Kind: captions
Language: en
excellent for the podcast podcast yeah
so welcome to everyone here brought to
you by impact Theory everybody I am
Alive with agent Smith today this is a
brand new thing for us we're going to be
going deep into the impact Theory
episodes every week when we release an
episode we're going to do follow-up
gonna dive into a little bit deeper talk
about the episode we're gonna have some
rotating guests coming through the
co-host with me and we should add that
we do that'll be a thing forever so for
anybody and everybody watching us at
home and we may have aired a little bit
I'm being locked into each other now
because we can't really so yeah we have
a live audience and that's gonna be part
of it the podcast is we want to hear
your community we want to hear what you
guys are curious on and our goal is to
reward engagement for early engagement
with the content so roughly an hour
after we launch an episode we will be
doing this a lot of broadcast so that
people can come and ask questions so
there's anything in the episode that you
wanted to go deeper on you want more
information you want to challenge you
think someone's crazy like that's the
kind of stuff that we want to hear about
the reason we wanted to do it as a
podcast is I feel the one thing that is
missing from the main episode is there's
there's not a lot of intimacy and while
I work very hard to make the guests feel
comfortable with all the cameras and
everything it never feels and so I
really feel like that that's been a hole
in our content game it's getting
something
or raw it's also a great opportunity to
really take the idea from the episode
yeah this really well said and I was
thinking about one of the ways that my
wife I consider movies is you know you
watch a movie and you love that movie
and you go dig into the experts right so
that's part of the fun is going a little
bit deeper and the show that really
sparked this for me is the talking dead
so we've got Walking Dead and then we
were able to release again and enjoy the
take on the episode in the in the after
show so wanted to create that vibe where
we could as a community come in we do a
brief intro as to who were covering
today that would be the one the only mr.
Michael Strahan who's very dear friend
of mine so cool god I'm telling you guys
we love him
I've joked around during the episode you
know if you ever get a chance to hang
out Strahan take it and but people like
him that are so effervescent and bubbly
and the thing that's so you're developed
this is such a big guy so like
everything about them should be
intimidating and yet he's so sweet and
fun and prone to bear hugging people
just being around them and is fun and
then there's
the flipside he and when I say fun
Bogota meanness he's very good at making
people feel special and that's something
that I've really taken away from him
into something that I want to do more
because if you know you have it in your
heart you don't know how to do that like
he's I couldn't be but somehow he may be
episode is called escaping the matrix of
perseverance and he's just dogged in
pursuing his goals and what he wants his
life to be and he ties because of it but
I want to ask you you think someone Wow
that's a that's a great question you say
we need to talk about it from these
microphones I would do in a city I will
let you know when someone lets me know
so I think that there are people that
can wake themselves out of the matrix
I think there's people that need to be
woken up out of matrix and I think that
the end result is indistinguishable so I
don't really worry about whether I'm one
of the people that woke myself up with
somebody else wake me up or I hope
people don't take pride on oh I woke
myself up so I'm better than people that
have to be woken up you know I think we
all live and continue on those sorts and
you know whether it's stuff you learn
from your parents or friends or content
that you watch it soon I think it's
relevant so I think there probably are
some people you know people that break
the cycle if you look at people that
have been abused there's often somebody
who breaks that cycle and so even though
they were abused they don't go they
don't end up abusing somebody else and
those were some very beautiful stories
of transformation and those are people
that probably encounter a lot of along
the way and it's impossible to answer
whether they or they encountered
something from a stranger or whatever
that came I think that fits more with
how I see the world but it probably was
and encounters somewhere along the way
but it comes down to way to do with that
but I wanted how do you teach yourself
so this is something that really came up
with a book rip and she talks about and
I actually had a big figure in my own
life that grip maybe that one thing that
isn't it's sort of the thing you've ever
haven't you've done oh right I'm a
little ashamed to admit that even I had
that preconceived notion in my mind and
it was something bill but she makes just
a really compelling argument in the book
no even even something like bread or
work ethic or whatever is buildable so
it's a muscle you've got to learn to
flex it and I find that creating a small
ways for you to win and earn credibility
with yourself is really the way to do
that and so I'll shorthand out with the
gym right so we all know I don't like
going to the gym but I do it five is a
week and the reason that I do it five
days a week is because because I don't
want to do it and people are always
pushing me now like should we be
focusing on how you love it the good
things you get from it and that's a
fundamental misunderstanding of how I'm
using it I get that that's not true for
everybody but I'm using in his way to
gain credibility with myself to do
something that I know is advantageous
but that I don't enjoy doing and what I
get out of doing that is knowing that
okay what I her goal and I recognize
this stuff as being important to that
goal I'm gonna do it whether it's fun or
not because I believe in that goal
enough and so that is the thing for me
that builds that work ethic and oddly
enough restraining it was the same thing
and I think that the gym is universal I
just think a lot of people don't do it
but I think if everybody went to the gym
five days a week what they would learn
and gain from that mentally is unmatched
by anything else that I can think of and
when I say gym by the way it could be
gymnastics it could be showing up at the
batting cages it's it's some physical
endeavor that becomes very taxing that
there's actually an element of pain to
it and I think that element of pain is
actually pretty critical because what
you learn to do is take control of your
own mind to not be steer entirely by the
impulse to avoid pain and seek pleasure
because you learn to delayed
Asian you learn to suffer for something
that you really want and how do that I
think is born framework happiness so it
starts small you do the little things
you show up your curly you know a
20-pound weight and pushing yourself to
do 22 and a half and then you know a
couple years later you're capable of so
much more
and the same is true of the mind so you
know if you're 20 to 50 pound of weight
is discipline or as grit or it's work
ethic that's really interesting so
follow-up question that might be related
to that and you'll see Strahan talks a
lot about happiness right his book is
wake of happy and you talk specifically
that happiness is a choice and it's
something that you have to program your
mind for and something that you create
but it's one thing to say other thing to
do it put on a smile where I'm super
stressed out how do you how do you do it
what's interesting that you say that we
can't all fit a smile on our face so
that is the one that we can all do and
it hints at the bigger reality of how do
you construct happiness so Strahan talks
very eloquently about how he used his
discipline goal-setting and growing
stronger and things to find what I call
framework happiness uses different words
but to find that framework happiness
coming something being something that
you're proud of and that that is you
know one of those choices that makes you
happy but there are very simple things
like restraint really talks about in the
book he talks about neurology he talks
about the state of neuroscience he talks
about the neuro chemistry like he really
didn't just skim across the surface now
okay I was honestly surprised by your
look I kind of thought it would be
another celebrity book where they you
know the publishers know is going to do
well just because you're a celebrity and
so it doesn't necessarily have to be
well-written but it it is it is
incredibly well written it's well
researched and you can feel the depth of
it so I feel very comfortable in saying
that I think you know the the angle that
stratum is going down and the truth of
how you construct happiness is to really
understand the anatomy of the brain the
neuro chemistry in and you know anybody
that's listening to me for the first
time my world changed and I began to
learn about and it's that concept that
boil things down to its physics you know
for me I wanted to understand the way
that you can might work so if you want
to be happy please don't believe the
brain works it's like wanting to be a
doctor without your standing anatomy
it's just not going workers it's a
fundamental lead to your job to
understand that so to be happy you have
to understand how the brain is working
the chemistry that makes you feel good
so that you can take control of that and
faking a smile to go back to original
work I'll be demonstrating not faking a
smile actually pumps the neural
chemistry of happiness it's very weird
and it's something that people need to
be really to be careful about because if
you start thinking negative thoughts you
can feel negative if you start forming
your brow and you can feel negative but
the converse is true if you're in a bad
mood laugh out loud right it's a trick I
use all the time if I'm just in a
piss-poor mood you cannot stay in a bad
mood if you laughing about you literally
can't do it I mean that from a
neurochemical standpoint you cannot stay
any better than if you laugh out loud
and if the first five seconds don't get
you there ten seconds later if you keep
laughing right no it's it was total
[ __ ] man he was totally faking but
even in doing it I started to feel silly
which put me in a better mood you were
smiling because that's just what humans
do right in their
start firing and it's just it's
contagious so it is a choice and at
anytime no matter how is your days you
could make a simple choice like that a
lot how about and here's where it is
true you're not going to want to you're
going to be in a bad mood the last thing
you want to do is be a jackass and laugh
out loud but that little voice in your
head is and once you fight start finally
listening to that voice everything will
change
do we have any questions from our live
career-making barely hear you so should
we I sense this audio game why don't we
move them way closer
and then get them nice and close they
don't care about one juror and that look
like it's true
I disagree so I'm but yeah don't take
them too far back because if they can't
hear it yep just trauma position hmm can
we turn it rotate how do you do that
bear with this guys bless you for being
such sports here well there we go
can we come even closer now the volume
is perfect Thank You Daniel alright
sorry about that guys this is uh it's
that first episode yeah so I've got to
get this stuff down all right better
we're good give it a thumbs up here
[Music]
so now you're rotated like this though
show them you keep going walking around
alright so part of the episode Michael
Strahan talks about his relationship
with his coach and that was a super
interesting party episode for me because
he they were just had each other they
were butting heads they were and he was
able to break that down find common
ground and completely transform his
relationship with his coach it's a
relationship with the team coaches
relationship with the team just have
this ripple effect so everybody goes
through times in their lives when they
are butting heads with somebody and
probably multiple times throughout your
life and work happens in your family
everybody needs to know how to defuse
these situations or to find common
ground so wondering if you like how did
you react to that part of the episode
because for me it was it was profound
the way that he was able to find you
know empathy he was been able to
empathize with Tom he was able to think
about you know he's just another person
he has his own needs and desires and
when he saw him playing with his kid I
think it was was a recurrence
so like the ability to change your
perspective on someone who you don't
like being around so there's a couple
things that work there and one is what I
call filling your heart with joy and I
know that sounds stupid and I wish that
there were better words for that but the
truth is everybody needs to learn how to
fill themselves with something positive
so to cultivate that warmth and this is
something I think a lot about because
when I think about about persuasion and
rallying a team
leadership just in general one of the
most overlooked parts of leadership is
the ability to affect the way somebody
feels about you regardless of what they
say regardless of what you say that it's
that gut visceral level and there's a
fascinating study that was done I forget
the guys name but real guy lost all
short-term memory just like the guy from
lamento if you've seen that movie and
what the doctors found was if you went
in introduce yourself and then left the
room and came back he wouldn't know who
you were so he wasn't able to form those
short-term memories but if you shook his
hand and had a pin on your finger so
that when you shook his hand he got
poked the next time you came in and went
to shake his hand even though he didn't
remember who you were he wouldn't shake
your hand how crazy so there's a part of
your brain that is I'm gonna guess it's
more limbic in nature it's more
emotional it's it's not about
rationality it's probably and I'm out of
my depth here but I'm gonna guess it's
you know more mammalian lizard brain
it's like that just sort of gut instinct
reaction so even though this person
could not remember ever meeting that
person and if you asked him why won't
you shake my hand he'd make up a story
oh I don't
doctors make me uncomfortable I don't
like to shake their hand right total BS
I don't shake the hands of anybody
wearing a white coat whatever the case
may be he would just make it up on some
level we're all forming this really deep
gut level reaction to people and when
you can influence that when you can show
people that you care about them to the
point where they feel it in their gut so
it doesn't matter what you say right
that you have filled yourself so
sincerely with a positive feeling about
that person that they feel that right
and that's that's what I love about what
happened between Strahan and Coughlin is
after they had their tussle and he
likened it to two dogs that have been
circling each other for a long time and
once they finally got into a fight then
okay now they could look at each other
through fresh eyes because they then
knew who each other were and that's also
an important moment is being willing to
fight for yourself being willing to
stand up for somebody and and finding
that line between not being a
gasps and arguing with everything out of
somebody's mouth because you feel like
you have to stand up for yourself and
knowing what to let slide but knowing
when okay you're now trying to abuse me
you're not respecting me and I'm not
gonna tolerate that [ __ ] like that's
finding that line is beautiful and we've
all seen somebody who's nervous
aggressive and they're insecure so
they're aggressive and we've seen people
who are calm assertive these are Cesar
Millan's words which I always found
really really fascinating people that
have the confidence to not push back on
everything but you hit a line that they
have and then they're gonna push back
and I think all of us have to develop
that in ourselves and then once I did
once they got into their scuffle and
they could see each other with fresh
eyes and then I think they both did a
really good job filming themselves with
you know a beautiful feeling for each
other and could could see each other and
and doing that I think people have to
practice and hold themselves to that
standard all right I think it's time to
talk about the matrix so obviously the
matrix is super important for you in
your life it's also very important with
Michael and you guys talked about in the
episode what do you think it is that
resonated so strongly with the two of
you I mean this is a movie that was a
blockbuster hit that millions of people
saw but not everyone took away the same
things that you guys did so it's kind of
what what do you think it is maybe that
you're dealing with in your life at that
time where it really hit you and also
conversations it's interesting so the
the matrix is the first thing that
Michael and I actually bonded over so we
met in New York I went saw the live with
Kelly and Michael being filmed and then
went backstage and sat in his office and
and I can't remember but I set it off
the cuff like oh you know the matrix
really changed my life and and he was
like oh my god me too I was like wait a
minute like what do you mean he was like
it impacted my football career and I
don't think I would have
one the accolades that I ended up
winning including Moe sex in the season
had I not seen that movie and his answer
to why is the very reason that I think
that it it resonated with us and I'll
get to why doesn't resonate with other
people in a second but the reason that
it resonated with us is he realized
watching the movie and it's that great
moment at the end of the movie where neo
has been shot you think he's dead and
then he wakes himself back up and they
try to shoot him again and he just holds
his hand up and says no oh God every
time I see that I get the chills because
in that moment you realize and obviously
it's a dramatization but you realized
that he has realized that he has more
control than he thought and just going
from not believing to believing he now
had more capabilities and that is the
power of the matrix the matrix is an
allegory about that it's an allegory
simply about the fact that you have more
power and more control than you realize
and once you realize that then you can
begin to develop that power you can
learn kung fu you can do all of those
amazing things that they do in the movie
through a process of learning and
practicing but it starts with that
belief right you have that whole thing
in the beginning of the matrix when he
first wakes up and they're doing kung fu
in the dojo and Morpheus keeps saying to
him you know don't try to hit me hit me
you really think that's air you're
breathing you think what I'm able to do
as anything to do with my muscles we're
in a computer program right doesn't mean
anything to do with any of that and once
people realize that the matrix is their
mind their mindset is exactly like the
matrix and if they believe they can do
something their chances of actually
doing it
skyrocket but if they believe they can't
do something their odds fall to
virtually zero so you know it's that
notion of you miss 100% of the shots you
don't take
sure and people don't take shots because
they are so convinced that they're gonna
miss that they just don't try so
watching Strahan go from okay if I got
one second a game that's already so
difficult I just wrote it off in my mind
possibility to get to and he said
watching that movie made him realize
that he was doing that writing off
process then he was limiting himself by
thinking I got one I could never get to
and so once he said I got one now I'm
going to get two I'm going to get three
that everything changed for him and you
know that is why that movie even all
these years later for me is is the most
important film I've ever seen I think
for me I it's one of the greatest films
I've ever made just even purely
artistically it's phenomenal yeah but
sitting at its core is an ideology that
is super interesting yeah love that
movie and obviously a big part of what
we're doing here yeah and the movie
we're gonna talk about it endlessly
because the part of the reason that
we're gonna get into incubating talented
creators is because modern mythology
right now while there's no short supply
of modern mythology and what they're
doing with the Star Wars universe is
really really powerful and just amazing
and taps into something was literally
born of Joseph Campbell and the power of
myth but the book by Joseph Campbell the
power that sits at the heart of what
we're doing here and what we want to do
with impact theory is show people that
once you understand how to look at an
interpret pop culture when it's done
well there's a lot of amazing amazing
ideology hiding in plain sight but
people don't know how to read
and people dismiss movies like The
Matrix or Star Wars as as being you know
popcorn munching movies but we want to
help people create that kind of art
which entertains and look entertainment
is value number one if it does not
entertain people won't pay attention to
it it's like dieting if you can't make
food that people choose based on taste
they're never going to stick to it okay
so a very narrow band of people will
deal with that a very narrow band of
people will seek out you know content
like this which is you know ultimately
educational but if we don't do a good
job of making it entertaining as well
then people just aren't going to watch
and so compliance is issue number one so
we want to help content creators like
that and then teach people
teacher neither we look at that so I
want to pause and see if there are any
questions from the community yeah we
have one from Mickey on Facebook in the
episode Michael talks about believing it
and it will happen and I wonder if you
guys believe that if we set amount of
work into getting great to be excellent
in being extraordinary being capable of
things other people are not capable of
what happens at that moment then it
comes down to belief then it comes down
to desire then it comes down to who at
that moment right when it counts can
stay focused and actually have the
vision that they're gonna do it then yes
then you see moments like that where
Strahan you know calls his shot like
[ __ ] Babe Ruth and then they actually
do it because at that moment his belief
and his team's belief outshine the other
teams and they've put in the work
they've put in the work and at the end
of the day like and that's as a company
that is the metric you know we've all
talked about that we're gonna hold
ourselves accountable to is do the
people that we help going to do things
and if they go on to do things that sell
which we see is an exchange of value and
value creation is at the epicenter of
this company if the people that we help
are able to sell things if we're able to
sell things and we will never sell our
content so I mean really [ __ ] clear
about that when people know we're gonna
give this away we'll tell you exactly
how we're building the business fact if
you go to in fact theory calm right now
you will see the three stage layout that
we have for how we're going to build our
company steal it try to beat us we are
happy and the reason I will give away
all this content that we thought would
tell people exactly how we're gonna do
it people won't put it away
yeah I think people just won't put in
the work and so that becomes the
greatest moat in in all of history is
only execution matters all right so
Michael Strahan talks about how he's
able to just flip the switch right he
goes
head off sack for 10-yards loss on the
field he becomes a monster ever he's
famous for that yeah do you think that
that is an important skill to cultivate
you think everyone should be able to
flip a switch in some way in their life
because I know you've talked about how
you prepared for things right you sort
of do this in your own way though first
I just need to acknowledge famous myth
that that is a sexy question I do
I really think you do I think you have
to cultivate that and I'm somebody who
is very genteel by Nature and so being
tough did not come easily for me and
that's something that I've really really
had to focus on and I remember somebody
early in my business career telling me
that I didn't have to kill her instinct
and I actually still think that's true I
don't have to kill her instinct at all
but knowing when to push back knowing
when to go hard knowing when to flip
that switch and absolutely under no
circumstances are you gonna take no for
an answer and override every base
instinct that you have any internal
voice you have that is screaming for
safety that wants you to back off and
and you know just get out of the line of
fire like being able to overcome that is
the only path to success for sure so
I'll give you an example from our recent
history so our dog Wookiee escaped and
got out and we live in an area that is
rampant with coyotes and you know when
she got out everyone told us like a look
the chances that your dog is still alive
or virtually zero and I said I don't
accept that and I'm going to exhaust my
mental resources talents energy we'll
all of it before I give up because the
person that I want to be would do that
right like I think of her as my daughter
and under like I'm the [ __ ] guy from
taking right literally that's what I'm
thinking I am thinking believe music oh
I'm going to be sent so I'm literally
and this is why movies are so important
to me in that moment I started thinking
in movie terms and I'm like all right
I'm picturing myself on that phone
someone has my [ __ ] dog and I don't
care what
it's a coyote or not or she's just lost
whatever but like I have a particular
set of skills that I've spent years
building and I will come for you I will
find you and I kept saying that my head
I will find you and I remember at Lisa's
right here she can you know strike me
dead if I'm lying she was obviously
upset and I took her and I said look
we're going to find her we're going to
get her back and we went ham
we went ham like this whole team rallied
around everybody was going crazy I
called the k-9 unit and they were so
shocked they're like nobody calls us on
day one and I'm like well when else do
you call like let's give this movie
right now and they must have told me
we're not coming like 10 times I'm not
kidding like they just kept refusing
we're not gonna come we're not gonna
come because it's so hopeless and I said
look that doesn't matter like I want you
to come out and they just kept trying to
say no and so I know I have to find a
way without damaging my relationship
with them to convince them to come and
so I won't waste your time with
explaining all the different things that
I said to make it very clear that I was
gonna see this room and if I had to be
walking out in the brush myself then
that's what was gonna happen and so when
she came she said Tom you're very
persuasive and you know so because she
was like look if you'd set off our alarm
bells if you pushed and been a jerk we
wouldn't have come but we really felt
like you were wasting your money long
story short we go out we spend six hours
walking around in the brush looking for
the dog that is descends at 3:00 a.m. by
the way so everybody here on Team impact
Theory knows I would do anything for
them because they were so amazing
walking around with me out there with
the k-9 unit knocking on people's doors
essentially doing our best to get
arrested for breaking and entering you
know to attract this little Pomeranian
down and ultimately the the k-9 unit at
least gave us a narrative to understand
which they bring two dogs one that looks
for live dogs one of the books were dead
and the dog that looks for the same
the composition didn't find anything and
the one that looks for live dogs walked
right to a particular part of the street
about a half mile from our house and sat
down to indicate this is where the scent
trail ends and so we knew where to put
signs up and put signs up all over the
place around that area and the next day
we got a phone call you know I think I
have your dog and they did in fact and
we got our back it's incredible and so I
guess just to wrap it up that was me
flipping that switch right sure so I'd
love to spend my life just out of the
line of fire and not taking
responsibility and not forcing myself to
push for it but you have that that's
which so then how do you cultivate that
how do you learn how to flip a switch
identity now it is identity 100% and
until you make the demand of yourself
that you are the guy from taking like
when I watch the movie taken and this is
why we are so obsessed with creating
this kind of art and helping people who
are out there thinking about the stuff
that movie gave me what I needed to say
like I would be that guy right in that
moment if it were my daughter I would be
that guy like I would have the chills
not just thinking about it I would go
that far I would do those things I would
kill to get my daughter back right like
you've got to know who you are man
you've got to know who you are and to
know who you are to me is not
introspection about looking at your
natural state it's about defining
yourself it's about saying this is who I
want to be and I'm gonna make the choice
in order to be that person and so I want
you take in other people maybe just
eating in popcorn I'm now running
through my head I'm forcing myself to
imagine it's my wife my wife has been
taken how far do I go right and look I
get it it's a movie but it's a movie
that really can help you build your
identity and for you to say
in that circumstance I would go that
hard you know the one time that I've had
somebody threatened to call the cops on
me when they refuse to see my wife when
she had 103 degree temperature because
they didn't take our insurance yeah it's
in like an urgent care clinic and I was
like I'm the [ __ ] guy from taking
you're really gonna be like you're gonna
tell me no you're gonna say that you're
not gonna see my wife I'm freaking out
over here she's got 103 temperature I
know the brain damage starts at 102 so
I'm like flipping out
now I didn't it's not a winning strategy
people say they're gonna call the cops
on you so clearly I went too far but it
was like and it wasn't I wasn't like
cleaning feces but I had clearly I was
growing more and more angry by the
second and you you just have to
construct that identity and when you
have an identity that says I would go
that far for this person that I love and
the moment arises where you now need to
prove it you better [ __ ] prove it
right you can't back off at that moment
and then still have that identity so for
me to be consistent with the person that
I'm trying to be in moments like my dog
going missing or my wife having 103
degree temperature I can't back down I
refuse to allow myself that's really
interesting a night I think you know I
want to push you on this because I think
that there is something else to that
plays into it and being able to flip a
switch and I think it comes down to
ritual
so it's both the identity that you're
creating for yourself that how you're
going to define yourself and then the
rituals you do you use to prepare
yourself to get into that state and
ritual is very important to Michael
Strahan he talks a lot about it
especially excuse me especially with how
he builds his team and how he builds
camaraderie throughout the team he talks
about going into the office every day
saying good morning shaking people's
hands giving them a you know high-five
pound about a hug what whatever it is to
have that connection and to me it came
down to it was more than routine it was
actually this ritual that was symbolic
that meant something between him and the
other person and then got everyone into
a certain state of mind to do the task
at hand that's really great and rituals
are so powerful and you know it's
interesting that you bring that up so
one of the most impactful things for me
out of the book the power of myth was
Joseph Campbell says there's not enough
ritual left in society and I think
rituals and habits are different so I'm
talking specifically ritual now which
may or may not be something that you
repeat but when I got married I
I got ritualistically scarred so I'm
reading the power of myth and I'm really
feeling what he's saying about you know
society doesn't have some
these really concretizing things because
we don't go through rituals anymore and
for me certainly where I grew up a
wedding ceremony was pretty weak it was
in a church which was essentially just a
box and there weren't even like the pews
weren't even set in place right so it's
like folding chairs and I remember there
was one of my relatives had their
reception at the Sportsman's Club so
there's like you know deer head all over
the wall and sawdust for the floor and
just like it there was no sense of
importance to any of it it all felt very
transient and so I didn't want that to
be the case for me and I wanted when I
got married I wanted to know I'm a
different person from before I got
married to the day you know after I got
married and thinking about adulthood
rituals where they used to you know
taking young boy out into the wilderness
and they've actually kick his teeth in
or they would circumcise him and you
know would be something that had a real
level of pain where you'd have to do
something to your mind to get through
and you knew and no answer on certain
circumstances you're different now than
you were right before this ritual you
are a man now and so I wanted to do that
so I went and got a ritualistic scar
which is a tattoo but I had the tattoo
designed and I never have any intention
of getting a tattoo in my life but I
wanted to remind myself that I was
difficult before nothing so I'm a huge
believer in in ritual and there's
someone grinding
[Music]
but yeah so there's a there's just huge
important that and this interesting I
hadn't put that together so so I think
we should pause and see if there are any
questions from the community that we can
answer success mean to you I really
think that there's two ways to answer
that there's very traditional success
and I I think that we can all agree that
success in the traditional sense is
gaining mastery and I think getting good
at something becoming capable in a
certain vein of something that other
people are not capable of especially if
you're capable of things in a given
arena that other people who also care
about that thing and are trying to get
good you've gained more skills and they
have I think people would say that
you're successful there's the the pop
culture version of success which is Fame
and money and those ones are the the red
herrings that I think lead people down
poor paths but the reason that they
those two things will be forever and I
want everyone to understand that Fame
and wealth creation will be two
obsessions forever why because they're
useful they're real
money's real money lets you do things
famous real fame lets you do things you
know even just going out with Michael
Strahan you realize like oh [ __ ] like he
gets access to things that you wouldn't
otherwise get he took me to the Soho
House and and it's literally disguised
and it looked like an empty warehouse
and so I walk up through the front door
I went in the front door to ask them
where the self up house was and so
they're like I said do you know where
the soho house is and they're like that
depends what
and they're like who are you here to see
and I said on I'm here with Michael
Strahan and they're like literally and I
was like this is some crazy [ __ ] like
this is real like famous people really
do get treatment that other people don't
get I'm like like a movie movie so it
was I was like ok at this fangame is is
for real and you know understanding that
marketing especially at the end of the
day as a game with attention you
understand how impactful that is and you
know at Qwest we understood like we need
to find these influencers they have a
level of fame there's people that listen
to there's people that appreciate what
they do and you can get attention so
fame and wealth are real and because
they're real and they actually have
impacted will forever be useful and as
long as they're useful people will chase
them the problem is when you chase them
in and of themselves they get out and
they get ugly fast and as somebody who
really sold a lot of many years cheaply
in the pursuit of money I can just tell
you that flip the script know why you
want the money right because money just
facilitates something Fame facilitates
something if you know what you want it
to facilitate and you look at what
people do like Bono what he's done with
his fame and it's just incredible and
he's really trying to have the world and
suddenly when you're trying to do
something with that you're leveraging it
to try to help people I think then it
totally takes on a new dynamic and
that's how I feel like I'm gonna be
putting myself out there in a huge way
and I'm getting be creating all this
content and putting my face out there
and really asking people to share me and
share the content because I know what
I'm trying to accomplish with it I'm
trying to facilitate something else I'm
trying to effect change on a global
level and when I think about what the no
[ __ ] path is to freeing people from
the matrix it requires me to put myself
out there and put my ideas out there and
to not hide behind things anymore and
you know I did that for a long time
because I don't have that intrinsic
drive to be out in front of people I get
very anxious so none of that I don't
have like that internal need so once I
understood what I wanted to accomplish
then it was like I had the energy I had
the enthusiasm I knew that it I could
see it for what was useful now to give
the non-traditional answer
what success is I think you have to
define that for yourself and I think you
have to know what you really want but
here's what I don't want people to hear
in that I don't want people to hear oh
it's okay
to be less than you can be because
you've allowed yourself a definition of
success that's safe like don't do that
to yourself really ask yourself what you
want and if what you want like truly at
your deepest is something small and
intimate then that's amazing go after
that that's beautiful and I don't think
anybody needs to impress anyone other
than themselves but if you define
success in a small way because you're
scared then you're selling yourself
short
and and that really scares me and I and
I can feel that movement happening where
people are like oh you can define
success however you want which people
here as I can choose to live a life
that's smaller then it would have been
if I had forced myself to define success
bit yeah so one other couple other
questions here so up Cindy's got some
fun all right
so this comes from success in flip
amplified house did you yeah on I gene
how do you master your mind and become
disciplined so the question is how do
you master your mind so I think there's
really those are two different questions
so how do you master your mind mastering
the mind to me comes down to
understanding the anatomy of the brain
understanding neuro chemistry and being
very very honest with yourself about
where your weaknesses are and what
you're good at and what you're not good
at so for me learning about the whole
faking a smile and laughing out loud
thing came from knowing that I have a
very very long fuse so it takes a lot I
mean a lot for me to get angry and one
thing that really used to bother my wife
is how she would be really pissed off
about something someone had done
something that she considered an
injustice and I just wouldn't be mad
about it because I can see from their
perspective whether they were right or
wrong whether it was just her and just
amuse someone
I could just understand their
perspective and so I wouldn't get mad
dude I would stay mad for a really long
time and I would lose an entire Saturday
because and it usually would happen on a
Saturday right so my wife and I had very
little time when we had to spend
together and I would get pissed off
about something and then I would stay
mad all day and then at the end of the
day by the time we've done enough other
stuff and something had made me laugh or
whatever and I break out of being angry
and I would realize oh [ __ ] I just
wasted like eight 10 hours being pissed
off and what did I get out of it and so
once I could identify my goal to shrink
the period of time that I was angry
because I wasn't gonna focus on pushing
back my fuse even farther because I
think at some point it's actually
counterproductive to never be angry so I
didn't want to push my fuse back farther
it's already long enough but I wanted to
shorten the amount of time that I was
angry about something and so I wanted to
boil it down to its physics and so for
me it was what are the hacks what can I
do and I came across this study about
faking a smile and started employing and
it works just incredibly powerful so
you're gonna do things like that and a
lot of it's gonna have to do with
research to really take control of your
mind then you have to practice it right
so I'd actually time the amount of time
I would stay angry and I made sure that
it was getting shorter and shorter and
shorter until most people don't even see
it flash across my face because it's
such a brief period of time so that's
how you get control your mind how do you
how do you get disciplined yes alright
so getting disciplined to me comes down
to habits and identity so you need to
tell yourself you are a disciplined
person then you need to act in
accordance with that so you need to set
small things that allow you to gain
credibility with yourself so for
instance I have a ten minute rule if
I've gotten more than five hours sleep I
don't stay in bed for more than ten
minutes once I realized I'm awake I
don't always hit it but every day that I
do I reward myself emotionally and every
day that I don't I punish myself
same thing with the gym if I take a day
off from the gym like that's not okay
right so there's gonna be emotional
reward for doing an emotional punishment
for not and in doing that creating that
identity creating those habit loops
alright so do you think that rituals are
something we could bring back what would
you what would be one you either bring
back or create and that comes from Titus
on Instagram from try this yeah
something we can bring back rituals what
would be one you'd either bring back or
create so I don't know that there are
any that I would let me say this I
haven't spent enough time looking at
what rituals have existed to
intelligently answer the question what I
bring back so let's set that aside what
rituals would I create I don't think we
have any great manhood and womanhood
rituals where you transition from being
a child to being an adult I think those
are absolutely critical and I think not
only do we not have them I think we're
moving in the opposite direction where
there are so few demands made of people
that you have people in their early 20s
their parents treat him like a child
they think of themselves like a child I
think that's really problematic and is
setting people back and that's why when
you get somebody who grows up hard but
that hard
abrini doesn't break them they become
unstoppable
because now there are so many years
ahead and they've had to do all the
mental gyrations to deal with their
situation that they just get tough and
they use that mental toughness to really
accomplish the extraordinary and I think
the most amazing case of that is jay-z I
just don't think there's a modern
example of somebody who's done so much
with a heart
so that and that's a reason by the way
anybody knows JC we want to get him on
impact theory because that modern tale
of you know self transformation is just
unbelievable so that those two and then
marriage I think that marriage is I just
read an Instagram post about this people
want the things in their life that are
beautiful love friendship fulfillment
they want those things to be effortless
and somehow they think that there's it's
it diminishes it somehow if you have to
put effort into it and that to me is
crazy like those are the things you
should be putting the most effort into
the things in your life that are the
most beautiful they're only gonna get
that way and stay that way if you apply
effort and what people don't realize is
you're your neuro chemistry is taking
care of the early part of the effort and
so it feels effortless to you but that's
it's literally like hundreds of
thousands if not millions of years of
evolution of getting that neuro chemical
cocktail just right so that you fall in
love but how do you stay in love right
so now you don't have all of that
evolution pushing you at your back
because it wasn't necessarily important
from a rearing a child to stay together
for more than a couple years so if
that's something that's valuable to you
that's the goal that you've set for
yourself it's gonna take effort you've
got to put in the effort to keep that
alive
fulfillment happiness I mean bringing it
back to strands book none of that stuff
it doesn't happen by accident it it is a
very effortful thing and so I think when
people are willing to put in that effort
then they can get something incredibly
special out of it so that's why I think
you you've gotta ritualize it you got it
you have to do something it doesn't have
to be ritualistic scarification like it
wasn't my case but it's got to be
something got to do something yeah see
you guys talk in the episode of that you
talk about Kevin Hart you talk about
dwayne johnson as people who respect
deeply look up to
you know inspired by their work ethic
and what they've accomplished and their
approach to to their work in their lives
and he brings up joy by coming from a
place of joy as an entrepreneur and you
sort of talk about to that you know if
you're going to be an entrepreneur
you're going to have to deal with the
mundane and do you think that joy is a
way to break through that sort of tedium
yeah I don't know that I would use the
words break through but I think that
it's it is very very important to find
the joy and stuff and to bring it to the
forefront of your experience and I
really want people to understand that
you can bring it to the forefront of
your experience you can focus on it and
I'm obsessed with the notion that you
get we focus on and so in any day
there's gonna be things that make you
happy there's gonna be things that make
you sad angry whatever and if you focus
on the things that make you sad angry or
whatever then that's gonna be your
experience for the day but if on the
other hand you choose to focus on the
joy you can feel good and joy is is like
eating a bowl of ice cream it feels good
so why wouldn't you want to do it joy is
you know the hug from somebody that you
care about why wouldn't you want to
experience it like those are the the
rewards that nature has given us for
doing things that are you know
advantageous in some way that draw us
more deeply into a meaningful
relationship with somebody that from
another illusionary perspective means
that you're more likely to be protected
or if you're unable to get food at
you're sick or whatever that someone's
gonna take care of you so it's made sure
that there was like this big feel-good
reward for developing those
relationships so bringing all of that
stuff to the forefront
I think keeps people's minds more agile
I think it it feels great it's gonna
keep you going through you know the the
banality of things but I think the and
when I say that I mean you know of
entrepreneurship particularly which
which has those painful things but the
thing I think makes you break through
that is is always going to be that
mission right it's always going to be
that thing you're trying to do and even
that thing sometimes is is not
necessarily a focus on the joy so to me
they are a little bit different
but I think it's super important to
bring joy to the forefront on an
absolutely daily basis
awesome is there anything I would just
say that look go get his book waking up
happy I'm not gonna get behind every
book that we encounter in the show in
the same way and and I'll either erode
my own credibility over time by equally
hyping everything or people will get
when I really really respond to
something I was super surprised by how
much I liked wake wake up happy it's
great it talks about work ethic it talks
about you know the focus that you have
to put on that and the energy and
discipline you have to have him and just
think it's such a powerful message and
coming from a guy that's reinvented
himself and done so many amazing things
with his life all that required an
insane amount of discipline and self
belief and and re-watch the episode and
really pay attention to the parts where
we talk about fear right Michael Strahan
he's what 6-3 230 pounds or whatever is
some muscle and that guy says you know
in doing what he does he's scared all
the time and I just loved that I loved
hearing that from somebody as successful
and powerful as he is that you know he's
dealing with the same thing all of us
are so check it out and yeah thanks
everybody for watching his episode I
thank you he's such an amazing person
that's well worth watch yeah if you want
to read the book you could actually
enter our contest and have an
opportunity to win a subscription then
you can listen to it on to EDX right
[Music]
okay fair enough the average of the the
impact theory team currently is to rise
and see how we can alright guys thank
you so much for joining us this has been
our Michael Strahan episode of whatever
called so be sure to submit your ideas
we'd love to hear it and as always guys
the community is everything to us
thank you for engaging with us live
audience was awesome we're gonna be
doing this after every episode so we
want as many people from the live
audience joining us as humanly possible
asking questions and helping each other
that is
we're all about life is about skill
acquisition my friends you get what you
focus on go acquire those skills and
until next time be legendary take care
everybody