Kind: captions
Language: en
Amy asks what's your strategy to
navigate openness the comments and
criticism also handling negative and
destructive feedback appropriately
there's so much to say about this and my
opinion thinking about it I think will
change throughout my life as as it does
for a lot of people as we learn how to
navigate the internet and how to have as
cheesy it is to say but healthy
conversation civil discourse on the
Internet because there are several
models of this there's a Joe Rogan model
again I look up to Joe in many ways in
openness and genuineness and the purity
of the way he does communication
conversation with people the way just he
is no matter how much money makes but
his idea is that you shouldn't read any
of the comments and for the most part he
actually sticks to that here really does
not read many comments except to get a
certain large aggregate sense of where
the community is for me I tend to still
first of all not famous so I I it's not
like I have a huge amount of inflow of
comments but there's still so much to
learn from the conversations and I've
been fortunate and blessed for the most
part to be surrounded by people who are
kind and thoughtful and just you know
everything the compassionate empathetic
brilliant in ways I'm not even in
disagreement especially in this
Agreement I love this agreement I mean
that's one of the tragic things to me
about the internet about certain types
of discourse especially political
discourse is how how little artful
agreement there is I believe
disagreement is an art it requires care
it requires skill it requires compassion
and respect that that one of the key
underlying things to me behind
passionate disagreement is a respect
even a love for the other person and to
me there's a line between disagreement
with intent that doesn't deeply respect
the other person with an intent that
almost it's it's somewhere between
apathy and derision and not even hatred
because it's it's it's like a it's a
it's a jealousy it's a dismissal it says
the motivation that does not respect the
other person in some way and almost
dismisses the value of their
significance in this universe and that
kind of disagreement is something I
dislike very much and I'm not open to
and I would like to move on the internet
move away from but at the same time
disagreement and criticism and comments
that are tense that create turmoil but
have underlying deep respect and love
those are beautiful
not those aren't as often seen in on the
internet unfortunately there are there
more often seen in person and I think
that's what I love as sort of the most
heated again I say this over and over
but I think it comes from the Russian
culture there's this heated debates
heated conversations where sometimes you
take in a viewpoint in person that you
don't even believe like I play devil's
advocate all the time especially in
political discussions somebody says
they're Bernie Sanders fan I will
immediately become an anti-democratic
socialist or if you're an Andrew yang
fan I will immediately become an anti
EBI person in that conversation just to
see just to bounce ideas you know to
sort of take a certain on viewpoint to
try it on for size
and see and when there's underlying
respect you get to play there's humor
wit there's ultimately you arrive at
something profound as a result now
that's a dream for me and I've been
trying to cultivate a community of that
kind of discourse of underlying respect
and love whether you're agree or
disagree and that's my openness is
grounded in the optimism that that's
possible and the few criticisms or
negativity that doesn't have that that's
really grounded in mockery and a
complete lack of respect that's it's
that's just part of it that's uh
sometimes you walk on a sidewalk and and
I each step in dog poop this better be
there's got to be a better example than
that but anyway that's that's just life
this like Forrest Gump says shit happens
or hit the smiley whatever other forms
like I don't know what's the what's the
right term for it but busting each
other's chops I mean that could be just
a guy thing it could be an everybody
thing but I love it you know you sort of
make fun of each other you tease each
other so my closest friends make fun of
me all the time some of the closest
people I know that that's that's how we
show love I don't know is uh is you make
fun of each other but you know a lot of
people get confused you know you have to
go you have to earn that you have to
again this that love and respect if you
just busting chops without having
respect or a friendship or love then it
turns into mockery and one of the
fundamental problems of the Internet is
the mechanisms of social media rewards
you for mockery whether you have the
respect or not it's interesting because
there's a humor to it that everybody can
as an observer can appreciate well the
people in the arena don't appreciate it
when there's not an underlying respect
and so that I very much see that line if
respect is missing then you busting my
chops are you disagreeing it's something
that I have no patience for if there is
an underlying respect and love and
appreciation for each other as human
beings then disagreement and busting
chops is a beautiful thing
so in general when I take criticism
whether it's the harsh kind the
disrespectful kind or the one that is
grounded in respect I I kind of take it
as a as any kind of pain in this in this
world so I can give us stupid analogy I
guess of just touching a hot stove I've
recently did that that's why that's why
it pops to mind and you kind of what I
do is I observe it
I've observed the criticism observed the
moment of me touching the hot stove and
I take a step outside myself it's like a
third-person observer just sort of
breathe and and take it in and really
just kind of taking the full richness of
that experience and the then once sort
of the the pain of it settles the sort
of the shock of it and it could be
shocking when somebody criticizes you is
you you see what is the lesson I can
learn from this that's fundamentally the
what you know strip away the meanness
the mockery whatever that might be there
or if it's respectful disagreement the
the the biting fact that somebody
disagrees and just see what's the
insight here that I can take away what's
the lesson I can learn that I can grow
from so I'm touching the hot stove the
reason I got burnt is I was checking if
it's hot if it's working because it what
didn't look like it was working and so I
guess the lesson I can learn from that
is that you don't have to actually touch
the stove to figure out that it's
working you can just hover your hand
above it and you can sense the heat
right that okay perhaps a stupid analogy
but it's a it's a lesson I can learn
moving forward I can do better next time
a girl from criticism the same thing I
mean there's a lot of people that
criticize little things about the way I
communicate I really put myself out
there I make myself fragile I make
myself vulnerable to criticism and you
know you say things like
I'm too philosophical or I get to in the
weeds about something without covering
some other fundamental part if we're
having a conversation or I have a
monotone voice not enough emotion not
enough personality all those kinds of
things that have an inkling of truth to
them some some things I can't really
help some things that can work on it
might be a long-term thing as people say
I mumble I need to articulate better
that's something I'm cognizant of and I
try to work on some people say I don't
make enough eye contact all those kinds
of things I mean there's truth in them
even if they come with meanness some
people say I ask too many stupid
questions
you know and like you take personally
you think about that is there some deep
insight there there is useful and like
the stupid question one I can I can now
the the processes I empathize where did
that person's criticism come from what
is the worldview from which they come to
that criticism because for me when in
conversation for example when somebody
says that it came off I asked a stupid
question I came off a stupider or I got
outclassed in conversation to me that
means that was a success because my role
in these conversations my goal is to be
staff no ego to let the other person
shine and asking the simplest possible
question almost naive kinds of questions
get to the fundamental core of ideas
that I think could could potentially be
beautiful if the other if the other
person comes there and is willing to
accept the dance of the sort of the the
silly Russian asking the silly question
accept
the chance to answer that silly question
was something beautiful and profound I
think that's the goal and yeah from your
perspective that might come off if not
done well or if the other person doesn't
accept the dance it can come off as as
I'm asking really dumb questions that
have no useful no no use in conversation
if it's really successful and done
beautifully and you know some of that is
luck and then it works out and nobody
notices it and then it's it's nobody
notices how dumb the question was and in
terms of being outclassed I got so many
comments that like Jim Keller really for
example somebody I deeply admire and a
brilliant guy totally outclassed me in
conversation to me that's the success I
this isn't a competition to me to me
it's it's a way to let Jim's ideas shine
I did want to push back enough but
that's the beauty of it I want to push
back and disagree so that at least does
something productive and ultimately they
can shine or something profound I don't
want to articulate my disagreement to a
point where it becomes awkward and and
too tense and so on you know just like
in dancing I love for example I get so
much shit for saying sent a woman is a
good movie but I do like at the tango
I do like certain types of dances tango
is probably my favorite and you know
there's a lead and there's a follow and
that's in in that's true and dance
that's I think during conversation those
can switch of course in conversation but
there's an art to it and the people to
criticize certain aspects of that have a
lot of kernels of truth that I pick on
and I pick pick from and learn from and
so it's a gift I see it as a beautiful
gift but it burns so especially if it
lacks the respect if it has those
elements of mockery and derision like I
mentioned one of the things I do sort of
next after I think about the lesson is I
kind of imagining imagine them in my
head and I send sort of love to them I
forgive them it sounds silly not that
they asked for my forgiveness but in my
mind I kind of I forgive the roughness
of their message and I also kinda also
like to imagine meeting them in person
and shaking their hand and sort of
having a laugh about something silly you
know as I think I kind of imagine or I
have an optimistic view of it that a lot
of is just miscommunication or perhaps
my misinterpretation of where they were
coming from but in person a lot of those
things fade away and you just focus you
know you don't sweat the small stuff and
and it's all small stuff right you just
kind of laugh at the you become quick
friends I think that's the optimist that
I have about most interactions on the
Internet is that if you actually met in
person
you get along just great and on social
media if there is disrespect I do at
least at this time if I see that there's
not an underlying respect and love and
appreciation for each other I reach my
hand out I try to patch it up but if
that doesn't work I usually sort of
whatever the mechanism social media
provides of blocking of muting of
limiting some how I do it and it's again
not because of some kind of anger and
any kind of negative ill feeling it's
just about that I don't see the Mecca
that medium doesn't seem to be one where
we would be able to find a mutual
respect or one of us wouldn't be able to
find a respect so I'll reach out my hand
but if you get slapped down I'll you
know block mute whatever the mechanism
allows and then just wait until a meet
in person and maybe then instead of a
handshake I'll go straight in for the
hug so
I think I think even with the roughest
interactions if we met a person it would
go along great and I just then don't see
social media is a great place for it but
again I first taken whatever the
commentary they make and try to find the
the insight in it and after that you
know it you can burn it can burn and I
just forget it put it behind me and to
go on with a smile again forgive them
send love them their way and then move
on after the lesson has been learned
that's my approach to critic that's my
general approach to criticism and and
overall I've been so fortunate to have
so much positive feedback and
interesting profound conversations I was
challenged in a lot of interesting ways
I've been shown to be wrong and a lot of
interesting ways from people that you
know sandwich that all in in a lot of
respect and admiration and mutual
admiration so I've been really fortunate
so for the most part it's been a lot of
positive energy and I appreciate that
and I think
I mean I sometimes I feel like I'm the
luckiest guy in the world so all I can
do is read comments and read a little
bit of criticism there is learned from a
girl from it and continued being part of
this community so this is kind of a new
AMA a thing I tried to do a longer
response I'm trying to see if the five
minutes is better
one minute is better 20 minutes is
better if it's better than I just shut
up and don't do these so I don't know
but again Amy thank you so much that's a
great question I think like all of us I
will continue to evolve in the way I
take in feedback it's possible
eventually I'll commercial was the Joe
Rogan model but for now my heart my mind
my eyes are open to criticism on the
Internet my Justin in person thanks for
the great question
you