Kind: captions
Language: en
wizard asks can you tell the tale of
hedgy sure so edgy is a stuffed hedgehog
stuffed animal maybe let me show him
first that made an appearance and I
mentioned on the episode with simon
Sinek and he's been making an appearance
in a couple that i've already recorded
haven't released yet maybe let me put
him on a on a throne of plastic which is
what all the great kings sit on there
you go so I decided to include him on
the video shot in the podcast because
some people mentioned that I have a very
boring scene usually and it's nice to
add some some flavor I don't really own
much stuff at all to add much flavorful
stuff to add to the scene but
happens to be one of the things I own
some but the reason I wanted to do this
as an AMA is I think there is some
interesting lessons in it I haven't
attempted to articulate yet that I was
hoping to explore a little bit to see if
there's something valuable there because
I think this this this stuffed Hedgehog
is somehow a reflection of my
personality and the way I approach life
that may have some flaws in it but maybe
has some lessons for others that might
be inspiring or a serve as an example of
what to avoid
so first the story of how how I got to
own this stuffed Hedgehog I found him at
a thrift store many years ago now I was
at the sister store and there's this
kind of box of stuffed toys maybe kids
that have grown up and then given up on
their childhood heroes in the form of
stuffed animals I don't know but it was
just like a bunch of like Barbies and
and bunnies and stuffed bears and they
all have thing about stuffed animals now
I don't want to generalize
but allow me the stuffed animals I've
seen I always have this kind of dumb
smile on their face this kind of vapid
empty look on their face like like
please love me even though I feel dead
inside but I'm gonna keep smiling so you
get to buy me and keep me now all of
this obviously is anthropomorphize ation
of objects they're not actually alive
but and I'm being mostly humorous with
this discussion but there's little
kernels of truth in it I think to me
most stuffed animals were kind of at
least in my imagination if I kind of
have this dumb vapid look on their face
of shallow happiness and the reason this
Hedgehog jumped out at me from this bin
is he had this like deep almost menacing
but really like a profound seriousness
about him that he was disturbed both
disturbed about the way the world is and
deep and thought about how to fix it I
mean that's how I felt that look he came
out to me almost like a like a mix of
the you know I think I myself of like
Prince Myshkin from the sea of skis they
D it and I think of hedgy here as the
main character I don't think he is a
name but the main character from notes
from the underground by Dostoevsky
basically this bitter brooding character
and so I don't know there's an immediate
connection that symbolized something to
me so I knew I had to get him I I think
there is this connection and I think you
experienced that connection people
sometimes and with things with ideas
with books they it just jumps out at you
as something profoundly unique I also
think that there's layers of
humor and absurdity about first of all
the idea of this Hedgehog and the
brooding Dostoevsky character amidst the
sea of shallow smiling stuffed animals
and the fact that I own very few things
and gave away most things I own a couple
of times in my life and the one thing
that survived through all of that is a
stuffed animal from a thrift store that
seems to be pissed off at life so I
think this just makes me smile the
absurdity of it all and that's why he's
you knows hopefully until like the
building burns down or something he'll
be a lifelong companion I wanted to use
this opportunity using hedgy here as a
chance to talk about three related
things one is minimalism stoicism which
is very much a part of my life of how I
approach life the second is on the
robotics side it may be just interesting
psychological phenomenon of
anthropomorphize a ssin that i think is
fascinating and finally friendship so on
the idea of minimalism I gave away most
things I owned a couple of times in my
life so just down to a few clothes jeans
shirts underwear socks a pair of shoes
in this most recent time also
a couple of suits stretch shirts and
ties and a laptop now there's probably
way too much to talk about there and
mostly I think it's probably not
interesting to people but I did want to
mention or try to describe my thinking
around these steps and why I did it and
what kind of lessons I learned I think
so I think there's something extremely
powerful when you sit in a room and it's
as barren it's empty and there's
something about that experience that
puts you face-to-face with your own
mortality and the reality that nothing
lasts forever
there's something about material
possessions that allows you to live in
an illusion that you can actually own
things that that there's a kind of
infinity to your existence because you
can own things and thereby hold on to
them the idea that you can own things
it's probably a hopeful chance to escape
our own mortality or at least escape
having to come face-to-face with it
often enough and also a chance to lose
yourself in the acquisition of more and
more material possessions I mean I can
wax poetically about what down-sized
material possessions have I don't know
maybe it's just a bunch of psychology
but the reality is when you're sitting
in a room alone and you gave away almost
everything and it's just you you get to
really be alone with yourself in the way
that I think the best of meditation
aspires to is removing all the thoughts
all the distractions of the world and
really just being I think material
possessions have that same just like
thoughts can fill up your head and for
most distractions or social media or the
internet and digital communication in
general can be distractions in the same
way possessions can be distractions to
your mind and that empty room does
wonders I mean it's such an
exceptionally powerful thing the other
thing I did and it coincided with
moments in my life where it was a big
transition step I think giving away
stuff gives you the kind of freedom it
liberates you intellectually physically
to take big bold risks I think I often
hear this kind of statement especially
when people have a family and kids or
this other or they have mortgages or
they have responsibilities like
quote-unquote adult responsibilities
they say well it must be nice for you to
be able to take this big risk or take
this take on this big challenge but I
don't have that freedom and I think I am
very cognizant of the fact that we use
these very real constraints as excuses
on ourselves to hold ourselves back now
they're real to me like having a family
having kids or having a mortgage is a
superpower that shouldn't that puts a
fire under you that when you take the
big risks that you better succeed I
that's a beautiful fire instead a lot of
people I feel use that as an excuse not
to take the big risks and in the same
way material possessions may hold you
back from taking a wild journey of
moving of taking the whole new career
you know it kind of weighs you down it
slows you down in the in the in the
aggressiveness and the size of the leaps
you take so for me giving way stuff was
a kind of catalyst to say I'm gonna take
this big step and I'm going to take in
the biggest boldest way possible on the
practical side I was surprised how
difficult it was to actually give away
stuff how painful it was how even though
you haven't used something for years you
think well you immediately when coming
face-to-face with a thing you think like
well that's an awesome thing why don't I
want to keep it in my life well the
reality is that life is short and we
can't do all of the things so when you
come face-to-face with a thing in your
life that you haven't actually given any
attention to for a long time that
shouldn't be a burden there shouldn't be
a thing that weighs on you that you want
to hold on to the step
of allowing yourself to realize that
damnit
like life is finite that here's a book
for example or a board game that I will
most likely never get to again like
allowing yourself to realize that and
let go of that and feel the pain of it
because it's ultimately coming
face-to-face with your mortality that
life ends there's not enough time for
all of the things that's what giving
away stuff is that's what that exercise
is that's why it's painful if you're
being honest that's why it's painful and
and actually going through with it is is
really liberating the other thing I want
to mention is it's kind of funny I don't
have a particular connection with
stuffed animals of any kind so it's
funny I have this stuffed hedgehog in my
life he does represent another
interesting thing that is more serious
in my robotics work which is
anthropomorphize ation you might think
as a process of downsizing of giving
away stuff that I would get rid of a
stuffed animal and I very much wanted to
but there's a kind of funny fact that he
has set aimlessly on my computer desk
for many years you know I didn't give
him any attention but he kind of saw
a lot of the experiences that I've been
through all the struggles all the all
the all-nighters writing papers the
coffee programming all the people who
were in my life isn't he's we like silly
to say it's not like it's not like I
talked to a stuffed animal right but you
know or think about him at all but we
shared a set of experiences so when I
looked at this particular stuffed animal
he doesn't just represent a stuffed
animal he represents a set of
experiences that we were both in the
room for this might be kind of silly to
describe but that there's something
there and I think that's a really
powerful idea that's a really powerful
idea of shared experiences it's it's
true for it's true for human to human
interaction to I you know some of my
close friends are people like it doesn't
really make sense that we're friends but
I think what makes us friends is the
experiences we've been through that's
what makes great relationships - I think
there's different flavors of love I
think one sort of like romantic love one
is that there's the spark in the
beginning the the magic that kind of
clouds all your thinking all of that but
then there's the the love that develops
through a bunch of shared experiences
and especially difficult ones struggle
loss trouble of any kind
I mean hardship there's something in
experiencing hardship together that
brings us humans clothes I don't know
that it's kind of interesting that
the depths of relationship is formed not
in some kind of mathematical
compatibility that we like the same
books or we like the same ideas or we
had the same upbringing but in all those
things might help I don't know but the
deepest glue the strongest glue I should
say is in the things we've experienced
together there's something in that that
that I would the the fact that I would
have a silly stuffed animal still with
me through all of that downsizing I mean
I gave away a lot of really valuable
stuff and a stupid stuffed animal sorry
man has survived all that it's
interesting and speaks to the the bond
form to sharing experiences I'll
probably elaborate on that in technical
ways and in the robotics AI work that
I'm doing I think it's really
interesting set of ideas there but I
thought it's just fun this whole video
is pretty fun and absurd really I just
wanted to do something different
I like being silly on occasion to kind
of lighten things up it does bring up
the idea of friendships and
relationships in general that I'll
probably discuss in detail at another
time maybe not I don't know and
certainly something I think about its I
do think it's a interesting
contradiction that given how much I
value friendship love relationships
romantic relationship family that don't
have I'm not in a relationship and I
don't have a family I think about that
quite a quite a lot that
all the passions that are in my life may
be somehow interfering with my little
it's probably just time but interfering
with the opportunities before me to meet
others to have the magical moments of
connection it's interesting it's a
tragic in a kind of the old Russian
melancholy way that perhaps makes for
better poetry and better music but
there's still time so I am a part of an
amazing community of positive people
that I just love love talking to love
interacting with I love the work I'm
doing I love interacting with people
with through the medium of like videos
like this a podcast and so on my life
truly is amazing I'm deeply grateful for
all elements of it so there's zero
complaint here and I'm not sure if hedgy
is a conscious creature like if there's
consciousness according Pan psychism
there's consciousness and everything so
he is in fact conscious under that
definition but I think if we're being
honest then we look at notes from
underground by just es key the main
character there now he comes off as
bitter but I think he's actually deeply
appreciative of life to him that
bitterness is beauty that's his
mechanism by which he discovers the
beauty of life and that's where
conscious or not I believe hedgy resides
so he is deeply appreciative of life as
well so thank you for watching and
listening to this most absurd of a maze
but I want to give you a little look
into my minimalist existence a part of
which is the stuffed Hedgehog thanks
very much see you later
you