Kind: captions
Language: en
hey everybody welcome to another episode
of after impact
I'm your host on value and I am here
with none other than Agent Smith mr.
bill you what's up dude are you doing
I'm good
you probably already know who dr. drew
is this man right here
yeah mr. Pinsky he's amazing if you
don't know who he is here's a quick
background so he's a very well known
doctor who specializes in addiction he's
a board certified internist and perhaps
most famous for hosting the radio and TV
show Loveline for 30 years from 1984 to
2016 that is crazy it's crazy he starred
in a number of TV shows himself
including celebrity Celebrity Rehab and
he's also the host of the dr. drew
podcast which you've been on yeah and
we're a guest and technically I was on
this life with dr. Drew and Bob Forrest
I'm mistaken there you go Oh Kylie lives
well yeah I decided that's right and
last but not least this guy has a
serious set of pipes if you didn't know
you can check it out on the episode
actually he breaks out into opera he
accelerates things opera he does and
that was that was really cool to see so
that's a fun part of the episode if you
haven't seen it go watch it now but yeah
let's kick off interview into this
episode we eat this is so every time I
prepare for after impact I usually do it
the morning of the shoot you know I
listen to it on my commute to you know
reefa Miller eyes myself with the
episode and write down questions I'm not
while driving but that's how the best
yeah this one was so packed with so much
information and so much value and so
many different ideas and he's just
razor-sharp dude is a great razor sharp
yeah and he was covering so many
different you know myriad topics from
medicine to psychology to philosophy it
was fascinating I want to kick it off
with the feeling of dread not in your
places feds always a good yeah yeah
let's do it
he actually mentions that he had he
calls himself a recovering workaholic
yeah
had a moment in his life where he was
just working so hard that it wasn't fun
anymore and he got a serious something
of dread and I wanted to ask you if you
had a similar experience like that when
you Rebecca awareness technologies in
the late days yeah no question so much
so that four years after we sold the
company and I stopped commuting into
prison Marina del Rey I would get that
foreboding sense even just like going to
Marina del Rey like yeah I couldn't go
at restaurants there like nothing
anything that was like of that time it
lasted for a long time it is weird how
it begins to like just seep into your
soul you feel it in your bones it's
crazy so when he said that I was like I
know that feeling so well yeah it's
really crazy I've had a similar
experience so I know what you're talking
about
what should people do like fur coat you
can't like not that and they just roll
along I mean I'm not going to go into
details but I did have it rocked about I
won't name names no I had a nasally
named um excuse me
one one one job I had was particularly
stressful and I wasn't passionate about
it and it was early on in my career and
I was trying things out and over time it
just built up to it was the feeling of
dread every time and here's the worst
part
I lived within ten minutes a ten minute
walk to the office maybe a five minute
walk like across the street and right so
the so I experienced read included home
exactly yeah which is bad and they
actually started to affect my health I
wouldn't got it I was like young and I
was in good shape I thought but I
wouldn't got a physical and my blood
pressure was off the charts Jesus Mia
and so I had to make a change I would
say yeah that's crazy I didn't know that
so I know that feeling of dread it's
horrible what which people do first of
all like can you identify early because
you said it creeps in and I totally
agree I think you can but man there's
really something to be said for hitting
rock bottom like reaching
breaking point and and something to be
said in the sense that most people they
can't stop it before they hit that point
like it just has to get bad enough yeah
and it's hard to make a real
life-altering decision when you feel
like you're just making it you know ii
mean like there really has to be some
weight there's got to be something at
stake and the good news is that we have
that dread in that sense is actually
really adaptive right it's it's letting
you know you're going in the wrong
direction and it's just going to keep
feeling worse and worse and worse until
it hits that point where now you like
you'll do anything to get out of that
situation yeah and I think it's a little
sad when it and I see this a lot with
parents that stay together even though
they cannot stand to be around each
other but until the kids go to college
Mike that's a little heartbreaking that
people are just able to sustain like
it's it's not too dreadful it's just
read fulanita
no one wants to see somebody that they
love go through that and you want to say
like come on like either fix the
situation or get out of it but people
really have to hit that wall pretty
[ __ ] hard it's interesting you say
that because that was another topic in
the episode of how do people change
their ways how do how do addicts
you know sober up how do people make a
big change in their life and dr. drew
says it happens in a moment there's a
moment when they know and he of course
ties that to disgust is one example but
do you agree with that do you think that
like change happens in a moment I know
you've spoken about your past and
certain moments in your life that like
stick out to you where you knew things
were shifting right yeah I think that
it's it happens in a moment because it's
been building up so long right it is the
straw that broke the camel's back so you
realize that in a moment
yeah happening behind the scenes there
really yeah for a hundred percent there
really is that moment where something
breaks and that's exactly what it feels
like because you go from like internally
something is stopping you because you
still have [ __ ] to give right yeah and
then there is that moment you're like I
know have zero [ __ ] to give like I
don't care I will burn
to the ground I no longer care what
anybody thinks about me it will no
longer negatively impact how I feel
about myself like [ __ ] this like I'm
getting out of the situation and not in
a little bit I'm getting out right now
today like no matter what it takes I'm
changing right now so such as beauty of
pain and that's why to me it's not about
living a life devoid of pain or living a
life with no negative voice it's like I
remember saying for the first time out
loud like don't try to silence the
negative voice in your head the negative
voice is what kicks your ass gets you
out of bed gets you focused makes you
want to do something when dr. drew said
that on the show about how discussed in
an instant like somebody will see
themselves in a new way and they'll be
disgusted by what they see you make a
change at that point then he's 100%
right what were some of those moments in
your life Wow well the heat out of
coming right well yeah I probably had
more than a couple yeah the easiest one
is at awareness tech because I was so
emotionally broken that we were going to
leave the country I mean leave the
country homey yeah I don't know that
part of the story yeah dude we had our
tea this was before Airbnb but we had
already gone online we are looking for
apartments in Greece we were going to
move to Greece and I was just going to
write and learn the language and that
was going to be that and it it really is
fascinating how you get to a point where
all you're willing to settle for is
happiness like I will take nothing else
nothing I don't care about being
ambitious I don't care about what other
people think I want to be happy yeah and
everything else is irrelevant and so
that was incredibly powerful and I think
that you know to your point there
earlier you can get there the sooner you
can catch it like hey this is heading a
really nasty direction the better I
think I'm being focused right now
everybody good to be sharp now so that's
huge another time in my life that had
happened as sort of similar was when I
crashed and burned in film school
and realize like I have to completely
rethink everything I have to rethink
about Who I am and that like I've
honestly never really thought about it
to this extent but that was the
beginning of me needing to let go of a
fixed mindset because it was I was so
crushed to think that I wasn't good
enough because for me that was a death
sentence right like it wasn't that oh I
could get good enough like it was me
realizing oh my god I don't have talent
and if I don't have talent do I have
value right now that's a [ __ ] panic
moment so when you start asking yourself
do I have value you've got two choices
you can either go down a depressive path
which most people do or you can realize
that doesn't help and so I need a new
mental framework to get out of that and
for me that's when I double down on the
king of remedial jobs and while it was a
step in the wrong direction it was me at
least trying to put together an identity
that could let me feel good about myself
and so that began sort of the meditation
on what it means to feel good about
yourself and it maybe was a slow time
coming to realize that in fact this
takes me to the other most important
sort of breaking moment in my life when
I realized I was arguing for things that
were contrary to my goals and I realized
wait a second like do I actually want to
be successful or do I want to feel good
about myself and that's what I realized
okay wait a second like you need to feel
good about yourself 100% like you have
to but to build yourself a steam around
something that is fragile is equally
foolish and so those three things are
pretty much mine sort of cornerstone
moment I suspect though there are a lot
of people who and no judgment like I've
been in situations myself where I've
probably not set back and had that
moment of reflection and realizes the
moment of change but I suspect a lot of
people you know aren't happy or
unfulfilled and instead of stepping back
and doing that examination like you've
done they just kind of keep going and
keep going along
what should they do like how do people
get get better at self-reflection let me
give you an alternate take
self-reflection is first I'll give you
the answer to that and they'll give you
an alternate take so one self-reflection
you have a feeling most people don't
stop like literally stop and say what is
this feeling what is the root cause of
it why do I feel unease why am i
whatever yeah and like for instance one
thing that I've really learned to do was
when I have unease when I'm like
explaining something to somebody I
realized the unease is born out of I've
now reached the edge of what I really
understand yeah but because I process
verbally I want to keep saying so that I
can might figure out like where I'm at
but if you're saying it like you
actually know and understand then I
would get this massive sense of anxiety
because I'm like I don't actually know
this I don't understand it so I need a
way to verbalize but a way that
acknowledges that I'm an exploration
mode and once I learned to identify that
then it was like you'll even hear me say
it I'll say I'm now at the edge of my
understanding like I actually say those
words yeah and that was born of me
getting that feeling and going God why
do I feel so weird all of a sudden and
then I would stop okay why am I feeling
this weird and I'm sure that was super
bizarre for people when I'd be like like
somebody had turned me off and I was
asked like what is that I'm like okay
it's anxiety what am i anxious about I'm
anxious that I'm bullshitting okay what
you and then it was I learned to develop
that phrase okay I'm now at the edge
what I actually understand and then I
would like but here's sort of where I'm
thinking and what I'm grasping at and so
that was that teaching myself to use the
sense of unease knife I keep touching
here because that's where I feel it in
my stomach we have to talk about that
have we no I said we need to talk about
that soon because of the episode dr. oh
yeah thank God we keep going we will
come back to it I totally forgot that
you brought that out there so I feel it
in my stomach I totally forgot about
that's gonna be fun alright so why'd she
let my stomach and I would I would use
that as a trigger to tell myself stop
stop what is this
and then process verbally that's really
important so that's what you have to do
if you want to get more self-awareness
and it may not just be anxiety there may
be a hundred other feelings yep but
using that feeling to stop and to do it
over the long haul right because it's
not just going to be once like it's
going to be a process you're probably
not going to identify exactly what it is
the first time it's going to be a game
of pattern recognition so I'm having
this feeling what is it oh I think it
might be this and then you have it again
the next time you like why thought it
was that last one but it can't be that
because I'm in this situation and then
you'll ultimately hone in on it and it
literally was just me doing that over
and over medication a good tactic for
that no no meditations about clearing
mind meditation is about going from the
sympathetic nervous system to the
parasympathetic nervous Gautam for me
there are people I'm sure for who may be
like of course oh my god this guy's our
novice I'm a novice fair enough
for me I use meditation for one reason
and one reason only I get into an alpha
wave state I slow my breathing I sold my
heart rate my mind begins to slow I'm in
a calm creative state that for me is
like the sum total of why I meditate now
there are people that meditate for
decades and decades and decades and
they're able to do I mean and they put
them in fMRI scanner so this is not me
just pontificating like legitimately
they're able to like shut down the Oh
God what's called the parietal lobe so
and I think it's the right parietal lobe
I'm at the edge of my understanding it's
either the left or right parietal lobe I
can't remember which and what that
that's in charge of navigation and the
reason that's interesting is because
that's how you define the ends of where
you are if you know where you end then
you can begin to navigate your way in
space when you shut that part down
that's when people start having mystical
experiences because they literally feel
at one with things why because it begins
to dissolve the sense of you have
endings no Phaethon incessantly so and
people that have been meditating for
they say 30 years who knows that's true
but people that have been meditating
that long that part of their brain
begins to shut down I'm like this is so
weird so I'm looking at the words
transcranial magnetic stimulation which
is exactly what does this transcranial
magnetic stimulation shuts down areas
bring what is utterly fascinating is all
the cool [ __ ] that happens to people is
from turning parts of your mind off not
from turning parts of your mind on how
it does so anyway that is meditation
sort of maybe old conclusion they can do
way cool [ __ ] and I can do but that's
what I use it for okay so now back to
well that's self reflection right so
then the alternate take I'm going to
remember this I'm going to punch myself
in the mouth your original questions do
not tell me your original question was
about do I think that self awareness is
the key to that feeling I gave you the
feeling and then I think I just can't
quite recapture well I'll bring it back
around so it was in the saying we were
talking about with her letting it dry
though guys I really appreciate that we
were talking about moments of change and
I I said I have a hypothesis that a lot
of people just kind of don't take that
time to examine themselves or think
about how they could change and they
just kind of go about like their lives
and they're happy so I said is self
reflection the key to that and then you
said I'll give you an alternate I'm not
recapturing the feeling but I was almost
certainly about to say that really
that's more of a question of what do you
like what are the things that you not
value life on but what's your value
system right so is how happy how
important is happiness to you that's one
like I know a lot of people stay in a
marriage that they're not necessarily
satisfied with because of their value
system like may believe that it's worth
doing that for the kids right yeah and
so at a value system level I don't fault
them at all it's such a beautiful gift
and the in fact I'll know I'm on I will
say that it's it is actually incredibly
kind of them I think it's probably a
mistake and I think people probably feel
the tension and all obviously if you're
arguing in front of the kid
and stuff then they feel that tension
100% but even if you don't argue in
front of the kids they probably feel the
the other use in the house so it's
probably not the best idea anyway but I
get that it's a gift so it's really
clear sacrificing right it really comes
down to what your value system is and
and so I think people just need to I
always hate it when my like really
honest answer is wildly offensive but
here's my really honest answer
people need to hold themselves to a
higher standard and I think people are
just willing to accept in their life a
low grade of suffering because they
don't expect themselves to achieve like
incredible [ __ ] yeah like once you're
like this like we need to find a cool
way to turn this into a t-shirt once you
accept that you can do anything you set
your mind to how you spend your time as
a spiritual consideration to waste your
time unhappy at a job to waste your time
unhappy in a marriage to waste your time
unhappy in anything because you don't
believe you're going to do anything and
so you can accept a sub optimal level of
performance from yourself you just can I
would never and I have in the past done
me wrong dude I've wasted so many years
doing stupid [ __ ] and I like to think
that I've talked so much about my
failures in that area that this isn't me
saying that I'm cool this is me saying
[ __ ] I done it trust me when I say right
it does not end well so elevate what you
expect of yourself not because there's
any moral judgment on people who don't
because a it's going to improve your
quality of life and B you actually can
do what you set your mind to so you're
capable of having change in the world
you're certainly capable of wildly
impacting if I remember now what I was
going to say wildly impacting your
family you need to change the people
that you're around that's the big thing
so another thing from the episode Diddy
is gather we are all over the plate on
him guys unfortunately because I had the
flu I have not had a chance to like sit
down today and refresh myself
but that's a huge one like if if you go
internally and either see nothing or see
exactly we should do like is sort of
irrelevant the answer is going to be
you've got to change your circumstance
you've got to change the people that
you're with you've got to get like a
fresh input and you've got to be held to
a fresh standard and doing it by
yourself is virtually impossible and one
of the greatest gifts I've ever had of
course is my wife but it's the way that
she holds me to a standard and I at
least know I always have this one other
person that's going to reinforce that in
me and then I mean we feel literally a
community just inside the company forget
like the actual outside community just
here in the company we hold each other
to a value system and then the community
that we're building the same so getting
yourself around people that are going to
push you is critical that's great
there's a lot a lot of different paths
you can go to the garden of forking
paths' so here we are Before we jump
into this I wanna give a quick shout out
so what you're saying about value system
I think is super interesting because
it's really at the core of how you start
to find purpose how you start to find
happiness and I want to give a shout out
to the nerdwriter episode yeah which I
think I've mentioned before but that's a
sleeper that I think not a lot of people
have seen a favorite app it's not my
favorite app but there's just something
about it that one that doesn't get
enough love for you it does he doesn't
get enough love and I think it was a
that what was discussed was different
from any other episode so it's about
creating your worldview it's about
figuring out what is meaningful to you
what you value and I think it's a great
kind of tutorial on how to do that so if
you haven't seen it go check it out
now I will digress there but I will get
to a question from our audience on
Facebook live from Gabriel dela bhorali
I saw is this live right now yeah I
think I responded to him on YouTube like
yesterday or Facebook maybe well he's in
Facebook now so thanks Gabe
and this is a perfect jumping off point
for talking about feeling in the body so
he says can you explain a little bit
better the point of view the dr. drew
spoke about feeling with the body
he said we have neurons on our core what
do you know about that
I want to add he said we might have
three mini brains in our body which like
just kind of blew my mind a little bit
yeah which by the way is not a maybe you
do there I can never remember if it's
fifty or five hundreds but you have
either 50 million or five hundred
million neurons in and there's a really
fancy name for which I should remember
because it would make me feel cool in
your digestive tract so from your
esophagus down to yeah it is insane it's
why you have that sense of knowing
something in your gut because literally
the same things that make up your brain
are in your digestive tract you acted
like in the lining of your esophagus
every lining of your intestines I have
the word lining may be entirely
misleading I'm at the edge of what I
understand I'm well beyond the edge of
science is what I'm asking but you have
the equivalent of a cat brain a cat
brain dude like cats knock [ __ ] off
tables and like mess with you and like
they're wicked intelligent animals yeah
and you have the equivalent of a cat
brain in your digestive tract that's
pretty cool insane yeah so so what what
do you make of that though I mean that
because it really struck me and I was
reading some of the YouTube comments
before and it also struck a lot of
people that wow that's why we feel these
things in our chest and why like you
know he talks about heartbreak and you
feel it here I mean you you agree with
it um I don't know enough other than to
into it um so when the doctor says
that's why you feel it and they've gone
to medical school and spent a lot more
time talking about this in me they're
enough I will bow to his expertise on
that I didn't necessarily agree with
everything about like some of his like
how about this I've never experienced
some of what he talks about with the
bodily intuiting things and stuff like
that so my experience as an echo exactly
his but from an intellectual
understanding I will just say he
probably knows more about it than I do I
thought it was super interesting that
you have this
man of science who is really open to
possibility open to the inexplicable
right like he's there's things we don't
know there's things that we don't
understand bordering on sort of the
mystical almost I would say he probably
goes beyond the border and I don't mean
that as a derogatory term no no not at a
sanae ting he was super fascinating i am
there is something we don't understand
like that is the only problems i can
make you like however much we know there
is an edge and beyond that edge is a
world that is so much more vast than the
world that we do know that when anybody
displays a degree of certainty that's
when i distrust them immediately like
their yeah nobody knows right we don't
even have a unifying fear of physics
theory of physics
let's true at that point you just have
to admit yet there's there's a lot of
stuff that we don't get so people that
that are certain about the mystical or
people that are certain about science
both of them are like crazy to me it's
like we just there's an edge to what we
may land understand and beyond that is a
gigantic world and that to me is is the
beauty and this is what I loved about
dr. drew is he loves the exploration
like he said there there are things that
science have proven you could take off
the table of questions like it's nerd
like we don't have to waste time of that
anymore
but there's so many interesting
questions left to be had on the table to
explore but think about to figure out
you know just to also remove from the
table to find a new direction to go down
but to say that we know everything is is
pretty criminal and I think only limits
the the beauty of what can become right
and that's my big fear about Dogma is
once you think you know you're no longer
open and that that as you so rightly
said for a man of science to be as open
as he is to the unknown to the things we
don't understand to the mysterious
beautiful wonderment really really cool
it's awesome I want to remind everyone
what we're doing here we're on Facebook
live or you're listening
podcaster YouTube and we are going over
the episode of dr. drew on impact theory
this is after impact the show or Tom and
I we unpack the episode of impacts area
if you will
we actually considered calling it on
path that was the name that I wanted
unpack yeah a little pun there yeah I
had a lot of names like that for our
company and you were in we were like a
naming fiend yeah ultimate you certainly
came he didn't land on any of my right
here didn't we um maybe we did I don't
know definitely not I would be a little
surprised anyway what was the name that
you were so obsessed with for a while
for the company
yeah oh it was potential is potential is
like I was making really hard pitches on
that as our company that was awesome it
was going to be Tom Billy's potential
ISM yeah buddy I was the name of the
show ah yeah we'll see how we got to
react to that variant covers the image I
like that would be fun
um parallel universe impact Theory so
we're on Facebook live also I want to
remind people who are listening on the
podcast or YouTube if you have questions
and you don't participate in Facebook
live because you're working we get it
feel free to email them over before we
shoot this on Wednesdays and I am will
get them answered for you so here's a
question from Michael Foster what foster
was something yeah what are some of the
healthy addictions that you believe are
essential to live a full lighting didn't
even didn't even finish the question
Michael bought in Matthew reading
reading yeah I'm with you on that wait
time I was leave it at that readings
everything reading and I guess working
out
I mean don't Karen Carpenter that piece
right you can get yourself into trouble
I'm not a write over man really yeah
Karen Carpenter yep man so this is
actually a really sad story
so Karen Carpenter from the band The
Carpenters I'm almost certain that's
true um like brother and sister
and she became anorexic and just kept
going kept going kept going and
ultimately passed away so yeah I mean
obviously there's
but I don't consider that working out
like healthy eating is another one like
that's great and so yeah I would say
those cool but reading oddly enough is
actually I'm more bullish about that
than I am healthy lifestyle we got to
talk about the the notion that all right
so you had mentioned earlier just now
that you it's the five people you're
around go change the people you're
around if you want to create change and
dr. drew also said that mota things
happen to people it's a moment of change
but what the precursor to that is that
they meet someone else who gives them a
different perspective on their life to
the where they can step outside of
themselves see themselves through that
person's runs and then that's when they
have a moment of change tell me tell me
more about that what was your reaction
to that because I thought it was
fascinating yeah it's really interesting
and it what I find fascinating is the
way that we can see so the theory of
mind right so that you're able to
project yourself into that person and
look back at yourself which isn't pretty
interesting and the way that we do that
is humans can be deleterious or it can
be advantageous so adjust and that's you
know comes back to that notion of do and
blue that which moves before like if you
look at yourself in a way and you're
disgusted by seeing yourself through
somebody else's eyes and it helps you
then stay there for a minute but if you
do that and then it starts to erode your
sense of self and it makes you feel
helpless or stupid then you have to
learn to shut it off and no you know
like so many things with the human mind
you have to be so careful not to become
obsessed with it and that's why I really
think it's important in this concept I'm
going to beat this one to death to spend
eighty or eighty percent of your time in
the positive and 20% in the negative and
that you the negative will always seem
more true and that's where people get
themselves into trouble like just the
way humans are wired negative is going
to see more true so when you see
something in yourself that is negative
you're going to be like oh my god that's
true but all this positive stuff that's
not really true and I feel like I'm
lying to myself yeah and so like you get
into this weird where even if that's
real it does not serve you to spend more
than 20% of your time in the darkness
yeah and so people have to learn to
separate what they do from what they
perceive is true because the stuff you
perceive is true is a lie anyway so you
have to be really careful with that but
it is an interesting quirk of human
biology that as social creatures a that
we can do it that we can project
ourselves into somebody look back at
ourselves and then be it's really ironic
how distorted that actually is and that
you're it's anything but an accurate
look back at yourself and so sort of
learning how much of life is funhouse
mirrors and that you have to be that's
why I believe you have to pick and
choose in fact I mean just be a better
way to explain this all of life is
funhouse mirrors man you are looking at
everything in a distorted fashion
everything and so which distortion are
you going to believe because none of
them are accurate so does that change
with the people you surround yourself
with and every person is a different
funhouse mirror and look back at
yourself so it's really important that
you choose the right people to be around
yeah and I don't honestly like I don't
think that that's not the that's not the
we're not ready to make that leap no
it's not that I'm just really thinking
about because really what you're doing
is you're picking up on how people treat
you and every time I want to finish the
sentence oh that's not like seeing
yourself the way that they see you via
what we'll call theory of mind is is not
the the major behavior shaper but the
way that they treat you is and so what
happens is you get in a group and let's
say that if you come in and you're like
man I can improve I can do it and your
five people like man don't be an [ __ ]
don't be an idiot like you leaving us
behind
then you're literally going to slack off
yeah and if on the other hand you show
up me like man like I'm tired today and
I just can't be bothered this is dumb
and they're like dude what are you doing
like come on you're gonna waste your
life thinking like that come on you've
got to be positive then all of a sudden
yeah yeah yeah like you want to be
positive so the way that people treat
you the directions that they push you in
that's hugely important but I would say
that's differ
then the funhouse mirror effect of how
you look at yourself that's wanting to
fit in and anybody who says that like
they don't care about fitting in
anywhere so people want to try everybody
wants drug so just a book on that Seth
Godin have you read it
I've read it either but it's on my list
anyway I want to give a couple shoutouts
we have my n nu n from Calgary Calgary
in the house and Anna Maina from Berlin
what's up Anna zero from Quebec City
that's my best attempt at that name is
shir Rho J Rio may be alright two words
okay yeah you know Sharia um got a
comment from Ian Pettit I haven't heard
from me in a while
what's up Ian the world is not only
stranger than we imagine it is stranger
stranger than we can imagine
that's almost certainly mature nice
here's a question from Daniel breeze dr.
drew seemed to have a different opinion
than you but I'm a big believer that
you're the some of the five closest
people to you have you ever had to
change the people around you we were
just talking about this I try to
surround myself online by people that I
would want to influence me which is why
impact Theory is so amazing
my name is man thanks Daniel that means
a lot what it's all about yeah I don't
think everybody agrees with the notion
of you're the average of the five people
but they're wrong according to you what
do you mean ah yes I I really do believe
that though I think that and let's turn
over the amplification to say that
you're the average or whatever but it is
so important I just cannot stress that
enough
yeah yeah let's see what else do I have
to ask you here he also said that if you
want to change behavior you actually
have to start leading in different life
which feels kind of like weirdly
counterintuitive like if you want to
change behavior then you have to do
things differently which is like it's
snake eating its tail right
what do you think about that to me
behavior is entirely driven by identity
like and but it to your point about the
snake eating its tail it's like how do
you change your identity if it's not
real right so how do you take on a new
identity until like it's actually your
identity and so that to me is is where I
sat back and I said okay what is the
process by which I do this and it is so
rudimentary that P I'm surprised people
don't write it and say like that doesn't
make any sense because the answer is you
just say it [ __ ] out loud like I am
the type of person that X Y Z that I I
don't lay in bed right so I struggled
with laying in bed too much and being
super lazy and so I just started saying
I'm the type of guy that gets out of bed
in ten minutes
just simple ass not lazy yeah that's
actually not true I don't never say that
I am lazy profoundly and it's important
for me to remember that so that I'm
putting these systems in place to make
sure that I don't succumb to the
laziness and so started saying that cool
now I had a rule it was very easy yes or
no pass or fail either I did or didn't
get out of bed within ten minutes and to
say it and not feel like a total fraud
it had to be real and maybe I just have
an overdeveloped sense of a not wanting
to feel like a fraud and then be feeling
like a fraud when I say something that
isn't true yeah so like when I did the
three day fast and I refused to take
Advil you know no one would have ever
known I could first of all I could have
just eaten and then told people that I
was fasting no one would have ever known
I just couldn't for me right because I
didn't want to feel like a fraud and I
really wanted to have done a fast yeah
so there it is man identity right
identity and you can plug in things like
I'm the type person that does what he
says like like there's an infinite
number of things you can just start
saying this is me this is me I'm that
type of person and then because I take
pride in those positive
things like to feel good about myself
like it all drives my behaviors it
reminds me of a an idea that I can't
remember who she is she had a very
famous TED talk and she's very well
regarded but she had this notion that
fake it until you become it which is
sounds similar to what you're saying in
the sense that you may not be that yet
but as long as you keep telling yourself
and as long as you keep acting in that
identity that you want to be you will
ultimately become that you will
ultimately gain the skills and the
knowledge and the confidence to be that
thing that you don't think you are today
is that similar to a very very much so
so here's the thing I can almost just
emphatically agree with everything you
said the only part that I have to take
exception with is you won't necessarily
gain the skills so you it is a hilarious
but important thing to understand about
human nature that whatever what my
friend whatever you repeat to yourself
you will believe so if you tell yourself
you doubt me damn you damn you damn you
damn you no good enough you're not good
enough you're not good enough you no
good enough you will believe it on a
long enough timeline you will believe it
and this is this is something that you
see in family dynamics which is so so
tragic or what all dubbed from here on
out the solely area effect and solely
Airy in Amadeus finally comes with a
realization that he's just good enough
to recognize how much better Mozart is
and in any other time in any other town
solely Airy may have been the most
contented happy musician because he
looks around and nobody else is as good
as he is
and so people lavish him with praise and
attention and he loves it he plays
because of beautiful music and makes
people happy and so hey you're proud of
yourself for being good at something
that brings joy to other people win-win
love that but Amadeus comes into your
town hands you your ass and now you
feel bad even though he's the only
person better than him so that's a weird
dynamic that you could also call the
little brother effect right where just
because your brother is better than you
at something even though you might be
better than everyone else in the planet
because your brother is better than you
that's all you see and you judge
yourself against that person because of
proximity yeah so it's it will become
real because you tell yourself I'm not
as good as my brother or not as good not
as good not as good not as good and then
I apologize I am soon I'll be better so
it is yet it's really really bizarre but
the great news is that the opposite
works as well and if you tell yourself
like I can get good at anything I set my
mind to all of a sudden you actually can
right because you open yourself up to
the possibility that that's real and
then you're saying it so much for years
and years and years that it's truly
baked into your personality and then
when you hit an obstacle the little
voice in your head just kicks forward
the notion you can do anything you set
your mind to so huh what's going to be
the solution around this dude I can't
tell you how many times like I still
have that sense of I don't want to say
being a fraud because it's not that it's
just being surprised at how seriously
people take you that they don't question
you the way you question yourself and so
I just did a call today and I'm on the
call and the things that I'm explaining
to this person who is a very well-known
person and I'm saying you know hey this
is what we're doing is what we're
building we would love to do something
with you and they're like yeah yeah like
I'm super interested like this could
really be something and I thought oh my
god like he actually like like that with
no hesitation sees the vision buys into
the vision is interested in continuing
the conversation so it's like and being
willing to dream that big and and I
don't mean dream in like an empty way
and this is really what I want people to
understand like repeating something in
your head enough allows you to expand
your sphere of what you believe to be
possible
you will only pursue things you actually
believed to be possible at least in any
series way you might sort of take that
first fake step and but to really
believe that you can do it is to hit the
obstacle and not stop because if you
don't believe it's true when you hit the
obstacle it is simply reinforcement of
what you already knew to be true which
is that you can't do it whereas when you
believe it to your core through
repetition mmm right not through grand
performance like when I said you know
hey I can learn all this business stuff
it wasn't because I had business success
right but because I believed it and I
opened my mind to being able to get good
at something then I actually could when
I told myself as a kid you know one day
I'm going to be rich not because I was
rich I just opened my mind up to
allowing it to be true when I said I'm
going to have to expect ask not because
I've ever been anything but slightly
chubby I just believed that I could make
it true so because of that like I always
took the sincere steps right the sincere
steps and most people don't take some
stair steps they're literally waiting
for that first obstacle so they can
relax and I remember I heard that
happening in business I would hit an
obstacle and I would relax but there was
this voice in my head that was like dude
what are you doing like you know that
relaxing right now you are never going
to get where you going I remember this
day so this is when I had started
working with the guys that would become
my partner's Mike and Ron and they I
don't know they were traveling or
something and I can relax and I thought
wait a second like why would I want to
relax what does this have to do with him
this isn't about them it's about me
about what I'm trying to accomplish and
then I was like holy [ __ ] like that's
where I've been my whole life was as
soon as like the perceived authority was
gone I would relax and I was like that's
so contrary to my goals it's that whole
period where I'm like so common though
it's very common I think because most
people aren't actually trying to do
anything because they don't sincerely
believe that they can do it right like
if you walk into a company and sincerely
believe I could be CEO I could take it
over whatever could start my own company
if you sincerely believe that
everything that slows you down is going
to piss you off because now it's just
longer it's that much more work that you
have to put in but when you don't
believe that's really real then assign
will write the you know the cat's away
the mice will play
yeah and you can relax because that's
what you believe is like the the truth
of life anyway I can keep going up
that's one of those things is so
important that really wish like if I
could just get people believe in
something and be that so the person I
mentioned her name is Amy Cuddy
so many someone in the comments Neal so
thank you thank you impacting this
community we'll do one last question
this is from Chris berry about the
mind-body connection if there are
neurons in our body in other areas
beside our brain does neuroplasticity
apply to these other parts of our body
do we lay down pathways in our body as
we do in our minds can we change this in
the same way through learning but we are
officially beyond what I understand but
this question is insanely interesting
we'll round it to muscle memory okay so
maybe but I don't think that I don't
think neuronal tissue is widespread like
that neuronal tissue as far as I know
runs down like that right so it starts
in the brain I don't think there's a gap
there maybe it's broken but at least as
my sort of vague understanding is as the
fetus developed it actually is one area
and then it literally breaks apart as
you develop so I think that they're
contiguous so my gut instinct is it
isn't it isn't like sort of that
widespread but muscle memory is a real
thing and obviously you can train
yourself and now the real question is
how far does myelination go and I don't
know the answer to that so like I think
the sense of muscle memory if I had the
guess it can't be entirely in the brain
because there's certain things that like
you can't even process cognitively and
you've already jump back or whatever so
now I'm just prognosticating had no idea
but it's utterly a fascinating question
we should we should have like these
we should figure out a way to list all
these questions somewhere and then find
someone who can answer them that would
be cool bring my show different yeah
enter something we can call it the edge
of what tom knows nice keen edge of
knowledge of knowledge yeah so I think
that's it for today those are all the
questions is there anything else you
wanted to talk about um no I mean if
we're at a time then I'm good or are we
washing we have three minutes I think we
have a look at that we have a couple of
minutes well then oh we didn't talk
about happiness we did another one thing
I forgot about okay you know moment
eudaimonic happiness is what dr. drew is
interested in he distinguishes that from
pleasure and he says you die moment
MONUC happiness requires two things a
technique which is like technical skill
and phronesis yeah which is experiences
wisdom essentially that you gain through
experience and he says that when you
apply that to serving some someone else
or something else that's what gives you
purpose and that's what actually gives
you this true lasting happiness which is
like self nourishing or nurturing self
sustaining and flourishing what do you
make of that yeah I mean eudaimonia is
is the the Jews it's the Holy Grail it's
really what people should be focusing on
in their life and it is the only thing
that I would say is universal for humans
like that's what we want that's what
we're looking for that is one of the
deepest and most pleasurable
neurochemical States and the moment
somebody can put in a pill form without
some freakish side-effects a sense of
well-being in a pill like that's it done
like nobody will need to do like that's
the ultimate soma right is to is to feel
content and disk but not content like I
have enough content like I've lived my
life well you know what I mean I know in
tributed meanings we like there's just
that is that is the ultimate chemical
reward for a social animal is to feel
connected you've done something positive
for the group and I love what he talked
about with technique like it's why
ladling soup at the soup kitchen just
isn't going to do it for most people not
long-term like you want to feel like
I've done something that only I to do
like I brought something unique to the
table and it is positively impacted
somebody else's life and when you get
sort of just objective and you rise
above the algorithms like why does that
matter why do you need to have impacted
another person but yet that is the human
condition and we do and to be able to a
bit of service of real service to
somebody else is so intoxicating for
humans but that notion of it's based
around something a skill that you've
acquired it's not something anybody to
do it's really specific to you and who
you are and what you fought hard to
learn and it that's really really
important and is that the would you say
that that's a direct parallel to your
concept of framework happiness or is
essentially kind of the same eudaimonia
is framework happiness got it so when I
make that gap unfortunately I just left
out a lot I didn't have that word yeah
so where was dr. drew four or five years
ago you know who else talked about it
this is a call back to inside Quest
Rainn Wilson used you Timonium yeah Wow
yeah so anything in it when dr. drew
brought it up I was like I've heard this
before
granule never could have pinned it down
to ring he's a really interesting guy
deep deep a and he there's two people I
sort of credit with the modern version
of the modern like when we get a big
guest I think man this like tracks back
ultimately to rain because rain was our
first like famous person who gave like a
lot of credibility and then he started
the knockdown effect of he helped me get
Peter Diamandis
who then helped me get Tony Robbins
then you know for there was just like
domino domino domino right grain is the
lead diamond and AD and I'd love to rain
that's awesome
alright I think we're ready to wrap it
up here I'm going to give three
takeaways from the episode three
takeaways that I thought were
fascinating the first is get around
people who are going to provide you with
a different perspective of yourself
that's really interesting we talked
about it at length in this episode of
after impact
the second is rather rather than seek
pleasure cqw time emmonak happiness on
where I'm struggling with that word
today which is when you have a level of
technical skill combined with experience
and applied towards serving your
community and the third is gratitude is
the number one sign you're happy
according to dr. drew which i think is
fascinating well thanks for those yeah
all right guys thank you so much for
joining us I really hope this is my last
episode coughing and spluttering being
sick has really sucked I have not been
this sick in a very long time so I
appreciate you bearing with me here
through this episode and I'm sure I
sound a little funny if you haven't
already be sure to subscribe and until
next time my friends be legendary
take care