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Language: en
a couple of related questions on
impostor syndrome self-doubt in general
Mike asks I'd love it if you could talk
about impostor syndrome grateful for all
you're doing
and the fist like a fist bump emoji
thanks Mike that could be one of my
favorite emojis I didn't know that
existed I love it okay Mike C asks how
do you deal with feeling inadequate
I'm studying robotic engineering and
while I'm doing okay in classes there
are a few very bright people getting
eight pluses in everything maybe I'm not
smart enough or maybe I'm just not
working hard enough how do you come to
terms to yourself and your abilities and
stop envying others you are very
successful and bright person yourself so
I don't know if you will be able to
relate yeah no I can certainly relate
I'd certainly don't see myself as
successful and certainly don't see
myself as a bright person okay I think
impostor syndrome and just self-doubt in
general there's a lot I could say here I
definitely suffer I don't know if I love
the term impostor syndrome but for what
it's worth I definitely suffer from
impostor syndrome I think there's a few
interesting things about human
psychology to say here and there's a few
productive things to say here so also
one the underlying problem with impostor
syndrome is and just any kind of
self-criticism and self-doubt is that
you're comparing yourself to others and
that kind of comparison
is not fundamentally productive for your
own development for your own growth
except in little bits here and there as
much in moderation for fuel I think
that's where envy comes into is is again
comparing yourself to others to me I've
certainly experienced envy as we all
have as especially when you're first
getting into a particular line of work
or efforts but what I learned and
actually here again I admire Joe Rogan
in I think he taught a lot of people
like in in this case it's in the comedy
world that sharing and sending a lot of
love and promoting others is is better
for everybody including for yourself
it's it's ultimately the path to
happiness is as opposed to being envious
of others or comparing yourself others
in a is in a negative light is being
happy for others other people's success
when I see somebody succeed I think
there's two things that I feel that I
have learned ultimately make me happy
and make me a better person one thing is
I feel just pure simple joy at their
success it's just
if you allow yourself it's fun to see
other people succeed it's something
they're good at something they're
passionate about it's just fun just
being a spectator of it if you allow
yourself to sort of not see it through
this compare the lens of comparison is
driving me were just mortal beings and
you don't need to sort of see it as a
race if you just see as an observer or
something beautiful and I certainly just
enjoy others being good at at theirs at
their art at their skill at their craft
this can be more difficult if that
person is doing something very similar
to what you're doing that's when he gets
more challenging but I assure you at
least for me even in that case it's
beautiful to appreciate the work of
others just be happy for their success
and the other is it's a neighboring
feeling but it's an inspiration a sort
of I wouldn't see is the dark it's
the positive side of envy sort of
realizing holy crap that's possible now
if that's possible and
is human then I could do that too I'm
human too and I can get that to that
level there's nothing all the amazing
rich powerful brilliant people have
gotten a chance to me especially with
the podcast in the past year the the one
the number one lesson I've learned after
talking to them is that they're all
human they are not very different from
me
many of them have huge amounts of flaws
they're all they all suffer from
laziness procrastination they all all
have impostor syndrome they they're all
human they're all human and they're not
much different from you and I and that
means when you see excellence that
should be an inspiration while that's
possible when somebody gets to the
four-minute mile that's possible that
shouldn't be like oh I can't believe
they got to the four-minute mile first
or something like that no that means
like if four minutes are possible then
maybe 350 is possible right and you just
push it and push it and push it further
especially people that are working close
to you you feel those are the two
feelings I feel and the other kind of
neighboring feeling in terms of why
comparison is a useless process is at
least for me I believe that success in
life is finding your own thing finding
and paving your own path not getting
farther on somebody else's path than
them or not sort of out racing somebody
else on a ready paved path it's forming
a new path to creating something new
hopefully something fundamentally new so
new that nobody could have even imagined
but even new in small ways so paving
your own way and their comparison
doesn't matter
I think that's one other instructive
feeling when you're envious of others if
they're getting an A+ in a particular
class if they're in academia you can
have sort of all kinds of metrics
citations which university you are in
which where you are in the hierarchy a
faculty position assistant professor
schoesser your professor full professor
what kind of awards you have
recognitions you have what kind of
grants you have in terms of lots of
money in business it could be the the
profits the it could be as silly as your
social media presence of followers and
all that kind of stuff all of those are
measures of your place and somebody
else's race that rhymes it could be a
haiku even I think the thing you need to
do is to pave your own path eyerly on
realize that I became disillusioned so
for a long time getting A's for me meant
success excelling at school was success
and a certain point in college I
realized that
it's a trap for my skill level that the
the creative the wood it's hard to put
into words but there's a certain thing
you become if you allow yourself to be
introspective to look at yourself in the
mirror and ask the question of what am I
good at what is what will the path that
I can pay something new look like and
you realize that school is deludes you
into thinking it's important to go down
somebody else's path now for a lot of
people school might be very effective
there's there could be you know success
in academia for a lot of people getting
a PhD in go diving in deep and a
particular topic is actually how they
find their art how they discover their
beauty through that process they find a
problem that's fundamental for me I my
the thing I would like to create in this
world is some weird mix of deep
scientific ideas but also artistry and
also doing very crazy things in terms of
both business and ideas that allows that
requires you to take a path that's
nonlinear and and so when you see other
people getting better grades you know I
was in that point I realized I don't
care about grades anymore and I I care
about diving deep and exploring worlds
that fascinated me feeding the passion
feeding the fire of that passion
rediscovering different aspects of that
passion so my advice in terms of when
you have self-doubt is to not self-doubt
is is grounded in your comparison to
others instead focus on finding the
passions in your life irrespective of
others something totally new find
something that you're excited about now
this could be a painful process
of this is the beauty and the and the
suffering of the creative process it can
take and can take a while but you
shouldn't be distracted but what the
world tells you to do you should focus
on this journey and discovering that
passion because then comparison more
matter of within that passion the only
comparison you'll be making is to how
far you've gone down the road yourself
of achieving that passion one of the
things you have to kind of think is you
have to look ahead and think of so when
you imagine your passion for me there's
particular things I've talked about it I
haven't been able to articulate it well
but it's something about companionship
with artificial intelligence systems of
having deep connections whether that's
whatever the space is it could be in
personal robotics in the home or it
could be with autonomous vehicles semi
autonomous vehicles maybe any kind of
human robot interaction contacts I have
a visions like literally I can visualize
the world that I would love to help
create and and then and that really
helps you pave different little paths
that are that are off the beaten road
off the beam path that allows you to not
listen to others it allows you to not
use the metrics of comparison to others
and that that's how I don't even
acknowledge impostor syndrome as a thing
I I feel it all the time you know I feel
like a fraud all the time I I get more
and more now more it's kind of hilarious
as you get older you get more prestige
and so on you get called it's yeah I get
called a thought leader which is the
most ridiculous label of all time or
more more common is expert you know I'm
expert on autonomous vehicles an expert
on artificial intelligence or expert in
whatever and anytime somebody says that
that kind of thing it seems silly to me
seems that I know so little and and the
more I learned the the less I feel like
I know and it it so that feeling of
imposter syndrome in comparison to
others in the city context of like
conferences where everyone's like a dr.
Friedman you know that kind of thing
it seems absurd but it's useless in the
grand scheme of my pursuit of my
passions
there's no imposter syndrome I truly so
there's a mix of humbleness just like
you heard now I generally have a
profound humbleness about my place in
this world but I also have an ego and
that ego has to maintain - it's a
powerful thing it's a useful thing and I
have a belief a self a deep self belief
that on that path I'm traveling that new
path I'm paving I am the best person in
the world to pave that path that little
unique little little road is I am the
right person this is the right time I am
the best person in the world for that so
there I am like it's not an apostille
syndrome there I'm truly meant to be
great that and that's my own little
corner of the universe
you know there's billions of them but
that's mine and at that I'm the greatest
in the world and there you have to have
that ego it might turn out to be nothing
but I'll be the best at nothing it might
turn out to be something great and then
I'll be the best at that degree but that
that's where I get that confidence that
little gentle fire always burns because
it's mine I had to add to quickly Google
one of my favorite poems to insert here
it's called in the desert by Stephen
Crane that kind of
to this point of having your own little
place in the universe and appreciating
it and deeply appreciating it without
jealousy without Envy having this little
piece he writes in the desert I saw a
creature naked beast eale who's
squatting upon the ground held his heart
in his hands and ate of it I said is a
good friend it is bitter bitter he
answered but I like it because it is
bitter and because it is my heart okay
being read like this it sounds absurd
and Stephen Crane is an absurd poet and
I love his work but is basically it's
your own it might be bitter it might be
some sort of definitions of success in
this world your path your journey your
career might be a failure but it
shouldn't be a failure in your eyes you
should be true to the journey and to
your passion and pursue as much as
possible as much as possible
the money all the material possessions
all that doesn't matter as much as
possible as long as you can feed
yourself maintain minimum shelter and
feed your family
the pursuit of the passion should
overcome everything and then all the
other things of self-doubt of imposter
syndrome and things like that will fade
away now all that said I should mention
that you know I'm full of contradictions
in some sense I should mention that
being self-critical is uh is a
superpower being self-critical I think
is a superpower but it's also a poison
there it's a interesting balance you
have to strike I guess they would
starting to be poetic I would say that
that
self-criticism self-doubt is a poison
and then gratitude is the antidote for
the poison but that poison is
exceptionally useful for growth back
that's self-criticism
the self sometimes bordering on
self-hatred there's a it's it's a and
the human psyche is the interesting
dance those demons could be useful it
can be useful for growth of hating the
work you've done it could be useful for
improving I remember the Marvin Minsky
said something like this is saying that
he's hated everything he's ever done now
that can come off sounding wrong and I
think I think there's it again you can
have too much of the poison but and a
little bit like Tom Waits says I like my
town with a little drop of poison I
think that little poison could be really
useful so the self criticism self doubt
I have the feeling I often if I give a
lecture if I have a conversation on the
podcast I have a paper I submit I write
something someplace or tried to
articulate a point or I have an exchange
of ideas with people on something
technical I often leave feeling full of
sort of maybe hating how inarticulate
unintelligent
how lacking I was in my ability to
arrive in some clean insight to provide
something valuable to that conversation
to that lecture to that debate so and in
it there's a kind of self-hatred a
self-criticism and a lot of people might
say well that's really dark that's you
know you should you shouldn't feel that
way but I think I think that's really
useful and the in generally the way I
approach this kind of feeling of
self-doubt and self-criticism in
comparison to to myself what I could be
and perhaps is grounded in a comparison
to others is I do it a little bit of
moderation about things I'm working on
currently and things I've done recently
but always in every individual moment I
have a deep profound gratitude like I
have over some water here delicious ever
it sounds absurd but I have a deep
gratitude for the fact that I have the
ability to have water in front of me by
the way this water bottle and clearly
it's its power rate I refill it with
water
I just keep using this bottle and I do
the same people always say of plastic
bottles in the podcast I refill them for
me as much as I can with water so for
example I have a general dissatisfaction
of home inarticulate I am with for
example answering this very question
I you know I could do a lot better I
think and I'll feel that way especially
after stop recording that's fine and I
think that'll grow that'll help me be
better next time but throughout it I'm
deeply grateful for this water I'm
deeply grateful for having a shelter
it's windy and cold outside right now
and I am here and a heated environment
that you know keeps me warm I can have I
have a coffee maker I can make a coffee
and I'm still alive and healthy and I
have incredible people I get to talk
with just that whole every single moment
whether I'm sleep deprived whether I
just stubbed my toe on something whether
I'm going through even difficult stuff
you know difficult emotional the loss of
different kind strategies it's still I'm
deeply appreciative of the water and the
heat and the the plenty of love in the
world around me so it's that balance of
salt criticism and deep gratitude for
every single part of the individual
moment and make up life that allows you
to be happy and have a little bit of
fire under your butt to fasten that
doesn't even that is an expression to
see make sense to a little bit of fire
motivating fire to drive you to give you
a reason to give you a sort of an itch
to improve to grow to challenge yourself
to go outside the comfort zone and
throughout it again that gratitude so I
hope that gets to it I think impostor
syndrome is a natural feeling but it
should not be it should not lead to
envy said the darker sizes your
comparison to others I think the way I
would advise and all over the way I
tried to live life myself is when I
compare myself to others and see their
success I'm enjoy I'm really happy for
them I enjoy watching them excel I use
it as an inspiration and the any kind of
degree of self-doubt I do have I use it
as fuel I use it as fuel for myself to
to improve and again isn't everything
I've come back to this often but
gratitude for every single moment is
essential essential for happiness
essential for clarity of thought you
know I've talked about burnout in the
previous thing and people said you know
people have different views on burnout
so on I think if you're just deeply
grateful and appreciative of every
moment then burnout becomes less likely
I I know people have sought a sufferer
in different kinds of ways from from all
kinds of different angles from I have
different life paths I can only speak to
myself to myself life is easier if every
part of every moment of every day is
filled with something you can be deeply
appreciative of and I think it is the
fact that we're alive the fact that we
get a chance to experience this moment
to me is a beautiful gift
you