Kind: captions
Language: en
you're different
different is good different leads to
success like don't be a face in the
crowd be the [ __ ] crowd let's be our
own damn crowd so that's one of our
matches and same like our football
players we're seeing too many of them go
by the wayside right now
um
because when their uniform comes off
they're like oh man i used to play in
the nfl
i'm trying to shift that no dude you
play in the nfl and you play in the nfl
is not who you are what's behind your
rib cage they got you to put those hours
in and
out work the world but not by a little
by a lot and
you know beat out millions upon millions
upon millions to play on this level
that's who the [ __ ] you are that
suddenly just doesn't leave when your
uniform comes off but who reminds him of
that
jay glazer welcome to the show man thank
you man appreciate you having me i know
we got a lot of mutual friends there so
it's pretty cool that our our pants
cross like this we do and i'm very
excited to do it and i read the book
unbreakable it is absolutely
extraordinary you actually made me
emotional several times uh yeah caught
me a little off guard if i'm honest
and i
literally don't judge a book by its
cover right no joke man i am that
obviously takes on some pretty serious
uh
implications as you read the book and
and begin to learn your struggles with
anxiety and depression
but first i want to start with the
unbreakable side you know you've
achieved just the absolute highest
levels of success in your area it's
really unbelievable very impressive the
career that you've had but i didn't know
the 10 years of struggle that led up to
it and i'd love to start there because i
think that
you know as somebody who really prizes
relationships
playing the long game
your career is a beacon of hope for a
lot of people to do things the right way
uh and so it's really exciting to hear
and it sounds terrible but it's really
exciting to hear that it was actually
really really hard for you and that you
still stuck it out so tell us a little
bit about
why you were prepared to endure
the level of suffering and rejection
instead of just getting you know normal
day job and now it's crazy because now i
look back now i know why and the why was
my depression anxiety but because of my
grade because of my darkness i had like
i don't know how it is to wake up and
like myself or love myself and from the
inside out like i wake up like this it
it's every day of my life and it [ __ ]
sucks it
it's just the truth of it
and
so as a result of me not knowing how to
kind of build myself from the inside out
i had to go
do everything that i could to try to get
some love from the outside in that makes
sense like
um so yes i
those first 10 years of my career ma'am
living in new york city and you're right
adversity is a gift
and again why do you say it's a gift
um because you find out who you are and
because nothing like
nothing happens by
doing things that are easy like listen
i i've trained a lot of football players
in
i started mma cross training program for
this for for
uh when i stopped fighting for nfl
players
and i've just given like this simple
thing hey man find out who the best is
and do more than that that's it
right you want to be the best find out
what tom brady does do more than
find it and i used to tell players this
all the time they're like oh we can't do
that i'm like well if you don't want to
be great that's what it is so that's the
adversity part you got to outwork the
world and one of the things my dad told
me earlier was if you want your dreams
come true
be loyal and loyalty is it a dying art
and a lost art but
be the most loyal dude in the planet not
work the world and so for me
yeah i finally got a break if you will
to cover the giants in 93 which is four
years after i started making zero money
um
and i walked in that giant locker room
and i'm like
a couple things one
like
damn i i'm not
more talented than anybody in here i
don't have the education nowhere near
that anybody else doesn't hear and i
don't have the experience but how could
i be different
right and different is scary for a lot
of people it's not for me so how could i
be different and one of those is man i'm
gonna
if these cats work nine to five i'm not
gonna outwork them by a little i'll
outwork them by a lot
and
i went i would go there seven in the
morning eight or more whatever it is
until ten o'clock at night like i
wouldn't stop and actually i was so
broke
strahan
drove me back in the city every day
for
seven years or whatever it was because
i'd have enough money
to go from the subway and the bus out to
giant stadium and back so he would drop
me and he lived in jersey but he drove
me in every single day for a year so i
own like you know 28 grand in lincoln
tunnel fair
um
but i said i'll be the last dude
standing in here
right and like whoever says quitting's
not an option it's the biggest [ __ ] in
the world because it's an option every
day right it just sits on your shoulder
every day and the other thing was man
how could i be different than them i
think back then a lot of reporters use
their pen as a weapon i was i said you
know what i'm gonna start relationships
and i'm gonna build relationships i'm
not gonna go for the scoop i'm gonna go
for the relationships and that was
harder because it was going against the
grain and the norm and now everything's
built on relationships that's how you do
it but i had to endure the years where i
just got crushed by my cohorts for
having relationships and a lot of them
killed me and strand for having our
relationship used to make fun of us
and well because you're a journalist
he's a player you guys aren't supposed
to frighten us not supposed to be
friends right but look
we're just in sports okay we're not that
important we're not covering the middle
east we're not covering like real stuff
like let's not take ourselves too
seriously here
and you're right we're not the rules
you're not supposed to put i looked at
it like well i'm gonna build
relationships
because my job is to get scoops or with
those relationships
those scoops will come if i just
take a scoop and burn a guy forever
well that's short-sighted i have a lot
you said the long game i'd rather have a
long game and and have these
relationships
this is really unusual though so you
know as i'm reading your book
it i have the
the privilege i guess of reading it from
knowing that you end up being successful
but
if you were to hear in those early days
like one of the great stories in the
book is that strahan twice offered to
loan you money he's like i know you're
good for it and you shut him down saying
it like yeah like not only did i tell
them like i jumped this [ __ ] hey
[ __ ] don't you ever offer me
something like that again i got there
don't you ever and like whoa whoa whoa
whoa
yeah that's like i'll do this this is on
me
to me you live by a code and i'm often
asked you know what does it mean to live
life well and one of the things that i
always tell people is you need to have a
code there needs to be some set of rules
beliefs whatever about how you think
things ought to be done
and so few people have a code and even
if they have a code sticking with the
code would be very hard and you open the
book telling the story of strahan trying
to use the bathroom in your low rent
apartment and he had to hold the string
to use the restroom and it was one it
was a powerful reminder of that phase of
my own life of where you can you know
you can't i there was a time where i
couldn't pay all my bills at once and so
you know you're like really juggling
things
and
it's one thing to have a code when
things are going well but what i i want
to know is you were so young and so
broke for so long
why did the code matter to you so much
to stick with it
you've got to be authentic to who you
are it's just it's who i am
how did you become that did you create
that just the way you are
this is how yeah i've always been
like throughout my life i've always been
the person that
tried to solve everybody's problems try
to lift people up and probably because i
couldn't deal with my own inner problems
right so i've always been that guy
and the way i kind of look at this this
could be a little
morbid if you will
but
i look at the world and people like
my loyalty will be so high
that i'm going to treat people
like i'm going to be their pallbearer
right that's your top five or six people
that's it i'll be your pallbearer and if
i can get 10
of the people i'm with
to treat me back to sam
i got a pretty good little mafia that
i'm walking with
and
you know and i say it like this
i still get hurt by the under 90 because
i don't understand why we all won't
do this for each other and
you know i don't
i don't do things for my friends
expecting something back
right and that's why i think you know
loyalty the art of loyalty man how can i
help someone how because it helps me to
help other people it helps me cut
through my own gray but you're
you're hoping that other people
are thinking about you independently
also without ever having to ask they do
they do they don't they don't but i
think if all of us do that a lot more
for each other we're not just thinking
about hey how can i get
by how can i move myself how can i do
this
um
the world would be a much better place
and we all we'd all
be able to stress a little less but i
think too many people just
kind of take care of themselves look at
how hey how can i help me i'm just not
wired that way how can i help you and
at least in the moment that i helped you
and i lifted you up that lifted my grit
that lifted me through my grade for a
little bit
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plans enjoy the episode
all right so we should probably define
this idea of the gray and the slivers of
blue i think it's it's
it makes a lot of sense to me that the
being loyal and being there for people
and trying to help them and elevate them
uh would work certainly on so i've
struggled with anxiety tremendously and
what i find is on the days that are the
hardest if i can do something where it
forces me to be high energy to be
helpful to engage to try to
um
be of service
that it really changes my neurochemistry
like dramatically yes and you do an
extraordinary job of detailing that in
the book so what is the gray and what is
the blue the blue i'm still trying to
figure out
the gray is it's what i wake up in every
day so gray is depression and anxiety
and for me add i got everything i got an
add elemental [ __ ] i got everything but
it's uh the greatest depression and uh i
think in the book i say it's equally
messed up twin sister anxiety and they
got their own schedule
they make the rules a lot like i just
brought up
you
um
and i don't know what your anxiety
attacks are like but mine are
they they range but sometimes
i find myself actually i have a lot of
anxiety
attacks on the air going on the air
which is weird because i feel really
great like in a gym in a cage when
people are punching and kicking me my
teammates i'm golden
on camera
i'm great
the rest of the world i struggle like
i'm great in chaos
i suck and calm
and
a lot of times i'll create chaos when
it's not necessary
because i'm just i don't feel worthy of
the calm and that's what the grade does
so sometimes my gray
i'll literally be on camera
i call it wrestling with my abuser
i get a little uh
i get a little emotional talking about
it because it does it
it sucks like i'm like damn this is like
i don't deserve this [ __ ] but i didn't
sign up for it either so i can't ever
stop
fighting against him
so
i'll sit there sometimes on tv
talking to myself while i'm talking to
you at home with this fake smile that i
have on
trying to pull myself out of it when i'm
actually like please just let me go like
leave me alone like let me let me just
please not now like and i just start
sweating and um in the gray itself is
how i kind of wake up in the morning
thinking the sky is falling
not worthy being loved so everybody must
hate me people must be against me and
it's not true it's not real
but that's what it feels like and it's a
physical thing for me too like i feel it
behind my rib cage and i feel it on the
left side of my gut you hear about
right you feel something in your gut or
gut punch and that's how i feel in it so
i was talking about strayhem
a couple weeks ago
i had a
man of anxiety and depression i usually
don't get woken up by them
but this one woke me up in the middle of
the night and man it just
it kicked my ass and i told michael
i said hey and this isn't the book
because this just happened
two months ago
we were supposed to have dinner i said
hey dude man i can't have dinner tonight
he said what's up i said man i just had
one of these
i had one of these gray days man this
thing just got me and i just need to get
some sleep and he's like you want me to
come over
said nah and he said
um you want to talk about it
i said no okay i'm good
and in 30 years we've been friends
that's the first time i've ever told
them
that i was struggling in a day whoa
first time
30 years
and
he says to me why have you never told me
i said
i don't make up the rules of this [ __ ]
for some reason i had shame with you
maybe because we're so competitive and
here's my best friend
and you know i'm able to write it in a
book and tell the world but i couldn't
tell him
and if had i
i would have had somebody to turn to
for the last 30 years about this that i
could talk to but again i don't make the
rules up for this [ __ ] and what i have
to realize and i want all your your
viewers and listeners to know
when i have opened up to him and other
people in the most dudely of sports you
know football and fighting it has gotten
us so much closer together
it's bonded us in such a way
so
yeah it's it's crazy how
um
the shame
if you will
you know kind of takes over and then
what you're talking about
you know having this
you know kind of go go go
so when you see me on tv a lot of it is
like man i'm trying to pull myself up up
out of it so i have this larger than
life personality
um which the depression anxiety led me
to and thank god because it's led me to
where i am but the larger-than-life
personality is to pull myself up and out
of it a lot of time is to mask the pain
and it's yeah it's painful and it's like
one of my friends the other day called
me and he said uh
the joker said man we always knew you're
crazy
you didn't know you were in pain and now
i'm able to talk to people about the
pain that and i literally i texted these
words to michael
three days ago for the first time
actually now i think about it
even this like
man i just
i texted it to him three days ago this
about being in the living in this pain
and it used to get me because of the
pain
it used to be that used to get me to
have a lot of outbursts and i had a lot
of trouble and i did a lot of things i'm
not proud of i'm a [ __ ] up flawed
human being
and it's because of this pain like i
love
everybody but i i'm in a lot of pain so
i do
things that are
not great for me and others and you know
i'm not perfect and i'm i'm working on
myself
um
so the blue
like you're saying about i've tried and
this book is a prescriptive prescriptive
book
about how to get us all through the
grade to the blue and by the way level
of gray is different
like
my level's deep
we all got something nowadays especially
with social media we're comparing
ourselves to everybody else's filtered
fraction of a second it's [ __ ] and
we all feel left out right how do you
not most successful people in the world
like damn my life sucks is what all
these people are doing it's just so i
mean it's hard for when people going
after their dreams and they think that
others have gotten theirs it's not true
and here i am telling you i'm the top of
the world and i still don't know how to
feel it on the inside so
that and the [ __ ] we see on twitter the
bad
um
man just the amount of hate like the
human condition is not meant for that
right so
whatever level you're out here of
of gray if you will this book is
prescriptive and the three things are
being of service we just talked about
and there's a lot in the book of how you
could be of service you don't need to
have money to be of service
um it could be a service on several
different levels but that gives me a
break from the gray
and i see blue like
like i i i feel all the time like like a
black and white tv show right though
gray like i love lucy like that's how my
life that's how i see my life
from the inside out i don't get to see
the rainbows and unicorns the beautiful
sky that a lot of other people get to
see when i'm of service to people like
doing this right now it lifts me up
because i know you and i are going to
touch some people
and that will pull me up um out of some
of that darkness and what i got to do by
this and then also laughter helps me a
ton because the gray hates laughter and
that's why you see me on tv all the time
always joking around
when i'm having a panic or an anxiety
attack on tv
i will try and crack a joke the sooner i
could laugh
the more it goes away
and i may force a joke i may just let it
probably not even fit it helps me um and
that's where i have a whole practical
joke chapter which you know this is the
is the perils of being friends with jay
glazer um
and then having a team and you know
having a team helps me
but i've been limited to my team
because i wasn't so open about this
as i am now so now like
man i'm able to
to build this team
with you and everybody else in the world
that we could literally walk this walk
together
um that gets me to see through the gray
a little bit more and
i'm working on
um feeling like i'm worthy of the blue
and i deserve it and
um string it together
days of it and when i like when i have a
good
and i said a rendez-barber recently i
said
hey man today was a good day and i think
great things are about to happen i
immediately said i go i say with this
book great things are about to happen
because i'm gonna help people and
immediately i was like oh [ __ ] no
no i just i just [ __ ] myself now now
all the gray is going to come and fight
back harder and that put me in a hole
for about a week by saying that i
deserve something good to happen i got
stuck in a dark shade this this is the
part of your story that is so difficult
to comprehend
so
i understand people that live in the
gray and it just feels like the world is
crashing down around them and this is
why i found the book so powerful so i
understand that i understand people who
don't have to struggle with that and
therefore can dream big and be
successful
what
what makes the title of your book
unbreakable so perfect is that
you have this gray crashing down around
you and yet you still find a way to have
these big dreams even when you're not
able to say to yourself i'm gonna be
like good things are gonna happen to me
but you still [ __ ] drive man like and
and this is if you can help people
understand this
of how things can look like they are
stacked against you right you talk about
this with the veterans that you work
with uh in the unbreakable
training
uh um
through that
and
helping them reframe like yes something
bad has happened to you yes you're in
pain but like you can sit and wallow
around in that or you can do something
how did you train yourself to do that i
mean we're talking about a journey that
started like you said 30 years ago
dude mental health could not be talked
about 30 years ago it was like an insta
pass to being shunned and so
how
did you put a strategy together and see
it through under all of that well it was
just
the like my depression anxiety motivated
me because i always had that thought of
because you were like [ __ ] this like i'm
gonna and if i do this and this and this
maybe this will bring me happiness if i
do this maybe this will bring me happy
so it was my journey for happiness
and what i've really learned is it can't
come from the outside it's got to come
from the inside out and that's what this
journey is for me now like i've got to
learn love myself from the inside out it
doesn't work like i can't just go get
fox nfl sunday and be [ __ ]
the happiest guy in the world like it's
got to come from here
and
that's why the motivation for me was
convincing myself man if i go
if i become rich if i become famous if i
become that all all this shit's gonna go
away and it does and then
part of my struggles too
there's a lot of us out there who are
antidepressant anti-anxiety medication
resistant so i've been on i've tried
30 something different
medications over the years and
none have worked um
like none and like vicodin worked for me
and that was before i was before the
opioid crisis and i was like wait i play
a sport of pain like i was fighting was
like hey take these oh [ __ ] yeah it
feels good and then realize okay can
that help with your depression
that will make it feels good and then
until it doesn't until you go
until you act like more of an [ __ ] to
people because
it yeah the roommates in your head did
not play along nicely with each other
but you're looking for any sort of break
from the pain and they're a painkiller
did you end up struggling with addiction
not addiction but i've been coached for
a long time like a guy started in the
90s we didn't know any better like i was
doing mixed martial arts in the early
days
hey that's a game it's a it's a game of
pain
painkillers sounds good to me like
made a lot of sense to me
um
but it did cause me a lot of problems
when i went out but yeah it would it
would dull the pain for me
of the gray
short term but cause lot more long-term
problems especially my behavior
and my outputs and
me
me viking and alcohol and these are not
a good combination at all
and
like
my mic
you know for uh
for a dude like me who
who uh
who really thinks like man
it's so hard to be my friend and my
friends are getting people i'm i'm too
much for my crew
i've done a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] over
the years and here they are still with
me
you know like
and i get choked up because it's like
sometimes i realize when i say it things
like that like damn maybe i'm not as bad
as i thought like they're still with me
like these stray hands and these
constant schwartz that you know and mike
mourinho and
my andrew worst of the world man these
people are still by my side
despite
me having these blow-ups the randy
coutures and the chuckled elves despite
me having these meltdowns they're still
there so uh maybe i'm not as bad as i
think but it takes things like that for
me to
i don't know why it just hit me so hard
right there it did but because i don't i
don't talk about
the drug side of it
rarely ever
um so yeah they've been out with me with
a lot of manic moments if you will
caused by that so that sudden i had a
i've had a curve um
but that's the motivation of
of ben i'm i'm trying to find i'm trying
to find the outside love
so much
where it gives me enough of a break
where i can kind of be on this ledge
here as i'm working on how to love
myself from the inside out like i'm
worthy the universe is not against me
and the sky is not falling it hasn't
fallen all this time yet i wake up every
day feeling like it's going to
and a lot of people successful or not
have that same fear but no one talks
about it i'm like [ __ ] it i'm going to
talk about it i'm going to put it all
out there for us so we are like
literally i said we walked this walk
together
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yeah the the aggression that you have
comes across in the book and i have to
imagine that that has served you well
there is something
when you look at people that really
achieve the kind of outsized success
that you've achieved
there's oftentimes a pain point it could
be dyslexia and feeling like you're dumb
and everybody's making fun of you and so
you you know overshoot things it could
be growing up in the inner cities like
looking at what jay-z has done you know
it's like the inner cities break most of
the people that it touches but the
people that get out they really hit
escape velocity uh depression same thing
you know destroys most of the people
that it touches but then there's
occasionally somebody like you
where you're able to focus enough
aggression to
get beyond it and you come up with these
tools and tactics and for people that
that don't know all of your background
which is freakishly well-rounded so
obviously very recognizable for
the commentary that you do on fox for
the nfl uh i didn't know the depths to
which though you were involved in mixed
martial arts and so that is uh very
interesting to me and how much you're
using that to help
players and veterans who have as you say
lost their tribe they you know
transition out of sports they go from
having this big group or they transition
out of the military they have this whole
group around them and an ethos that
carries them and now they're you know in
an isolation game which is like the
worst thing for somebody struggling
and as you bring them together you bring
them together over fighting which i
think is really interesting and there's
something out of the book i want to
quote
this really hit me i thought this was
really powerful and you were talking
about um how to become a warrior you
said this is how we create warriors you
have it all in you one find out who is
the best and do more than them talked
about that earlier two be relentless
three
push your breaking point push your
breaking point push your breaking point
push your breaking point
four neutral face don't ever show you're
hurt or tired and five it's your honor
to fight hurt
and i was like dude there's something
about that like go hard [ __ ] don't
don't take it don't take it from
yourself don't take it from anybody else
like you can't you can't be weak like
you've really got to push through and
there were a couple times like you were
saying like i get hard on people that i
know are contemplating suicide or
whatever and i'm not trying to
villainize that but like there is a
moment where you just have to [ __ ]
say
like you got to get tough you've got to
push through this
and
i'm very curious
when you came to that was it something
you found early
why is that universal like is because
you seem to use that i mean from demi
lovato who obviously did not begin as a
trained fighter though i'm sure after
time with you like there's some pretty
unexpected people she can fight trust me
she can fight she knocked one of your
teeth out if i remember little [ __ ]
yeah she got my teeth with a spinning
elbow that i taught her and you know we
we're not supposed to do that to each
other in the cage and all of a sudden
wow
i'm like you got to be kidding me and
then
yeah knock my tooth out and she was so
proud of herself and then she was like
i'm sorry i'm like you're not sorry and
then you know obviously she did a whole
sorry not or anything but
it it's interesting the thing you're
talking about the unbreakable mindset
right find that warrior that's what i
use for our athletes
okay that's the athletes the other part
of the mvp part
which um
you know we take former combat vets
and former first nfl players were now
ex-fighters olympians nba nf uh nhl uh
mlb anything we put them together
because one of my things in here is you
gotta have a team right when that
uniform comes off
and you lose your team
that's scary as [ __ ] that's when the
roommates in your head really start
talking to each other so i said man i
know they didn't do the same job but
combat vets they look up to pro athletes
pro athletes look up to combat vets
let's build a new team put them on a new
team and let them build each other up
it's pr and peer
counseling if you will and i'll use a
lot of the stuff in this book to as as
our managers and as our teachings and i
learned a lot from them in our talk so
we train together for about a half hour
just to give you a burn then after we
have these hour hour and a half mental
health levels we just sit there and we
just
talk our [ __ ] out open up and like for
our vets
like they are ingrained not to have
individuality and they're going not to
talk about it
so
how are you supposed to get through the
transition if you don't talk about what
you've done
everybody else lies on their resume
combat vets don't talk about their
resume well
it's hard to get through the transition
if you won't talk about yourself and so
it's one of the things yeah i kind of
get on them about it like hey um
you know they have all these like you go
overseas and you do incredible things
you save people and you have grace under
fire courage under pressure
and then they come back over here and
they're like oh i'm different
oh i don't belong i don't and i'm like
no [ __ ] that you're different
different is good different leads to
success
like don't be a face in the crowd be the
[ __ ] crowd let's be our own damn
crowd so that's one of our matches and
same like our football players we're
seeing too many of them go by the
wayside right now
um
because when their uniform comes off
they're like oh man i used to play in
the nfl
i'm trying to shift that no dude you
played the nfl and you playing the nfl
is not who you are what's behind your
rib cage they got you to put those hours
in and
outwork the world but not by a little by
a lot and
you know beat out millions upon millions
upon millions to play on this level
that's who the [ __ ] you are that
suddenly just doesn't leave when your
uniform comes off but who reminds him of
that so i put them together so they can
remind each other of that and yes you've
gotta
you gotta be around suicide cannot be an
option for us because
you know i know you're in pain
but then you're
leaving your pain and putting it on us
like don't do that you got to stick
around for us as much as it sucks and
hurts and
like we've had a lot of members attempt
suicide that
they now haven't since they've been part
of mvp and every single one of them has
saved somebody since
so like you never know what lies around
next tuesday
but if you hold on
like
you could do something that can impact
somebody else so greatly and then the
people that they save they might end up
saving
10 people 100 people a thousand people
100 000 people i've gotten saved so you
know i'm able to as i say i'll never get
to the point where i will kill myself
may i get to the point where i'm like
man i hope something takes me out
and
if
something like that happened if i didn't
like in the end you saw my like my
last chapter i'm on a gurney in cedar
sinai as both my lungs aspirated if i
just gave up there
there'd be a lot of people who wouldn't
be with us right now right so i've got
to make sure that i'm there for
everybody and i can i can promise you
this
um
man our our crew we've had this in our
our huddle and you'll see
you read in the book right about
those have made that
unfortunately have that decision i
guarantee you
they're in whatever
afterlife you believe of believe in i
guarantee you that i'm up there seeing
everybody cry like yes they're up there
like oh my god what did i do no
no so i point this out to our group and
say this is your chance to have a i bet
you they wish they could have a take
back now well this is your opportunity
of a take back for those of you who
attempted it this is what you left
behind and you get to see it firsthand i
know you don't want to leave that behind
so it's really made a huge impact so
that's
the mvp part and i know that that's a
lot we're in seven cities right now uh
we had three zooms a week
um and it's me and again me just
grinding and my crew trying to raise
money and it's free for all
vets and combat vets and um active
duty uh military in combat zones and uh
pro athletes also so we're in seven
cities and that's what vets and
players.org is our website for that so
i'll take a little breather there
because then the other part was what's
the unbreakable part um yeah to me it's
it i
read the book feeling like the two
things were interconnected and i'm
curious
if you see it that way so
the the book obviously begins with you
know how hard your career well i mean
first you set us up with the gray and
then you talk about you know look i i
really struggled for a long time to make
it you detail things out it is so
inspiring to see how hard it was and how
long it took you but how you live by
that code you were super consistent and
throughout the book you do a couple
times where you're like okay here are
the keys to success and this you talked
about some of those earlier and then you
get into this warrior mentality and how
we can all build that inside of
ourselves
and if i remember right that was tied to
this you know where people are
struggling yeah well that was tied to
the gym so it was it was funny because
when i first did the book
well people have asked me to do a book
being the nfl insider for years like oh
my god the secrets you must have my guy
i'm putting that [ __ ] out
i'm not looking over my shoulder for the
rest of my life and i'll probably put
out one percent of what i know on the
air um because it's also build
relationships i don't want to burn
people if i want to continue to have the
most inside information as anybody else
um
well if someone deserves to get burned
they deserve it burma for the most part
we're you know we're
i'm not trying to
look at it and screw someone over
because i know something dicey on them
um
but you know this
so i'm at an event
um for a friend of mine mike baer who
just wrote a book
and i know him well right and so dr dr
phil was there and i think dr phil threw
the party all these people were there
and this
woman walks over these three women walk
over to me
uh jan lacy and carrie they said okay
we don't know who you are
everybody in this room is talking about
you but we cannot figure out what you do
like you're an actor i said no no and
she goes yeah you're on ballers with the
rock i go yeah that's but i'm not an
actor i'm just playing my normal
[ __ ] self and that's kind of friends
with dwayne well okay but you're you're
a trainer and an mmh for demi lovato
yeah okay okay no but you're a vet i
said no i'm not a vet but i have charity
that's helped a lot of vets and that's
what i'm most proud of but and then dr
phil walter says hey the cowboy is going
to be signed back prescott or what and
they're kind of looking at him like why
are you asking the the guy with the
veterans and demi and the the baller guy
that like no i do the nfl and they go
all right
your shit's so confusing
can we buy you a drink and i said yeah
i'll take a stop your blog they go well
we didn't expect that either
they ended up being my literary agents
and uh jan miller and and lacie lynch
and uh carrie thornton was the publisher
they were like we need to do this book
especially when i started talking about
mvp and um
and how many lives were saving and
powering over there
i said we'll do it so
but i always said like how am i gonna do
a book cause i got
six different careers going on because
i've always done these
crazy outlandish things to try to
find the rainbow and just try and find
the blue so i've always had to go do
push myself more and more
and in that book you know unbreakable we
have the number one gym in the world
um and that's what the work name
unbreakable campus my gym where again
we're trying to push your breaking
points and
there's two things about a break with a
couple things unbreakable are really
unique one
we train you as a team right i talk a
lot about teams
and
as a result
we're the only gym in america we got
zero mirrors in the gym
none
because i don't want anybody's back
turned to the rest of the team looking
at themselves we're in this together and
you'll have
demi lovato working out with sylvester
stallone and wiz khalifa coming over
here doing this and the head of this
company over here and head of this
company doing there and this person good
and it's just the weirdest [ __ ] you've
ever seen but we are a group dude we're
a team and i say hey you got a fight
team it's a scary world out there now
and i give you like man i build good
communities in a great locker room so
i'm like i'm going to put a therapist in
here because i'm telling you we're going
to build you from the inside out
that needs to be in mind body and soul
um
but this unbreakable mindset
okay it's how i live life it's how i
coach our athletes to play
it's how i fight
and
the moment i make the decision to get
out of bed every day which is a hard one
for me like the grey keeps me in bed
it's hard and somebody just asked me
this recently like how are you able to
go after life and
it's hard for you to get out of bed the
moment i make that decision
when i get out of bed
like yeah i am going to be so relentless
in everything i do and look i'm not i'm
a little five foot seven jewish guy man
i got everything against me physically
so
i
what i don't what i don't lack
is that relentlessness of
man i will push my breaking point so
much as i push my breaking point
i look back and i go man i can't believe
that used to be hard for me two weeks
ago three weeks ago
four months ago and now i know i have
more in the tank but also
like the way we train i do not stop i
don't stop i don't stop i don't stop
until somebody goes holy [ __ ] get them
off of it
right um
and talk about our neutral face
um
and it's the complete opposite how i
want everybody to be in life
so this is
for athletics
i don't want anybody to show it in life
i want you to talk about everything it's
one big you know it's it's why does
talking work so well that that one while
i agree it feels counterintuitive it not
for this stuff well i'm like talking to
you right now it's a [ __ ] therapy
session for me it's great like the more
we can talk because we share it bonds us
because you probably have something
that's going on also a lot that
resonates with you and you're not going
to feel so alone and you may not it's
probably things that you won't share
with other people but you're afraid to
share a for shame or being judged or i
don't know if someone's going to like
this and all of a sudden we share it
well that's that team right we're
bonding over something you're not as
alone that you get to hear it maybe say
yourself i was always afraid to say that
no i don't have to be so afraid because
i'm not alone i'm not the only one i'm
not the only one who thinks that i'm not
the only one who fears that
um
but the other part is like
again back to the athletics part
our fighters cannot take a stool in
between rounds i want them pacing back
and forth for painting back and forth i
want
you know their opponents are looking
like
why the [ __ ] is randy contour not
sitting down like what's wrong with him
why is he
great right how is he not hurt and
man i will just like i our guys can't
take us
no hands on our hips i say neutral face
because i want
i want to see like you when someone
breaks when you break someone in
athletics and sports in fighting or
football you could hear it
it's awesome there's nothing like it
when i break somebody else's will there
is nothing freaking like it you could
it's like a branch breaks for a twig you
can hear it and feel it and you know i
tell all our football players all the
time
man if you're
you can do three minute rounds with a
one minute break with us and you don't
show it
you damn sure could do a six second
round or seven second round in the nfl
field with a one minute break and the
moment you turn around you see someone i
see someone gassing i see someone with
their hands underneath i see someone
doing that
i forget i'm tired i start sharpening my
weapons even more and then i start
becoming more relentless and ramping up
ramping up so they'll beat my ass in the
first round or two we've still got a
couple of rounds to go and eventually
every one of them they're going to go i
did not sign up for this
like i and and you know i tell us all
tell them all
that game starts that cage door locks
you better make that guy across from you
beg to get out of that cage with you
that's your job and
again we talk about the pain part of it
man i've had i got uh i've ruptured l4
l5 four times
l1 l2 twice herniated c2345 broken this
seven times
the cycle twice
dislocated that
but tour that tour that
and
every time i'm hurting
i don't tap out i go oh [ __ ] i'm not
gonna train today because i'm not
feeling good instead i'm like man
if i could
give this guy a handful i didn't win if
i can give him a handful and i'm only at
fifty percent
man that makes me a gangster
it's your honor to fight hurt my honor
to fight her like it's your honor to go
out and drop a hundred yards on someone
with an ankle sprain or an elbow and but
because it tells you something about
yourself
yes and that's that's where like our
crew
we don't really give a [ __ ] we win or
lose and i learned look i've been around
a lot of greatness
and i have a god bless me with the
ability to communicate
their greatness i think in a more
relatable way and to the masses a lot of
times
what's normal to them is great and they
realize well that's not normal so the
more i could teach people on how to be a
champion um like i was a i'm a lousy
competitor
as i've started a coach i've gotten
really good
because now i get it no one ever taught
it to me in the past now i'm
now that's my mindset like if i'm hurt
dude you will never ever ever ever know
and in there like you'll never see me
nothing i'll never show it now after i
may pass out over there that's fine
but during that that's one of the ways
i'm gonna try and break you
non-verbally jay there there really is
something so people need to read the
book which i truly found extraordinary
and
you're you're flirting with this
dichotomy through this whole um
conversation which i find so useful in
real life which is
okay look i'm teaching people how to be
so hardcore don't show your weakness
break them mentally you're like you can
hear it and i love it
and yet you're also the guy that's like
i have a therapist in the gym because
after you know we sparred for a little
while that's when like the real emotions
come out we can cry and really bond and
heal and something we haven't talked
about but that you go into great detail
in the book is you know all the ways big
and small that you've served people and
all the people that you've helped it's
really it's incredible when people read
the book they're really going to be
impressed with the number of different
ways that you serve it's it's really
pretty breathtaking which means we all
can do it that's why i'm saying i'm
showing it because everybody can do it
here's here's the truth jay you talk
about shooting straight i'm going to
shoot you straight the reality is most
people can do one or the other but they
can't do both and this is this is what i
find interesting that you both in the
ring when you're training you want to
break somebody's will in that
competition
and you want to love them and protect
them and in the book you you must use
the word teammate 300 times i mean it's
you you refer to the reader as your
teammate which will make sense when you
read the book but i can't be alone
because i'm not
i don't like getting stuck with this i
don't know how to love this dude or like
this dude so i need teammates so i never
feel alone yeah
it's really important that i think
people learn so i talk about it in star
wars terms that there's a light side and
a dark side and that if you eschew
one of them you've given up half of your
options
and
the the dark side that you know breaking
a competitor's spirit if you can do it
well where it's like hey in this moment
we we slip into that mode and then in
the other moment we would never dream to
be in that mode but it's so there's this
idea of the meek shall inherit the earth
and i heard an interpretation of the
word meek to mean instead of weak which
is how i always assumed it to be
instead of that it means somebody who is
strong and very capable of fighting but
they keep their sword put away
if if you are not dangerous then you are
not
being gracious by not getting into a
fight right i heard that from um
for us sahabi i don't know if you know
him but mma trainer amazing amazing guy
and i was like really struck by that
statement say to me again
if you are weak and don't know how to
fight you are not being gracious by you
know avoiding conflict you're avoiding
conflict because you know you're going
to get your ass beat
if if you're for us a hobby and you're a
trained mixed martial artist and you
know that you could [ __ ] this guy up six
ways a sunday and you decide to leave it
be to calm the situation
there's there is gratitude in that
there's gratefulness there's there's a
gift there's graciousness in that yes
and
and that to me is what your book
encapsulates this is look you [ __ ]
struggled man but this is not the book
of somebody who has had it easy and
therefore was persistent it is a story
of somebody who's struggled in every way
imaginable still manage to keep a north
star and move towards it relentlessly
when people hear you detail out those 10
dark years dude it is unbelievable
and then punchline is oh and by the way
i spend all my time loving on other
people because of
that it echoes back right so it's this
this incredible tale and this is what i
think life should be for everybody is to
find that ability to both break
somebody's competitive spirit and find
joy in the ability to pull that off and
at the same time
care about that person as a human and
love people so much that i can only
imagine how many times you've taken
phone calls and like suicide watch and
all that it's like you deal with heavy
[ __ ] yeah but dude jay i i am not
glossing over how much you continue to
struggle but what i want people to hear
in your story is that this is somebody
who has
built up every tool that he can you are
slathered in muscle you know how to
fight you're quick-witted you have
proven tenacity and loyalty win over
everything it's it is an amazing journey
that you take people on in your life
which you happen to have detailed in a
book uh it is not surprising to me in
the least that you have collected this
extraordinary group of people in your
life
every one of the people that i know that
you know are incredible human beings so
anyway
your book details a strategy that i
think is breathtaking thank you matt i
really appreciate that it's
that's that's a wow for me man that's a
big wow factor for me i appreciate that
a lot again
things like this like i'm trying to
piece a lot of these together
so i can learn how to celebrate myself
from the inside out know how to do it
from the outside and you know hang with
all our friends and partying this and
that and you know fighting all that
stuff but for the inside out that's
where my that's where the pot of gold at
the end of the rainbow is for me and
um this is the next step for me and
trying to figure that out and attain it
in the meantime yeah i get to use my
pain
to help other people through theirs
right i can use my own
gray to help people through their
darkness
and that for me is
bam that's you know probably why god put
me here and
found my why i do i i told this
australia the other day i think i found
my why for the first time i think i
found my why so i appreciate it and and
again you i don't try and figure your
life out like i was
for years i'm like damn
you know [ __ ] why like why are you like
this why you like us
and i don't try and figure your life out
i'm trying to figure out why good things
happen to bad people and bad things
having a good people and all that stuff
you know i just for me now i kind of
know the why of man i had to go through
all this
so i can help other people through
theirs
i get it man i respect it so glad you
wrote the book where can people follow
along with you where can they get the
book
oh go uh you can go to harpercollins or
amazon or barnes and noble
sold everywhere where you would normally
buy books uh audio tape uh audio comes
out soon also uh january 25th is the
launch date so go on pre-order now um i
do the read for the audio version so
yeah as i the way i talk is the way i
write as you as you probably saw
um
i'm honored like the rock wrote my
forward which is like man like
such an honor and he and i are able to
get deep in it also which is just great
where he could use
he wanted to do it because he's like hey
you're going to be that voice of the
gray for all of us
and again here's the biggest star in the
world and we all have some gray that
i'm hoping to be this like i said i
want to be a light for people through
their gray so maybe they'll help me get
through mine so
um and then yeah if you uh go to my
instagram or twitter there's a link on
it there also but yes i would love you
all to walk this walk with me the more
teammates we could have and i want
people also to share in their own
struggles with this with other people
who are like when i i've been
on social media in real time like hey
this is what this [ __ ] feels like right
i don't want to do filtered crap and
make people feel worse about their lives
like this is it so when you see those
comment if you're struggling comment
it's been really cool to see other
followers then lift them up and be
teammates together and help them out and
um
also like
it's good for us to remember to
celebrate and love ourselves up right so
things like this
allow me to celebrate myself and love
myself up gee it's even hard for me like
to get it out like celebrate no [ __ ]
it's hard it's really hard for me man
it's legitimately hard
um
but things like this get me a little bit
more toward well i need to get you to
that blue
it's amazing
the book is amazing guys if you have
ever struggled with anything whether
it's just having a hard time achieving
what you want to achieve in your life
this book trust me is for you if you've
carried the weight of any kind of mental
illness that creates that sense of
overwhelm
that things aren't going to go your way
this book is definitely for you uh if
you want to laugh this book is for you
it really really is uh phenomenal work
uh jay thank you so much for coming on
the show today man i really appreciate
it and unbreakable is
things that
could have broken us but didn't that
makes us unbreakable like all our scars
again be proud of your scars be proud of
the stuff that has knocked you down be
proud of the crap the adversity that
you've gone through and it didn't break
you and you came through that other side
of the tunnel that's what being
unbreakable is
i like it appreciate it
thank you guys speaking of things that
will help you become unbreakable if you
haven't already be sure to subscribe and
until next time my friends be legendary
take care peace
you