Kind: captions
Language: en
Anthony trucks welcome back to the show
hey thank you for having me again man
appreciate it dude excited so what are
three skills that people should Master
if they want to avoid ever being lazy
and stay motivated even in hard times
yeah there's a lot of uh I think the
first one I must say for sure is going
to be some kind of structure I think a
lot of us we are uh today I think it's
structured of the day but also to like
uh how I operate internally too there
should be some way that I function think
through things like repetitively I think
what what I've found for me is if I go
to my day and I'm leading on try to stay
disciplined everybody says stay
disciplined stay consistent right but
discipline is kind of that word it means
like disciple to follow planet's plan
right to follow a plan but if the plans
have fallen emotion at some point when
the motion is gone I can't follow it so
the idea is if I really want to stay
disciplined I got to have a plan to
follow so some kind of structured plan
yes to the day but I think also has to
do with like a rhythm of how you feel
internally right because there's things
that I may feel that that are kind of
like opposite of the moment here now but
if I can kind of tick myself into a a
box of like when you feel this way do
this like get myself back on Flow
because for me the biggest thing is
there are things that I have in my
schedule to do but it'll be times to
wake up and I go I don't want to do this
right now but I know it's got to get
done because a team may need it or my
wife may need it but I can't just go I
didn't feel like it and not do it I have
to actually have a way that I trigger
myself to get back into flow and I get
myself going again all right what is the
process that you've built for yourself
the the structure mentally yeah so I
think the biggest thing is I I like the
idea that perspective precedes
enlightenment
so there's this this way that I look at
things and I go okay well if I want to
see something different I can ask a
friend or ask somebody else and
typically Just Give Me A New Perspective
that perspective gives me that oh I
never thought of it that way the aha
moment and so what I try to do is do
that for myself so if I have something I
got to do that I don't want to do I sit
back and I look at it and go why is this
thing something I am not wanting to do
right now what what perspective am I
holding on this that makes it maybe not
joyful not something I am wanting to do
and I try to step back and go what would
my best friend Jason say well my wife
say about this or somebody else that's
right from the structure standpoint
you're saying seek A New Perspective
exactly seek something different it's
very interesting so I talk about that
the word I use or words is frame of
reference and I think that frame of
reference is I'm beginning to think I
know it's hyper important I'm beginning
to think it's one of the most important
things the other day I was thinking
about intelligence which is my obsession
yeah yeah and
I was thinking about I've always thought
of intelligence as the ability to
process raw data quickly but one thing
that I've seen people do highly
intelligent people do very well is that
they can shift the frame on you very
quickly so a lot of times when people
especially now we're living through a
time where people will try to trap you
linguistically yeah they will ask you a
question where the framing of the
question if you adopt that that frame of
reference there's no other answer right
way to answer it right
and highly intelligent people recognize
that you've given them a frame of
reference and then they also recognize
that there's a totally different frame
of reference that can be had and I've
heard about that in negotiations like
whoever controls the framing yeah is
going to win it's funny that just was so
my son made me take a comment down
because I I saw this video and it was
one that just it unsettled the way I I
felt inside of like the thought of it
and it was a woman saying that the
reason that she was overweight was
because of white people and and went
into this whole Undead Series this whole
statement around this this thing and and
I was telling my son I even commented I
said it's interesting how people that
have the most idiotic views can frame
them so eloquently nowadays if you can't
step back from what the framing I
literally said if you can't step back
you would adopt that and believe it to
be true and so you actually have to
think a little more critically in terms
of what people are even stating Beyond
just what they're saying now it's how
it's even framed up so it's funny you
say that in two days ago I had this
conversation myself that's really
interesting you just gave me the chills
I worry that
it is I think of myself as the average
person and when I think about how easily
I can get trapped in a frame of
reference of my own making or somebody
else's
it's really scary because when you look
at the cycles that Humanity goes through
like we I remember as a kid you'll
either get this or look at me sideways
as a kid I remember reading about
Emperors like Caligula and how they
would have these crazy Roman orgies and
I'm like wait a second like I why don't
we have orgies now I was like so pissed
there's like a 16 year old that there
were no orgies that's great and I was
like how that was thousands of years ago
how have we not just like continued you
know with looser and looser morals and
obviously as a 16 year old I didn't get
it I was very frustrated that I was not
living in that time but now I understand
one that that may not be the Pinnacle of
civilization as I thought but two that
we go in these Loops where you get
caught in a frame of reference and then
something terrible happens that forces a
shift in frame of reference then things
sort of reboot but then you build in
this cycle nobody's laid it out more
eloquently than Ray dalio with his book
if you haven't read it yet read it
called principles for a changing World
Order dude it's amazing it's terrifying
but it's amazing about how there's only
so many personality types and that's
what causes history to rhyme is that
humans are just a certain way there's a
certain number of basically innate
frames of reference those innate frames
of reference bump into each other in
this like hyper cyclical pattern and
right now
and I don't know how much to point at
social media and say this is
exacerbating it but ideas now travel so
quickly that a frame of reference will
become the dominant frame of reference
for a while until something so terrible
happens that it shifts breaks that frame
of reference yeah I did not expect and
we're gonna keep going everybody
watching home we've got one instruction
we'll get to the other two but I do want
to um
you live in the Bay Area and literally
the first thought that I had when you
said that you're in the Bay Area I
didn't say it but I was like have you
had like people breaking into your car
like it's getting crazy you've got
someone steal our car in an area that we
actually have the cops have never been
there like 10 years they told us someone
came and stole a car within like a year
of us be there which was this most we
moved there about a year ago the guy was
like we've never been up here in like 10
years yeah so yeah a lot more is coming
out that shouldn't be there and I think
it's frame of reference so the frame the
dominant frame of reference certainly in
California has become like no man Left
Behind yeah like you can't let somebody
struggle you can't yeah like there's the
the oh God there's a name for it so
people that are on the streets doing
drugs it's like minimize harm minimize
sufferings I forget the name of it
building buildings they bought it like a
seven million dollar building in the
city to let them go there and do drugs
yeah it's crazy bobbles my mind it's
crazy but I get the frame of reference
it actually comes from a beautiful place
they don't want people to suffer the
problem problem is if your frame of
reference does not include looking at
the outcome and you only have a frame of
reference around intent you spiral into
Madness yeah in my frame of reference I
get that I think of the problem too
because the way I look at it is we need
those aspects of struggle like I think
one of the greatest parts of life in
terms of what benefits us is the
hardships that statement maybe it's a
quote that says a smooth C makes not a
skilled sailor and so whenever I look at
those situations like you're not really
helping you're kind of just prolonging
the pain they're experiencing at a say a
one or a two but for a lifetime as
opposed to coming going how do we make
this maybe a 8 9 10 for a little bit but
it's a zero after that and so there is
like a framing I think perspectively
like I do carry a very similar
perspective but I can't say that at home
like it's something more I said I'm
watch this and go like you really said
that out there because I I don't think
that that's help unfortunately I don't
and I I don't feel bad saying it because
I realize like I am different and that's
okay the world has to have difference
but I do have a care for them like I
don't look at them ago you lazy person
you're doing it's like it's not it's not
even always their fault sometimes
however uh what is it Victor Manson when
he says a subtle art the book he talks
about it may not be your fault but it's
your responsibility and so you have to
step in at some point and go I'm
responsible for the life I'm living and
not lean on handouts because they're
gone well then you have nothing and so I
think the better thing to help would be
to give them the hardship to guide them
to give them support to have them come
out of that home and you get some pride
on the backside to get some confidence
on the backside now you can do vastly
more
agreed and it look it's complicated and
I don't want to oversimplify it but I
agree with you and on that so frame of
reference going back to this idea of you
need structure you need somebody to give
you a different perspective
um that's a case where
getting isolated in your perspective and
this is one of the things that scares me
about social media and I love social
media and it's brought tremendous joy to
my life but I'm also very careful about
cultivating a a diverse frame of
reference so that I'm not
I seek disconfirming evidence and I
think that's incredibly important and at
a time where the algorithms are designed
to give you whatever keeps you on the
platform the longest and I think people
understanding that the algorithm is not
designed to be evil it's just designed
to maximize the benefit to the platform
exactly and so that tends to be whatever
is high emotion which tends to be
reinforcing things you already believe
or outraging you and that is this hyper
myopic frame of reference versus the
idea which I think comes from Brett
Weinstein who said uh this idea of Steel
Manning Can you steal so you've got
straw Manning which is I give a fake uh
version of your stance so that I can
easily destroy it yeah and steel Manning
is truly almost trying to convince
myself that you're right I'm going to
State your position as generously as
possible that ability to get
to their perspective and really see
through their eyes I think is critically
important and then going back to
destroying laziness I think that that
really makes a lot of sense it does
again you're right man it's one of those
things where uh who's it um Sun Tzu says
once you learn to like truly understand
your enemy you love your enemy right
will you fully grasp the other
perspective like that does give a
different frame of reference but I think
sometimes that people don't understand
that you can actually and I've heard it
many times you can adopt or at least
entertain an idea without adopting it
and I don't think people want to do that
like I think people want to be shown the
same thing and have the same thing
because there's this human desire to be
in alignment right there's this desire
to say I am right it's my perspective so
even if something shows that you're
incorrect you'll stay back your
alignment and so people will just eat
the same thing over and over in the same
direction and then that's why they talk
about at one point the uh the entire
election prior you know when Trump was
there is like everyone could be seeing
their own version of social media and
sit next to somebody and go how do you
not understand this and there's so many
videos but they saw a completely
different framing of social media and so
we have this completely you know weird
skewed perspective of people that could
be six in a room seeing six different
sets of Social and so the framing of it
is all over the place yeah in a
terrifying manner yeah Okay so we've got
structure yeah what what's number two
number two is going to be uh identity
man I think it's it's your specialty
that's my thing man because I was
thinking like is it a skill it is a
skill because you do have to create it I
think that there's a time in our lives
when we all were you know just teachers
preachers coaches leaders TV movie right
those things kind of fed into our
programming of who we are and we didn't
develop a skill of navigating the the
sets of beliefs or the things we saw
coming in we just took it all in and
randomly created this identity we live
from and if you want anything people
created it on purpose or does it happen
accidentally I think it happens
accidentally in the beginning and
sometimes it's Guided by the people who
are like your mom your dad those who
were in a household they tell you what
things are like it took me a lot of
years to reframe how I saw saw the
identity I had to run money or around
acceptance or around love right and it's
mostly because it was programmed from
different places accidentally
haphazardly whereas there is a skill to
going I don't like how I function or
think or show up in this manner I want
it to be different and it's okay because
when you're bad just means that it's
part of you you want to improve so it
does have to be some kind of skill you
developer going so how do I forgo the
the thoughts of what if I get cast out
from my my you know tribe or whatever
and go I want to be better here and you
actually lean in and do certain things
that develop that identity over time so
whether it's I want to be able to
communicate better used to be a football
player on a gym I wasn't a speaker right
I didn't talk like but I developed that
identity at first I was like I don't
know if I can do it now I go no I'm damn
good at this right so when you give
people a 30 second primer on your
background because if uh people haven't
watched the first interview that you and
I did together where we covered in
detail your background I think it'd be
great for them to understand you may be
more than most humans understand how
frame can be given to you becomes your
identity but you don't even realize that
it was a choice it just sort of happened
yeah it just sort of happens man like we
said accidental Soul was given away into
a foster care system in California was
really bad statistically if you go to
any prison in America 75 percent of the
inmates are former foster kids it is
crazy half the homeless populations by
the time of foster care I think one
percent of us graduate from college so I
was put into a world without my own
doing that was not set up to do well for
me after about five or six kind of crazy
foster homes lending in my current home
the only black person in all white very
poor family grew up with this framing of
I don't matter we don't have money I'm
you know I'm not loved be quiet Anthony
don't talk right these different aspects
of what created me and then progressed
through that somehow didn't you know
become a statistic man and then was able
to eventually get a college scholarship
first thought you were a bad athlete you
didn't realize you could get better
horrible athlete yeah 15 years old I
sucked man that was that's one of those
first skills that's probably one of the
biggest moments for me was there is that
15 years old I was like I've done
football for two years wasn't very good
at it and I was like I'm just not gonna
be good at it chalked it up and
something triggered me in some statement
by a girl in a classroom and next thing
I know him in this realm of like I want
to be that good football player I want
to be great at it so I leaned back in
did a whole bunch of things that were
not in my current character didn't feel
like it was me you know it's that that
feeling of like you're in somebody
else's skin like oh I don't do this
people made fun of me all that but then
on the back end of doing some
interesting work I came to this moment
where I was like no this is who I am now
I have earned the right to say that this
is me I tell people how did you fight
through when people were making fun of
you hey Butterfingers you didn't know
how to catch a football like this is the
guy that ends up what like seven years
later being in the NFL yeah so how do
you keep training that hard when the
world is telling you both through the
fact that you can't catch a [ __ ]
football and that the people that you
respect are telling you that you can't
catch football how do you believe in
yourself enough to go I can get better
at this I didn't believe in this myself
I think there's that thought that like
you have this initial belief when you
set out and I didn't I just believed the
fact that if I did nothing nothing would
get better that was really what it was
because the life I've been living up to
that point where a lot of us are we're
in the same kind of flow of life doing
our thing and we go well if I just keep
doing more of this it might change and
I'm glad that at 15 I was like if I
don't do anything different nothing
different is coming for me and so it was
this belief not in my ability but my
belief that if I did this I could get
better I didn't understand how much
better that was some of my I came to
find over time but I think there was
moments yeah I'd go out into the weight
room and kids make fun of me you know I
drop a football kids make fun of me but
it was this thing where I wasn't trying
to identify at that moment with the guy
just yet because I wasn't they had that
imposter syndrome kind of conversation
but I did want to identify as the guy
that did the work
that was the separation I'm going to do
the work I don't care uh if it turns
into something I just know that if I
don't I don't get any closer to my goal
so I just kept showing up and doing that
work and even though they made fun of me
I was like yeah I may not be as strong
as you but I'm stronger than I was a
month ago then a week ago so that little
mentality of like putting these little
deposits in day after day that started
creating outcomes that were was faster I
was Stronger so now I'm seeing the
progress and then I start getting a
little bit of addiction to that like ooh
like this feels good look in the mirror
and see a little bit of ass I got some
chest strations on my muscles you know a
little bit faster I'm catching a
football better and now what happened is
I'm creating proof for myself that I can
be better and that just progressed on
for years
the body is fascinating and I will say
that my own Journey as an entrepreneur I
didn't have any background as I don't
think I'm naturally gifted at it
um my parents certainly did not teach me
that yeah but right at that right before
I start getting into business I started
working out and I realized I could
change my body that over time I could
pick up a weight that I couldn't pick up
before that I could look better in a
sweatshirt or better naked and I was
like whoa it it showed me that change
was not only possible that it was
profoundly impactful that it it actually
altered the way I felt about myself yeah
and altered the way the world felt about
me yeah and that became like just trying
to get people to understand like hey
if you're really struggling you need to
address the body yeah because if you
address the body first of all there's a
whole host of reasons from your
microbiome and the way that the brain
and the body communicate in terms of how
you form emotions but even just like on
a really sort of high level basic way to
look at it as you get control of your
body it is going to make you feel better
about yourself there is a subroutine
running in your brain given to you by
Evolution that wants you to feel strong
that wants you to look good like it just
is what it is an agreement and like
people
there are a lot of people let's just see
how many people I can unintentionally
outrage because I'm not saying this to
be outrageous I really want people to
understand they can use this in their
own life yeah there are a lot of people
that are out of shape that are like you
should love yourself when you're out of
shape no there's nobody that gets in
shape and was like oh it's better off
yeah no one regrets that and it's funny
it's like you're gonna learn a little
rabbit hole here ice on a gym I'm a guy
you know I have a 35 000 gym in my house
I created like specific for the family
to get dialed right and and the biggest
thing is when my son perfect example my
son is a person who was skinny like he
was itty bitty you know shriveled up
he's going to college now in a couple
days I drop him off in like two days
he's got old fast yeah he did right and
so but he just took pictures we were in
Hawaii and we have these you know prior
pictures of him like he went to a pool
party one time and left the pool crying
because he was just didn't love his body
whereas now he's at ABS right so like
I've watched that and so for me when I I
have conversations with him I I grew up
in a house with people that were
overweight and obese and nobody in the
house loved themselves in that manner
like ever and so for people to go I love
myself and how I look it's like there's
I get the desire to want to feel good in
your own skin but the solution isn't to
avoid the fact that you don't feel that
great and to tell everybody we should
accept you that way because I don't
think it's loving of my family if I go
it's okay for you to be sick and how to
shape and be tired and be angry at
yourself or angry because you're
short-tempered because whatever it might
be because again I've never seen
somebody fight to get in shape when I
own my gym fight to get in shape and go
I regret this yeah they come in like the
same as you're talking about like I
don't know how to handle this new
attention women want me men want me all
these different things take place and
they're they're brighter they're lighter
they're joyous they're happy and so for
someone to
stop themselves from feeling that
because they want to find a way to in
the short term feel good about
themselves by saying accept me as I am I
think it's it's a wider problem that
people just don't want to talk about it
no one wants to get canceled like this
is again someone's gonna hear us and go
I hate that guy and the problem is I've
been on camera long enough now uh
I think but so my thing is I want people
to know that you're just as worthy of
love if you're heavy they're my my
family is more of the obese and you
cannot hate that which you love and I
love my family beyond all reason to
measure
but what I remind them is that all I
want you to know is that the joint pain
the you know if you're flirting with
depression whatever it's going to be
wildly impacted for the better if you
get your diet right if you start working
out it's just this is nature at work so
it's there waiting for you I'm not going
to love you anymore if you get in shape
I'm not going to love you any less if
you go in the opposite direction but I
want you around as long as possible and
I want you to know that there's a card
you can play if you ever want that pain
either emotional or physical to go away
and that it it makes me sad again going
back to frame of reference it makes me
sad that people are trapped in the frame
of reference that if you
want to improve yourself if you want to
get out of that that there is
that there's something wrong with that
like when Adele lost all the weight and
people went afterwards I was like what
that uh yeah I agree it was a weird one
to watch yeah but you also said a moment
ago the world saw you differently yeah
and I think I'll tell you the craziest
the one of the highest emotional peaks
of my life and people are going to write
in the comments that this is shallow it
think what you want it was awesome yeah
uh I was at a pool party with my wife
yeah a woman swam across the pool got up
out of the pool and went to my wife can
I pet your husband's abs and I was like
yeah God I love it and I was like dude
for all the success I've had that moment
still works out is like one of the best
it was [ __ ] awesome I worked so hard
yeah for those abs and there is a weird
feedback loop that I don't know if I'll
ever be able to explain to somebody but
if you were a guy and you reach across
yourself and you feel your pec muscle
and it's hard your brain sends a signal
of like word yeah like even though I
have the chills there's I see you though
that's exactly right
it's weird I don't know what it is but
I can say that that is innate because I
had never had hard muscles before and
the first time I reached across myself I
was like whoa I feel good yeah I was
like whoa this is crazy or when you for
me now it's the opposite if I've really
been getting lazy and I you know touch
my abdomen and it's soft I'm like oh
yeah yeah yeah I get to film man my wife
with the pandemic hit man I got like
250. I got some weight on me I had like
30 pounds it was not a fun thing yeah
but and it's funny as as I felt the
experience of what it's like to just try
to hide it and cover it up and I look
back at that guy and I go man I even
felt incongruent in the work I was doing
I would do videos and talk about where
and I'm like but I looked in the mirror
and I go you're not that guy like and so
that was like this cognitive dissonance
of like you're saying one thing I could
act in a different way I actually had to
adjust and I went through the whole 75
hard thing shaved like 37 pounds off
yeah I dialed it in but then I got to
the point where I am now I'm like I love
me and I think that's one of the biggest
things is is it doesn't just affect you
and the body it affects every part of
your life because if I love somebody
I'll go to the end of the Earth to stay
dialed in to stay consistent right to
follow through because I love that
person but if I don't respect the person
it's hard to love and if I have done
things that make me lose respect in
myself I can't love myself the same way
so I don't shove myself the same way so
I'll miss the party or I'll I'll miss
the work thing I won't do the thing for
myself and go take a trip or whatever it
is because part of me doesn't think I
deserve it and so my life experience
even outside of the physical is vastly
negatively impacted by just not being in
some kind of shape or at least feeling
like I'm in better shape than I was
because when I also have a six pack six
pack would be nice I don't even know if
I've heard six-pack before man I've been
in shape as a football guy so it's
always dense but I do know there's a
level of healthier for everybody and if
someone can just lean into the healthier
and not compare yourself to the world or
anybody else like that don't pull a
magazine up and go but I don't look like
Beyonce like nobody cares just look like
you but a little better that's the kind
of dopamine dump that that people should
be looking for just a little better for
you as opposed to comparison the rest of
the world the truth is hitting your
career goals is not easy you have to be
willing to go the extra mile to stand
out and do hard things better than
anybody else but there are 10 steps I
want to take you through that will 100x
your efficiency so you can crush your
goals and get back more time into your
day you'll not only get control of your
time you'll learn how to use that
momentum to take on your next big goal
to help you do this I've created a list
of the 10 most impactful things that any
High achiever needs to dominate and you
can download it for free by clicking the
link in today's description alright my
friend back to today's episode
foreign
I'll push that a little farther and say
pushing yourself going back to Identity
pushing yourself to recognize that you
can be the kind of person only compete
with yourself I'm down for that but that
like not only are you a little bit
better like you're you in Elite shape
again you may not look like Beyonce or
you may not look like you know whoever
for me it was always Hugh Jackman I was
chasing me yeah yeah he was pretty
geeked up oh man when he was Wolverine
come on bro at the beginning what's his
name from Thor that dude got big yeah
yeah yeah yeah he looks amazing yeah so
that's a certainly more contemporary
reference uh you may not ever look like
that but to really push yourself and to
see what you're capable of is I think
the whole point of being a human if if
so my thing is Chase fulfillment right
yeah but fulfillment is defined the
thing that's going to give you that
neurochemical state is defined by nature
and so Nature has certain things it
wants to incentivize and certain certain
things that it wants you to avoid they
want you to stay alive long enough to
have kids that have kids cool so how do
we do that you're gonna have to attract
a mate you're going to have to be able
to hunt you're going to have to connect
with the group like there's all these
things yeah so if we know that the game
is fulfillment I think that the the
calculus given to us by Mother Nature
insists that we work really hard that we
make progress and that we serve and if
you're doing those things then you will
feel this sense of fulfillment it
doesn't mean that you're joyful every
second it just means that you have this
resilient emotional state but you've got
to push yourself like I really think
that working hard is a mandate from
nature and that if you aren't working
hard even if you have all the wealth in
the world you just feel like something
isn't right yeah dude I'm getting chills
over here so I am in the middle of a
dynamic with my son this conversation is
like the through line to our entire
world right now at home
so I'm a guy that grew up in hardship
right and I'm a guy that's created a lot
for my life that shouldn't have been
greater for my life and and the one
thing like you said my goal is to have
kids I have the kids but I also need
them to have kids and one of the biggest
things is like if you can't do hard
things your life is not great I would go
eventually to say it's a horrible life
like and internally generated suffering
that's what a lot of people understand
this doesn't have to do with getting
rich or anything like that it is not the
outside world it is your internal world
that will feel horrible oh yeah all of
it and then you will have some things
that'll affect the outside world but
it's like right now my my youngest son's
13 my oldest is 17. I had to go through
the same Journey with him of getting him
to do hard things and his actual
statement was that I think you should
have been harder on me whoa as he's
watching me parent my youngest son wow
and so the dynamic of my youngest son
loving the death he's going to watch
this this would be fun uh great kid he's
got a phenomenal heart he's he's got
this amazing brain he's intelligent
you'd love him talking to him he's one
of those guys that'll like say things
and make you go what like it didn't
think
however he doesn't like doing hard
things I mean he seeks comfort in all
areas that I was recently watching
something that broke down no I read this
this whole like uh research article on
it where dopamine has different
receptors we think it's only in the the
doing of hard things but it's also in
the solution that allows it to be easier
so when somebody finds that something
that's hard to go got that done feel
great someone could also go oh I found a
way around that oh good job finding the
solution the shortcut like my son who's
this younger guy we're like we're gonna
put you in boxing as opposed to going
I'm gonna be dominant in boxing he goes
I'm just gonna run around the ring he
had to adult me done for finding a
solution and I'd have to have the
hardship so his thing right now is how
do I get you to do something hard so
we've started every day this whole
morning routine you'll like this as a
cold shower guy we take a hike to the
top of a hill near our house we come
back down I put them in 48 degree water
for two minutes the whole cold plunge we
got every single morning 48 is cold I've
seen guys get like 26 Psychopaths but we
get in and he's at 13 doing this it had
to be sea water uh it might have been it
was highly moving I think that's what
I've done I've never done it I'm talking
you watch there's still ice chunks on
top of the water when they're doing it
yeah I'm not getting that mine will go
to 36 but I'm not going that low but the
purpose is to get him to do something
hard and he doesn't grasp what it is but
the purpose is if I can get you to do
something hard and normalize you to that
level of expenditure not only do you
feel good about yourself because you've
done something hard but then you get to
do things other people would try to do
in falter act but you get to go look
what I've accomplished over them not so
much Jesus let him get that oh we're
doing it yeah dude this this is so my
dad who I wanted to punch in the mouth
as a child yeah
would he just insisted like you are
going to learn the the discipline of
hard work he always said it's going to
build character it's going to build
character yeah and so when I grew up
lower middle class two I grew up like
chopping wood carrying wood like we used
to legitimately go into the mountains
find trees that had fallen cut them up
spend an entire weekend hauling wood I
like this mess dude and it but like
because that's how we heated the house
you know what I mean and look I don't
want people to think I grow poor I did
not I used to think I did I've seen
poverty I did not grow up in poverty but
we did [ __ ] like that and every time I
push back like this is so dumb like for
the love of God let somebody else do
this but I was like it's going to build
character it's going to build character
and so every year from the time that I
was 12 I had a summer job and
when I got older dude the fact that I've
been successful is because of that I
agree I was like I know how to work I
know how to suffer yeah and in the
beginning because I wasn't a skilled
business person the only thing I had
going for me was I could suffer yeah and
that allowed me to then get a leg up and
so I'm always reminding my own team I'm
like you think I act like this because
I'm the CEO and I'm telling you I became
the CEO because I acted like this when
nobody gave a [ __ ] who I was nobody
listened and getting people to
understand the power of skill
acquisition yeah a willingness to suffer
and to your earlier Point pushing
yourself
Way Beyond what you thought you were
doing it is and I live I love hearing
those stories because like I look back
and I have a college coach and I had you
know High School coaches I do not know a
single person that I can look back on
that made me better I didn't hate in the
moment yeah every person that made me
better even though with my wife in times
you know my kids I was dealing with I
hated people but in the moment it was
always forced me to do something to
improve myself and the same as you like
I can find joy and suffering like
there's this weird piece I get when like
I'm burned in the middle of a workout
and I want to stop and I go oh what if
you get one more rep dude like what
happens is you get that rep and you go
that's what happens and then that you
feel that that difference and so you
walk around having a little chip on your
shoulder in a positive way doesn't mean
I'm diminishing anybody around me in
fact that chip helps me serve at a
higher level but realistically it's like
I want to feel as I'm the most like the
highest version of I can get to myself
of me and the only way to get those
through hard work if you if you take the
shortcuts you know you take the shortcut
you know and that diminishes and so
people go like I'm not making many sales
in my business or my wife you know we
can't communicate well I promise you
it's some area you're cutting a corner
and effort don't know what it is but if
you find that and you show up in that
manner it'll push I think one of the the
biggest issues which this maybe is a kid
thing is
it's got to be your idea though
so it's hard with him because it's my
idea to do it and I need him to take
ownership of it we recently had this
conversation I'm like he plays football
he doesn't he doesn't go and he doesn't
give all the heart I can tell he knows
and I think part of it's because I'm
trying to get him to give his heart to
it I don't care if it's badminton if you
want to go and paint snails dude just do
it at full effort but I'm I've pulled
back now and I go I'm Not Really Gonna
you know give any kind of criticism what
he's doing but I told him I said if you
want to play next year you're going to
pay for it
because I need you to go and put the
time energy effort and then put that up
as a sacrifice I'm putting my own time
into going to play in this game so that
at the next level it's now your choice
to be there your decision to put the
time in and so there's these
conversations that that we have but
they're all in that same thread of I'm
dude 100 I'm like you got to do hard
things yeah I try to make it hard on
purpose because I think one of the
problems we have in society now is we
coddle kids and we rob them of their
hardships and then what we do is we see
adults and go why can't you work hard
why can't you do it what's because of
mom and dad robbing the hardship so we
want a kid all of a sudden a snap out of
this they've been coddled it's been easy
and it's okay everyone get a trophy and
then when they get older don't do that
anymore right how so it's it's difficult
but at least I'm not going to put out
kids that'd be problematic later on for
the future
this is the thing that scares me about
having kids like there are real
consequences to how you are raised and
you are an anomaly I wish you were the
standard I wish it was oh like it's hard
it sucks but like you're more tenacious
than other people and I think about this
a lot in terms of the inner cities and
I've said this many times the inner city
breaks most of the people that it
touches the vast majority but the people
that get out achieve escape velocity in
the most insane manner because they were
repressed repressed repressed repressed
and then when they just [ __ ] insist
on getting out and I'm going to get
better and I'm going to win you get a
Jay-Z yeah and it's like
what that guy's accomplished is insane
and when you think about where he
started it's bananas and would he have
achieved the same Heights had he not
been so angry about you know growing up
the way that he did and having to be
hard and like all of that stuff
I don't know man I I think that
I don't wish hardship on anybody which
is why I'm not a parent because I don't
know that I could intentionally put my
kids through the very thing I know they
need yeah because I don't want to see
them suffering my wife can't do it dude
it's I could do it she can't that's the
battle I had with her but I agree it's
hard man it's hard
but you gotta you gotta go do hard
things you have to
you have to be in danger you have to be
in danger like when I think about what
my parents let me do I'm like what were
you thinking like they would I would
ride my bike on busy roads
three four miles away from my house yeah
to go to an unsupervised BMX track that
had big ass jumps no helmet big kids
there threatening to beat you up you're
falling off your bike your friend might
break an arm you'd have to like push
your bike all the way home there's
there's no cell phones yeah so like this
is a very different world and it
actually killed some kids that's the
thing yeah and this goes back to what I
was saying about San Francisco it comes
from a beautiful place you want to
protect people you don't want to see
them suffer you don't want to see them
go through anything hard because the
reality is some people actually will
suffer
immensely some people will die like some
people lost kids and
it just makes you tighten up yeah but I
think it makes you a better human
if you go through the dangerous [ __ ]
yeah but the bad news is doing all the
things that we're doing to try to
protect people make sure we're not the
one that loses a kid it actually puts an
entire generation of people in a bad
spot you're just kicking off the
hardship till later and I think the hard
thing is is like as you're a kid you get
hard things you shut down you freak out
you got a mom or a dad in the house
hopefully and you also have a space
where it's not much responsibility but
if you take all the the Navy and the
skills like you take that away then and
you just push out to the Future well
then you get a wife or you get a husband
and you've got maybe kids and get a job
and that hardship comes and you shut
down so I think in doing what we're
doing right now removing these aspects
we're just pushing into the future and
that's what you're seeing right now in
say San Francisco areas it's a lot of
people who in my opinion they just
couldn't do something hard and that hard
thing could have been can you help me
hard thing could have been I'm gonna go
to rehab right I also could have been
the hard thing is keep the job or show
up on time or whatever the skills that
they needed to do they couldn't learn or
develop and sell this I'm just going to
back out of this but at the end of the
day it's it's going to be their own
version relatively of hard that they
couldn't do and so like I do put that in
a space of like their development I
don't know who it was or where it came
into play it can't be 100 obviously
there's going to be some statistic of
people like really had some crazy things
happen but when I look at it I go
there's probably some space I can
trickle back and go someone let them
squirt out of the hardship that's the
one thing my wife and I go back and
forth on and she'll talk about it and
it's not like I'm saying anything
negative she has a huge heart she's
their mom I get it dynamically the mom
has that but I explained to her I said
she says you're being mean to the kids I
go I'm not being mean I'm just that
their feelings are hurt but you have to
realize that that I'm I'm not trying to
make them feel bad I'm trying to have
them go through a jury to get better I
say do you respect me as a man well yeah
I said well would you like your boys to
be like me yeah well as the man that you
respect I'm noticing that they are not
in line with what I would think how I
would function how I would operate so
I'm just giving them feedback to get
them closer to the man that you respect
whoa if she didn't like that wow really
well she did not in the beginning but
it's interesting but then she got it so
she's been way better letting me do what
I do and kind of like letting me you
know she'll kind of step out of the role
a little bit I did ask the question too
I said take a look at your son we love
art we love him obviously I said based
on how he operates when things get hard
of the things he does you know
competition will kind of pull back and
said would you date him
says no and I go so you got to let me do
what I'm doing damn
dude this is so powerful so
I had Pedro's cooling on the show
recently and he said I don't know if
it's his quote or somebody else's but he
said a woman's job is to turn an infant
into a boy and a man's job is to turn a
boy into a man and that's why for ever
we had Coming of Age rituals which by
the way I did not have anything
resembling that as a kid despite having
to work and stuff but I didn't have
anything that was like you now a man or
even what a man was uh so when I I read
a book called The Power of myth by
Joseph Campbell and he talked about how
he thought that a lot of problems in
society were related to they're no
longer being these coming-of-age rituals
and
I read that before I met Lisa and so
when I met Lisa and decided I was going
to propose I was like as a part of
getting married because I want to be a
different man the day before I get
married and the day after and I want to
remind myself that this is forever and
so I want to go through a ritualistic
scarification to remind myself this is
forever this is permanent and I really
think that mentality and thinking about
putting a Line in the Sand and saying
you know it wasn't necessarily moving
into manhood because I was already at
that point 26 but it was recognizing I
needed a threshold to cross and that I
wish I had had a threshold to cross yeah
now what I love about most of the
coming-of-age rituals of old look
something like this the boy would stay
with the mother until you know they hit
whatever 13 whatever the normal age is
and then the men would come in and and
ritualistically pull him away from the
mother and say a he's no longer in that
Arena he's now a part of the men and
then they would go and do something
legitimately painful dangerous whatever
and if anybody wants to read about one
of these and I've talked about it so
many times my audience be tired of
hearing it but long walk to Freedom by
Nelson Mandela he recants his public
uh no anesthetic uh circumcision at 14
and I just it blew my mind yeah and it
doesn't surprise me that somebody who
went through a very
um
like regimented coming-of-age ritual
ended up being [ __ ] the person that I
may admire most in recent memory I mean
the guy is just we've seen the the first
five minutes of 300 yeah of course dude
that that is you were talking about
literally is it that's the agogi that
remind me so the first five minutes it's
the guy he got the whole raspy voice and
he says it was a cold night I mean this
whole thing but what he talks about he
goes through is that exact moment
there's a visual of that at like maybe
three minutes where it shows you know
the boy was taught never to give in
never to surrender and he's talking
about how at a certain age he was ripped
from his mom and they call it the Gogi
which means to raise right and so they
would take them and cast them out of the
woods and it was only him and a knife
and this wolf and he wasn't fear that
gripped him just a heightened sense of
things right but it was after just they
taught him to you know cheat and kill at
some point in time but they were
literally a visual ripping him from his
mom she's crying but he goes out and he
returns a King Leonidas right and that's
exactly what you're talking about so he
wants to see that like that's a great
visual it's the very first opening
scenes and they walked through that and
so it's funny you say that because I
actually had like a group of six guys we
sat down and said hey from age 13 to 18.
if we can go back in time what do we
wish we would have taught our kids and
we have a list we've all thrown out and
I'm tasked with organizing it now of not
just a weekend but like what is an exact
like five year Journey look like what
what is not being taught to these kids
are shown to these kids that they need
to be kind of thrust into and part of it
is going to be ripping from Mom like Hey
we're gone for the weekend don't call
we're gonna survive but like we're gonna
test this boy and I need you to have
that because at that point in time
you'll be able to which big for me I
want to sleep well when my kids are gone
yeah yeah I want to be able to put my
head down and go they're out there
they're good and the only way I get to
that level is if I've done the things
before they leave right
damn well I can't wait to see your five
year plan yeah interesting we've got two
things so far we've got structure
identity what's the third one I call it
dark work man Dark Work dark work you
have me at hello with this yeah dude
it's just it was one of these things
that came out of random conversation so
when I was 15 we just talked about I was
you know a guy doing work whatever it
was but there was this this window of
time where I pulled back and I I was not
doing anything for anybody else with me
it was it was for me to create my own
sense of self so I lift the weights ran
the route all these kind of things and
when I got to the football field seven
months later there was a different
seated mentality and what it was is I've
done too much work in the dark for you
to take what's mine and the light
and and I know I've read up on you I
know how you work and so like there's
things that we do in the background that
nobody will ever know oh yeah oh yeah
and I'm not going to tell anybody but
dude that sees me so when I'm in the
shine like I'm like you ain't taking
anything from me like so when I was 15
it was my football my tackle my play I'm
winning you don't get to beat me if you
beat me let's go back to work next play
it was a mentality that allowed me to go
and take what I believed I deserved and
I see a lot of individuals nowadays they
want to you know stay motivated and get
to that point and I go well if you've
paid the price if you've already
invested and did these deposits you're
going to get your return when you decide
like ah it's too hard today I don't want
to do this today I'm not motivated or I
can't stay on task it tells me you have
not enough dark work or if you have the
sense of what I call imposter syndrome
we all call imposter syndrome because
I've never known an athlete in the off
season that lifted the weights ran the
Ross did the Playbook killed it at
practice that on game day goes I don't
know if I want to go out there they go
no let me loose like it's a whole
different mentality and so for me I look
at all these different things that is a
skill of being able to to go dark
stop and stop doing everything in the
realm of like hey everybody watch me and
see what I do because what I think
they'll call my definition at current of
dark work is hard work done in private
fueled by some kind of ambition that
develops a skill and the brazenness to
deploy that skill when needed and a lot
of people are wanting to go out and be
the people and be the shine but they
haven't done the dark work to shine
bright
and so they're struggling with this but
I've done this thing like but you
haven't done enough and if you have
those little lacking areas of confidence
or maybe a skill sets diminished you got
to go back and work on those things in
the dark and you can't do it with a
tripod next to you Linens is something
on our brain called the mirror neuron
system I'm sure you know about this
right they did some studies that if you
put you in a room and nothing in the
room you can be focused and dialed and
get a lot of work done if you put
another person or a Cameron room which
will be a person later your brain goes
to how is that person going to see me
what's going on right because now I'm in
the light a little bit and I actually
can't be as dialed in its focused and
develop the skill as well and so what a
lot of people are doing is is they're
trying to shine in the light without
having done that dark work and when you
do that properly it's a whole different
approach to the world there's this
chomping at the bit to get out there to
do more this it's like this this grit
that's inside you to shine and then tell
people can lean back into that it's
really going to be hard to accomplish
things and so it's this idea that is
more than idea like I've trademarked
there's a whole lot of fun stuff coming
out but I realize like that's the root
of the identity work too
because you are what you consistently do
and so when I want to become that person
later I have to think about what are the
things I'm going to have to sacrifice
and lean into what hard work do I have
to do for when it comes time to show up
in the world I'm gonna get what's mine
no matter what that is if it's the the
job if it's going to be the girl that's
going to be whatever I won't stop
because I've already paid the price I'm
just waiting to collect my dues what is
up my friend Tom bilyu here and I have a
big question to ask you how would you
rate your level of personal discipline
on a scale of one to ten if your answer
is anything less than a ten I've got
something cool for you and let me tell
you right now discipline by its very
nature means compelling yourself to do
difficult things that are stressful
boring which is what kills most people
or possibly scary or even painful now
here is the thing achieving huge goals
and stretching to reach your potential
requires you to do those challenging
stressful things and to stick with them
even when it gets boring and it will get
boring building your levels of personal
discipline is not easy but let me tell
you it pays off in fact I will tell you
you're never going to achieve anything
meaningful unless you develop discipline
all right I've just released a class
from Impact Theory university called how
to build Ironclad discipline that
teaches you the process of building
yourself up in this area so that you can
push yourself to do the hard things that
greatness is going to require of you
right click the link on the screen
register for this class right now and
let's get to work I will see you inside
this Workshop from Impact Theory
University until then my friends be
legendary peace out
yeah dude that is incredibly powerful
the idea of
the thought of being on social media as
I was trying to learn business is
terrifying because it would have been
such a different Journey yeah and before
I stepped in front of the camera I had
been I mean I was what mid to late 30s
by the time I stepped in front of the
camera and so I had 15 years in business
in the dark never thinking oh one day
I'm gonna teach a class on this or one
day I'm gonna never you know I have
millions of followers because it was
just like I need to get good at building
businesses that's it and now people are
getting a skill set so that they can
step in front of the camera or their
skill set is having stepped in front of
the camera yeah now look there's a lot
of cool things because we're never
putting that Genie back in the bottom
obviously yeah and so people are going
to have to find a way to if you're going
to you know be the oh God what's his
name Tommy in it I don't know if you
know who that is but he is a massive guy
on social media on he plays video game
games okay I think he's YouTube
um and
I mean he's been famous since he was
like 17. really and so for him but but
in the way that kids get famous now so
different we could do a whole podcast on
that but uh there is no in the dark
right it's all out there in the open and
I will be very curious to see what that
looks like as people grow because there
will be so much of the
I'm doing this what are people going to
think instead of just like grinding it
out because I want to get good at this
thing and I don't care how ugly or
awkward I look right now I'm just going
to keep going keep going keep going and
there's also there is a
as I have experienced it anyway and I
can only speak as one man but as I have
experienced it in those dark moments
where the voices are echoing your in
your head of the people who are rooting
against you not rooting for you and
you're stealing on that and you're like
I'm not going to let these people win
they're it in in the way that like the
inner city destroys most of the people
that it touches going inside your own
mind breaks most people they they need
the psychological immune system to make
it somebody else's fault it's not them
there's nothing they can do woe is me
but for those of us that that went like
[ __ ] you like I'm not gonna let you win
and the only way my favorite this is one
of my all-time favorite quotes uh
certainly my favorite Kobe Bryant quote
booze don't block dunks so Boo as in boo
on you people always think I'm saying
b-o-o-z-e not drinking I guess so yeah
like rooting against you does not block
dunks yeah and you can get so good that
people no matter how hard they try they
cannot stop you from succeeding yeah and
when you said dark work I imagine
someone putting their hoodie up they're
alone in the gym [ __ ] going hard
there's no one to celebrate them but
there's plenty of voices telling them
they're not going to make it stuck
inside their head but they understand
that they can win against those voices
but it is man it builds like dark energy
energy you think about like you know the
Kobe Bryant some Michael Jordan's that
we know like they fed off some different
Dark Energy there's nothing wrong with
that because you can do that it's
powerful it is it's like it's for me
that's what shows up in the middle of
the workout in in the middle of me
fighting for something like I don't go
like joyous butterflies like it's like I
dig in and you need to go to that place
but if you haven't filled that up it's
hard to pull from the tank and I love
what you said the word experience
because you're a brain guy right you
know about you know brains
neuroplasticity and it's interesting is
if you think about what wired us was
experience something happened that that
taught us something the brain saw this
whatever it wired a certain way and so
when I think about dark work it's not
just like this I tuck away and never
show the world it's I craft a specific
experience for myself because I have to
experience something to rewire it and so
if I can do that in a way that's that's
structured that is architected properly
and then I can lean in and I stay
disciplined not just to the achievement
but to the outcome of a transformation
or rewiring or connection of who I'll be
in the future yeah it is a hood down hit
the weights because now my body gets
bigger and the outcome isn't just
muscles like we talked about it's a
different sense of self so all these
things are root in the same thread of
like people got to be able to go and
just do that dark work and if you do
your life changes sudden that you can't
see like you could not see this when you
started you know like you're in your ear
you know room with you know these things
making bars and cutting them like this
wasn't a reality then not even a visual
but there was some part of that dark
energy that got built from the dark work
that just won't stop now
that and
if there's a gift that I could give
people it would be to know what it feels
like to be hard
and Goggins I think embodies this more
than anybody and look I'm not hard like
Goggins
tape recently dude it's just such a
[ __ ] beast yeah but when you when you
have that gear inside of you yeah it is
more intoxicating than just about
anything you can feel now look I'm I
have struggled with anxiety which is a
form of fear my entire life so I am not
somebody who is just full of courage and
oh this is all easy yeah I am somebody
who has to fight through that every
[ __ ] day but I'm telling you right
now those moments where you click over
into no matter what you will not stop me
not that I won't hurt that I Won't Give
Up and the dopest thing on planet
[ __ ] Earth Anthony trucks is that
I've proven to myself that I Won't Give
Up yeah not that I won't fail not that I
won't embarrass myself but I have not
stopped in 46 years no matter how bad no
matter how hard no matter how
embarrassing I've kept going yeah and
knowing that about yourself is so
awesome yeah and so I want to give that
gift to people where you can internalize
that chin down [ __ ] Furrow on your
brow teeth gritted like I will make it
through this
that gift is worth all the suffering in
the world and you will have to suffer to
get there because you will have to hold
yourself accountable you will have to do
what goggin says the accountability
mirror you're standing there naked
before yourself in who you are what you
have tolerated yeah because you are what
you tolerate in yourself but God damn
like it's available to everybody every
single person and the thing is this
leans back the identity thing because
once you do that work it's who you are
yes and the same thing with people that
want alignment I want to stay in this
alignment I want to I can't I can't be
wrong it also applies in a positive way
right so now it leans in and goes this
is who I am to do this I'm not going to
let the last 50 years of me down 20
years of me down 10 years of me down I'm
going to get this done so part of it
comes from this desire to not thought of
alignment with who you've already been
or who you've built yourself to be to
this point and so yeah that that chin
down I'd get that dude like you're
speaking through my world internally
yeah because I mean that's I I had to
balance a marriage that remarried a Max
wife as you know I have three kids I
have a business I run with multiple team
members and I I'm doing them all over
the place and I never get to this point
where I go it's just too much I go like
what'll it look like when I could
normalize this and do more like and
that's that teeth then let's lean into
this part of the life as opposed to lean
out and go oh it's too much I gotta let
me take a break like I don't need a
break I need to figure out how to manage
this so I can actually do more than this
so I can see what more is out there for
my life and that has been built off of
that's what previous Anthony did and I
don't want to let that guy down so I
just keep leaning in how do you
acclimate to making things harder and
harder for yourself
I think part of it's uh accepting the
fact that I'm not supposed to be right
in the beginning of it because at first
you'll do it and you're like I'm sucking
at this it doesn't mean you suck that's
all growth mindset Carol DeWitt right I
go no okay I'm not doing phenomenal at
this what can I do better it does
sometimes take mentorship I'll reach out
to people hey I got this going on what
would I do here what would you do when
you get some perspectives but then the
biggest thing is when I try to add
something in I've got to be able to add
that thing in and shut everything else
out that would diminish that or
someone's removed some things that have
been part of my life right so I think we
all have like this overall capacity and
I think when it's full we go we have to
keep that in like don't have to keep
that in I just have had that around but
I want this now this is the lowest
common denominator and the whole prop
let's just get rid of this don't stop
doing something I'll get rid of
something that at one point I'd love to
do but I'm not so dialed into that being
my current identity anymore that I'm
like okay I can let that go it doesn't
diminish Anthony because this is going
to be added in there's a little bit of
piece of it too and I think for me man
it's just a when I look at the ways that
I can like we'll kind of formulate and
bringing stuff in I'm heavy on structure
like my life is is 280 like a regiment
football did a great job of putting this
into me like my life was structured for
years and then I left the game and I had
no idea how to do things most of us
athletes that's the biggest problem
we're in this thing from youth to
college to the pros someone's riding our
entire life out for years and all of a
sudden they go you're done go figure out
on your own knowing how to do it so like
I know what it's like if everything fall
apart because I had no structure when I
put it back in I'm a monster because I
can look at something and go does it fit
does it not fit if it has to fit where
and I could actually modularly like move
my life around and then hit it hard and
here's the interesting thing I'm no
longer to space when I'm at that level
of thinking about what I should be
thinking about it's like if you walk
into the gym right now I want to get a
workout in the worst thing you can do is
have no workout plan walk in there and
go what do I do you'll have stress at
the fact of like there's all these
machines I can do so many things what do
I do as opposed like someone gives you
work out and goes okay cool because now
you can do what we do best as humans
getting the momentum and work the brain
can almost kick off at some points you
just do the work so for me I spend ample
time like somebody four or five hours a
week of just thinking about certain
Windows of time or like the week ahead
or what am I going to do at that time so
when that window shows up I go into flow
I can do the best parts of me which I do
the work feel good to do the work settle
on the couch hang out with the family
like it's a whole different flow but if
I was trying to add things without
having a structure I'd break what I have
it would all just fall downhill
[Music]
talk to me about your marriage it's very
unusual very unusually like you guys are
thriving in a way that is already rare
but what you've been through to get here
is wildly transformational
how did you pull it off walk us through
just like a brief thumbnail what was the
story and then yeah tell me how you
pulled it off yeah so we're High School
sweethearts right so you know 60 years
old we got together uh I think we like
you know we weren't actually it's funny
I never asked her to go out with me just
kind of like happened we were just
together now and then I remember like it
my senior year I was you know homecoming
King she was you know a senior athlete a
year and then uh something happened we
we just were cutest couple in the
yearbook actually too to this day still
in the yearbook right so we go to we go
to college and she goes to UC Davis and
I go to University of Oregon with a long
distance thing it's not working very
well and So eventually she's like well
you're the number two School in the
country for what she wants to do family
Human Services she's like I'll just go
up there family says all right go up
there just don't get pregnant take care
of school all that kind of stuff it's
like eight months in we got a baby
coming right and so we have this this
navigation of like we're kids with a kid
now like that's the weird dynamic I meet
my real dad I found out who he is that
she was a big part of me finding his
name out meeting him for the first time
and so this whole dynamic was just a
rush of Life happening quick at the same
time like I got a sick mom who's at home
so like it's not a huge like everybody's
focused on her so I'm at College kind of
by myself she had her parents get
divorced right before she had her senior
year so we kind of like latched on tight
go to college I have a kid and then we
go through college life's great you know
get this kid we're raising him I go to
the NFL everything's good raising him we
then go home we're at 24 25 years old
all hell breaks loose because I had a
weird like complete unselling of my
identity massive shift because a
football game ended so now Michael who
is Anthony without the football so I
neglected everything we had two more
kids 2009 and so she's at home every day
as I'm at the gym trying to build my
name again from 6 a.m to 10 p.m at night
I'm gone so she's at home just trying to
figure it all out and in doing so she
also had never been taught how to
communicate no one ever showed her how
when things are hard to say certain
things so she ventured off and Shannon
Fair broke my soul in that window of
time dude like I was like I don't want
to live this is what life is like after
like I don't want to be here anymore
like craziness ensued and so we went on
this whole journey of like three years
of hating each other's guts like a lot
of police calls on different situations
like some nutso stuff there's things
I'll tell you after that took place I
don't think it's it's right for here
um but it was very interesting Dynamic
and so fast forward three years I've
gone through the gamut of I'd made some
money so I'm traveling around doing the
whole like you know Playboy thing I'm
feeling great about myself you guys are
broken up at this point oh wait we're
divorced legally divorced and everything
then she has the kids you know we have
this back and forth every four weeks
every every week and we have four day
weekends every other one and so it just
was a dynamic of pulling apart and then
I I woke up after my mom had passed away
I was like I don't like me man like
generally didn't like me anymore I was
like I wouldn't want my daughter to be
with a guy like me my boys I would never
want to emulate me my mom wouldn't
approve my God ain't let me into heaven
like this so I had this weird like I
gotta adjust some things and it was the
first time I really went internal with
that guy like you talked about in the
past it happened accidentally football
forced you to kind of do a certain thing
and business forced to do a certain
thing but for me at that time like I had
no way like I had blue collar Town
everybody around works with a power
company the BART station you know so for
me like I got nobody to talk to I got to
navigate this stuff on my own and so I
cut everybody off I sat in a brown couch
shared a wall and just asked a bunch of
questions I didn't want answers to and
it went it was deep man I ended up
having conversations with people that
like never thought I would I had a
conversation with a guy that she had to
fare with like oh wow some very
interesting thing and squared it away
like there's a lot of things I navigated
it's funny after our last interview is
people in the comments are like I I left
after he set out he got back with his
ex-wife but but I get why they would
don't do that like I'm telling people
don't because it's part of this it's
huge for humans as a guy was an alpha
male and a Fel linebacker no one can see
me Sweat Right
and so when it all transpired I was
doing my personal growth I realized at
the same time like I was imperfect and I
was part of the reason it took place
while her decision sucked it took two
people to get to a point of her even
thinking she had to make a choice in the
first place so I had to take my part of
that which sucked to take it as a guy
like the alpha I had to take that and
eat it and go damn it sucks and I get
why she felt the need I almost felt bad
because I left this woman stranded I
made a vow to her to be there to support
her and I was gone all day and left her
with a four-year-old and newborn twins
like I'm surprised she hung on as long
as she did to be quite honest but here's
the interesting thing is for a lot of
years she wouldn't actually like admit
fault she wouldn't say she was sorry and
I wouldn't actually admit fault so it
was this weird dynamic and then
separately but simultaneously we were
both working on each other at the same
time she had her brother gave her this
Joyce Meyers book and I know no one
knows where he got it from he's just the
kind of guy like that stuff that kind of
book he would have let's put it that way
and she said she woke up one day and and
I had at this point been doing work on
me and I was she'd fired back with mess
you know in your ex you go back and
forth you can hit those text message
buttons and hit the heart and they get
all and so we were doing that and
eventually I was like I don't want to
get engaged with this anymore I would
just say okay
and she'd go back and I okay and
eventually she felt me pulling apart she
woke up one day she said on a Sunday no
kids no me no friends just the book
picks the book up starts reading it
again this is just separate I'm doing my
thing it's to a point of summertime she
goes hey I want to get the kids out of
here because this our little small town
is not that great I want to go somewhere
to get away from this craziness for a
few weeks can you come not to be
together just to be there because I
can't wait for the kids that long I love
my kids like let's do it so we we did we
took off and with the Costa Rica of all
places and we just we had the longest
in-depth talks about the entire
situation that we'd ever had and I
explained it as I got to meet someone I
for the first time that I'd known for 18
years different heart different soul
different perspective not perfect
neither am I we we're still married cup
we bicker and do weird stuff right but
her soul was different and so I actually
was talking to someone at the time so I
was going back home after this
three-week window to go on a date the
day before the date she comes up and
goes hey uh I I don't know how to say
this but I want to try this again wow I
go man she ruined my date let's put it
that way ruined the date and I tell her
I say well when you eat all your stuff
you gotta realize I had a bunch of
people that were all there supporting me
I can't just take you back and have them
be like what are you doing Aunt right
and so I said you have to talk to some
people in my life to kind of get their
blessing we'll call it and so we have a
friend Brennan burchard so me and
Brennan did some work together I flew up
to his his area in Portland and lived up
in Portland and we did this whole
filming and I came back two days later I
started getting calls from friends that
like dude I had a great talk with her
like what do you mean like she didn't
tell me anything they go well when when
the last couple days like she reached
out and like set up a time to come to
come meet and talk with me she talked
with some of my best friends in the
world one of my friends is like dude I
laid into her and she took it like a
woman wow he's like but I give you my
blessing and so yeah it was interesting
and so
that was the beginning I was like all
right let's try and so we kind of slowly
kind of built this thing back to what it
is now we have an amazing marriage man
we you know we have for everybody
communication stuff we're growing
through we saw back and forth however
there's never discussions about the
things that took place in that window we
did that in Costa Rica like we we had
these these interesting we were tested
early too because we led to Costa Rica
like we love it here we came back got to
get let's go back and move to Costa Rica
go move to Costa Rica 10 days into a
six-month living there someone tries to
kidnap our kids from the private schools
so we have all this Dynamics going on
and craziness I have these you know some
some people that were close to me
putting horrible things in her ear
because of the the disdain he had for
how me and him had a falling out we'll
call it so all these things were like
testing it but I look and go we would
have never made it if we were the same
people before
and so the fact that we were able to
navigate that to what it is now I'm also
a man of faith I believe God was a
humongous piece of all of it
it's given us the ability to have now a
creepy strong relationship and so I
support all she does she's doing college
track right now
we were in college has a master's degree
she has a two million dollar a year
business she runs does some amazing
things in life and she's like you know I
want to do track and like we found out
that because her athletic clock never
started she can run college track what
so at 38 years old she was like second
and third in the state in four events
this last year and she's still going
like what a beast she gets down that's
part of why the gym is where it's at we
need to have a place to train because
the whole pandemic thing but like we
have an interesting Dynamic but she gets
my crazy like I'm here with you how many
people like their husbands disappear to
go down to visit a guy and sit in his
house and talk to him you know like but
she gets what I do and I fully support
what she does here's the crazy thing
he's even more crazy she technically
because of her times could run college
track at division one UCLA recruited her
a little bit so there's a chance she can
run track with our son in Oregon that
would be surreal wouldn't it she won't
do it though she's like I won't do that
I'm like that ah if I can get her to do
it one day but yeah so the relationship
is built upon this these key principles
I do what I do and it makes me happy
she does what she does and it makes her
happy and we come together happy she
doesn't actually 100 get what I do and I
got a clue what she does right but it's
this thing we navigate understood that
like some of the biggest issues where we
just didn't we wanted the other person
to make us happy when we were kids she
wanted me to make her happy I want her
to make me happy and I never was
thinking about what if I'm happy and
help you get happy for yourself and come
together happy so then we have this
amazing like peaceful supportive loving
marriage and we could also communicate
way better than we used to what made you
want to try it again like when she said
yeah I think I want to try this again
why were you like aha oh I was yeah
right at first I was like now you're
tripping like there's no way like my
brain and my soul is like I can't do
that again and then I think part of it
ties to my ability as a human to
navigate hardship so I was like Can I
Endure that again and and I I ask myself
deeply like can you and I was like I I
last time was happened I almost want to
take my life uh and I looked at it this
time I go well I navigated that so I can
endure it if it does go wrong because
that's the first piece of it second
piece was I married someone and made a
vow that for life right and at that
moment I thought that person was there
and then I asked a question
if this person's here now and I pass up
on them will I regret this for the rest
of my life and that was the one I was
like yes I would regret it for the rest
of my life if this she really was that
human she was saying she wasn't I got to
know for three weeks in Costa Rica and I
let that walk away the mother of my kids
like could I create this environment
that would be great for my kids but also
great for us because it wasn't about the
kids it had nothing to do with them
right it's generally about us and the
Rihanna was yeah so I'm glad I I would
step back and ask those questions
because she was there it would have
sucked for me to go the rest of my life
and watch her raising my kids with a
different man being an amazing woman so
for me I was like no I want that to be
my wife
it's incredible man where can people
follow you oh man Instagram's the best
place at Anthony trucks yeah there it is
boys and girls if you haven't already be
sure to subscribe and until next time my
friends be legendary take care peace
my whole thing is about I had to develop
a mindset a mindset that was
indestructible I had to armor plate my
mind
and it's about what you're saying to
yourself but it also comes at work so
whenever I was getting beat down
physically mentally spiritually whatever
I was going through just saying you know