ability to change is unparalleled
there is no other animal that you can
find in the number of locations that you
can find us
my famous before and after hey nothing
quite like standing in front of a group
of people in your underwear twice
uh I would like to point out my wife put
these together
um well first let's talk about the one
on the left this is one of my favorite
stories so I had been lifting believe it
or not for a long time over on the uh I
guess your guys's left yes so on the
left my my heavy picture I've been
lifting and lifting and lifting and
lifting and I went to see this friend
that I hadn't seen in years and I wore
my Titus shirt and I was like oh man
she's gonna say something and my wife
knew how excited I was I was like she's
gonna see me and be like oh my God you
got so buff what did you do and sat down
spent the whole night with her and she
didn't say a goddamn thing
like didn't even bring it up that was
like
what and so my wife and I are leaving
that lovely beautiful woman who
introduced me and she said
when I asked I said yo can you believe
Sophie didn't say anything and she was
like oh maybe she just saw you got fat
what'd you say
what
that's a possibility I was what I was
literally beside myself that is actually
the night that that was said to me I was
like all right we're taking that [ __ ]
before picture right now
right this very second
and then it's about
an unending amount of work there are two
years in between these pictures two
grueling years of fighting with my wife
because she was telling me that I was
dieting wrong and I was so [ __ ]
hungry I could not hear that [ __ ]
you can't try to take a man's Fat Burger
when he's doing
icy [ __ ]
but when you put in the work you and the
body is is a really [ __ ] tangible
example of just how much change the
human body is capable of
and so when you see what you can do to
your body it is this insanely powerful
reminder of just how much adaptation
you're capable of and that game of
adaptation like once you buy into I am
an average human
the average human is capable of
extraordinary adaptation
adaptation follows certain rules
all I have to do to become extraordinary
and get where I want to go is follow the
rules of adaptation that is the gospel
truth that's it that is the name of this
game that is how you acquire skills you
do what is called deliberate practice
read the book The Talent Code read the
book The Talent Code it's on my list so
everybody in this room of course has
already read all the books on my list
right
I want some people to step forward
and I want you to tell me what you're
afraid of
I want to know why you don't think
you're going to make it
we have a brave soul let's hear it
yeah give it up for that
[Applause]
I'm afraid of getting to think of my
life
and realizing that I did not
become the best version of myself
knowing that I got to the very end of my
life and I did not accomplish every
single thing I know I believe in my
heart that I deserve to have
I know the only thing that's stopping me
is myself
I love that I think that's the right
fear and I think all of us should have
some form of that fear which if you
didn't hear is to have a vision of the
person you could become
and to reach the Pearly Gates as it were
see who you could have been contrasted
with who you actually are and be
disappointed by the gap between them
and I love chasing that I think it's a
beautiful Chase
but what I hope you guys will do if you
ever find yourself at the Pearly Gates
disappointed in how much farther you
could have gone
to Simply ask one question of yourself
every day
did I give it my all today
doesn't mean you're always going to win
yeah
if your life is a series of
yes I did
You've Won
You've Won guys the struggle is
guaranteed the struggle is guaranteed
the struggle is guaranteed the success
is not
and like the thing that I beg you guys
is to have the guts to fail at something
that you love
and when you were on the mud on your
face and people are laughing the I told
you so's are coming out
that you remember one simple fact
you loved what you were doing and you
left it out on the field what the [ __ ]
else is there
legitimately like I'm getting emotional
what the [ __ ] else is there what more
can you ask of yourself than to really
[ __ ] try to really say I give a [ __ ]
about this
that's the life to live that's the life
like to say I care about this it matters
it gives me purpose I'm gonna fight for
this this is a group of people I want to
serve
and I'm gonna go all the way out every
day and look you're not going to hit it
every day there's going to be days where
you're off there's going to be days
where you're weak
weak but if that day instead of
bullshitting yourself instead of saying
I wasn't weak today what are you talking
about if that day you [ __ ] own it and
you say yeah I was weak today and I'm
not going to be weak tomorrow but I'm
not afraid to face that I'm not afraid
to accept that I'm not perfect I'm not
afraid to look in the mirror and say
today was a bad day that I didn't make
myself proud today but that shouldn't
diminish who you are it shouldn't
diminish your view of yourself why
because I wouldn't serve you
because if you beat yourself up today
you make it harder for you to be rad
tomorrow
it's a game that has to be seen in total
it's not a game where you can take a
snapshot and this is like what I want
you guys to understand in any one moment
I've looked like a fool so many [ __ ]
times I can't count
but when I look at my life in 10-year
chunks I'm freaked out by what I've
accomplished
so I'm okay if I don't become the
ultimate version of what I could become
but I won't tolerate not trying
well some of my limiting beliefs are
that I'm not good enough and I I don't
deserve the success that I have right
now so I keep fighting those limiting
beliefs of my mind now they are getting
better that little speech actually
helped a ton but it's am I ever going to
be good enough and am I worthy of this
success so this is one of the most
common frames ever worth
being good enough being right being
smart
because these are very fragile ways to
think of yourself and I understand the
Temptation because it feels really good
when you do feel worthy it feels really
good when you are right it feels really
good to actually be the best at
something
but the truth of the world just the
truth of the world it is this way
you're always going to encounter
somebody better stronger faster more
Pious more worthy more whatever
so if you live in a world of comparison
it will rob you of your joy
even people who like Michael Jordan if
you put him right now up against
most rookies the rookie is going to win
Rookie's younger faster hungrier
Michael's just lost a step he's gotten
old
so if he were trying to make his life
about his glory in that period let's say
he lives 80 years if he's living for the
glory of 20 years that's the most
heartbreaking life I can imagine
so you're going to move in and out of
these moments where you are a badass to
where you're not a badass
don't value yourself for that
value yourself for something that is
anti-fragile
being smart being right being good being
worthy they are very fragile things
because sometimes you won't be it simply
is this way
valuing yourself for being a learner on
the other hand for trying
that's anti-fragile because the more
somebody attacks you for being dumb but
you build your self-esteem around
learning
the first thing I think when someone
says I'm dumb is awesome in what way
because I view myself in these 10-year
windows
and I know
the same people that were laughing at me
when I became an entrepreneur knew
nothing about it and I was who's the kid
in the server room and I was the only
one with an office that had no windows
and there were like nine other computers
in my room and nobody knew who I was and
the only contribution I made the phone
calls was to say goodbye at the end of a
conference call I'm not kidding
thank you
Ten Years Later
I own
a billion dollar business
who the [ __ ] is laughing now
but it only worked because I didn't mind
looking stupid it only worked because I
wasn't asking myself whether I was
worthy or whether I deserved it I just
asked myself am I leaving it all out in
the field yes or no am I learning yes or
no and if I'm not I didn't go oh that
makes me a bad person I went I need to
change my actions to get a different
result
and once you start thinking like that
and you literally value yourself for how
hard you're trying how much you're
learning how willing you are to accept
when you fall on your face so you don't
try to get out from under it or campaign
to convince people that you're better
than you really are [ __ ] on where
you're at
because once you're real about it then
you can make progress but if your energy
Cycles go to bullshitting yourself
you'll never get out of it
um so for me it's
my happiness now I believe that's as
happy as I can be
and it's hard to realize that there is
progression and I make that progression
that it's not going through four years
of school to make that progression it's
actively participating in my own life
and being able to bounce back and forth
between those as a human
dude that's Rod thank you for that by
the way
please honor that
that was beautiful so here's the thing
about happiness happiness is by nature
transient happiness is also a
neurochemical state
and for me to get out from under my
brain I finally had to understand that
neurochemistry
is fickle and it changes from one minute
to the next in fact who's ever had a day
in the same day where you thought
I'm so [ __ ] amazing like this [ __ ] is
crazy for real are other people this
good at anything like I'm the [ __ ] and
then I'm not joking 40 minutes later
you're like oh [ __ ] and I am [ __ ] I
can't believe I'm never gonna succeed
like this is a joke I'm a total piece of
[ __ ] who's ever been there
all right that's essentially Universal
hands in the air so just know the next
time that you have one of those down
moments remember everybody else is
feeling that the joke is on all of us
we're all feeling it but we think we're
the only ones so we hide it so we get in
these Loops about happiness look
happiness comes and goes it's super
transient you're gonna feel it one
minute you're not gonna feel it the next
that is the nature of things
burn that notion into your head that is
the nature of things all right well if I
know that it's there if I know that it's
predictable then I'm not going to Let It
Whip me into a frenzy I know
that as I'm sure Mr J Shetty would say
this too shall pass
learn that phrase and learn it well this
too shall pass
the highs will pass the lows will pass
so don't focus on happiness it's too
transient
focus on fulfillment
fulfillment is defined very simply you
work very hard for a set of skills that
have meaning to you you care about them
in and of themselves and those skills
that you have worked so hard to obtain
they allow you to serve not only
yourself but others that's the key to
making this highly social animal
fulfilled and to have something that
sustains over time fulfillment is born
of suffering it's born of doing the hard
things so even in those dark moments you
can see beauty you can experience the
joy of being alive you can experience
the joy of having loved ones because it
endures
fulfillment endures
now you're not going to feel the
neurochemical high of it all the time
but when you look Inward and ask
yourself
am I busting my ass to serve not only
myself but others if the answer is yes
it's really hard to keep feeling badly
about yourself
focus on fulfillment
and you will make yourself impervious to
the sways that is happiness
um mine is at the single father of three
beautiful girls I I have limited time
with them
I want to know if I'm giving everything
I can that though that I'm making an
impact
and I'm always worried that what little
time that I have do they feel loved do
they feel value am I instilling that in
them
and that's my biggest thing is
everything I'm doing is a drive to be
able to
progress in life where I can
make the best out of them where they
have value in themselves
so here's the great news for all the
parents in the audience you're going to
[ __ ] it up
and all of your parents [ __ ] it up
but you can make him feel loved man and
at the end of the day I will tell you
this right now my mom [ __ ] up so much
[ __ ] is crazy
but I never doubted that she loved me
not once
and because of that I had a rock
now here's the truth about taking risks
and everyone in this room is willing to
take risks that's why you're willing to
dream that's why you guys are going to
execute against that
and the way to take risks is to have a
very safe and stable home life
you're gonna make mistakes man and it's
okay
you're going to learn from those
mistakes and you're going to get better
and as long as the thing that sits at
the core of your relationship to those
little girls is Dad loves us nothing
else matters if you make them feel that
dude everything else will be irrelevant
if you get them into the world knowing
that they are loved at an absurd level
everything's going to be okay
so for a long time most of my life it's
been that I can't do something can't do
something that's just something I told
myself and my self-talk negative
self-talk and then it got to a point
where I was like I can and I can do this
but the can didn't become something that
was
deep it wasn't based I think on a solid
foundation because I have the fear of
thinking now that it's not that I can't
fear is that I can
so I'm trying to break through the can
so that's where I am right now I love
that and I think that's the right fear
once you realize you meet minimum
requirements you should be afraid okay I
can and now it's all a question of am I
actually going to do it and am I going
to follow through with it and then I'm
going to say to you you're focused on
the wrong thing
because it doesn't matter if you're ever
successful
because truly and to give you guys a
little bit of my background I went from
scrounging my couch cushions to find
enough change to put gas in my car to
helping build this technology company I
was hired as a copywriter and I worked
my way up I became a multi-millionaire
inside that company on paper
and I was miserable miserable
and I thought this is a joke I'm living
the cliche of money can't buy happiness
what the [ __ ] how many people had to say
it and I still didn't believe it like
how many people literally have to tell
you money is not going to give you the
thing you want I've had every
opportunity up here to be like yeah
[ __ ] get rich
that [ __ ] is cool as hell
and here's the thing people will chase
money forever why because it's real
money is real money is powerful
but money's not at all what you think it
is you think when it comes to success
like getting there making it achieving
it the way that you see somebody that's
achieved it now however you define that
and you look at them and you think oh my
God they're amazing you think you're
going to think the same thing about
yourself
and you won't and I had the very good
fortune my wealth came all at once
I built a company I had tons of equity
in the company I was worth hundreds of
millions of dollars on paper but I was
still driving a beat up car and my life
was whatever I was in a normal house I
was making a good salary no need to feel
sorry for me but in terms of like the
wealth moment it literally came in an
instant it was all right guys the
money's been wired and you hit Refresh
on your bank account refresh Professor
faster faster faster faster faster and
then bam you're [ __ ] crazy rich and
it's like commas and zeros and you're
like holy [ __ ]
I don't feel any differently about
myself
and all of my insecurities all the
things that I beat myself up for all of
it still right here it literally didn't
change anything I could buy neater stuff
but the only thing like if you want to
know what money really does
money lets you build
I'm building impact Theory I'm going to
win because I have the intensity and I
have the capital
that's money but money doesn't touch who
you are so my thing is I may go broke
building impact theory that that is a
reality
because I know the struggles guaranteed
the success isn't so it's very possible
I'm betting my fortune right now on
building this thing maybe it doesn't
work
but that won't touch how I feel about
myself
losing the money won't touch how I feel
about myself any more than making the
money couldn't touch how I felt about
myself because you either do the
internal work of like I know who I am
the thing that you'll resent isn't
whether or not you make it the thing
that you'll resent is now that you know
you can will you actually try
trying is what you're going to judge
yourself on
hey don't cheer on that that [ __ ] is
scary that's the one I want you guys to
think about today
because none of you
your family won't weep for you if you
don't succeed two things will happen on
your deathbed if you failed you really
went for something and you failed
one
they will all mourn that you weren't
able to live your life because you were
so myopically focused on the goal that
you forgot to enjoy the journey and
somewhere along the way you stopped
loving you stopped loving them you stop
loving yourself because all you could
see
was succeeding getting that thing the
tick on the paper box
and you lost your way that's possibility
number one
possibility number two
is they're like hey
this [ __ ] pride and it was
inspiring and just to see them go day
after day after day in the face of so
much defeat but to have the will and
determination to keep going
Winston Churchill said and I quote
Success is going from failure to failure
to failure without a loss of enthusiasm
it doesn't matter if you win that's not
success
the success is going from the failure to
the failure to the failure and still
being excited to show up it's like this
is how I liken success success is like
love you know the beautiful part about
love getting the [ __ ] kicked out of you
and then coming back for more
that's so hopeful that's so optimistic
to be like whoa I just had my ass handed
to me and yet I want to be vulnerable
again I want to go through this again I
want to open myself up to this I want to
be touched by that I want to feel that
[ __ ] people can get behind that man
we can get excited about that
we want to be friends with people like
that we want to feel that in our own
lives that willingness to to have tasted
defeat
and still come in open and not jaded how
beautiful is that
so I promise the only thing you will
ever judge yourself for is whether or
not you tried and since succeeding
doesn't matter you might as well try
you've written before about having no
Direction when you were younger until
you realized a growth mindset and
applied yourself what was and how did
you find the original motivation to see
change and break out of your old
patterns I find that's one of the
hardest things all right so this is of
course a very complex
um
answer to give you like every
nitty-gritty thing of how I ended up
finally making that shift would be it
would take like a six part uh
docu-series you know of four hours each
but I'll shorten it to the the like
trigger moment that really changed
everything so I go to my now
father-in-law to ask for his Blessing to
marry his daughter and he says no and I
was like whoa okay well at least you're
being honest and uh I had said look I
know what you see is this young broke
undereducated kid but I promise one day
I'm gonna make your daughter a wealthy
woman
and he was like very kind very kind my
father-in-law's always been
extraordinarily kind to me but he was
nonetheless honest about that he didn't
see how I was going to take care of his
daughter and he even asked me directly
he said look
I have become very successful my
father-in-law and I have given Lisa a
certain lifestyle and how do you plan to
take care of her
and I was like so full of that youthful
like no you don't understand like I'm
gonna become something and then I had to
reconcile that idea
because she ended up saying yes and then
I found myself laying in bed four to
five hours a day every day and I didn't
have a job and I was living in my
soon-to-be mother-in-law's house and my
wife well girlfriend at the time fiance
uh was working and my one job was to
make a sandwich for her when she came
home at lunch and there were times where
I was scrambling out of bed to have that
sandwich made before she walked in the
door and I was just like this is gnarly
how are you ever going to make her
wealthy if you're laying in bed all day
you barely get out of bed fast enough to
make her a sandwich at her lunch break
so she's already been at work for hours
and hours and hours gotten up gotten
dressed ready driven to work gone worked
for hours come back home to see you
you're scrambling out of bed your hair
is a mess you're wearing the same thing
every day
and not like in a Steve Jobs way in a
like I'm too lazy to get clothes away so
you look like a bum not doing your hair
I was a total mess
and
I'm just like how do I reconcile
that I actually believe one day I'm
gonna make her a wealthy woman but I'm
not getting out of bed
and that was when I realized there's a
difference between ambition being a
dreamer
and having drive and seeing those dreams
to fruition
and so I set a rule for myself because I
felt ashamed
and for the first time in my life I
didn't try to hide from the shame but it
was in this period that I started to
think of my then fiance soon to be wife
as a witness to my crimes
and I remember thinking
when I was alone I didn't feel that kind
of pressure to succeed I wanted to
succeed but I didn't feel pressure
because if I didn't nobody suffered But
Me Nobody lived in the unfurnished
apartment but me nobody had to sleep on
the air mattress but me
but now
my wife to be
was
going to be affected by whether I laid
in bed all day or not and that filled me
with shame and it filled me with shame
in a way that I didn't want to hide from
I felt like it was right to be ashamed
of my behavior not to think I was
worthless but to to say I need to earn
my worth
and so I set a rule which is that I was
going to get out of bed in 10 minutes or
less so from the time I realized I was
awake until my feet were on the floor
and I was out of bed was never going to
be more than 10 minutes
and in many ways that's become one of my
most important rules I live by it to
this day
some 20 years later that I get out of
bed in 10 minutes or less doesn't matter
no matter what's going on I'm out of bed
in 10 minutes or less
and that one step
got me to start working and they got me
up and saying okay what are my dreams
what's the obstacle that stands between
where I'm at and where I'm trying to get
to what can I do in the next 15 minutes
that will move me closer to my goal and
I started doing those things and it just
became this routine this Habit to get up
and get moving and
I never would have gotten there had I
said something like who does my
father-in-law think he is to say that
money doesn't matter
you know he doesn't know what we're
about or what we want to do and
instead I said
either stop saying that you're going to
achieve greatness and recognize what you
want to do is lay in bed tell your
fiance that's the truth of who you want
to be and where you want to go which by
the way is absolutely fine
but don't say you're going to do one
thing and then actually do another
there's no Integrity in that
and that hurt and I didn't like the way
that felt to recognize that I was saying
something but it was just rhetoric
wasn't actually living up to it
and then it felt so good so good so
unbelievably good
to do exactly what I said I was going to
do
and
on a very long timeline it finally made
my wife a wealthy woman so I actually
did get this incredible moment which
will remain one of the greatest moments
of my life I'm sure forever when Jesus
13 years later
my father-in-law came to visit
this is when I was at Quest and there's
300 000 square feet
a thousand employees walking around
protein bars coming off the line at like
1.5 million bars a day
and I said Andreas do you remember
asking me how I was going to take care
of your daughter he said yes
and I said how am I doing
and he just started to cry and it was so
awesome
like I said he had always been so kind
and once we he knew that we were going
to get married whether uh he wanted us
to or not he never did anything but
support us but to have that moment
for myself for him for Lisa for it to
all have been
the result
of a simple rule
to get out
within 10 minutes
and start doing whatever my goals demand
and that was all it took a little bit of
Shame
acted on
what is up my friend Tom bilyu here and
I have a big question to ask you how
would you rate your level of personal
discipline on a scale of one to ten if
your answer is anything less than a ten
I've got something cool for you and let
me tell you right now discipline by its
very nature means compelling yourself to
do difficult things that are stressful
boring which is what kills most people
or possibly scary or even painful now
here is the thing achieving huge goals
and stretching to reach your potential
requires you to do those challenging
stressful things and to stick with them
even when it gets boring and it will get
boring building your levels of personal
discipline is not easy but let me tell
you it pays off in fact I will tell you
you're never going to achieve anything
meaningful unless you develop discipline
right I've just released a class from
Impact Theory university called how to
build Ironclad discipline that teaches
you the process of building yourself up
in this area so that you can push
yourself to do the hard things that
greatness is going to require of you
right click the link on the screen
register for this class right now and
let's get to work I will see you inside
this Workshop from Impact Theory
University until then my friends be
legendary peace out
how can you escape and start to do what
you love without compromising your
responsibility to your family I'm a
father who works eight hours a day five
days a week is it still possible for me
to pursue what I love and how I know I
need to come up with an escape plan I
just feel it's too risky okay nights and
weekends nights and weekends nights and
weekends so I get it
between working your job and the kids it
is not going to be easy
you either have to find a job that pays
you what you're getting paid now that's
at least closer to what you love or you
need to find a way in your spare time to
put energy into getting the skills you
need to get a job that's going to move
you closer or to start your own business
or whatever but when we started Quest we
were running awareness Technologies a
software company by day so I was working
a full not like 40 Hour Week 70 hour
week and then on top of that doing all
the things that Quest demanded to get
that off the ground literally Late Night
with rolling pins in our hands making
these damn Bars by hand and it wasn't
until they were profitable that we
started to transition and when I first
transitioned from awareness to Quest
I took a massive pay cut so I took all
my expenses whittled them down to as
close to nothing as I could get them I
sold one of our cars and so I was at
times having to bum rides off my
employees Lisa and I stopped going out
to eat we hunkered down it was as
inexpensive of a diet as you can get no
entertainment or at least hyper cheap
entertainment and just cutting our
expenses to the quick as much as humanly
possible and living off of as little as
possible so that we could build that
dream and again doing it where you're
working 100 110 hour weeks
it's just what it takes but it was fun
so you have to get yourself where you
know what you want to do and the thing
that you want to do the doing of it is
enjoyable so there should be amount of
just joy in doing that thing the
greatest trick I have ever pulled was in
the structuring of impact Theory so uh
exit Quest sell it for a billion dollars
never need to work again and
when you know what you want is meaning
and purpose you know you want to build
something new but you start asking
yourself I'm not going to turn this into
something that I don't enjoy so what is
it that I would like doing on a
day-to-day basis where even if I were
struggling even if I were failing that I
would love my day-to-day life
and then I built that so there is a job
out there there is a company out there
there is a side hustle that you can do
that the doing of the thing is call it
at least 70 Joy there's always going to
be overhead there's always going to be
stuff that you don't enjoy doing but if
you can get that ratio to 70 30 you're
laughing but you have to be very careful
about what you decide to March towards
that dream test it out you better
actually like in Failure the day today
so we're struggling it's not going the
way that we thought but man I'm still
getting to do this
right at impact theory if I were failing
I get to answer rad questions I get to
spend time with people that are trying
to improve their life I get a right
manga like come on
it's amazing so even if I fail my
day-to-day is extraordinarily joyful
so that as you think about building that
Escape Plan those are the things to
think about
how do you overcome the inner voice that
keeps telling you that it's too late to
redefine your life or take the time
needed for redefinition at 36 I'm scared
more than ever to lose therefore not
trying these what ifs are shaping my
fears
okay here's the good news at 36 homie
you are young you are young the average
person lives at 78. so it's like what
are you you're roughly halfway so you've
still got a lot of years left to me I
think you can work all out I work 93
hours a week I think I can work all out
93 hours a week until at least 65. now I
want to stay in such great shape that I
can push that by the time I get to 65
I'm like 65 why would I have to slow
down now 75 let's go so doing the things
that I love making sure that I'm taking
care of my mental health making sure
that I'm taking care of my physical body
right I treat my mind and my body the
way that LeBron treats his it's like
business is my game and I want to play
this game for as long as humanly
possible so the real question is what is
it that you can fall in love with enough
that makes all the fighting through the
negative voice and all of that worth it
so that's number one it's just to
recognize that you've got a long
timeline ahead of you but let's say that
the person that's asking this question
is 65 and they're like oh my God the
technical Revolution that's going on I
don't want to have to learn this stuff
stop
that's just being afraid of change
there is a process that you can go
through that instead of being about
change is about falling in love
but it starts with belief
your behaviors follow your belief and if
you believe that you're too old to learn
something new then you won't learn
something new so what I want you to do
is focus on how fun learning is it
doesn't even need to be this big change
or swing in your life just the act of
learning is fun the second thing I want
you to focus on is that when Nobel
prizes are won they are typically one
where two big areas overlap so in
Reinventing yourself you're not getting
rid of all of your old experience it's
going to Aid you in ways that you can't
yet understand so for instance I went
from Technology Building security
software well first filmmaking right
teaching film to building security
software as random as you get so seem
like oh there's no overlap here then I
went from and what I realized was being
a filmmaker made me a better marketer
then at awareness Technologies I've
learned all this Tech I've learned much
more about marketing now I go into
nutrition and I realize okay hold on all
the things that I learned about
marketing and storytelling now go into
Quest and in fact was one of the reasons
that we grew as fast as we did was I was
approaching content creation as a
Storyteller and not as a traditional
Advertiser or marketer would and so I
did that before other people were doing
it because I had the experience in the
other areas now if I hadn't had the
experience in those other areas that it
seemed like I was leaving behind I was
just Reinventing myself
then I'm sure that would have been super
scary but the reality was recognizing
whoa like all of this stuff comes with
me I'm bringing this experience with me
and now as I went from quest to impact
Theory I've been able to see things very
clearly so take when we first started
into Comics we were in physical print
Comics we spent about four months in
physical print Comics I realized how
their distribution works I was like this
is a joke you have to be kidding all my
experience at Quest you know with like
40 000 points of distribution or
whatever was massive tens tens and tens
and tens and tens and tens of thousands
of individual points of distribution you
get reporting on all of it you know
exactly where your product is going it's
incredible so I was like the way that
they're reporting over here in the comic
industry is a joke you will never be
able to sell very well this is obviously
going to die so we immediately got out
of that and went purely digital now I
wouldn't have had that Insight had I not
had the experience so it's recognizing
having a different belief about your
previous experience what your age means
if you let your age determine that oh
you know there's very little life left
for me to live and I'm trying to retire
by 50 or whatever it is story that
you're telling yourself you tell
yourself a different story which is that
the more I learn the more different
areas that I can really develop some
Mastery in the more likely I am to have
fun and be successful as I go along and
that's a critical thing and then the
last one
this is a weird game
are you ready for it
it's what I call the brain in a vat
thought experiment
this sounds dumb but the number of
mental traps this gets me out of is
extraordinary
so what I say if I'm lamenting that oh
my God I'm 45 like am I ever going to be
able to pull off the things that I want
I would say this to myself
Tom for all you know you're a brain in a
vat and that all of this is an illusion
and I mean that literally that first of
all everything you see really is an
illusion your brain is encased in total
darkness and yet you feel like you see
all this stuff but light never actually
touches your brain let that sink in
and
but it's even possible that this is
actually a simulation like Matrix style
simulation I'll let you can do the
research on that to see that
mathematically it's actually more
probable that you're in a simulation
then you're not now I actually don't
believe you are but it's a fascinating
thought experiment that has some
credibility to it so okay since this
could be a simulation
what if I just became conscious this
moment and everything prior to this
moment is just programmatic context
that's needed for my human brain to work
the way that it's supposed to work and
so age is literally just a number the
belief that I have that you know I'm
getting over the hill and it's probably
too late for me and it's too late to you
know reinvent myself and I've got
mortgage and I've got kids and you know
it's just irresponsible for me ah those
are all beliefs that were programmed in
me to get me to act a certain way now so
if I could change those beliefs it would
give me different feelings and different
behaviors right now and since this is
all just a simulation anyway and none of
those are real I don't have to feel
beholden to those now I know how absurd
that sounds
remember I don't actually think we are
in a simulation I don't actually think
that I'm a brain in a vat other than
just the way that the human animal
actually is
but running that thought experiment
reminds you of one simple truth your
beliefs govern your behaviors
so if your beliefs govern your behaviors
and by the way beliefs are not
recognized truth
they're simply choices that you've made
along the way
beliefs are not objective truth
you have to recognize that
so they're decisions that you've made
about what you're going to believe in so
okay if these are just decisions that I
made then I can make different decisions
I can believe different things and if my
behaviors are governed by my beliefs and
I change my beliefs then I will change
my behaviors and so that's what I would
do if I were having a thought like that
and then I would just remind myself I
love learning new [ __ ] so now I'm just
gonna go learn something that could lead
me down a path that I want to go down
and recognize that it's going to take a
long ass time and that's fine because
it's fun learning and getting better
balance having a sense of urgency and
being patient these ideas seem
paradoxical and these ideas are
paradoxical so first of all I'm not a
big fan of being patient so I used to
wear a shirt that said f patients as in
patients and
when people talk about patients I know
what they mean so I can already hear
people typing in the feed that you have
to have patience and I will say this you
do not have to have patience you have to
play the long game
and the reason that I worry about
patients is if you're trying to achieve
something Grand in your life you're
going to come up against an unrelenting
number of obstacles and an easy way to
analogize it is a rocket and what's
known as escape velocity for you to
escape the gravitational pull of the
earth you have to get going at a certain
speed and then you can finally Break
Free
if you cannot get to that speed and
sustain it you will never reach escape
velocity and you will always come
crashing back down to earth
so to accomplish anything Grand you have
to get that escape velocity that escape
velocity requires that you generate
momentum to generate momentum you have
to move as as if everything has to be
done right now today now of course
you're never going to be able to do
everything right now today but if you're
constantly like oh just be patient
things will happen in due time it gives
you a passive posture if on the other
hand you switch it ever so slightly and
you say look most things do take an
incredible amount of time so I'm going
to play this sustainably I'm going to
show up every day in a way that I can
show up for decades okay I'm not going
to burn myself out or go so crazy that
it's not fun I'm gonna love this in fact
Joy is a part of sustaining it so I'm
going to play this in a way that I can
sustain that's full of joy that gives me
fulfillment but I'm going to do
everything with urgency I'm going to do
things as fast as I can I'm going to be
as bold as I can and by being bold and
moving with urgency but playing in a
sustainable way that fills me with joy
and fulfillment now I've actually got a
shot of hitting escape velocity D now as
I hit obstacle after obstacle after
obstacle I've never accidentally waiting
for something or someone else because
I'm in a
hey it's all good you know take your
time
don't be patient don't be a dick either
if people think that the opposite of
patient is [ __ ] then yeah of course
I understand why you push back on it but
the opposite of patient is not [ __ ]
the opposite of patient is
persistence enthusiasm Joy momentum like
that's the opposite of patient you
always have to play the long game you
always move with Integrity you always go
for the referral and never the sale
because those are the things that
actually allow you to go fast
I'm just saying do the things that
actually allow you to go fast stop
thinking you need to be patient in order
to be kind stop thinking you need to be
patient in order to love your life you
don't need to be patience is not going
to serve you anything that makes you
passive is going to be a problem
never play the short game never try to
cram something down somebody's throat
find a way to make this joyful it's the
only way to play the game for a long
time but never put off till tomorrow
what you could do today and never put
off till this afternoon what you could
do right now and never do the second
most important thing first
ask yourself this question what would I
have to do to make my 10-year plan come
true in six months
shout out to Peter Thiel for that
question it will force you to think of
radically new scenarios it's not about
incremental Improvement it's about
Quantum leaps forward now when you start
thinking like that you can actually
build something big
but if you're prepared to be patient and
let let things happen in due time things
don't happen like that the second law of
thermodynamics states everything moves
towards chaos
and the only way to defeat that chaos is
to pour energy into the system patience
is not energy poured into the system
pour energy into the system but do it in
a Joyful Way
how do I become so focused on my
individual journey and goals that I stop
comparing myself and translating the
success of those around me to mean that
I have failed okay time for another
silly idea that's obscenely impactful
fill your heart with love
you've got to want to see other people
succeed you've got to get excited by
that you've got to want to help other
people
when you have a heart full of love
you're excited to see other people win
you want to see other people win and
you want to beat them at their own game
that you want to go head to head to them
in a Fair competition where you're even
doing kindnesses and helping them and
still win
now you're playing the game right that's
going to put you in a position where
emotionally it doesn't hurt anymore to
see them win because you're like [ __ ] I
love that I'd love to see Good People
win I love to see people doing something
Innovative I love to be inspired by what
other people are doing and I'm not going
to judge myself through the lens of a
moment
I'm gonna judge myself to the lens of a
lifetime so maybe in a moment they're
ahead of me maybe right now they're
doing this better than me but I'm
playing this forever this is a forever
game I want to be in this for a long ass
time and so cool I'm inspired by what
they're doing I'm stoked that they're
winning I want to celebrate that it
fills me with the light energy it makes
me feel good I can connect with them
more easily I can celebrate other people
it doesn't always have to be me which
just attracts other people by the way
people want to be around the person
that's like oh my God you're killing it
man that's so amazing look over there
this guy's really doing something
special and by the way I'm super
inspired by that I'm learning from that
I'm elevating that then all of a sudden
people want to elevate you they want to
help you and when you're down there in
the mix
people are going to come to your Aid now
here's the important part what you build
your self-esteem around matters and it
matters a lot and if you build your
self-esteem around winning or being
better than them
that's a recipe for a miserable life
if on the other hand you build your
self-esteem around the sincere Pursuit
the sincere pursuit of something
so I'm trying to build the next Disney
I'm trying to make sure that nobody
makes it to the age of 15 without
encountering a growth mindset okay word
will I ever pull it off Disney has a
90-year head start and billions of
dollars on me
so maybe I don't maybe I'm never able to
pull it off
but I don't value myself for whether or
not I achieve that in fact
to Value myself only for whether or not
I have achieved it means I have to feel
bad the entire Journey
there's no logic in that that doesn't
make any sense the whole punch line of
life
is to feel good about yourself when
you're by yourself
to live a life that is full of joy to be
fulfilled
okay that's the punch line it's not
money not wealth not fame not adulation
not winning
it's
Joy
so
what I reward myself for emotionally
isn't the having of it it's pursuing it
sincerely not rhetoric not showing up
and saying oh I want to build the next
Disney but it's really just talk no no
I'm actively trying to figure out what
skills I need to get better at what
people I need to get on here what I need
to fix in my Approach in order to
actually build the next Disney and
actually make sure that nobody gets the
age of 15 without encountering a growth
mindset and I'm honest with myself about
when I'm making progress towards that
and when I'm not
and the reason that I'm so honest with
myself because that always stings when I
realize I'm not
it makes me a just course and means that
I have a much better shot of actually
getting there because I actually am
really truly sincerely trying to get to
that goal I just don't value myself for
getting it I value myself for sincerely
actually showing up and doing the things
I need to do to make it come true and so
as I struggle and fail and fall down and
get back up and wipe the blood off my
face and try again that's the very thing
that makes me feel good about myself
and when you make that subtle shift from
oh I had to win to feel good to I had to
play to win to feel good
Everything Changes in life especially
when you could be like damn the person
that just dunked me
damn
that was impressive
and I'll give you a hint
I practice this with video games
play a game called Destiny 2. it's a
first person shooter you're playing
against real people
sometimes people that teabag which is
deeply unpleasant emotionally and
maybe you can get close sometimes so
close you can taste it you know you're
going to win and you lose and then they
teabag you and at that point you have to
be able to say yo they played well they
played well I'm super impressed I don't
like the tea bagging but I'm impressed
and
instantly your energy shifts and it's no
longer about poor me or I'm a loser it's
just like damn that was quality play and
then if you played badly you don't lie
about it like yo I completely messed
that up
here's what I should have done better
you take that to your real life and
you'll have that same light energy you
will constantly refine your skill set
you will constantly get better and over
the course of a life
you'll see that you did something pretty
special and that you only valued
yourself for the journey anyway one of
you people even though you you know me
you know my story you know when Lisa
said we were in a room with four people
they were her family I'd known him for a
decade they asked me to tell a story and
I literally couldn't speak
I had gotten so anxious I had let my
mind run away with me so much I could
not have people talk to me I couldn't
have them look at me if there was any
expectation that I was gonna talk my
heart would start racing
so nothing that you're seeing right now
is the result of oh he has natural
Talent
but I know that's where people go
because you do something so much like
none of you are thinking about I'm not
joking when I was a kid I wanted to be a
stand-up comic so I would spend hours
with a hairbrush in front of the mirror
making faces and [ __ ] and the fact that
now I only have two faces really pisses
me off I have big smile and neutral and
I look pissed
literally we just had this conversation
yesterday at impact Theory and somebody
was like you know have you ever thought
about standing in front of the mirror
yes
I've already [ __ ] done it I did that
when I was 12 God damn it didn't help
here we are but you clocked so many
hours doing something over and over and
over that you really if you do it in a
deliberate way and Daniel Coyle in the
book The Talent Code breaks down exactly
what deliberate practice is it is not
simply repeating something it is going
to the thing you suck at so you often
will hear people say
hey just figure out what you're good at
and do that I have never ever once ever
encountered something where I could get
paid to just masturbate
so if that's the deal
then I'm in trouble
but that [ __ ] I took to that fast I
won't lie about that
no training nothing I just I knew what
to do
it was [ __ ] amazing
but getting good at other [ __ ] that I
could actually monetize and do something
with
that's been a very different story
that's all been about deliberate
practice it's been about figuring out
how the brain works really understanding
the brain science of this all and
getting into that and structuring things
like that so you're going what am I weak
at where am I not good what is the thing
that I need to focus on because once you
start doing that like once you get into
ah this is what is necessary for me to
get where I want to go this is the gap
between where I am and where I want to
be and that Gap is made entirely of
skills
then the fear kicks in
and you're not going to believe in your
ability to cross that Chasm okay now
here's what I want you guys to do
crossing the fear Chasm is actually
deadly simple it's the easiest thing
you're going to do but it requires you
to unwind some of your beliefs
because right now
in fact this is a lot like money
people are going to tell you ah money
can't buy happiness and they're they're
going to say then don't don't chase it
and you're going to think but God damn I
have to pay rent
I want to drive a car I need some gas I
need to eat and so part of it when
people say that you're like yeah yeah
yeah money can't buy happiness but it
pays for a car payment and it puts my
kids through school and all of that [ __ ]
and so you can't like ever make it gel
and fear is the same thing because when
you fail
it is going to hurt
you will go through a momentary crisis I
still do every time I fail I go on that
roller coaster the key is how fast can
you make that roller coaster
can you get it to a day from three days
can you get it from a day to an hour can
you get it from an hour to a minute from
a minute to a second can you get it to
the point where it doesn't even register
on your face
and that became my goal I wanted to see
how rapidly I could change my emotional
state and could I change my emotional
state so quickly that people didn't even
realize that I'd had a big reaction
internally that I fell on my face and
that it sucked and I was embarrassed and
horrified
and when you begin to get that kind of
emotional control over things then
you're going to be able to move forward
so the key to doing that is one you have
to practice shortening the amount of
time that that hurts but the only way
that you're going to be able to do that
is letting yourself off the hook one to
stop thinking the negative voice is
going to go away it almost certainly is
not I've never met anybody who didn't
have a negative voice I've seen monks
speak that have been meditating for 40
years and they have a negative voice it
is this is why I think really
understanding the truth of human biology
is so important like to to not be
tricked by your brain because you know
how it works you know that there are
literal parts of your brain it's job
it's job it's evolutionary function is
to worry
there is a region of your brain called
The Deep limbic system if you want to
really get [ __ ] up this is so crazy
read the book by vs ramachandran
Phantoms in the brain
and he talks about syndromes where
people get certain parts of their brains
damaged and there is a part of your
brain the Deep limbic system if I [ __ ]
that up in you you no longer experience
emotion so your brain has a region that
tells you not what's happening it tells
you how to feel about what's happening
if that doesn't right there already tell
you you're living in The Matrix your
brain has no intention of just giving
you like objective data it's not about
that it's not just saying there is a
thing with fur a face a heartbeat Clause
it's six inches you're dead
right it's like yo [ __ ]
something moved it's a little bit orange
run like [ __ ] hell and that's it and
so you have these things that's their
job to keep you alive to keep you safe
but now you put yourself in a modern
context you have to know what's going on
so that you can de-escalate that [ __ ]
because more people or I should say
people are more afraid of speaking at a
funeral giving the eulogy than they are
of being in the [ __ ] casket
like about the time that you're so
afraid of what other people think you
would rather be dead
then be embarrassed
that's when you know your mind is not
always working for you
once you begin to realize oh my mind is
not always working for me it does not
have the same agenda that I have
then you can begin to say okay how does
it work for me how does it work against
me what are the rules how can I bend
some of these this is why I'm obsessed
with the movie The Matrix it is the
perfect metaphor for The Human Condition
I don't think we actually live in a
simulation except for the one created in
our own minds right David Eagleman
episode watch that one he talks about
how your brain is literally encased in
total darkness and yet right now do you
not all feel like you're perceiving
light
it feels like the [ __ ] light is just
getting into your brain but it is not it
is being translated into electrical
chemical signals that your brain then
translates and creates a virtual
representation of what it sees and it's
good enough that you don't bump into too
much [ __ ] but it is all [ __ ] painted
with what the brain thinks you need to
stay alive and one of the things that
thinks you need to stay alive is a
really [ __ ] negative voice telling
you don't Focus that man you're really
gonna [ __ ] that up now for real people
are going to be super embarrassed when
you [ __ ] it up you're probably going to
lose your house by the way you barely
got this job if you quit this job and go
to another job who knows how long you've
heard the economy is going to turn what
the [ __ ] you going to do then oh you're
gonna get laid being broke real sexy in
the back of a [ __ ] minivan
and that [ __ ] just plays and plays and
plays and plays and plays and if you
know it's coming then you can interrupt
it and you can insert other beliefs that
actually make [ __ ] sense because they
move you towards your goal right which
is why we have to have Clarity so once
you have Clarity you know what your goal
is you only believe that which moves you
towards your goal you hear the negative
voice that does not move you towards
your goal you interrupt it because you
understand the way the brain works you
hit it with this Mantra phrase whatever
rule belief whatever that thing is and
now you're changing your neurochemical
state so you don't actually feel that
oppression
but that's what I want people to
understand is all of this you're living
this life in this neurochemical soup
like [ __ ] is going to happen you're
gonna feel some kind of way all the time
and that feeling is as real as you let
it be or you can be like no I don't
choose to feel that and then change the
narrative and feel something else and
that sounds like just self-helpy words
that [ __ ] is real that is the truth of
The Human Condition
there's a book called the brain that
changes itself
think about that you have an organ
between your ears it is considered to be
the most complex thing in the universe
more complex than the Stars more complex
than [ __ ] plants and if you know
anything about photosynthesis those
[ __ ] are not for play
I mean we can get into all the like
crazy plan [ __ ] that that's like a whole
thing but there are a lot of a lot of
really complicated things in this
universe and nothing comes close to the
complexity in the human brain
and so beginning to understand how to
leverage that thing to not be beholden
to it to really begin to harness its
power so that you can move where you
want to go where you can take control of
that process and Propel yourself forward
but it all comes back to actually
understanding how it works
and when you understand that you're
living in this neurochemical soup
that all of that stuff is alterable and
that it changes through thought alone
that's crazy through thought alone you
can change you can change the physical
wiring of your brain the most
complicated thing in the universe
by thinking about changing it
by thinking about changing it and if
there's anyone in this room that is I
I am not an expert on this but I find
myself deeply deeply deeply fascinated
by it if there's anyone here suffering
from major trauma something has happened
to you and just a room this size I can
guarantee a massive percentage of you
have
you owe it to yourself to explore
medically supervised
MDMA or something like that now why I've
never done it but why do I think if I
had a trauma I guarantee it is the [ __ ]
first thing I would do why
because what it's doing you guys know
who Roger Bannister is
four minute mile all right the notion
that the four minute mile was beyond
human capabilities stood for decades so
imagine for decades we have professional
running track and field people going for
it I'm gonna do it no you're not it's
not possible the lungs the heart they
can't handle it people kept getting
close but nobody could break it and so
everybody just said look it is medically
impossible humans cannot run a four
minute mile just [ __ ] accept it and
move on and then one guy was like nah I
refuse to believe that he was a medical
student and I don't know if some of it
came from actually understanding the
body and he was like there's nothing in
the physiology of the human body that
would tell you you can't run a [ __ ]
second faster so for decades this thing
stands then people start saying well
maybe somebody could break it but it
would have to be under perfect
conditions it would have to be a
windless day dry conditions and he would
have to be in front of like a big uh
crowd cheering him on to run his best
performance ever and Roger Bannister
shows up on a rainy cold wet windy day
in front of like 26 people
and [ __ ] breaks the record
now that's not the trippy part
the trippy part is 19 days later
somebody else broke the [ __ ]
beat his record it stood for decades
imagine something standing for 40 years
and then within 19 days is broken again
within a year within a year
three people break in the same race
once you believe something is possible
once you taste that thing that other
thing like Tony Hawk when he was trying
to do the 900 he was like honestly I
didn't know if it could be done
and so once he landed it then everybody
started doing it and it just became
David like yeah yeah of course if you
can't do the 900 you can't even [ __ ]
beat but it had stood for so long until
you could see oh it can be done
so the MDMA thing is it puts you in such
an altered brain state that you realize
you can love yourself again and when you
feel that just [ __ ] intense
acceptance and you're looking at the
trauma you're looking at the trauma do
this with somebody who knows what the
[ __ ] you're doing not saying go to Vegas
and get ecstasy
medical treatment MDMA find a study
they're out there
but being able to taste that other thing
the other state of loving and accepting
yourself totally even though the
neurochemistry is going to radically
change as you come out of that you've
now tasted it you've run the four minute
mile you know it is possible you've
experienced it you lived it you were
there it's not somebody telling you
about that [ __ ] it is actual to you you
know it's possible and that's the
[ __ ] thing about success that's what
I want you guys to taste I want you to
know that this has been broken by
somebody just as dumb as you
I'm not joking you look at me as like an
after photo I look at me as a before
photo like if you show me this is one of
our first offices but if you show me and
I don't know if you already rolled them
baby but um show the the photos of me as
a kid
so genius right
obviously you can tell that kid's
[ __ ] right
he's going places uh I used to wear that
all the time
and yep there's another one this was a
this is a hat I was particularly fond of
so I did not take myself very seriously
so when I always tell the story that uh
my own mother who was my biggest
cheerleader
quietly assumed that I was going to fail
when I left for college
there she is What's up moms
so she had reason to believe that I was
going to fail I didn't take myself
seriously I didn't take anything
seriously I cheated all the way through
High School
and
it wasn't until
shame quite frankly
started dragging me out of bed I was
engaged to the lovely and beautiful Mrs
Elizabeth bilieu and yeah
yeah and
she would come home
this is we were living at her mom's
house by the way
and that's not sexy
living at her mom's house she was
working I wasn't and my only job was to
make her a sandwich when she came home
for lunch because she would come home
for lunch and I would lay in bed saying
I'm gonna get up in five minutes five
minutes five I'm gonna get up in five
minutes
and I would lay in bed for three four
sometimes five hours in the morning and
the only thing that got me up was
knowing if I didn't get up right then I
wasn't gonna have her sandwich ready
when she came and that was like a shame
too deep to bear
and so I would scramble down my hair a
mess in just sweatpants the same
sweatpants that I wore every day which
she uh did not find very sexy and I
would make her a sandwich and be kind of
mad if she seemed a little off that you
know I had I made the sandwich yeah you
know if you could do your hair maybe
that would be nice and I was like Jesus
ask ask
and
finally I realized
I told her I was gonna make her rich
and when I proposed to when I went to
her dad to ask for his Blessing to
propose to her he told me no
he wasn't going to give me his Blessing
and he asked me a super powerful
question and he said how are you going
to take care of my daughter
I was broke I didn't have a job
and I said sir look I know what you see
is
a broke kid who's undereducated from
Tacoma Washington and
what you don't see is that I'm the most
ambitious person you've ever met
and I thought he would be moved and I
thought he would be like you know what
kid good on you
go marry my daughter
and he didn't he was like look you can
have sex with her but for the love of
God
do not marry my daughter
and I'm not joking
he didn't use those words in his defense
but he made it abundantly clear I'm not
old-fashioned Tom I'm not old-fashioned
and
they have a Greek phrase
sigasiga which means slowly slowly so
that became like the mantra for the
whole family because everybody knew that
Andreas had this whole thing where he
wanted me to take it slowly and I was
going far too fast for him and I said
look sorry I respect what you're saying
but I am going to propose to your
daughter
and there I am
said yes I gave her the whole speech I'm
going to make you rich this is going to
be [ __ ] amazing I've got all this
ambition I'm gonna make it happen and as
I'm laying in bed I have a pivotal
realization
which is that there is a massive Chasm
between ambition and drive
and I had the ambition and I did not
have the drive to see it through but I
was so ashamed of myself
that that shame actually propelled me
forward because I now had essentially
people watching I had a father-in-law I
wanted to know what I was going to make
myself I had my fiancee who wanted to
know like if I was really going to be
the man that I promised her I was going
to be and so that got me moving and that
got me headed in the right direction and
that got me into all the things that you
see now but it was this incredibly long
journey of being disappointed in myself
and having shame and not knowing what I
was doing and being in over my head and
spending so much time in over my head
that I end up developing crushing
anxiety because I'm failing so much and
I'm failing so often but I have not yet
divorced myself from the outcome so
because I'm so tied to the outcome every
hit is a hit to who I am and so I begin
turning Inward and I'm thinking less of
myself even though I'm moving up and
moving forward I just spend so much time
smack bang on my face doing something
stupid saying something stupid actually
[ __ ] something up and costing a lot
of money over and over and over and so
the because I thought that meant I was
bad I was unworthy I was never going to
be able to achieve something it was
sending me into this [ __ ] spiral and
it wasn't until I really started having
to learn about the brain to get out from
underneath the anxiety that I began to
put a lot of the pieces in place the
rules the beliefs and everything that
ended up allowing me to catapult forward
and that is what for Lisa and I impact
theory is all about it's just getting
people to realize you're an average
human being an average human is enough
you can change far more than you think
but it's going to be really really
[ __ ] hard
and so I cannot promise you that it is
going to be easy
because the dreams that you guys want to
do they're big
and some of you guys have specific
dreams that are gigantic
and I [ __ ] love that and while I
think the most powerful thing you can
give any human being is doubt
I'm not going to give you that tonight
what I want to give you tonight is a
very simple idea
you can have
do and become
anything you want anything you want if
it doesn't violate the laws of physics
you can have it do it become it
doesn't matter your age gender ethnicity
sexual orientation literally none of it
matters
but what does matter
is you have to become extraordinary
so the first step in this incredibly
arduous Journey that you're going to be
on if you want to be extraordinary is
simply to believe you can become
extraordinary
it will be hard
you will fail
you will be afraid
you will embarrass yourself
you will make mistakes there will be the
Dark Night of the Soul
and in that moment in that Dark Night of
the soul the only thing that's going to
rescue you are your beliefs about the
way the world works
because you're not going to feel good
about yourself
but if you can piece that mindset
together where it's about the pursuit
that you're a learner that's your
identity then you can begin to Cobble
this stuff back together and get back up
on your feet and get moving
so said simply the idea I want to leave
you with
it does not matter who you are today
it only matters who you want to become
and the price you're willing to pay to
get there
how do you go about cooperating with the
government as to share messages of
empowerment and Optimal Health in the
education system I have no idea and if
I'm really honest I've avoided this like
the plague even back at Quest I could
just look into my future and I knew
eventually we're going to have to start
um
what do they call that and you go after
the government lobbying
this guy uh lobbying the government that
is something I just was not eager to do
so sales Cycles sales getting them to
adopt ideology however you want to think
about it in the government is so long
and it's no one person and it's so hard
to predict and to understand I I am the
wrong man to answer this question that
sounds like a nightmare to me I would do
anything but so like somebody needs to
change the education system but it's not
going to be me because I have no
interest in that all right sad can't
help you somebody else is gonna have to
tackle that problem all right Avery Nair
how do you be aggressively yourself I
struggle as a people pleaser growing up
doing what's safe doing what makes my
parents happy being the cheerleader in
people's lives how can I be
unapologetically myself while still
still caring deeply about others okay so
here's how I do it I never use the
aggressively myself as a rebuttal to who
they are okay so it's never like oh you
should do this and then I'm like this is
me and this is how I do it okay so I
don't do that what I do is when I have a
moment to express myself where I'm just
expressing myself I'm not trying to
convince anyone else I'm just going and
doing my thing I go and do my thing and
I let people see how much I'm loving it
I let people see how much I enjoy it and
when somebody comes at me and they're
trying to change me it's like hey I
fully respect that right compassion I
totally get where you're coming from I
hear you period now let me tell you
about the things that excite me I'm not
trying to convince just like here's what
I find exciting here's where so that
they can see why I'm doing them they can
see what I'm really into and that I'm
all about it and then I just don't think
about them what they want for me all of
that if it's real and I'm actually
excited about this thing then I just go
put my time and energy into that I go do
my thing and that is my Act of being
unapologetically myself that I go do
that and I love doing that and then this
is the only part that gets a little
dicey
if people keep coming at me then I will
start doing what do you actually want
from me and I do it just like this so
that people know that I'm being serious
what do you really want from me do you
want me to be happy do you want
fulfillment for me yes which everyone is
going to say yes okay awesome how do you
define that and then ultimately we're
going to get down to they Define it by
how I feel about myself when I'm by
myself or my neurochemistry or all that
just a level of Happiness a level of
contentment a level of like
stress-free life awesome
I listen to you I've heard you and I'm
telling you the thing that gives me that
is this thing over here that I want to
do and I get it I don't need you to
accept it I'm fully okay that you're not
on board with that I get it and the only
thing that I will ask is watch me do it
and see if you see it making me happy I
don't do things to people please even
though I have that same Instinct as well
however like whoever out there thinks
that they feel people pleasing the most
strongly the desire to make other people
happy
I'm at least at your level if not a
little bit higher but I found that doing
that did not take me where I wanted to
be neurochemically it wasn't making me
live my best life have the most
fulfillment
and so purely out of just looking at the
results I was getting I knew that I
couldn't keep doing that so that is how
I go about being unapologetically myself
and literally it's not apologizing for
yourself
that's a big part of it okay
Mary Strother what if you're happy with
your job but you don't like the place
it's in I know I'm not a tree but in my
field opportunity doesn't always come up
and I think by you know you're not a
tree means you're not that you are a
mobile thing which I like that is
actually a reference to a quote that I
used
in an episode of impact quotes I love
that quote so much
um so
what would I really do you like your job
but you don't dig where you're at
um
man the honest answer for me is I would
leave like I'm so hell but like I know
what I want to do with my life it is so
clear to me that
I just wouldn't let anything stop me and
that's why I left Tacoma I love Tacoma I
was not unhappy in Tacoma at all like
people always think I left for the
weather whatever I didn't I didn't even
think about the weather as a kid it was
all I knew I left because I wanted to be
in a bigger city that had more
opportunity and that was it and so I was
moving towards something and I think
that there are two things that motivate
people moving away from something so oh
I don't want that to happen I don't want
um like take uh longevity I don't want
to die that's moving away from something
I want to live forever that's moving
towards something so living forever for
me is about all the things that I could
do and all that so I'm moving towards
that I'm not moving away from a fear of
death so that here like the only
perspective I can give you is that if I
ever had a sense of like I can't go as
far as I want to go in this place I
would be gone in a heartbeat I know that
that's true because at the age of 18
that's exactly what I did and at one
point I almost moved to New York so I
thought New York would be even better
than La so and the only reason reason I
ended up saying was I came to believe
that that actually wasn't the case so
there you have it all right rockyware no
way that's a real name YouTube hey Tom I
often struggle with questioning myself
whether my thoughts are my real thoughts
or not do you have any advice on how to
become better at recognizing the
non-true voices in your head yes so this
is where a meditative practice comes in
in a way that like I won't even claim to
actually understand what's happening I
will merely describe what it feels like
so because the subconscious mind is able
to process data faster and faster than
the conscious mind my goal is always to
be able to hear my subconscious now the
subconscious usually speaks in emotion
and the only way that that emotion can
get accurately translated into the
conscious mind where you can really
understand it is if you can create a
common creative space where no stress no
anxiety is influencing what your thing
thinking about or even more terrifyingly
how you're interpreting what you're
thinking about because an anxious mind
will interpret things negatively or see
the danger instead of the opportunity
whereas a common creative mind will see
the opportunity instead of the danger so
learning to meditate learning to get
into the sympathy the parasympathetic
nervous system into that Alpha wave
state calm and creative to really be
able to accurately feel sense hear what
the hear in air quotes what the
subconscious is offering up to you so
that you can interpret it by the
um in the conscious mind and I find that
like I just get like the most
interesting ideas the solutions to big
problems by doing that so that is the
only way that I know to really create
that space to hear the truest voice
that's going to lead me to fulfillment
so
I wish there was something more brute
forcey that I could offer you
um only because I know that just like me
for a long time I struggled with the
nature of meditation it seems so passive
don't take this wrong way but it seemed
feminine and I naturally have such a
powerful feminine side trust me when I
say that was not the thing I needed to
develop in my life so I struggled with
that which is really asinine and super
stupid but nonetheless was where I was
at so I get why people may struggle with
that
um but yeah meditation is the answer
Damien bourgeois
that's just a fun word to say hello from
France what is up France what do you
think about subliminal affirmations do
you use them to empower your mindset at
a subliminal level I don't only because
I don't have experience in it it could
be amazing
um and I would man if I were really
stuck I would definitely try like hip
hypnosis
um or listening to stuff at night like I
would try it all I've got no beef with
anything I've just never used it so I
can't speak to it I found that the
conscious mind repetition in the things
that I can actually think out loud the
things that I can tell other people has
been so insanely powerful for me that I
haven't had to go to subliminal but man
I am not opposed in any way shape or
form in fact what do you think if you've
used it and it's been powerful I'd love
to hear about it
um Jacob
McRae YouTube Tom if you had to give one
piece of advice to someone who aspires
to be on your show one day what would it
be get extraordinary that's it get so
good that your results speak for
themselves man let me beat that drum
death
that's the answer Eric lenou Tom what's
your favorite Steven Seagal movie
I love that you're asking me that
question above the law all the way I'm
gonna have to go with hard to kill so
hard to kill like that whole thing where
they kill the whole family and then the
person's got to come back and build
themselves up from nothing is my fetish
Revenge Tales are my fetish I don't know
why
my absolute like you want to know my
guilty pleasure Revenge Tales so yeah
hard to kill that's the one but I will
say the scene in the grocery store and
above the law where he gets on his knees
and he's like come on come on oh God
it's so good it's so good
all right last question Edgars joelman's
this is from Facebook hey Tom greetings
from Latvia what is up Latvia what is
your advice on ways to control your
emotions and start to become more
confident because at because at work
some say I do a good job and still
I still won't believe them thanks well
sorry man my reading of that question
was brutal
um
so ways to control emotions first of all
it starts with using that the the
negative emotion as a habit Loop trigger
to an empowering belief now sometimes to
do that what you have to do is get into
the physiological hooks that we were
talking about earlier so if something
like triggers me and I get aggressive or
I get anxious diaphragm breathing is
going to be the thing that helps me
re-center myself that's a big thing
um and then just remembering the sort of
very logical side of my mind re-engaging
the prefrontal cortex to not lash out
emotionally to use my higher level
cognition
and to think literally think in a very
logical way the phrase you know that
reacting on that emotion isn't going to
move me towards my goal what is my goal
in this scenario and really just
thinking my way through and getting the
blood flowing back to my frontal lobe
I'm getting it into the executive
functions of my brain that's really
important so those are the ways that I
do that to make sure that I'm
controlling my emotions now the part
about being more confident is really
about earning credibility with yourself
and you've gotta so if you're doing the
things to earn credibility you're
setting goals you're Meeting those goals
and then you're still not believing in
yourself then you've got to rely on the
belief that you only do and believe that
which moves you towards your goals and
if being super insecure about yourself
is not moving you towards your goals uh
then don't do it and if being confident
and you've got reasons for that
confidence through earning credibility
with yourself by setting a goal and
actually meeting it and doing what you
said you were going to do and being you
know getting the skill set and actually
showing results and all that
um then you've literally just got to let
go of that negativity about yourself
because it doesn't make sense to hold on
to it so I only allow myself the level
of insecurity that gets me to go out and
do the things I need to do to be
extraordinary that's it and once I'm
spilling beyond that I literally just
stopped myself it is a negative thought
in my head that does not serve me using
cognitive behavioral therapy techniques
of negative thoughts stop that doesn't
make sense to believe that what's the
Habit Lube trigger here I'm going to go
into something positive I'm going to
remember that I can adapt and grow at
any time okay cool so I could set my
mind to this and get better at it and
let's just look at Real Results what
does the data say does the data say that
I suck at this and if it does great I'm
going to allocate the time and energy
that I want to this to actually get
better and if the data sucks that I'm
crushing it then I need to just set this
aside really be honest with yourself to
audit that time to make sure that you
really are making progress and to not be
angry upset or diminish your sense of
self because you're in a rut but instead
be proud of yourself for really being
willing to assess where am I at what am
I trying to accomplish am I actually
making progress