Kind: captions
Language: en
your income your impact your
relationship with creativity it all
comes down to your relationship with
yourself
i used to have a fear of not succeeding
but my fear now is succeeding at the
wrong things
the more i allow you to influence me
the more open your mind gets for me to
influence you
try things hard things fail practice get
stronger then over time you can do
things other people can't do
we're leading people into the unknown
we're leading them into whether it's
business danger or emotional danger and
at the end of the day sometimes people
are going to get hurt they're going to
fail whatever they have to be resilient
they have to learn
but if you're willing to do that if
you're willing to be the human
equivalent of a battle axe and get in
there try things hard things fail
practice get stronger
learn grow
then over time despite the scars
you are more capable
capable
capable you can do things other people
can't do
i'm obsessed with that idea i want to be
able to do things other people cannot do
now when you can do things that other
people cannot do
now you've got a real shot at
whatever it is that you're trying to do
i want to i want my name to echo through
the annals of history no i don't need
other people to want that
but i want that
and i know
for me to actually pull that off which
by the way my identity is not tied up in
that my self-esteem is not tied up in
that i could die completely unknown what
i value myself for is the pursuit but i
sincerely pursue that and to sincerely
pursue that i have to become capable of
things other people are not capable of i
have to be so good that i cannot be
denied that's my obsession i love that
[ __ ] i want that for you guys to both
be willing to play at that level every
day and yet not judge yourself if you're
not there yet that you only judge
yourself by the sincere pursuit of
something that you show up every day
playing to win trying to be the best in
the world at something that you care
about
being unafraid to lead to be out front
to fail people sometimes to own it to
say hey
i failed you
and this is why and this is what i'm
gonna do next time to get a different
result
and you will be shocked
at how people will follow you
more
when you just own it
when you tell them what your plan is to
get better and they see you on the front
lines improving
people will fall in line i [ __ ] up all
the time
but on balance people see the rate at
which i improve
they see that i have a goal and i'm a
servant to that goal
and then i build skills based on what
will take me to that goal
and because i win on balance more than i
lose
people still follow
so how do i find my passion my simple
model which
is the dharma model it also dharma means
eternal duty in the vedic tradition it's
very similar to what ikigai is being
spoken about today which is a japanese
version of reason for being why do we
live where is meaning coming from and it
talks about an intersect of four areas
what am i good at what do i love
what does the world need and how do i
get paid for it to me those four help
you unlock your passion when you find
the intersect across all of those four
you're making your passion your purpose
you'll unlock your passion you'll find
your purpose this is path one there's
two paths path one i find my skill set
and i engage it to help other people and
become better at it so i'm becoming
better at what i'm good at and i'm using
it to help other people because i'm
aware of what i'm quite good at and i
know what what knowledge i have what
skills i have i have some self-awareness
the other path that people often miss is
actually i just start serving people i
just start helping people and i start to
notice what i enjoy about that and what
i'm good at helping people with so
that's gandhi's part gandhi said that
you find yourself when you lose yourself
in the service of others so for me those
are the two paths of how do i find my
passion and finding the intersect
between those four areas
when i break down leadership into skills
i think obviously decision making skills
are critical we started talking about
those already um and i think
decision-making skills have to do with
being willing to hear dissenting views
right being willing to confront
perspectives that maybe bruise your ego
a little bit
in order to learn and then in order to
gather better information and make
better choices can you give people an
example because this may be the most the
thing that i've taken most deeply away
from your work is this because this dude
of all the powerful things that you have
already said and will say in the rest of
this time this how to
improve yourself
to me is is at the the foundation of the
human experience so
why have you become so
dogged in your pursuit of
critical feedback
i mean from my perspective it's the only
way you get better if if people just
praise you over and over again you're
only going to repeat the excellence
you've already achieved
and you hit a plateau and then you're
you're done like great how exciting is
it to just say okay i i peaked already
i'm gonna just try to maintain that
level uh what i want to do is i want to
keep getting better
and i think to me it's it's so much
better to be on an upward trajectory uh
than it is to you know to flatline at
some level uh or to stagnate and so
i i think that that requires short-term
sacrifices and it's a little bit like
the you know the professional version of
what you just you described you know in
a personal relationship which is if i
want to if i want to achieve whatever
potential i'm capable of um i have to be
willing to hurt myself
in the moment in order to you know to be
a little bit stronger tomorrow i mean
it's a lot like weight training right
you you know you have to tear a muscle
in order to build it into you know into
a stronger muscle and so
i feel like we should think about our
skills and our capabilities the same way
that we do
you know our bodies in that sense so
i guess this is something i learned
first as an athlete not a real athlete
mind you just a springboard diver but
i've seen footage of your springboard
diving it's pretty impressive uh it
would be a lot more impressive if i was
a little bit more talented and a little
bit less
less stubborn but
one of the things that i learned as a
diver right away was i couldn't see
myself in the air right and so what i
would feel when i was flipping or
twisting or even when i was entering the
water was completely different in many
cases from what the judges would see and
so you know very early on i became
extremely dependent on my coach and then
also on video to really try to process
the the disconnect between what i
thought i was doing and what was coming
across
and that as i moved into you know into
work life that became sort of a metaphor
for what we all deal with um you know i
think we definitely have we all have
bright spots right which are strengths
we can't see but we have also lots of
blind spots which are weaknesses that we
don't have have access to and so what i
wanted was the clearest possible rear
view mirror to say if i can't see in
that then you know i can't really figure
out what i need to learn and what i need
to get better at so
um i started doing this in the classroom
where you know just have students fill
out feedback forms uh first when i gave
guest lectures then when i started
teaching classes i just said tell me
everything you want me to do more of and
everything you want me to change
and then i would just share all the
feedback with them verbatim which was my
own version of radical transparency i
guess and then we can have a thoughtful
conversation about how i can fix those
problems and improve upon those you know
those areas of weakness and that became
a conversation that really turned the
students i was teaching into my coaches
which was immensely helpful and made me
much less awful at public speaking than
i was when i started
the word accountability comes to mind
and i'm really on this journey right now
discovering what true accountability is
and that it's first of all it's it's
steeped in in ancient scripture and this
idea of real relationship
i don't know if there is such a thing
apart from accountability my i am prone
to because love love love is like my
mantra because of what i believe and i'm
passionate about adding love and care
and concern and value to people that way
that sometimes i cannot keep people
accountable and so like i read the
advantage by lincione and he talked
about
one of the last cowardice act of a
leader is firing someone sometimes that
you were never willing to keep
accountable
and um kind of in my line of work so to
speak we just kind of love hug and hey
if you don't come to work today if you
don't deliver if you don't produce if
you don't if you aren't good at your job
it's okay god loves you i love you and
that's sloppy it's not authentic it's
not genuine and so what i have learned
from russell qb1 or coach is that
keeping each other accountable actually
breeds intimacy
it breeds camaraderie and it's a
beautiful thing so i guess the only
answer i could give right now is i'm
really leaning into what does
accountability look like i don't think
i'm good at it and i want to be good at
it i love to love people but part of
loving people is saying hey you need to
follow through and i think that's where
you know coach will love all the players
but oh my god i mean if they don't
deliver if they don't make the catch if
they don't run the route if they don't
make the block he's the first guy in
their face to say you are letting as he
says the team down and the family down
pull your weight and i think there's a
beauty to that that actually breeds
security because you're like you know
dad or the coach is going to tell me the
truth if i need to shore some things up
i do think about like the question that
i ask myself and it's come up a lot more
to me you know and i haven't figured out
why but i asked myself you know like
what really matters
and there's a quote by bob goff and i'm
probably not gonna get this right but he
said basically like
his biggest fear was
like being successful at the wrong
things
and the quote is like way more beautiful
than that but i'm paraphrasing it's like
i used to have a fear of not succeeding
but my fear now is succeeding at the
wrong things
and i think about that a lot like what's
really going to matter at the end of my
life and i literally prioritize my life
around that i heard you say something
once you want to talk about i'm going to
butcher one of your just insanely
eloquent beautiful quotes but you said
uh you're not a success
unless you're a success to your family
yeah and i thought that was really
interesting something because i don't
have kids i don't spend a lot of time
about but i do think a lot about what my
wife thinks of me like that's a far more
powerful motivator to me and then you
talked about how
basically how do you feel about yourself
and if you don't feel good about
yourself then you've got some
fundamental flaw that you need to
address how do you help people begin to
take stock of where they're at with
themselves
reality
so i have a rehab process and the first
r is reality it's facing reality too
many people run from it you know my
quota is you'll never win your war by
running from your battles and so you got
to step up and you got to face it i
don't care what it is it might be
something in your past it might suck to
face it for me it was facing that my
dream was over my identity so for
somebody watching this it might be a
relationship it might be a job but i
kept running and the thing about it like
you can run all you want but reality is
going to be right there when you stop
and it's going to chase you or even if
it doesn't chase you're going to be
right there you have to face it so
i really let people know that
acknowledgement is power people think if
i acknowledge that i'm hurt or i need
help
i need help is the most powerful thing
that you can say
and i realize that in my life because
immediately you have people that are
going to help you and grow your life
exposing yourself like in a positive way
obviously but expose yourself we think
that we always have to be so sheltered
that we have to be so strong especially
with the social media world it's like oh
i have to have everything together
that's like a silent depression that's
gonna happen when you suppress things
like that when you smile for the camera
but die behind the scenes which i did so
well for so long in my life you're never
gonna fool the person that you see in
the mirror every single day so i'm got
really comfortable with saying
i suck at this i need help and literally
in my business life and my personal life
in the last year it's been the greatest
year of my life just by asking for help
and exposing my weaknesses in certain
areas
when i look back at my career in the
navy and the seal teams
just about every single thing that i
ever did
was through relationships so the amount
of times that i looked at one of my
subordinates
and said no you will do what i'm saying
because i'm in charge
i don't think i actually honestly ever
said that one single time
i think it was always hey
this is what we got to get done how do
you think we should do it do you think
this is smart
and it was all based on relationships
and up the chain of command too there
was never a time that one of my bosses
said
hey jocko shut up and you do what i told
you to do there was never a time that
one of my bosses said that to me there
was you know if i had a question if i
pushed back they gave me legitimate
answers if they didn't have good answers
then they would modulate or change what
it is that they were telling me to do so
this idea of
having relationships up and down the
chain of command and and
there's a word that people bring up a
lot
and i think they're pretty
interchangeable and it's relationships
and trust right it's relate trust
is built on relationships relationships
are built on trust if you don't trust me
we don't really have a relationship
the more deeply you trust me the better
relationship we have so how do i build
trust with you so if you're above me in
the chain of command
well this and this is one of those uh
answers that's so obvious it's it's
crazy but people actually fail to do
this which is
if
if you ask me to do something as my boss
i do it and i do it well and i do it
consistently and i go above and beyond
what you ask and if you want me to
deliver this project by this date i
deliver it earlier and i deliver it to
the best of my ability above and beyond
what you expected
and you say oh wow when i asked jonko to
do something
he actually does it and that's where it
starts it starts with that right there
with me performing me offering advice me
me taking what you asked me to do and
doing it that's the number one thing
if we flip those roles
and now i'm in charge of you how do i
build trust with you well what i do is i
give you
a project
and instead of me giving you a project
and then saying hey here's how i want
you to do this and here's how i want you
to the next part instead i say hey
here's a project
let me know how you want to do it
and then you go figure out how you want
to get done and i don't micromanage you
and i don't ask you a million questions
about and and tell you no don't do it
like that do it like this
i let you do it and what does that tell
you
that tells you that i trust you i trust
you and when i trust you you start to
trust me and by the way
if something goes wrong instead of me
jumping down your throat and hanging you
out to dry and making you an example in
front of everyone
i say hey let's figure out what we're
wrong did i not support you well enough
did i not give you what you needed and
so you realize oh he's not going to hang
me out to dry he's going to give me the
support he's going to try and teach me
if something goes wrong instead of
trying to drop the hammer on me you
admit things that you're struggling with
and and do it in a way that that makes
that really accessible was that a choice
like what's the power of vulnerability i
guess is my real question it's
definitely steeped in our tradition and
what's taught in scripture that's my
ultimate inspiration i also was taught
at a very young age that people will
relate to your weaknesses far more than
your strengths and um uh preachers if i
could be so bold are the absolute worst
at this
our platforms are getting higher and
bigger i think the trend ought to be our
platforms you know it might not be the
actual stage height but you know what i
mean metaphorically they need to get
smaller and we need to recognize that
like i told a pastor friend of mine
recently i'm like you know you lead a
church but you're not in it
like you lead a community but you don't
participate in it you're just the pro
speaker that shows up on sundays but you
actually don't bleed with anybody you
actually don't weep with anybody you
don't share your problems and challenges
and weights and difficulties it's like
you and your wife and you just kind of
hunker down when are you going to be in
the community i mean the real story is i
was 13 when my dad started the church i
now pastor so i it's been my family this
is my community i'm not speaking
professionally to people i'm talking to
people who have raised me my first job
at the church was cleaning toilets i was
a custodian listening to bishop td jakes
listening to tony robbins listening to
others learning and growing and so um i
i'm just going to be that guy because
that's just really who i am
so how have you learned to
read your emotions to not just give in
to them and to have the same kind of
high degree of you know consciousness
around how you shape that as well
one revisiting it a lot but
let's let's give a framework to what
you're talking about and then we'll drop
into the emotion piece is
i love that you keep saying it's simple
and for some people they they don't
think that way so it's not simple so
let's give them a framework
number one what we're really talking
about here is contemplation
really thinking through and using the
power of thought what you want what do
you want to be like what are the skills
you want to deliver what's the service
you want to offer to the world number
two the consistency of action
to not only create that in your own body
in your own mind but create that start
creating that result in the world that's
really important number three is courage
because it takes courage to put yourself
out there and try to get a little better
like it was even just laying in bed
visualizing myself doing something on
stage that was way outside my boundaries
of like comfort like walk across the
stage really fast like walk down to the
audience and give high fives and you
know say something strong or you know
admit something or share something
vulnerable like that's
courage that's scary but the other thing
is i think that you and i have always
had which sometimes is undervalued is we
also had community
we had
other people or you had lisa you know i
had denise
we had
people in our industry or our peer set
who we
looked up to or who we could learn from
or who we could be like this sucks this
is hard and for me coming back to your
emotional element
that has been everything for me
community having people in my life who i
can you know when i'm on
the road for x amount of time or i'm
dealing with a super hard client or
we're rolling out a leadership program
to a fortune 50 company or you know i'm
doing my first you know major deal with
oprah winfrey network and i don't know
what to do
i am so incredibly fast
of asking people what to do i'm also
incredibly fast in sharing how i feel
about it
being like oh you know i feel really
awkward about this
uh you know i'm i'm unsure you know i'm
having a lot of self-doubt how would you
deal with it like i'm somebody who
expresses his emotions all the time my
frigging tagline is bring the joy like
everybody knows that why because i want
to make sure people know you're we're
going to create this energy because
emotion is not something you have it is
something you generate
emotion can be an impulse
but feelings
is our interpretations of those impulse
over a period of time and i said i want
to feel vibrancy joy love connection
satisfaction fulfillment in my life so
i'm going to learn to generate those
emotions how do you learn to generate
the emotions
you read psychology how do you learn to
generate the emotions you try like
you're just like
i'm going to go we're going to have date
night tonight i'm going to make it a fun
night i'm gonna make it a fun night i'm
gonna i'm gonna do things to see can i
make people laugh can i make people turn
their lights on um you learn to
control your own emotions
and or deal with them in better ways as
you decide to be a more mature person
how do you
gain influence and respect
like what's that process
very similar to when we talked about
trust and building trust and giving
trust
if i want to gain the ability to
influence you well then what i have to
do is give you the ability to influence
me
and when i say hey here's what we're
trying to make happen
here's what i want to do and you say
well i think we should do it like this
you know what i should say okay well
let's take a look at that
the more i allow you to influence me the
more open your mind gets for me to
influence you
so that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna
allow you to influence me and the more i
allow that to happen
the more influence i'm gonna have
respect
same thing
if i treat you
like you're
a plebe like you don't matter
you're not gonna respect me at all
but if i treat you with respect and
respect you when you try and talk to me
i listen and i respect what you're
saying and i try and understand it fully
then your respect for me is going to go
up as well
so when you want to when you want to
earn respect give respect when you want
to earn influence give influence we want
to earn trust give trust all those three
are related
i want to start with pete carroll the
seahawks and leadership
so how'd you get that gig and what is
coach character it's the greatest job
i've ever had i have to say that and i
don't that's okay to say like if church
members are watching but um being like
the chaplain for your favorite sports
team in the world
uh i still pinch myself i love that it's
awesome so you've said that coach
carroll
may be the greatest leader you've ever
seen what what makes him great um
there's nothing about coach carroll that
is disingenuous i don't even know if
it's in his dna to be disingenuous
he says what he means
follows through on what he does and
cares so deeply we'll have guys that
will be in workouts that aren't even on
the team yet and coach is there to
affirm them and encourage them and say
hey man it's real honor to have you here
it's just it's completely abnormal how
much he cares about people
any room he walks into he's making eye
contact the little things that i think
are big things makes eye contact we'll
make connection shake your hand hey are
you doing good and when he asks are you
doing good he doesn't walk away it's not
rhetorical like he says are you doing
good he waits for a response and so i
watch him like a hawk to be honest the
puns definitely intended and uh we're
the seahawks
i've just learned so much from him i i
really respect him i love his wife his
family his son nate also leads on the
team and um i just hope he's watching
right now so for anybody
for anybody that wants to be a better
leader um what are some principles that
you think any great leader does
someone asked me one time they said when
when do you think you became a good
communicator first of all i love the
question i'm like you're insinuating i'm
a good communicator thank you and i said
i actually have an answer um i know
exactly when it happened which is which
is weird i'm definitely kind of an
abstract random person so sometimes i
don't have concrete answers but i had
one and it was when i i cared more about
people than speaking or preaching
and when i when i walked through that
threshold and fell in love with people
who trusted me to lead them or add value
to them i got lost and all of a sudden
the gift that i had been working on for
so long was free to be what it truly is
and um
coach embodies he really kind of lose
he's not thinking i'm going to lead
today i'm going to be a leader today i
think he's thinking i'm going to love
these guys i'm going to encourage these
guys i'm going to build them up
and so i think intentionality is so
imperative but as you develop your gift
and your ability and it grows well if
you'll fall in love with the people that
give you the privilege and honor to
guide them and lead them it never ceases
to amaze me tom i'll be in a green room
looking out kind of the back of our one
of our buildings and i see you know
single moms in the rain in seattle
polling trying to find a parking spot to
come to church or come hear me speak and
it's like whoa i really gotta gotta love
this individual today to ensure that the
effort they took uh you know to get
there pays off so coaches uh he really
cares about people first
if somebody wants to be a truly
effective leader what are three traits
that they should cultivate in themselves
know yourself i mean jack welch of
general electric said it really well do
um
don't lose yourself on the way to the
top warren buffett said
they'll never be a better you than you
so great leaders again it's those four
interior empires working on yourself
knowing what what you want to stand for
knowing what you want said about you on
the last hour for your last day knowing
your core values your top five core
values knowing those knowing your
weaknesses knowing your strengths i mean
a lot of leadership talk isn't about
that but starting with your character
and your self-identity that is really
important for a leader i'd say the
second thing for a leader
would be
well
getting big things done you know you
mentioned it in the introduction it's
like
ferocious like a warrior when it comes
to execution like great leadership is
less talk and more do
you know i it doesn't really matter what
the chatter i mean it's all about
execution implementation and
and application so they get things done
and we live in a world where
you know we pull out the phone people
i'm going to get this done and i'm going
to get that done we say to people i'll
send you a book it doesn't get done even
worse
it's
we lose self respect from the promises
we make to ourselves that we break
that's where it all starts like it's so
you know this it's so important your
your income your impact your
relationship with creativity
productivity in the world
it all comes down to your relationship
with yourself
so that would be the second thing about
leadership it's like execution and don't
break promises
and the third thing i'd say um you know
be crazy the great leaders are insane
and i say that they're insane to the
majority the great ones are all misfits
and they're all
weird
i mean
the very nature of being a disrupter and
a leader means you're not a follower
and if you're not a follower then you're
not buying the kool-aid that society
sells you
if you're not a follower you're not like
this all the time looking for likes
if if you're not a follower you dress
the way you want to dress if people
criticize you yeah they criticize all
the great ones
the critics are nothing more than
dreamers who got scared and never got
off their chairs and got back in the
game so you've got to be willing to be
to 5 a.m
weird who does that why not sleep
leaders have to be willing not to be
followers
i find that
slowing down
to make sure that everybody else is with
me
that i've continued to articulate the
the approach as it changes because
you know when you've got a big goal and
you're learning every day then the sort
of nuanced way that you're pursuing that
goal is changing very rapidly and it can
be very difficult for me to remember hey
not everybody wants to work as much as i
work not everybody is as sort of
obsessed with this goal as i am but
they're still amazing humans they're
still
just incredible contributors to the team
and so as long as they are meeting that
standard i have an obligation to make
sure that they understand where we're
going that they're involved that they
feel respected and elevated and the way
that i explain it to people is
if you're working on a project
where
that's the focus for me at that moment
it's gonna feel to you like the sun is
shining on you because i have so much
energy i have so much intensity i have
so much enthusiasm that
the truth is people just love that they
love to feel like the sun is shining on
them
but then as i move on to something else
that needs to be done
i still need your peace to keep going
but i'm trusting you now
to move that forward
but when i've now got the sun shining on
another part of the project and it looks
like now i only care about that project
and those people
people can feel left out or left behind
and remembering to
communicate that to them to
encourage them to make sure that they
have what they need to keep marching
forward with that that they now have
what they need to lead themselves and
their team
that's very important but i can get so
engrossed in what i'm doing that i
forget to go back and and manage the you
know the humans that have all the human
insecurities and wants and desires a
desire to be seen and understood and
encouraged and all of that
so yeah that's been the thing that i
struggled with