Kind: captions
Language: en
hey everybody welcome to another episode
of impact theory today we're going to be
talking about limiting beliefs how to
get out from under them how to move
forward if you've struggled with
something in the past it is critically
important to get your belief structure
right to make sure that you don't
believe things consciously or
subconsciously that are going to
throttle your actions the end of the day
the only thing that matters are your
behaviors but your behaviors are driven
entirely by your beliefs get your
beliefs right and everything else will
line up
all right
first question
what should i do to identify
the self-limiting beliefs that are
holding me back
okay this is one of those things that
instead of trying to get in and identify
all the different self-limiting beliefs
that you have what i would start doing
is focusing on building a growth mindset
now
one read carol dweck's book called
mindset it is absolutely the right place
to start
at the end of that book you will have
learned a very simple truth it is what i
call the only belief that matters which
is that if i put time and energy into
getting better at something i will
actually get better that is a belief
that will align your behaviors because
at the end of the day
instead of like i said going through and
finding all the self-limiting beliefs
just start layering on these empowering
beliefs so one you can get better at
anything at any time so putting time and
energy into getting better at something
will reward you with actual skill set
and skill set has utility
now if you believe that and you think of
yourself as the learner as you encounter
a limiting belief i can never do that
i'm not a good dancer i can't sing
whatever the thing is you tell yourself
then it just becomes a question of well
if i know that i can get better at
anything the question is do i want to
put time into getting better at this
thing and if i don't want to spend time
getting better at this thing then don't
bs myself don't say i'm not oh i'm just
not good at that just say i don't care
enough about that thing to want to put
in the energy to try and get better now
another thing that can be very freeing
so for instance i really wish i could
sing i also really wish i could draw
those are two things that i really want
but the truth is
when i say that i really want them
what i mean is that i really wish they
came easily to me and once i finally was
honest with myself that i wanted to get
what i'll call disproportionate returns
that
when lisa spends time getting better at
drawing she gets like 10x return in her
time it's insane she's a world-class
artist if i put the same amount of time
into getting better at drawing i might
get a 0.6 return of my time so i'm going
to get better but it's like that same
unit of energy could be used on many
other things and i would get a much
better return than i would focus on
drawing same with singing there's no
doubt i could get a hundred times better
at either of them
but
at what cost it would take so much time
and energy so be very thoughtful that
you're layering on these empowering
beliefs and then being honest about how
you want to spend your time
once you get that balance right and you
realize you can do anything you want but
you can't do everything you want and
that things have to be put in priority
order then it becomes very clarifying
that it's not even necessarily that you
have a limiting belief it's that you're
being honest with yourself about what
you do and don't want to pursue so the
key is to hold tight to that only belief
that matters that you can
get good at anything
now once you have it just ask yourself
how badly do i want that thing
next
can you explain what initiatives i could
take that will help me create the same
discipline that you have
so that i might have more confidence in
what i can accomplish
okay so first of all you've got to
instill in your mind that the average
human
is capable of unbelievable
improvement
that's that's the thing that's my
superpower i don't think i'm special i
just realized in looking at the science
that humans actually are capable of this
incredible amount of change it is the
strategy that our species took to be
able to
pass knowledge on through culture rather
than having to have everything be
instincts and in having that layer where
we can drink in the culture and read
books and learn from other people and
you know even now we're all learning
from things that people thought
thousands of years ago and wrote down
like it's insane it travels through to
you and all of that wisdom stored in
culture so that as your parents are
teaching you things they're actually
encapsulating a ton of the wisdom that
is endured whether it's endured from
religion or books or whatever like
you're bathed
in a culture that is giving you all of
this incredible information and so
recognizing how powerful and potent that
is is incredibly
meaningful but you have to understand
that you have to allow yourself to
believe
that you can learn from that culture in
the same way that everybody else can and
that's what you're designed to do now
for me that completely
gave me the confidence and i put
confidence in air quotes because not
like i believe something specific about
myself i just believed that the human
animal is capable of this extraordinary
change and so now i just needed to point
myself in that direction now once this
is the key
once i realized that i could get better
at anything
it dawned on me that how i spend my time
is a spiritual
consideration
and i didn't want to die with potential
that i failed to turn into skill set
that to me that speaks to me
how much of my potential can i actually
turn into skill set and get good at this
stuff and push and grow and improve like
that to me is just this incredibly
intoxicating loop
so
for me the discipline the confidence all
of that comes from recognizing human the
human animal nothing special about me
the human animal is capable of
extraordinary change i'm going to have
to put time and energy into doing it but
i'm capable of getting this change
therefore
i can do anything i set my mind to
therefore
it really matters what i choose to spend
my time on therefore i want to put
structure and discipline in my life so
that i can move forward on things that
excite me that matter to me because i
really can't have this big crazy dream
that i'm thinking of so my discipline is
really born of my desire to have that
thing coupled with my belief that i can
actually get there
desire
and belief
get those two things right and the
discipline will take care of
itself right
what steps did you take as you navigated
challenging your belief systems daily
especially in the beginning
when you didn't have enough momentum to
internalize the new and improved belief
okay again a lot of this goes back to
the big breakthrough for me was brain
science and i'm laying on the floor of
my unfurnished apartment
i'm in a dark place in my life i'm not
happy i don't know how to make my dreams
come true
i'm very worried that i'm not
enough that i'm not smart enough i'm not
capable enough this is in my early
twenties
and
i don't remember i think it was
something that started in college but i
don't remember exactly what made me
decide that i was going to read about
the brain but i did i decided i was
going to read about the brain
and in reading about the brain i started
coming across this idea of brain
plasticity
and
this is in the late 90s early 2000s
it's being hotly debated amongst the
smartest people on the planet
as to whether or not it's real
and i decided one day you know what
maybe it's not but i'm going to act as
if it's real
and in acting as if it's real i ended up
finding out that it actually is real
because i was getting so much better at
things i was like whoa this is
incredible and so
what i was doing was
learning this information on the key
insight that i was going to act as if i
could get better at something right the
thing i called the only belief that
matters i was going to act as if that
were true
by doing that i saw that it really was
true and now the belief took care of
itself because i saw it empirically in
the data
and that is the like the big thing for
me that i didn't need to believe i was
special i
just
saw that this process works and so
now my beliefs began to shift not around
like magical thinking they were shifting
around what i was actually seeing and
what i was reading about in the
literature and that to me is it man i
don't know what else to tell people it's
like we are
so capable
of
improving our skill set
and by improving our skill set we are we
can fundamentally alter
our ability to change the world around
us and as you realize whoa
building these skills lets me actually
change the world around me now all of a
sudden it's
just sort of one belief after another
begins to implant itself in your mind
based on what you're able to do and then
as you hit a roadblock and you stumble
and you fall that's sort of that next
thing how do you deal with failure and
all of that
but as you work through this stuff i
ended up compiling
25 beliefs which you can actually
download for free just type uh impact
theory belief system
and you will see the 25 things that i
onboarded into my mind in order to have
the kind of success that i have now and
what i was trying to onboard is really
just the principles of a growth mindset
and the things that you need to do and
believe in order to constantly be moving
towards your goals
it's really rudimentary it isn't me
making things up it is simply me looking
at the nature of the way the human mind
works in concert with all these other
people and the society that we've
created for ourselves and if you act in
the following ways if you believe the
following things if you create the
following rules then you will move
forward it just is
the physics of the human experience
so
you can shortcut it by going and reading
the 25 beliefs
or you can just start with that same
core first principle of
humans can improve at anything they put
the time and energy into improving in
and then
then it's just like you see it play out
in your life also you could go to the
gym
the gym in fact this is one of the
things that i did by changing your body
you will realize oh my god if i'm
disciplined consistent and i learn about
this stuff i can radically transform my
body once you see that you can transform
your body you really start to believe
that you can transform anything the body
is an extraordinary
way to get to the mind
so i would leverage that as well
emotion should never stop you from
achieving your goals so if you feel
stuck overwhelmed low on confidence
you're beating yourself up or you feel
like you're not deserving of the things
you want in life i have something to
tell you emotions are not facts and you
should never let them hold you back and
yet i find that people do this all the
time they mistake that feeling for
objective truth and it sends them this
downward spiral
[Music]
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alright guys i'll see you on the inside
now let's get back to today's episode
my self-limiting beliefs stem from
childhood trauma what suggestions do you
have that might help me overcome them
okay so this unfortunately is something
that comes up a lot and one i just want
you to know trust me when i say you were
not alone so many people are struggling
with childhood trauma and
one i want to say that
having a professional therapist work
with you on this is probably going to be
the right answer without knowing exactly
what it is you're struggling with
becomes very hard to help somebody deal
with it but i can tell you that a lot of
times what ends up happening is people
end up feeling that their self-worth is
diminished and they don't believe that
their worth um
getting rid of the limiting beliefs and
they think that they are damaged or
um compromised in some way and so one
recognizing that that just is not true
and that you absolutely are worth it and
that the only thing that makes sense is
to adopt one of the beliefs that really
changed my life which is that the only
thing that makes sense
is to only do and believe that which
moves you towards your goals so even if
it were true that you are worth less
it doesn't help you get towards your
goal to believe that and if we're only
going to do that which moves us towards
our goals then immediately when we begin
thinking that we're worth less we don't
have to convince ourselves that it isn't
true we only need to realize it doesn't
move us towards our goals and since we
only do that which moves us towards our
goals we're going to pattern interrupt
immediately the second we start playing
that loop because we've got to break the
habit of thinking that about ourselves
so we're going to pattern interrupt that
we don't allow ourselves to think that
anymore it's done it's just not an
effective strategy and that was a big
deal for me because the thing that i was
struggling with was i'm not smart enough
to pull this off
and
by believing that then i didn't try
and as long as i didn't try i was never
going to fail which of course was the
thing i was trying to protect myself
from but i was also never going to
succeed
and so finally what i had to realize was
because my behaviors were being dictated
by my beliefs i could not allow myself
to believe something even if i was
convinced it was true
i couldn't allow myself to believe it
because it would stop me from taking the
behaviors that would lead me
to learning growing getting better and
moving forward and so
you
it's not that easy childhood trauma is
wicked it is so pernicious it gets
inside your mind and it won't let go and
depending on how early in childhood
there is a lot of brain development
around that trauma but i'm just saying
one of the things that we're going to
have to do outside of therapy is begin
to pattern interrupt that to not allow
yourself to repeat those negative
stories about yourself
and
to only do and believe that which moves
you towards your goals so if loving
yourself is going to move you towards
your goals then we're going to do it
even if you don't think that you're
worth it if pushing to grow and get
better is going to move you towards your
goals then we're going to do it even if
it doesn't feel like you deserve it
you have to let go of that in order to
get to your goals and now
as long as your goal is exciting and
honorable why would you ever want to do
something to hold you back if you're
doing something to elevate yourself and
other people why would you want to stop
yourself from doing that even if you
deserve to be punished or whatever it is
that you think about yourself because of
what happened in the past
it doesn't make sense
free yourself from that
allow yourself to contribute to yourself
and others contribute as big and
aggressively as you want as you possibly
can
and by continuing to believe
that you're not worth it you won't be
able to do that you won't be able to
turn your potential into skill set you
won't be able to get into that passion
loop where you're able to learn
something and gain mastery and add value
to other people's lives and get that
positive feedback from them you're so
busy living in the past
that you forget
that there's an entire future waiting
for you
but you have to let go of the past
before you can move forward now i don't
want any of that to sound trite again i
understand how difficult this is and i
highly encourage you to get professional
help there is nothing wrong with that in
fact it's amazing it's beautiful that
you would think enough of yourself to go
and put the time and the energy into
getting better and you can get better
but you're going to have to put in the
work
all right
when you were making your transition
into being successful how did you combat
the frustration of not being where you
wanted to be
i'm never where i want to be so i'm not
where i want to be now i'm not where i
wanted to be when um you know people
would have looked at it and said oh my
god this is like the height of success
it was
one i'm very careful to make sure that
i'm only invested in the process but
because i'm trying to get somewhere that
intentionally i'm throwing way beyond
where i'm at i'm always thinking about
what it's going to take to get to that
next level i'm never where i quote
unquote want to be
but i don't trick myself into tying my
value to achieving it so i'm having fun
i'm enjoying the ride i'm in it for the
process i'm in it for the learning and i
make sure that i'm handcrafting my life
to
optimize for joy and fulfillment
and so knowing that i cannot guarantee
the success i cannot guarantee ever that
anyone is ever going to be successful
but i can
guarantee that you're going to struggle
guarantee
nobody avoids it that's it
everybody that ever tries to do anything
and even most of the people that don't
try to do anything are going to struggle
profoundly
with
moving forward
it's just
hard like that
and so if you know that the struggle is
guaranteed then
you can't allow yourself to waste time
to be tormented by the fact that you're
not where you want to be
make sure you're having fun in the
struggle
figuring out how to struggle well that's
the answer
when i was coming up the question i was
told to ask myself was
if you knew you couldn't fail what would
you do
and what i realized is since failure is
the most obvious answer
that's probably not the right question
to ask
the right question to ask is what would
i do and love every day
even if i were failing
now failure is never going to be as fun
as winning i know that but
if you can do something that you believe
in enough and that the act of trying to
get good at it is fun in and of itself
now you're on the right path
that's where you want to focus put your
time and energy into making sure
that
you love
the process
don't worry about the outcome worry
about the process getting better and
loving that everything else will take
care of itself
all right everybody that's it limiting
beliefs don't let them inside your life
do not them do not let them take over
your mind you really can overcome it but
you have to be very thoughtful about how
you build that growth mindset
pattern interrupt the negativity and
only do the things that are moving you
towards your goals
speaking of things that will move you
towards your goals if you haven't
already be sure to subscribe
and
until next time my friends be legendary
take care peace