Kind: captions
Language: en
you know who drank is Churchill that's
my whole that's my guy yeah you know
that's my guy right so he uh he did
champagne you don't have to tell me
anything about Winston Churchill he I
found out about his daily routine yeah
so his daily routine was a big breakfast
cigar coffee eggs honey Side Up toast
bacon sausage tomato beans uh fruit
orange juice soft Scotch cigar in bed
and he'd sit there for three hours and
then he get in the bathtub and drink
champagne and then he'd go to lunch and
have some goose with more champagne and
then he'd take a nap and like I love
that so every year on hit the day of his
death I think it's January 24th I
celebrate Winston Churchill's Life by
living the way he did and so I have
breakfast in bed with a soft scotch and
I just party all day that would be the
guy to drink with
the following is a conversation with
bird Chrysler a stand-up comedian
podcaster actor and a man they call the
machine
I've been a fan of his comedy and
podcasts for many years and I highly
recommend you watch him on broadcast to
Bears one cave with Tom Segura his
cooking show called something's burning
and finally the new movie that tells the
story of the man the legend the machine
this is the Lex Friedman podcast to
support it please check out our sponsors
in the description and now dear friends
here's Bert Kreischer
I read somewhere that you like Ernest
Hemingway love him there's a quote
there's nothing to writing all you do is
sit down at a typewriter and bleed do
you agree with that I agree I agree well
I agree with that with journaling
because I can't write um
I can't write stand up like I can't
write a bit but if I Journal I'll find
something that I go just right
kind of writing where your the pen is
moving faster than your brain and
they're kind of like doing it together
the thing I liked about Ernest Hemingway
this is so stupid
I'm a little dyslexic and so I'm not a
good reader and so he wrote very simply
and it wasn't until after I read a bunch
of Ernest Hemingway I was working in
Barnes and Noble and this person said
don't you love his titles and I was like
yeah Sun Also Rises and they're like
yeah but Now The Sun Also Rises and I
was like yeah it's almost Rises and I'm
like no this no the Sun Also arises and
I went
oh
yeah that is fucking badass yeah and
then I'm like always late to the party
with anything and then that night we
were all doing coke and uh it was like
five in the morning and we ended up on
the roof of my apartment in Greenwich
Village
um the the like I'm a sunset guy I go up
in Florida but sunrises in New York are
electric blue like electric blue
and I was like
The Sun Also Rises
yeah he was so good
with just a handful of words the
Simplicity the choice of words like uh
basically his process is carving down
right drunk edit Sober by drunk at it
sober yeah but he was good at like at
like
a small amount of words to to get a
point across I'm the exact fucking
opposite well he's also said uh the
first draft of anything is always shit
is that uh is that true for you I think
so
the best one I have he goes downhill
from there so for you editing is
destroying the original the first time I
tell the first time I tell it it's
perfect
it's perfect it just it works and then I
go great and then I take it and I try to
fix it and make it better and jazzier I
just joke and Razzle Dazzle about my
daughters and I driving past the deaf
child's line
and uh I just told it on stage it just
happened and Louie was in the audience
because I love that joke I said really
he goes yeah and I just told it and I
went done Louis CK says he likes a joke
it's fucking it's in the special
and I tried to fucking Razzle Dazzle
that joke into like a 15 minute bit it
got to the point where it was so
obnoxious it was so bad that I I told
him I I did a podcast with him I said
what did you like about that joke
because I can't get it to work anymore
because it was just simple it was simple
that your daughter didn't know how
they'd figure out where deaf kids lived
oh that's it
he's like yeah I was like nothing about
gun control and he was like huh I was
like oh fuck man I really fucked that
joke up and then I had to I had to go
back to the beginning of it but that
first time
that's when that's when the joke comes
out purest for me and then it's always
chasing back to get that get that first
telling some jokes are different like
the machine obviously was a much longer
story and like in like escape room for
this one the longer stories take a
little work but the the simple ones
like like the deaf child in pajamas and
those first times are perfect what do
you think is it
is it about the machine story that works
that was so uh captivating for people
I think it's a I think I don't know I
really wish I I don't know I think it's
a good story I think it's a good story I
think everyone has something similar
that happened in their life where they
had a crazy night and that no one
believed and they told their friends and
their friend and and or they experienced
that with a friend like that and and
I think
I think that's got to be it I really
don't know I think there's a part of I
think there's a part of the like our
community of Comedy fans that were that
early death squad that was fun to watch
someone take something from the podcast
and turn it into a bit on stage yeah I
think there's a lot of that but I think
people identify with a wild crazy night
that got out of control that they've
probably had too I I think I don't
fucking know
you think Putin knows who you are
because of that story I hope so
my fucking hope so
I hope so but there's there's a part of
me that that you gotta understand is
like I'm not
I say stuff like that I'm sure there's
someone hears that and they go who is
this fucking narcissist you're like no
that's not it I'm just telling you the
truth like I understand what I'm
supposed to say well you know I don't
know I you know I I don't know that's
hard to say but I don't fucking give a
shit about that guy I'm not that guy I'm
telling you everything that comes out of
my mouth the second it comes out I'm
gonna be 100 honest I don't know any
other way to live I kind of hope so that
would be fucking cool and I look I know
he's about I guess he's a bad dude I
don't follow politics ton but it'll be
cool if like one day someone's like uh
he's he's on his computer and some guy
goes and he's like yeah
and he's like duh
and he's like and it shows it to him and
and then he's like a fucking this guy
huh it's not out of the realm of
possibility that uh Putin has watched it
and yeah this this podcast this has kind
of made me realize how like small the
world is I've gotten to meet some
incredibly oh like especially the
interesting people like that's I mean
that's the thing where I go
like it's gotten really crazy
the internet's really insane and Netflix
is really insane and the reach of like
people that like this is really simple
but like I'm a big fan of the show drink
Champs I didn't think in a million years
Nori would ever know who I was
and then he offered me to come to his
podcast and then when I got there he
told me he was a fan of mine and I went
like I remember moving to New York
listening to you and Capone like I'm
sitting there going wow
like and then and the phone calls I've
gotten since the movie came out and uh
since Razzle Dazzle came out have been
really insane when you realize
as much as I know about people and I I
like there's people I'm fans of that
don't know who I am that like that are
like they're like some uh pitcher in
fucking Florida that I follow the kids I
like I think it's fun to watch him pitch
there was a softball player in uh Tempe
that she do catching drills and I was
really into softball with my daughter
and we watched her Casting girls there's
a girl deglazer who me and my daughters
would watch her dance videos and then I
hit her up she's like you know who I am
and you're like oh yeah that's the way
the world Works uh what world leader
would you drink with if you could you
imagine Putin
so Putin doesn't drink much yeah
zielinski drinks more yeah but also not
much of course yelson would have been a
good one you would have been a fucking
good one I mean like I I go Hitler was a
pussy like he he drank wine with it with
a cut with a spoonful of sugar in it
you've never drank what Churchill that's
why hold on that's my guy yeah you know
that's my guy right no I don't know
that's okay
so he uh he did champagne you don't have
to tell me anything about Winston
Churchill he I found out about his daily
routine yeah so his daily routine was a
big breakfast cigar coffee eggs over you
egg sunny side up toast bacon sausage
tomato beans uh fruit orange juice soft
Scotch cigar in bed and he sit there for
three hours and he'd hold morning
breakfast and that's they'd come in and
he'd run through his day and then he'd
get in the bathtub for fucking an hour
and drink champagne and then he'd go to
lunch and have some Goose or whatever
the fuck they ate back then with more
champagne and then
and then and then I mean and then you
take a nap and like I love that so every
year on the day of his death things
January 24th I celebrate Winston
Churchill's Life by living the way he
did and so I have breakfast in bed with
a soft scotch and I just party all
fucking day that would be the guy to
drink with that would be the guy if you
could pick anyone to drink with he drank
every day throughout the day he lives
like 94. and was
one of the most heroic figures in human
history Never Never Surrender
I mean what a fucking badass thing you
know he taught he taught the Queen the
queen was like uh like a like a window
licking idiot right like she was she had
a third grade education so like her dad
dies and she's like 10 or 12 or whatever
the first thing they do is they pull her
out of school that I keep done learning
he's just gonna be the queen you gotta
know this is what you need to learn
don't make let people make eye contact
with you put your hand down like this
don't let people touch you so she like
she had like a really I saw the by the
way I didn't do this research I just
watched the crown okay and Winston
Churchill kind of taught her about world
politics and was they like coming and
she'd be like Winston what did we do in
Africa and he's like oh this is gonna be
a tough one and so yeah so but Winston
Churchill's the badass but if I had to
drink with someone living like drink
there's like there's a two obvious one
like obviously it's fucking Kim Jong-un
right you kind of wanna he drinks no he
does
[Laughter]
you think my IVs are good in the morning
you know Kim jong-un's IVs are next
you're like I feel up and he's like it's
amphetamine he would be a badass to
drink with but he drinks hard liquor uh
I think it's Scotch Johnny Walker Blue
that's what I've heard
I don't know where you heard this but I
like this okay so I say things like that
but then I'm sure I I I I I I I don't
know if you've ever partied with someone
who just parties a little different than
you and then you notice like like
sometimes celebr like athletes
and then like you're at a strip club and
then they they talk weird to a woman
you're like oh that's not me I'm so
sorry so that would be the thing the
atrocities would be hard to get past
with them that's just the atrocity but
the way of being I agree with you I
actually don't like drinking with
rich and powerful people often there's
something weird about them yeah not not
all of them and I don't like I don't
like a drinking meeting like with some
of those let's let's
people go like hey uh I'm taking you out
tonight we're drinking yeah and then I
go oh that's not the way I like to do it
it gives me anxiety like
um our lives are very different you and
I yeah were you a fraternity no
we could start there yet no it was not
okay
and the differences continue from there
I'm sure so when you get your pleasure
pin uh-huh they take you out and their
whole thing is you're gonna we're
getting you fucked up yeah that energy
is not my energy I don't like that like
it's I just go why don't we just get
drunk and feel really good about
ourselves like I never like took
mushrooms to see Jesus I just wanted to
enjoy Rain-X on a windshield like so
like that that for me
uh is like one of my things so if if Kim
Jong-un flew me to North Korea to drink
with him I'd be like I'd have to start
really getting blackout drunk on the
plane to enjoy drinking with him that
day
what's your favorite like different
occasions what's your favorite drink
what's your favorite way of drinking
it's it's I've got it varies so what are
the different contexts here it's like
one-on-one
one-on-one like you sit down with I
don't know Rogan invites you like it's a
Godfather to sit down and finally have a
talk about something it's going to be
whiskey
it's gonna be like a nice whiskey neat
no I like it on the rocks and I like
lots of rocks it won't be something
expensive because Rogan is not he's not
a fancy boy you know like he's a real
regular he's a really regular dude
he's gotten less regular the more
millions of dollars he has I think
there's parts of him where you're like
yeah like where you're like oh wow we
can do this yeah
um but he's a right he'd be like Jack on
the rocks or like Buffalo Trace or one
of the maybe a little whiskey he's
buying Rogan B uh whiskey rocks
and then like that's a good one I
haven't hung out with Joe by ourselves I
take that back I was with him the other
night but like I would be cool my times
with Joe's are are always on podcasts
yeah and his I missed the times where it
was we just have you and him at the
store late night yeah I I'm okay with
podcasts okay I used to think this is
like uh performative or something like
this but it's not really no that's just
the chance to really sit down I enjoy it
because of the people I could never sit
down with ah like David Cross I would
never sit down with David Cross because
we don't run in the same circles and but
it's nice he has something to promote
and then he comes to my house and then
we can sit down for an hour and talk and
then and then or Kevin Smith like people
I would never really hang out with Tom
um
I enjoy being alone with Tom Moore off
Mike Tom Segura yeah we have a lot of
history there's a lot of things secrets
we know about each other and there's a
lot of Secrets going on in our each
other's lives that I would never share
on podcasts that I'd that I can talk to
him about and I really appreciate his
and I know this isn't on brand of us
beating each other up but like I really
appreciate his insight as a as a dad and
as a dude and as a son
but but he makes me giggle harder than
anyone so doing a podcast is fun so
there's something on a podcast that's
performative for you with him and then
there's a party me and him because we're
trying to make each other laugh but I'll
tell you if we're going back to drinks
I'll tell you
like a great a great afternoon drink is
a comparti spritz it's my one of my
favorite drinks I don't even know what
that is oh the party Spritz Campari is
an interesting alcohol
because I think it's a bitter uh or it's
a liqueur and it's got a weird rooty
earthy taste it's red so it looks like
Kool-Aid that's why I got into it I
thought camparion ice would be oh so
nice it was an old commercial but man
it's fucking like sucking the green
Giant's dick it is earthy what's earthy
it's like it tastes like Roots it's oh
nice it's not it's not it's there's a
bitterness and like a it's just not
great
and then someone introduced me to a
Negroni which is Campari and gin and a
little soda water and then the Campari
Spritz compari Spritz is Campari
Prosecco and soda water in like a wine
glass and it is
so enjoyable it's got so many different
profiles to it where you get the
bitterness but the sweetness of the
Prosecco and then it flattens it out
with the soda water and it looks like
Kool-Aid so I love it that's one of my
favorite drinks to share in what context
oh uh you're in Italy
and you've been walking around Venice
and everyone went their own ways and the
whole family comes back together and you
meet at a statue and and your wife's
sweating and she's uncomfortable and
your daughters are 16 and 18 and they're
like are what are we gonna what are we
doing with the rest of the day and you
go hey guys it's Europe does anyone want
to come party Spritz and everyone goes I
don't know what that is and you go
fucking party spreads now it's minor in
alcohol so it's not going to light them
up but it gives them a little bit of a
buzz where they're like Dad These are
nice Island didn't drink her so I drank
hers I Georgia had hers Leanne had hers
and we ordered another round I ordered
and they're
fucking refreshing and the buzz is
perfect it's not too much because it's
just a little bit of champagne and some
Campari if the buzz is perfect and then
a couple of them and then they kind of
disappear and then you're just walking
around again that's a great fucking
drink you ever drink alone
[Laughter]
so there's a two kinds of a loan one is
alone like at a bar oh wait there's
other people but they're strangers right
they're kind of like out there
keep going yeah don't walk me through
all the alarms and then I'll tell you
the rest there's all kinds of there's a
alone on a train we're transporting
stuff
and then there's just the lone in a in
an empty home or a hotel room hotel and
it's Sunday night Sunday night and
you're packing your bag and you got a
flight at six a.m yeah but Roadhouse is
on and you're like shit so you go down
to the front desk and go is the bar
still open and they go yeah can I order
something to take to my room sure how
about six Heinekens six Heinekens yeah
my wife wanted one too she's not up
there you murdered her and you just say
to yourself I'm just getting six so that
if I have four I just know I have two
extra ones and then you go through six
and you're like oh man I'm not done yet
dude I've drank in every alone scenario
you can possibly think of I've drank uh
I've drank alone in a helicopter with a
dude who didn't know I was drinking uh
he was I was like kind of drinking here
and he's like absolutely not and then I
poured it into a flask and opened it and
drank it and he's like dude we're in a
fucking helicopter you don't think I
spelled that the best alone drinking you
can ever do in my opinion now we're
getting into the Weeds on it is alone
behind someone's back
what do you mean like when they don't
know you're drinking but you're drinking
hmm like uh
like Christmas shopping uh
and your wife says all right let's all
split up and you go cool and it's like
it's like 11 o'clock on a Sunday and
they just opened that bar by the
elevator in the Beverly Center and you
just sneak over and you go hey man
can I get a double Jack on the raw socks
rods like sure and you just have it you
just go let's just and then you're off
and then you're like yeah yeah and then
you just little sneak one sneak it and
sneak it and then buzz and nobody knows
and then your wife's like wait have you
been drinking like
yeah I'm drinking by myself in a fucking
mall yeah on Christmas how sad do you
think I am and then you go yeah I am uh
what about mood do you ever drink in a
dark place so I broke I I had a chick
break up or a chick cheat on me
uh when I was when I came back from
Russia and she's something with my best
friend
and I didn't know how to deal with the
emotions I had and my buddy Mike Osborne
said I can tell you this if you drink
they go away and I went okay
and that was the first and kind of last
time I ever did that
because I did it I've done it I've done
it a couple times but it I try to avoid
I try to avoid if there's emotion going
to alcohol like meaning not when it's
anxiety but like depression yeah I kind
of sit in the depression because or
anxiety I lean towards alcohol like
anxiety like about flying or or
or just like getting worked up on over
something
but with depression I try to avoid
alcohol and just sit in it
um because I I because I've gone there
before but anxiety is up I land I land
all the time but depression heartbreak
all that you just sit in the feeling
yeah heartbreak's a weird one for me so
like the last time I got my heart broken
it Leanne dumped me
um we were dating for like four months
and she broke up with me and my instinct
was to have a drink my friends went to
this uh this uh middle eastern
restaurant and I told him what was going
on in my buddy of course like let's get
a cocktail and I was like I don't want
one I gotta figure this out because I
want this chick and if I start drinking
I'll be like ah fuck it
so I gotta figure it out like I wonder
I'm gonna find out my dad dies one day
or my mom but my dad will be the ruffle
my mom will be equally as rough my dad
and I were really close
and I wonder if I thought about this a
lot if I'll have a drink
dealing with that
like I think about that a lot I keep
saying everything I get with my dad is
extra my dad my dad had a 100 blockage
in his Widowmaker twice and both times
they saved his life and he got a stint I
think 12 or 13 years ago and then he
just got a stint this last year
but that's why everything I get to do I
feel like is extra and so you know he
was just at the premiere of my movie and
he got to see that and he had a very
emotional response and I got to I got
that from him and I was like that that's
a little ice on the cake I did you know
the arena in Tampa was the first time he
ever saw me do stand up that was like a
little extra so all these things I'm
getting with them are all extra so I
have you know at least 74 so
yeah that'll be a tough one well at the
premiere here's what proud yeah he came
out he was sobbing crying and he goes
I've underestimated you your whole life
and I was like what he was like and he
just and he was shaking yeah he goes I
just underestimated you I didn't know I
didn't know I didn't know you were this
I didn't do whatever it was really hard
to understand him to be honest with you
I don't know totally what he said he
might just not like the movie
I I think you uh were hearing what you
wanted to hear uh would you learn about
life from your father
uh it's not gonna make sense
I want to feel like sometimes I'm like a
professional fucking wrestler because
all I care about is you come and see me
do stand up so whatever I got to do to
get you there but
the number one thing my one takeaway
from that man's humility and
I applied I've applied it in different
ways throughout my career
on my 26th birthday he gave me a really
uh aggressive speech
he
I was hungover and I just thought he was
going to say good happy birthday so I
picked up the phone
and I was like Hey and he was like you
are a tremendous piece of shit
and he broke me off you have no humility
you have no this you'll never succeed in
anything you you're you're lying to
yourself you're lying to everyone around
you you're not doing what you're going
after your dream I broke you I failed
you as a father this and that I was like
I thought you're gonna wish me happy
birthday
and so
in that speech he told me if I wanted
something I had to go at it and I had to
go after it as as hard as I could
and I had to do whatever it could I
could do to achieve that in this case it
was working offering to do anything at
the comedy club to get on stage
he told I told him that's not how it
works and he said no that's that's how
it works for some poor kid from Harlem
because that kid needs it he goes you've
grown up with privilege your whole life
you don't need it you think you're going
to be fine
and so I went and I ended up getting a
job at the door but I
it was it was it was it's humbling it's
really like uh it's it makes me feel it
made me feel uncomfortable
and so that humility
uh is it's the first time I really
understood humility and I've applied
that in many respects in like in like
getting to be a paid regular at The
Comedy Store that happened late in life
for me and which I think most people
would give up and be like ah fuck that
I'm already a touring comic I'm on TV I
don't need that but it's something I
wanted and I knew I wanted so I I just
humbly went after it
and then I think I I still apply it when
it comes to
selling tickets or or selling a project
to the fans
or even doing podcasts I try to be as
honest as I can about whatever I'm going
through or whatever I'm dealing with but
when it comes to like selling things I
don't I don't have a problem
trying to make fun of myself or or
get in front of people so that they know
that that I have a show because like the
thing I'm good at though
the one thing I know I'm good at stand
up
and and I I say that humbly but like I
want them to come there so like I've
heard people make fun of me like before
they're like yeah I'm not some I'm not
some clown in a speedo who's one is
gonna I'm a real comic and I go okay but
I wanna I want them that my shows and
you can be that guy and I'll be this guy
yeah the clown the speedo yeah it's like
what are you gonna do
funny people make fun of me for taking
my shirt off like I guess behind my back
no one ever does it to me like no one
would ever
Comics aren't Comics aren't Comics
aren't that manly
[Laughter]
yeah yeah but I always go like I always
go like who what do you care what am I
what do you care and you love taking
shirt off more than anything
you know when something becomes meme it
becomes super popular it uh
it becomes easy to not love the thing
anymore to get tired of it you still
love it well more than anything
I like being shirtless
more than having a shirt I'm very
uncomfortable in a shirt yeah like right
now and I've tactile issues like I have
legit tacked all issues
I'm most comfortable in stretchy jeans
with a loose fitting belt and then these
shirts exactly but I don't I like more
like a v-neck I feel I can feel this on
my neck right now and I can feel it on
my arms and so I'm I'll sit a certain
way because it like it just rubs me
wrong
be a more comfortable shirtless I can
never wear what you're wearing
uh yeah well this is my shirtless each
of us have to find our place in this
world in terms of fashion I would love
to be able to wear what you wear yeah
because it looks good it feels like an
escape from convention
because you or me both of us yeah
because this nobody wears this
unless you work security for somebody
yeah but it looks good on you does it I
don't know you know I think people think
I don't like they would say like what
what if you lose weight you can't take
your shirt off anymore go no I can
fucking take my shirt off yeah you
fucking out of your mind I'm gonna take
my shirt off all the time
uh you mentioned uh early on heartbreak
after the Russia trip with a girl who
slept with your friend
uh let's go back to Hemingway quotes
the best way to find out if you can
trust somebody is to trust them
so to go all in with the trust
I love Hemingway so much
um have you been betrayed in your life
yeah
what do you think about trust
it's an interesting question
um
I've been betrayed in my professional
life a couple times by really close
friends
and uh
I'm not someone who can't like I have a
mantra that I mean I'm
I don't know if people have heard it or
not and I'm I hate I hate sharing it but
it's but it's true the Mantra is so you
think I'm weak
like do you think it's like that's my
thing because I I feel like people take
advantage of me and I go so you think
I'm weak
you forget everyone that like that and
I'm named the people that have betrayed
me I'm a larger man than all of them and
and but I and so that's what really
fucks with me is I go so you think I'm
weak like where I grew up when you do
stuff there was physical consequences I
grew up in Florida like I've been beaten
up a bunch I'm not saying I can fight
but like I'm not scared of getting
beaten up
and the the times that I've been
betrayed and and
even I know even like by Ari whichever
people see that drugging as a betrayal
and I did for a period but it was it was
only because it was Ari and he was my
one of my best friends and me and him
had to work through that because I I
couldn't not love him like I couldn't
not have him in my life he means a lot
to me he really does he's a great friend
to have
but he's also I don't know what's going
on with him at that time but he made a
bad decision and I had to forgive him
for that because I knew he he knew my
mantra
I think I'm harder to trust people now
I'm I'm not as apt to trust people at
all
but there was a moment I don't know if
I've ever shared this and I don't know
how this will sound but there was a
moment that information got leaked about
a thing and all my managers and agents
both both
Tom and my Tom and our managers and
agents would like to uh separate either
separate us
or one of us one of them get both of us
it's just more lucrative for them sure
so they have always kind of pitted us
against each other a little bit and they
do it subtly
um they'll do it to me and my team and
then his team will do it to me and then
my team will do it to him and his team
will do it to him
and there was a moment where information
got leaked about this thing I was doing
and my team was like just so you know
you're your boy Tommy is is the rat and
I had to
it was the one time and Leanne said do
you think Tom would do that
I said uh I don't know how Faith Works
like I'm not a super religious person
but I will tell you that I believe in
Tom and I don't think he did it and I
will stand by that ignorantly
and and I will and I will ride or die
with him because I cannot live in a
world where I don't trust him yeah if I
don't trust him then I am so fucked
and uh and it wasn't him it wasn't him
and it was it's a cool feeling to know
that you could like
that you could blindly trust someone
blindly have faith in someone know that
they're they have your best interest at
heart
but yeah it took me a while to get there
Rogan helped me get there because I
wasn't trusting him or Joey or Tommy or
anyone I wasn't trusting anyone I'd
gotten in a bad thing and I just wasn't
trusting anybody
Rogan was like yeah man we're trying to
be your fucking friend and I was like
yeah I don't I don't need friends
I couldn't understand what why Rogan was
interested in me and I was I said to
like someone I was like is he gay like
what the fuck yeah and then he was just
a nice guy he was just a nice guy
that'd be hilarious if Joe was sexually
attracted to you this whole time this
whole time is the reason he keeps
inviting it back I would be more excited
I would be more excited if just if he
tried to kiss me on the lips once just
and just and then like in a Scotty
Scotty J way from Boogie Nights where
he's like what do you like my car yeah
you know nobody would believe that story
no one yeah if I was Joe I would kiss
dudes all the time and then be like and
then and then when they didn't kiss back
oh you know no one ever believe you yeah
well when you trust people like that and
they fuck you over that can really
really really hurt
you end up on a treadmill
in a hotel room
fighting with them you fight with them
all the time you fight with them all the
time
you fight with them constantly
and it's and I and I I have this uh
thing like where I ruminate on an idea
and I can't get it out of my head and I
hear the words they say and then I and
so all in your head on a treadmill in
your head just fighting just fucking
fighting and then yeah
and then one day you get past it like
one day you just go huh fuck them I'm
not gonna let you give them real estate
and then you just forget about them and
then they reach out and they'll try to
be a dick or a bully because they're
bullies they're bullies is what they are
don't ever forget it they're fucking
bullies and they got bullied it's not
their fault they got bullied
and then they try to Bull you and you
don't have any connection anymore and
you're like oh you can go fuck yourself
you can actually go fuck yourself you're
not my boss you're not my wife you don't
fuck me don't pay me get the fuck out of
my life
but this kind of Mantra that you're not
weak you still want to be able to be
fragile to the world and appear weak
almost well I am I am I mean that's the
problem is I think I am pretty fucking
weak like I think I'm not the strongest
dude out there I have really thin skin
am I get my feelings hurt all the time
yeah and so but like but it sucks when
you watch like your friend
see something in you that you go
or they go fuck him he's not paying
attention
fuck him let's just fuck him let's take
his money you know what fuck him he
doesn't know what the fuck he's doing
look at me he's a drunk alcoholic and
you go oh no bitch I pay attention like
I'm I'm wide awake I'm here I'm working
my ass off you're not gonna fucking
well that's the tough thing about like
you and Tom Segura you're at the top of
your game on top of the world some of
the most famous comics in the world and
you could see money start to creep in
like uh business decisions yeah
I don't know it's a tough it's a tough
place it's really tough it's really
tough work you know especially as we're
growing
and and uh
I'll tell you what it
I don't know how much I'm allowed to say
but I can tell you this
with a business deal
where feelings were getting involved
and money was involved in that and the
money was causing the feelings
and one of us said
to the other person our feelings are
more important than the money so let's
just split the money and it was and it
was and it was and
and it was it was really like a solid
moment where I where both of us were
like that is how we should run this yeah
that's the interesting things like with
bands you have like
popular bands that split and even yeah
even though it's clear that the
contribution is not even it's like uh
there's a front man and all that kind of
stuff but it's ultimately the right
thing to do to say fuck you to the money
for the most part and prioritize the
feelings yeah especially because like
I couldn't do it without him he couldn't
do it without me we do it separately
we'll have guest Bears on some will blow
up some won't you can never figure it
out but when we're together it does well
and so we need each other for it to work
and we've you know
like I said we're on a handshake deal
with two bears and no one likes that
but we're like hey
I mean we I don't like to the point
where like he'll call me and go yo we
have a deal to do this for x amount are
you in and I go yeah
I'll go check the books I don't need to
I don't I don't I know him I just know
him yeah what do you love most about
Thompson
the we saw a gay couple one time this is
a good start and there was one guy was
in khakis and one guy was in jean shorts
with a python around his neck yeah and
Tom goes if we were gay which one would
you be I said I'm fucking python yeah
and he was like yeah I'm khaki and I go
really and he goes yeah that's why we
work and he goes all relationship for
pythons and khakis and I went really and
he goes look at you and Leanne who do
you think you are going I'm Python and
he goes she's khaki and he goes me and
push I go oh she's python he goes and
I'm khaki it'll always be khaki and
sometimes I'll have a relationship
around the python but it's I'm usually a
khaki yeah and I was like yeah I am a
little bit of a lunatic I'll tell you
the one of the a moment
that explains
me and him the world will never see it
was just a great moment we got stem
cells with Rogan one weekend yep and one
day
and I'd had surgery in my arm and Ty
didn't want to do it I was terrified and
Tom just said just come out and meet up
with us Tom knew he was going to make me
get them and so
I got them and he
you know Joe's there and so we're just
all talking yeah yeah yeah yeah and Tom
can see that I'm spinning out a little
bit
and I get in the car and you know Tom's
got a Porsche so we're like right next
to each other
and I just want to feel if it's swollen
and it is a little swollen because I
just got an injection and then and Tom's
driving and he's got his hand on the
thing he just puts his hand on my arm
and he goes you're okay he's just he's
watching he knows me so well that he
knows that I'm spinning out of control
he's like you're okay
and then I was like and I felt okay I
was like you're right I'm okay what the
fuck am I doing my brain's that brain
man that guy got so much love in him
dude he does he has uh
you know
he had a fantastic relationship with his
dad
and and and I think whatever that did
that dude did to create that dude he hit
it out of the fucking park because he
has
so much
uh love that he doesn't need
reciprocated like at all like he can
just love and then he feels good for him
to give and to like take care of someone
and like you know he started the whole
birthday gift thing because and he
didn't need to he just was like hey man
I had this bike I thought you'd like it
and then of course I've turned it into a
fucking bit
and now we're upside down I'm 120 upside
down on a fucking race car that we can't
make our money back on I love it uh what
do you love most about Joe Rogan oh that
dude
I could go on and on about Joe Rogan Joe
Rogan is the most selfless individual
I've ever met he doesn't care if he has
you on the podcast he wants you to be
the funniest person in the room he wants
you to be the smartest person in the
room let me tell you something Joe Rogan
is 10 times smarter and funnier than me
he wants you to shine he wants you he
wants to put you over to his fans he
that shit did not exist before he
started doing his podcast people didn't
share you with their fans no one was
like Hey man come on on the road with me
they brought me on the road because they
wanted you to suck and they put you in
bad scenarios Joe Rogan wanted you to
shine he gave he gave so many people
beautiful gave them careers gave them
Joe could have looked at his podcast as
his thing this is my thing I bring on
these guys I'm gonna be the funniest guy
in the fucking room I know some guys
that have done that
might be me might be I might talk over
people and not listen really well Joe
had did the opposite now look I've tried
to learn from Joe on my podcast and do
the same that guy when you think about
it you name 10 of his friends I bet
eight of them are doing Arenas right now
they're all doing theaters all his
friends do theaters all his friends do
theaters he is he is just
you know I I he and he won't accept this
compliment I tried paying it to him uh
in
in Austin when I was in Austin last well
he's not good at accepting compliments I
gave him a gift too and I say hey I need
I need to show you I can't just tell you
this because it's going to fall in deaf
ears I need to give you a minute so you
have something so you know that I think
about you and I'm grateful for having
you in my life a lot for many reasons I
have more friends in my life because of
you he taught me how to trust people
again I have a career because if you
have a major motion picture because of
you I do Arenas because of you without
you in my life a lot of these these
things maybe never would have happened I
never would have told the machine on
stage I wouldn't have gotten I would
have never started a podcast I wouldn't
have three podcasts like I mean all
these things are are things he not just
he didn't just take me to the water one
time and give me a drink he he gave me a
machete and he said this is how I get to
the water you gotta put your own path
but just give me a heads up you can also
use my path whenever you want I mean he
he is the most selfless individual he
will go down in history as one of the 10
most important people in stand-up comedy
without a doubt he changed the game it
didn't exist like this before him and uh
and he won't accept that compliment well
it's a gift you give him I can't tell
you is it a dildo he was a dildo
double-sided dildo I go hey when you get
free time can we scissor fuck each other
uh you're happily married uh for 19
years
so I think you're a good man to ask how
do you find love how do you find how do
you date in order to find a love of your
life of a lifetime this is gonna sound
off
but don't
don't tie yourself down meaning like
don't spend time
fucking with those little mini shrimp
and peeling them every night when you
know you're looking for a lobster yeah
like and so I think what happens a lot
of guys they just they're so busy and
like just getting pussy and going from
here to here to here I was never that
guy I always wanted I always wanted to
find someone who understood me I always
wanted that and so you know granted I
haven't had sex with a lot of chicks but
that's and it's and it's not by choice
I'm saying like maybe there was times I
would have done it but I but I know that
I was always looking for someone to
figure out to get me and then and then I
will say this when you know you know
when you know you know when you think
there's I can't imagine a life without
this person
that that happened to me and I can only
say my experiences I had Leanne I loved
her and I and I didn't even realize it
and the second she dumped me I went oh
no no no no no oh I I don't get to live
a great life without her she's the thing
that's going to give me a great life I
knew it Undisputed I went for a run and
uh she dumped me I went to my shower I
cried I went to Barnes Noble I bought
men from Venus women from Mars I've
watched Fight Club in my closet I didn't
drink I drink a lot of Nyquil to sleep
and then I went for a hike in Runyon
Canyon I was running back down Outpost
by Ben Affleck's house and and the sun
was setting and I just said God if
you're listening
just give me this check back I'll never
fuck it up this is the one I won't fuck
it up I won't cheat I'm not gonna be a
bad dude I want to have kids with her
I'll be there I'll be a great fucking
dude I'll take her out on dates like
I'll love this chick
and I got home and she was in my room in
a sundress yeah and I was like oh fuck
you I didn't know he was real yeah I was
like shit man give me like one more
night let me give some strange tail real
quick yeah before I commit forever but I
think when you know you know this is so
silly but I follow that in business
like when you know you know and like my
assistance with us and someone goes how
do you find a good assistant I go when
you know you know like people will show
you who they are uh I can tell you when
I fell in love with my assistant
we were doing a TV show and and that we
worked past dinner and all the dinner
places were closed and he just said hey
I got like four meals I didn't know
which one you'd want so I got four
different meals for you I ordered them
they're up in your room and just let me
know whichever you want I'll take care
of the rest of them yeah and I was like
oh that that dude thinks about other
people before himself he didn't even get
himself dinner he just got me four
dinners and I was like fuck yeah I did
the same thing with my social media
manager
the way she was operating was I was like
I feel like she's thinking about me yeah
and we connected on so many levels on so
many levels I could talk to her about
things and ideas I had and then I was
like okay I want her I want him I want
I think you I think it's got to be that
thing when you know you know and it can
be so simple as like
like a personal trainer or like a jiu
jitsu class or like just where you go oh
I'm connecting right now but you have to
allow yourself to notice that person you
I I think you do I mean I think you have
to put yourself out there and you have
to be available for it
you know that's the hardest part is just
being available for it
because so people so many people just
want to be busy just dating I just want
to have someone in my life I don't want
to be bored I don't want to what if I
die alone I don't wanna I like just be
available for it uh what is it you said
peeling the baby shrimp yeah when you
could be having a lobster
yeah
Lobster's still a lot of work I have to
say yeah but well yeah but it's Lobster
this is a fucking baby shrimp or like
and you ever guess you ever get the ones
in Brazil where you just go fucking eat
the shell I don't care anymore
like I'm so fucking hungry you just
handful of lobster like it's popcorn or
maybe shrimp like it's popcorn
I've done that in Vietnam I've done that
where did I just go it's too much work
so when you're in it what's the secret
to successful marriage
what do uh women want or a Crusher oh
fuck that's I'm the wrong guy to answer
that I think how to make love to a woman
by Bert Kreischer how do you make
lobster woman I'll tell you how I do it
yeah uh
I go down on her first
make sure she has an orgasm yeah and
then I get my turn and that's over
pretty quick
it's like it's like your ears pierced it
doesn't feel a little prick and it's
over
I um
I don't know if I've done a great job
keeping her happy I think I keep her
interested like I think I I I
keep her occupied like I'm like a little
bit of a rodeo clown like I don't know I
mean like I I know we're happy right now
I know we're really happy
but I don't know if I ever did
as good a job as she did like she's
always been
like she's always been a gangster like
done did everything just does everything
she does it all she does everything like
fucking everything and she loves it she
just does it and then she shows Love For
You by taking care of you and so like I
have a lot of time just been this like
almost like step and repeat husband
where it's like I come in to take a
picture like hey money Tuesday I'm all
right I'm on the road Wednesday take
care guys or like a travel channel I
lived for two weeks at a time I left for
the movie for three months so like I
don't know that I've ever done
a bang-up job
I buy it like I go I remember one time I
was just like I don't cheat on her I
don't hit her I don't yell at her I'm a
pretty good fighter I'm a really good
fighter like like I'm good at like going
like Hey we're on the same team Oh you
mean de-escalation I'm really good at
like I'm very self I'm very accountable
I'm very self-correcting like if if
we're in a fight and she points
something out and I go oh you're right I
go fuck you right about that you're
right you're totally wrong oh in the
moment in the moment I'm really good at
that
huh and my wife's not she's not a good
apologizer like she needs to sleep on an
apology and then she can do it I can
apologize in the moment if I realize I'm
wrong and I'm really quick to find my
fault yeah I look for my fault because I
go tell me what I did
adversely as a parent
I have pulled my daughters aside and
been like yo that wasn't you
that was Mom yeah I'm giving you a heads
up because I don't want because I got
really confused as a kid because my dad
always made sure I knew I was wrong
and sometimes I wasn't yeah and then as
a kid you kind of fucked up you're like
well how do I know if I'm wrong and I
think that raises so I was really good
with my girls going like yo
and then and then parenting Georgia
taught me a lot about self-correcting
self-correcting was that my oldest
I'd only if I parented like my dad
parented like just like Raise Your Voice
get up to here that's it no that doesn't
fuck this yeah how come the dogs don't
have goddamn leashes on the collars on
their necks
and so with Georgia I had to learn
through therapy
that if if the if the consequence is
here
and it and the highest it goes is here
then why the fuck wouldn't they lie and
do everything because they go well I
know what it's like to hear but if you
can vary your consequence with a child
and find some conversation in it then
all of a sudden they're like well fuck
well I don't want to lie cause this does
this does suck like I like this I like
where we talk and he says write a
thousand words on why driving around
your kids in a car kids in a car is bad
so threaten extreme violence every once
in a while just to yeah let them know
the dog can fucking bite yeah the dog
can bark the dog can bite but if you pet
him on his belly he'll wag its tail yeah
uh do you worry about being away too
much I mean you're one of the most
creative content pushers and creators
out there you're just constantly
innovating constantly putting stuff out
there but do you worry that pulls you
away from like uh the mundane experience
of Life yeah that can bring contentment
and happiness yeah I feel like sometimes
it cannibalizes your real life where you
start going you start thinking in promo
videos or you start looking at a
vacation as a bit Yeah like we should go
ziplining
why don't you do ah what shoes you wear
or not like it can it can definitely
cannibalize your life
my wife's really good at going like
no like no phones
the girls are really good the girls when
I started instagramming stuff they
started saying stuff like dad hits mom
whoa guys they're like no put your phone
away yeah dab less boys and I'm like
yeah uh what's um
what are some Secrets where's the wisdom
you can say for how to be successful
online and all the everything you've
learned you're kind of like the the Mr
Beast of Comedy just the innovating
constantly
in terms of how to promote stuff in
terms of how to present stuff across the
different social media and across
YouTube podcasts all that stuff
I think the number one thing is don't be
afraid to suck
no one sees the shit the socks
doesn't get views I just guess forgot
yeah it gets forgotten the good stuff
they remember and then that's all they
bring up the stuff that sucks just goes
away and they're like oh yeah did you do
that I don't even think I saw that fuck
it who cares yeah you know it's like
it's like I watched uh one of my
favorite stories about this is uh
a guy named uh Sean Patton
I was explaining Instagram stories to
him and Ari and Mark Norman and I was
explaining that you can now sell tickets
on Instagram stories it was back when
they swiped up instead of tap the button
swipe up
and they didn't understand it and I said
let me show you and I put up tickets for
sale
and I said you know hey guys swipe up
and then I just showed him in 10 minutes
look there's so many people swipes up
it's 145 people it's a lot of people to
buy tickets for a fucking comedy club
and they were like whoa
and they're like what do you do stories
about go find anything who gives a shit
just anything and some things work some
things don't
and I watched Sean Patton shout out to
Sean Patton try for about 15 minutes to
do an Instagram story about uh his cup
of tea he was making a cup of tea and he
was making and he kept going hey okay
hold on fucking hold on to me yeah I was
filming him from the couch yeah I was
filming all these attacks the whole
thing yeah I filmed every single one of
my like 15 different stories of him
trying to do that I had 145 000 views on
each story he never posted it
he never posted it and I was like I was
like man if he had just posted that one
he never posted anything in his stories
yeah that one 145 5 000 people would
have gone to a story to see that cup of
tea being made and see which one he
finally went with and so sometimes I
think the biggest mistake you can make
is just not doing it just do it just
post it turn the camera on the idea will
show up and that that's the number one
thing you just turn the camera on and
it'll come up you'll figure it out you
do multiple takes or no maybe I do three
like and I'm talking even like in the
dance video I did where I did the
hip-hop dance I did two takes on that
um when I had the marching band kind of
my house I did two takes on that
um once you start doing more takes you
lose the fun of it I think and uh
and then the fun ones I mean my favorite
one I've ever done without a doubt my
favorite promo I've ever done
is uh
I needed they added a second show in
some City and uh and
and they had a second show like Friday
and Saturday and our third show and I
said I they just told me I was like fuck
I'm leaving like tomorrow I need to sell
tickets so I said real quick girls meet
me outside and lands like girls are
doing homework I'm gonna take five
seconds I put on a speedo I got the
American flag I gave Isla the hose I
gave Leanne the leaf blower and I gave
Georgia the Drone and I just had Georgia
drone it back to reveal the leaf blower
and this the mist you were seeing was
coming from Isla and Leanne yeah I'm in
a speedo with American flag I have Bob
Seger playing rambling Grambling man
yeah
and and that night Larry the Cable Guy
texted me and he goes this is fucking
genius and I was like it was just and it
was just like yo just let's just shoot
something who gives a fuck
like just shoot something just just just
say something and and put a little just
do a little movement into it and and
those are my back and that was I used to
be I watched a bunch of my promo Clips
back from back in the day I used to be
really good now it's like
I'm promoting so fucking many things I'm
just like I'm almost like I'm exhausted
about my promotions
yeah because you know the the well can
dry up in terms of ideas yeah and it's
like how many times am I going to show a
picture of my ass my ass smells really
good that's whatever my ass is on
Instagram fucking million views
guaranteed a million views your ass and
and and and inner and it's and it's an
active post like people are like I did
the best one I did the other day was
where I superimposed my ass on my front
and it just looked beautiful yeah no
views
oh
is that what it was yeah I think so but
like but yeah my ass like I'm I'm in a
place right now where I am promoting
I'll be promoting this movie I'll be
promoting this movie until it goes to a
streamer I'll be promoting it uh
shamelessly I'm proud of it I I had a
great time shooting it it's in theaters
it'll be on video on demand it'll be on
a streamer I'm sure I don't know but I'm
sure I'm promoting fully loaded My
Summer Festival with 19 different Comics
I'm promoting the top soft World Tour
that starts again this fall I'm
promoting my cruise the fully loaded
Cruise I'm promoting Red Rocks I'm
promoting so many things
that today was the very first time in my
career
where I said in January I'm going to
take a break I'm going to take a break
and go like hey man let's let's get your
resting heart rate down yeah let's let's
get some sleep
let's let's maybe take off like three
months from drinking like that's just
really like slow it down and and also
not think when you're thinking in promo
all the time
it it can be a little exhaust I mean you
think you think it's exhausting to look
at my feed it's exhausting to be my feed
I'm my feed
sometimes less is more
but one of the things that nope one of
the things that inspires me about Rogan
for example
is um
he almost never does this kind of stuff
yeah yeah and how suddenly does this
podcast because you write less is more
how what does he do it like once a month
yeah no he does it three times a fucking
week yeah
more is more is perfect but for example
when he does like a story or something
like this he does one take
it's kind of shitty it's the same day
it's the same it's elk with a bunch of
jalapenos a knife that he had sent to
him by a fucking knife maker and him
going look at this look at this Traeger
smoker I reverse seared this this is
what's great look at this I'm about to
put in the butter and like this is
grass-fed butter this milk really raises
my testosterone Rogan is it's you're
right with guys like Rogan when he does
do a story if they're a little precious
yeah and there's I don't think he's he's
ever done a second take a name of those
stories no it is you have to really
admire that like uh if the shot is
framed poorly if the audio sucks doesn't
matter do you remember when he this is
like like I can get in the Weeds on
Rogan but and especially when it's
Instagram do you remember when he got
his Polar Plunge and he couldn't sit in
a minute and then the next day and then
he must have gotten it on the internet
bad yeah he must have gotten it bad yeah
the next day he sat in for 20 minutes
and he lowered his core temperature by
like two degrees and it took him like a
month to get that back yeah that is that
fucking man what an interesting you know
what I told you at the beginning we were
just talking
I like I really enjoy I draw inspiration
for men I'm not like um
you David Goggins cam Hanes
um Andrew heberman huberman I love uh uh
uh fucking I mean there's so many guys
like that Rogan you know Tim Kennedy
like there are a lot of guys that are
like just very different men than me and
I love Jocko willnick like I love
I love reading their stuff or listening
to their audio books or what listen to
their podcast because I'm so not like
that but that for me when I add a little
bit of that in my life like I remember
you went I don't know what you were
doing
but you were walking us through your day
and it was so
fascinating
it was like it was like I ran eight
miles today I listened to an audiobook I
was running eight miles and then I came
and I worked for about three hours
straight on AI stuff and I'm like and I
was like wait you sat at a desk like you
like sat at a desk and like and I I
actually
I wouldn't even know what to do I would
start doing crafts like I would like
that you went I was like is your
computer like yeah have you sat for like
four hours
focused on a single task me yeah no no
oh I have a hard time sleeping for four
hours yeah like I I don't have that I I
don't have a brain that like I really
admired it when I listened to you do it
because then you were like you're taught
you were fasting at the time you're
doing your fast and then you talk about
what you ate and I was jealous I wanted
to be able to be like that and I think
at that time we started I think you're
doing maybe bone broth or something and
we started doing bone broth
pretty religiously and adding that into
a fast because I was like
it does for someone like me it does feel
cool to add a little bit of control into
life so integrating a little bit of a
way of being from another person that
you're not like yeah like like uh like
so so David Goggins is consistently
pushing himself
I love I did it I did it over the
pandemic more but I loved going today
I'm running a marathon I'm gonna get on
the treadmill and it's not gonna be all
at once but I'm gonna get through a
Marathon today so let's get up give me
some coffee and let's see if we can do
like five miles and then know that we
started there and that was really fun
because like
um cam Haines does that too where he
goes like
he almost just sets the limit and then
and then achieves that his son Truitt is
really fascinating because it's untrue
it's right now is trying to get the and
like I bet people would never think that
this is who I watch but I get real
inspiration from those people because I
showed Jocko I showed a clip to Jocko to
Isla because Isla's like me like like a
a person of her fluids impulse
I walked in on her one time she was in
the pantry in a bathrobe in the dark
drinking a root beer yeah and I opened
the door and she went I said what she
goes I thought you were mom shut the
door and I shut the door to let her
finish the root beer yes she has a hard
time waking up so Isla come in here I
want you to see this clip from Jocko she
goes who's Jocko I say he's a Navy SEAL
she goes he works at the zoo I went no
he said Navy fucking seal I got some
badass job she goes it's a silly name
and I went no it's not it isn't a silly
name these guys are the toughest dudes
in the world she goes she's kind of
right though about the silly name I
never even realized that oh yeah you
talk to a child yeah and so I go watch
this what he says about waking up so it
hits the thing and Joker Goes
first thing you do when you hear that
alarm clock
you could roll over you could go back to
bed you could hit snooze but you get out
of bed and that's your first Victory and
Isla has paused and she goes
how great is that nap right after you
hit snooze though it is pretty funny
you're missing the point yeah this whole
speech he's with Casey neistat when he's
telling this speech he's with Casey
neistat yeah and uh so I hit it and then
he goes and then you've got a victory
under your belt then you go to the gym
and you work out like are you listening
to this island she goes yeah and he goes
then when you go to the work now you've
got two victories you've worked out and
you've woken up on time you didn't hit
that snooze button so when you go into
that break room and you see donuts and
she hits the balls she goes
um if he's about to say no to Donuts I'm
done listening I was definitely gonna
say no to Donuts do you think he's gonna
have a donut and she goes
you like this guy I go I fucking love
him and she goes do you think he'd like
you and I go what do you mean she goes
dad you hit snooze you skip working out
and you love donuts and I'm like yeah
you're making a good fucking point I go
I but I but I do love that like I love
to watch that brain work and go like
like I don't I don't hit snooze like I
don't hit snooze now I go fuck it
because I'm up but I and then and then I
go to the gym every single morning I go
to the gym every single morning and
today is National Donut Day I didn't
have a donut
and so like I I like I try I like try to
apply these a little bit because I mean
the other side of me is like tonight
after we do this
I'll do another podcast and then I'm
gonna call Leanne and go yo we're in
Beverly Hills meet me out here let's go
have drinks let's go have fucking couple
Campari Spritz
all right let's go over her friend's
house and overnight let's get some
edibles and let's fucking have a night
about it get some sushi go have sex in
the hot tub and I gotta work out at
fucking 10 in the morning
I gotta tell you that nap let me press
news is the sweetest
that's that's my victory first Victory
is pressing snooze and getting a nap
onto the Belt have you ever had I had so
this this morning I didn't work I didn't
work out I'd press at like five in the
morning until about six you're going
hard right now yeah yeah yeah yeah
flew to Austin I was like what
yeah what just run around theaters and
now you're back yeah running around
theaters to do to promote the movie and
then look you only get one shot at these
movies so you might as well do and look
it's really hard to get people to go
into the movie theater right now and so
I woke up at like six to five or six to
seven did press
and then I went
and I said and I'm really into a podcast
uh History Podcast right now and I was
listening to this one about the
Conquistadors and I was and I was like
before when I woke up I was like I
wouldn't mind going back to that and I
said I'll tell you what
I'm gonna take a little nap
and go now I slept good last night I
slept like seven hours last night
boy that 30 minute nap it felt like five
hours and I woke up going
I gotta readjust my sleep score that has
to be in the 97 that's the best fucking
nap those little snooze naps are
monsters you know there's I don't care
that's probably for me one of the peak
experiences of life is those naps I
don't know what that is have you ever
slept in a tour bus
a tour bus versus a regular bus like a
tour bus like meaning like it's in a
bunk
no
but I've taken a lot of buses in my life
though would mean like just like a like
those are very different and uh
well listen they
that's just part of part of life and a
greyhound I was on a Greyhound one time
one time right notorious b.i.g's album
came out in college and I was going from
Tallahassee down to Tampa and the dude
got on the tour bus got on the bus next
to me black dude and he sat down he said
we had it and I said Tampa he said you
grew up in Tampa I said yeah I said you
and he goes yeah I said you go to school
fam and because family on Florida State
the two schools one's black ones white
and he goes no I just got out of prison
I said you go to prison and he goes yeah
yeah man I got out of prison I stabbed a
dude and uh and uh and I've been in
prison I just got out today because what
are you listening to I said Notorious
B.I.G and he goes oh shit that's out and
I went yeah and he goes I want to hear
it can I hear it and I was like yeah and
he used my headsets the whole bus ride
to Tampa I didn't have the Bible I was
like he stabbed a man they're yours now
I guess and then I just sat next to him
and I was like is he enjoying it he's
like this is good no tour bus naps yeah
when you're in a bunk it's ice cold bust
isn't moving five o'clock you got like
we work out from like up until like five
o'clock 5 30 show starts at seven but
that five o'clock to six six thirty nap
Pitch Black it's like a coffin and it is
ice cold and you got all your pillows
and blankets in there and you put a
little History podcast on in the corner
and you just listen to like
or like oh my God so you're talking
about like five six p.m for a 7 P.M show
oh it's the best nap you'll ever have if
you wake up so refreshed yeah like I've
woken up from naps like where I'm like
fuck yeah like they're those those tour
bus naps are the best naps yeah I think
having a full productive day
[Music]
and then like five six p.m you do get a
nap and then you do something really
stressful after that like really hyper
like like a show but if I do like I
really like doing podcasts like late at
night
after a nap I think I fucked up my
podcast Rhythm because we're doing them
in the day yeah and so sometimes I'm
just like like if I work out in the
morning I'm good on a podcast but if I
don't work out I suck on a podcast and
I'm just like huh yeah yeah that's cool
no I I I'm
my favorite is I used to do this a lot I
haven't done it in a while is
uh full busy day nap at home box of wine
on the treadmill
and do that until like midnight watching
TV box one box of wine on a treadmill
it's the best height weight how are you
sipping it Jake you have a glass but you
have a box the box fits on the corner on
the treadmill so it's got a little
spigot yeah and you sit there and just
put on like Guys Grocery Games or like
just something it's like a you walking
or are you running I walk I walk in like
a three five so what will happen is if
you started a three start a three casual
walk 20 minutes you're getting a mile in
and then you and you're gonna feel loose
get up to a three five
you can do seven miles on these things
and just and just and you're just
enjoying your night especially like my
wife back in the day when we lived in
our old house my wife would come into
the man cave and she said on the couch
and we watch TV together yeah and like
watch Game of Thrones and use like for
an hour and you just get on the
treadmill and do it oh man I I loved I
haven't done that as much lately because
that was the fucking you can lose
yourself you can forget yourself you
forget you're on a treadmill and you
just are like walking and you're
sweating and you're and you're having
wine and then at certain points you're
like
like uh you like you you start jogging
especially like we were watching uh not
All Quiet on the rest in front what's
the one where they've gotta they've got
to get the message to the front line
I would run like I was in World War II
yeah a run when they would run and it
was fucking awesome and I would like
because they were doing drinks they'd be
like take a drink you gotta run up there
and be like okay
yeah I'm really into I'm really into
History Podcast right now like I've been
in them for a while 20th century or
everything everything everything I
listened to
um
uh
was it Marcus Aurelius and Cleopatra
today uh I know the podcasts are like
you know just so you know Cleopatra
wasn't as hot as everyone says I was
like why are you saying that yeah tell
me she's a six she looks like Snooki
yeah like why let me let me dream that
she looks like Kim Kardashian yeah and
then uh I listened to that one today I
listened to World War II a lot oh a lot
of books on World War II a lot of uh
podcasts about it what's your favorite
theater the Pacific or or european
uh no European Pacific well because my
family's so much of it has died in that
theater so this person so much of it I
hate this sound cliche like a Marlon
Schwarzenegger in an 80s movie but it's
personal well you know what I find funny
about that is Lennon
who's Lenin right uh John Lennon no no
no one was it Lennon was World War II
right or was it Stalin Stalin Stalin
Stalin thought him and Hitler would be
friends yeah I think that's so cute that
he was like we're gonna be buddies yeah
like we're boys yeah and then Hitler's
like oh fuck you I'm Hitler bro this is
what I do well at first he was like
fucking yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we'll
be friends yeah yeah sure sure and then
call me call me better yet I'll show up
in Winter how's that sound yeah that uh
that uh I find that I find all of that
so fascinating when I was a kid I had a
hard time understanding how because we
were always at war with Russia when I
was a kid and I had a hard time
understanding how we could be on the
same team as Russia in World War II
and I was like wait how did that turn
South and then you guys listen to
podcasts yeah I'm that
all of that all of that like
all of the World War II I got really
into the Pacific shit for a while but
I'm really deep in the
in
in the whole we we went to Normandy from
The Cliffs of Dover and to think so
that's the fucking beach
that's the fucking beach oh shit this is
cold as fuck these dudes jumped in ice
cold water yeah and this isn't like a
cool beach like this is
and it's just so insane
to and then to see like the the it's
pretty intense I don't know why I got
into history late in life I wasn't I was
kind of into it but I'm really into it
now and I love just learning a little
something about
you know today was I listened to like
the noise or has a great history stuff
it's like History For Dummies I think
like I get to I can't listen to the
really smart stuff starts losing me too
many names and I'm gone yeah well Dan
Carlin is always the best
your podcast with Dan Carlin yeah was so
fucking good he is
he is I mean I only know about Martin
Luther because of Dan Carlin I only know
like I would have I made a joke about
some Lutheran the other day
and everyone laughed and I was like did
you guys listen to the same podcast I
did because I just am quoting Dan Carlin
uh that his podcast I mean we all quoted
the same shit about uh Genghis Khan
about how he could shoot a dove off a
horseback but we knew that all four
hoofs had to be off the ground at the
same time they shot they would sometimes
take their meat and stick it under their
Saddles and that I mean Dan Carlin is he
is the motherfucker yeah God those were
man discovering podcasts was the coolest
time of my life and the interesting
thing about him is his audio
and so this is the voice
so for me I mean everybody has a story
with a prostitute in a motel
Dan Carlin was my prostitute in the most
I invited him to a motel I don't even
remember in the middle of nowhere he
shows up with that voice
and the rest the rest is history so good
things that we'll never know what
happened oh boy did he like no just
kidding I'm I'm really running yeah but
yes we did we got along with I mean he's
an incredibly kind and thoughtful person
constantly self-critical thinking he's
not good enough he just works on those
episodes forever forever and he just
thinks that there's these uh just like
with Goggins there's these
other historians that I think like weigh
on him like they're going to judge him
or something like this in his mind I
talked about I talked to it with him
about Daniel Battalion and I guess
his thing is he I get I guess his his
hang up is Collins is he's not a he he's
not like this like he doesn't feel like
he's a real historian yeah but he is
yeah yeah I mean it's the way he shares
the story The Queen history teacher in
seventh grade who's a con artist and he
came and taught her seventh grade and it
was the whole con artist all he taught
us about was barnstorming barnstorming
and the JFK assassination
I walked away having such an
appreciation for barnstorming a very
small blip on Americana but I know a lot
about barnstorming because of this guy
and he because he was passionate about
barnstorming it was a funny seventh
grade history class I've ever taken my
entire life
uh you mentioned tour bus uh what's the
best road trip you've been on have you
have you driven across the country just
you no
we had one road trip in college
where a bar had burned down and we found
out that the alcohol was still in the
bar yeah so we took my Jetta yeah over
to the bar and we emptied out the bar of
all the burnt up liquor we didn't know
what anything was
let's go into the trunk with no clothes
like no no clothes and we said let's
just start driving
and we drove from Tallahassee and ended
up in West Virginia and just just drove
just drove it was like five dudes we
drank one person drove I I wasn't a big
and this I was going crazy I wasn't a
big drinker in college until I went to
Russia
and so I drove the majority of the way
and then we we get somewhere
and and we'd get a hotel room
and it was one of the most epic fucking
weekends of just debauchery and chaos
and I think we took mushrooms
and we we we uh went down a river in
tubes so it's mostly about the bond
between the five people versus like
throwing yourself into meeting like
strangers and this kind of stuff yeah
and it was when it was when I was like I
was trying to be a poet at that time and
so like we were actual poetry yeah it
was a really bad part of my life I was
just we were like it's like music is
there too somewhere yeah I tried to be
in a band too that didn't work out the
way I wanted it to I just was never I
always was I was never the I'm not a
good serious person like I'm a good
funny person I'm good to be the fool but
I'm not good when I try to be serious it
looks foolish and so even like you know
someone said showed me throwing out the
first pitch the other day as something
and all I could see is my gut flying
everywhere and I was like that's why it
went viral I was like fuck I thought it
was my throwing Style
that was a pretty epic one the best road
trips I ever took was during the
pandemic during the pandemic when we
were when when we would we're doing that
drive-in movie theater tour
I created a drive-in movie theater tour
when no one was working and the very
first one we all no one had left our
houses we all went to my house we got my
tour bus we had just wrapped the day the
tour bus showed up we just wrapped the
cabin just wrapped doing the cabin on
Netflix and we got covered tested we got
in the tour bus and we said let's create
our bubble and stay safe and that night
we drove I think just outside uh
gallop and we stayed in a and when no
one had been outside and we stayed at a
at a a KOA camp on arrival and we
watched thunderstorms come in on a lake
and we were all smoking cigars and
drinking ipas and and it was fucking
Matt and that whole road trip we Road
tripped across the country to start the
tours and then we just and we were
outside for the first time when we were
and it was that period of my life I'm so
grateful I didn't make a ton of money so
we had a big crew and I made sure I was
trying to make sure everyone because no
one had paid bills in a while but that
fucking tour was the funnest we took up
pickleball we took up disc golf and
everything was wide open in the middle
of the country you could do things but
we were still in our bubble and we lived
in that tour bus and at the at night we
just get back in the tour bus by
ourselves and get fucking wasted and and
I mean that fucking run it'll nothing
will ever be like that yeah because
you like rediscovered the humanity the
camaraderie because uh the pandemic kind
of killed that really suffocated us from
like their basic connection yeah and
then and and there was this
you always had an anxiety attack halfway
through that you got Cove and this one
you know kova was killing people and you
were like I know I've got coveted and
then and then we come in
to Sedona you know this is also why I
didn't make a ton of money we'd come
into Sedona and we get a house in Sedona
for five days an Airbnb and we'd all
isolate there before we went home to our
families yeah
I remember I remember the first time we
did it we didn't isolate we just pulled
back into LA and all our families were
freaked out so I had to live on the tour
bus in at a different house and it was
Fourth of July and I came in and they
were doing an egg toss and they're like
well you can do an egg toss they need to
stop at my anxiety guts you can do an
egg toss with their daughter Isla so
Island I did an egg toss and we fucking
got it to like legit like 40 fucking
feet where I was throwing overhand
lobbing them to her
and the Egg cracked in her hands and it
broke over her face and I got in bed
that night high on weed
fucking drunk and I went what if I gave
my daughter kovid from an egg toss I go
that would be the most horrific way to
kill a child yeah she got it from an egg
toss it broken her face her dad did
covet yeah I mean that's the scariest
thing about kovid I think is not you
dying but because of you somebody else
dies oh my God that feel that's that
that's the fear I think that really like
took hold on people that's why they're
they were way more cautious than perhaps
they needed to be it's just like I don't
want to be the guy that's responsible
for killing somebody I love or somebody
that somebody else loves but Leanne gave
everyone in our family covet she came up
to me and she gave me a hug yeah after
Christmas
and gives me a hug I said what's the
matter she goes I think I have coveted I
go bitch yeah the fuck you doing yeah
back it up fauci like fucking and then
she we went then we went oh and then and
then she had it and it went away and
we're all fine and we're like okay I'm
like we can still go to Park City so we
all go to Park City then Georgia gets
covered and then Georgia starts crying
and she goes I think I gave you covet
and I was like I'm fine she goes you're
at high risk and I'm like what she's
like you're a fat alcoholic I'm like
whoa easy where the fuck what about
feelings yeah and then Georgia got
covered me and I live are still in Park
City Leanne had it my tour bus came up
picked George up Georgia land took him
back to L.A and I was Island over there
and I tested and then we get on the
plane and I I cough and Isla's got her
mask on and I just looks at me you know
the best the one thing we miss are the
eyes over masks yeah the uh the yeah and
then we get home and I had coveted and I
was like if you gave me fucking covet
and then she never got covered she never
got covered
uh you mentioned ipas what's the lay of
the land of great beers
in um in this expansive world of ours I
like pilsners I'm a Pilsner guy I'm an
ice cold beer guy ice cold pilsner I
like an ice cold beer I like an ice
call one of the best beer buzzes I ever
had
is uh
we had bought a new house but we weren't
building it and over covered I didn't
drink for like three months four months
until we decided to go back out on tour
and we figured that out and I was in the
backyard and Leanne came back with like
two tall boy German pilsners and cracked
them she goes let's have a beer and I
was like fuck yeah
and man that second that beer buzz is
different than anything yeah cause the
second it it touches you you feel the
Sparkle and you're just like
yeah baby I'm back and then she's like
you want another one I'm like fuck yeah
and then we have another one and then
and that beer buzz is especially
afternoon beer buzz is just so pretty
it's different than a night beer buzz
night beer buzz is like I guess we'll
have a beer and then I'll have a couple
I gotta go to work tomorrow all right
but that afternoon irresponsible beer
buzz yeah
pilsner pilsner there's I don't mind an
IPA but it's got to be out of It's gotta
I gotta be at somewhere I gotta be at
somewhere like they gotta have an IP
like I like a local IPA it's got to be
food involved and then I'm enjoying an
IPA I I threw up an IPA in a bathtub and
uh Salt Lake City one time
it was like what do you mean oh you
throw up in the bathtub okay no no I was
drinking in the bathtub like bathtub
with some water in it or no no no no no
you're sitting in the bathtub no I'm
getting ready to take a shower and I had
a growler of IPA yeah it's about six in
the morning yeah I have to fly that day
to Vegas to jump off the stratosphere
yeah all I need is a little bit of a
buzz to get myself on this fucking plane
yeah I have anxiety going through my
fucking head because I'm jump I'm gonna
be the first person to jump off
stratosphere
and so I'm drinking an IPA out of a
growler in a bathtub at six in the
morning
and it just didn't sit right and I threw
it up and I was off ipas for like 10
fucking years yeah I didn't have another
IPA until I was like 46 because I was
like all I could think about was
throwing up that IPA in a bathtub in a
shower and being like I'm gonna throw up
thinking about it but yeah I don't I
didn't fuck with IPS for a while and
then during the pandemic I got it I got
back into ipas I was that way with Jack
and Coke Jack Daniels and Coke really
got so drunk many many years ago that
just couldn't look at it I can't touch I
can't touch uh uh what's Janice Joplin's
drink Southern Comfort I can't say
Southern Comfort he just drink it
straight uh well it was Southern
Conference is at 40 that's hard no it's
almost like a liqueur honestly it's
really sweet yeah Jack Jack double Jack
on the Rocks lots of rocks yeah I mean I
had a quote that I got a video that went
viral about I'll never quit drinking
yeah and uh I have not gotten on a plane
since that without having a flight
attendant not even ask what I want walk
up with a double Jack on the Rocks lots
of rocks I mean it happens so on times I
don't want to drink yeah I flew to
Austin the other day I was like I'm not
drinking on the plane because I felt
sick yeah and man he walked up and he
goes double Jack in the Rocks lots of
rocks I was like fuck you know it yeah
but yeah that's that's my drink uh
uh wait what's your drink I thought
you'd be a vodka guy
well uh vodka I associate with a lot of
moments in my life of happiness because
vodka is associated with shots and
camaraderie
and there's Eastern Europe in general a
bunch of guys get together
and you celebrate life intensely yeah
people fight people just feel people
experience life in a deep way just get
too drunk for for like for a reason but
I don't see that as like drinking
drinking that's like a a journey towards
a destination it's like uh to me
drinking is like whiskey neat
or beer like you said ice cold beer yeah
there's that afternoon beer like for a
person like me who's extremely
regimented and disciplined sometimes
you'll get the situation I just remember
I mean just I remember uh there's a bar
at MIT where I just remember in the
afternoon it was like a business meeting
I sat down we just started with a beer
and they're like really crisply cold uh
some kind of lager and then just one
beer and two beers and all of a sudden
you say fuck it let's just the rest of
the day this is what this is and you
said uh bright like you just life and
nature is beautiful out there and you
just said fuck it to all the meetings
fuck it to everything else just the
camaraderie the the just talking about
life being silly being you know all of
them see that see you're describing
something I'll never get because I'm not
regimented
I would love I would love
I would love I only for the moment that
you get to have you get the most
precious little Angel's breath that
anyone's gonna get because you live this
life that's dialed in and it's scheduled
and so when you say fuck it it's like
that's like me doing coke like it's like
oh fuck it like and you can just do that
with beer that is fucking amazing I
would love to live a regimented life
just to get the chance to go
hey guys I'm not performing surgery
today fuck it
hey guys yeah this this Bus full of kids
kids gotta It's gotta drive itself home
fuck it I couldn't even I couldn't even
tell you you know what's so interesting
about
me and you was like yeah you know I'm a
fan of yours I couldn't even I don't
really know what AI is
like other than like dildos or ar right
like
like if it has some Electronics in it
Electronics it's it's no I don't think a
dildo classifies as a robot because I
thought that's how they were going to
take over fucking mankind just well they
start with these the fucking womanizer
that knows how to eat a pussy and then
they're like we don't need men anymore
but like it's so interesting that I
couldn't even like I can barely tell you
what my dad does for a living he's a
lawyer I could kind of like he's called
me and said hey man you got to stop
talking about what I do because you're
not doing it right I go what do you mean
he's like that's not whatever you're
saying I do I don't do
and so but like I couldn't even begin to
explain your job to my daughter
well I think there's the way you do the
job which is the way you experience life
the regimented just even just a
nine-to-five job right you don't think
you work nine to five no but I work much
more than that yeah but there's no
every kind of lifestyle has its
complexities I think nine to five means
you have to wake up at a certain time
every day do people tell you to pull it
back and they're like hey you're working
too hard yeah a lot of people what I
want in my life what I love in my life
especially people close to me are the
ones that say work harder because
everybody how do you get them how do you
get them I don't have anyone in my life
that does that everybody's always
worried about me I don't worry about me
everyone's always worried about me the
only thing no one ever says if I showed
you my DMs right now on my my text all
it is is like hey man I'm worried about
you yeah like Joe I I love Joe to death
not once has he he always I don't know
if you've seen the caring Joe eyes where
like I'm worried about you yeah where
it's like hmm
and you're like yeah man don't do that
he's like I'm worried about you and
you're like don't fucking worry about me
I'm working it's I'm just working I love
working I love what I do I love what I
do I can only imagine that you love what
you do as much as I love what I do
because that's all I ever want to think
about is all I ever want to talk about
it's all I ever want to be like I I I I
when my wife wants me to take uh August
and whatever the August whatever the
fucking September
no but like July and August off after we
do fully loaded and
I was like no
I was like what do you mean like so like
what I'll just am I like sit in a chair
and stuff she's like no you can do like
take up a hobby I go writing jokes I
can't get on stage can I do sets in the
city because I'm not gonna fucking you
do you want me to like like I don't
understand what I don't understand
people who don't I don't understand
people who don't have to drive to work
all the time I don't understand that I
envy it I envy it because I go I would
love to just be like I'm gonna play
video games I can't play a video game
if I did I'd be on Twitch trying to make
money like I love how do you find
someone who goes you need to work harder
yeah especially when they see like I I
don't know what you look like but I I
look tormented when I'm working very
hard like it means
like it's easy to worry for my
well-being it's not like I'm a
happy-go-lucky but I'm happy underneath
it am I working too hard is like on a
plane every other day or every day
getting up at six working out and then
going into like two in the morning or
one in the morning and then going to
sleep and then getting up at six working
out getting on a plane going to another
place
like that's what my working is just a
lot of travel in mind if I didn't drink
on planes I don't think anyone would
probably worry about me at all they'd be
like no you're doing great but the
working out is there so I gotta ask you
because you and I seem to have a similar
relationship with running I like this
idea of a slow treadmill I like running
slow yeah
you know like a 10 minute mile or
something like this so I'll just run
forever just listen to an audiobook
listen to Brown noise think I love it
what's brown noise it's actually
Brownian noise
um but short brown noise it's kind of
like white noise but deeper so it's just
noise like
shh that oh wow it kind of sounds like a
waterfall just listen to it and
something happens to me I think there's
you can ask Superman about this I don't
but apparently there's some science it
kind of focuses the mind and so on
it's funny because I think sometimes
with people don't get about running is
they go
they get on and they put it on like a
six right away on like a treadmill and
they go I can't do this for fucking 30
minutes but you can if you build
yourself up to your six
and you play games I play games with
myself a lot like I'll play games where
I go
um and I I can do this I can do this I
can do this almost not all day long but
I can do this a lot longer like I did it
for two hours the other day before my
workout or no hour and a half before my
workout where I started at 3.5 walking
and then I and then I get my jog up to
like a five and then I'm like 5.5 then I
go six and then I go and once I'm in a
six my body's really loose and so then
I'll go all right bring it down to a 3.5
and then I go punch it to a 7.5 for a
quarter of a mile and then let's walk at
a four let's jog in a five right I can
do that I love they're called uh fart
let's I think and I love those like
where it's like it's
regimented running and sprinting at
certain levels I love that and I love
also when I work out to listen to music
but put on foreign language cooking
shows on Netflix
can you explain that they just put it on
mute you don't need to hear it for some
reason they're sexier the way they're
shot they're sexier yeah and it's like
street food Asia and they're just
watching them make street food in Asia
there's one called broth it's called
broth the nation of broth and they're
just making broths and you're like fuck
I want some broth so this is South
America this is Asia South America Asia
um they do one on pizzas I've watched
this one on pizzas that I've watched it
there's like four episodes I've watched
every episode so many times that my
trainer goes God that's that fucking I
could watch that again yeah
um I love watching foreign language
cooking shows on mute when I work out
while blasting music while Boston helps
you Darren
all right well I usually run outside but
I do oh I can't think I don't mind
hiking and I like I do like you know
what my fun thing the fun thing I would
do and this is a this is ripped off
totally from cam Hanes is I like to go
uh there's a great hike called Fryman
Canyon out in the valley where I live
and I'd be like all right I'm gonna run
to primary Canyon I'm gonna jog the
farming Canyon I'm gonna hike farming
Canyon and then I'm gonna jog back
and I wonder how long that is I think
don't think about it just know that
that's your thing just know that that's
your thing and then all of a sudden
you're like shit that was eight miles
you're like that's a fucking beast the
hike doesn't even feel like anything the
hike once you do the jogs the hard part
there the jog home is a fucking Cake
walk I had the best jog when I was in
Serbia I had the best jog I think it was
in Hyde Park I think the name of the
park is Hyde Park
it was get this it was 80 percent
downhill
wow so this jog you started the park and
it was like and I'll do it like this for
you you went like downhill like this
downhill like this downhill like this
and then it was like a little steep
incline to get to the beginning of it so
it was like a little like nice like
lower back pain you're like okay okay
and then the jog was perfect and you did
four times it was four miles I loved it
my very first day I did it a butterfly
got in front of me it's like six in the
morning yeah six in the morning and a
butterfly got in front of me and it ran
the whole first Mile in front of me and
I just it was like so surreal it would
disappear and then it would show back up
in front of me yeah you sure it was real
no definitely real and then the next day
and so I go I'm on the right path I'm on
the right path the next day I go for a
jog six in the morning and it rained and
as I'm doing this deep uphill incline a
tree collapsed in front of me just went
and I went whoa a tree fell in the woods
and I was here to see it shut the fuck
up I was like that's crazy and it didn't
hit me like I'm on the right path and
then I started getting overthinking it
like the next day I saw a condom and I
was like this is a good place to join I
was like people fucked here last night
but but yeah that was one of the best
jobs I've ever had I could do that I
could run that Park every single day and
no one jogged that Park in Serbia I
actually recently had a condom on my
doorstep and I I wanted to ask whoever
is up there above what what that means
what the
what you know what the story behind that
is yeah it's like you know just a pissed
off UPS guy I I just was it compromised
what do you mean compromised like was
there stuff inside it oh I didn't look I
mean very few people put on the calendar
and go it's not for me I'm gonna take it
off yeah it's a little tight it could be
to send a message like a horse's head
kind of thing oh yeah I don't know I
don't know what the message is exactly
do you use condoms if you had a one
night stand would you use a condom I
don't know what a condom is I didn't
never heard it I'm learning good I'm
learning I've learned about sex from you
today if my wife dies there's no condoms
in my future I'll get it I don't care I
have babies I don't give a shit
your Mana principle I like it uh Mark
Maron wrote something about your book
many many many ages ago life of the
party
I think it's there's an interesting
question in there so first of all wrote
eloquently about you Brooke Chrysler is
one of the Great American Wild men
a Gonzo Warrior driven not by cynicism
or a desire to reveal dark truths but
instead by a deep almost essential need
to have a good time no matter what his
stories track the trials and
tribulations of a big-hearted dude
trying to fit in help out and party and
find himself after all is said and done
we arrive with him at the true humility
of Joy so
when was this desire for pure joy born
in you it seems like
you are driven towards this
Joy
yeah
I think
I think I arrived at it in college I
wasn't always the guy I am I was really
a serious pretty serious dude like when
I got to college like dark brooding
serious yeah I wanted to be like I want
to be like Eddie Vedder I wanted to be
like a poet and a fucking lead singer
and I wanted to be taken seriously and I
wanted to be attractive and I wanted to
be you know like
I wanted to be wanted by chicks and and
respected by dudes and you know
and slowly but surely I think the bird I
really am chipped away at that and was
like hey man like I would say funny I
would say funny things that would
surprise me they were so funny meaning
like in my fraternity I'd say things
that were the funniest thing that I I go
how did I think of that yeah and then
slowly I was like
and I remember as that as I chipped away
at that and as I got older
I would
I would I would lean towards that we
would go on a bus trip to like Clemson
and I would get on the the the
walkie-talkie on the bus and I would do
stand up for like an hour I just make
jokes for an hour and I and I loved
the impulse of like you know you get on
the bus and everyone's like we're gonna
drink and you get that one group of
girls that was gonna drink and then to
break them and they're like oh fuck it
fine let's drink and then that to to
watch that happen and I think
then once I and then when I went to
Russia this is so cliche for me to say
but interacting with those young banditi
they were they were pretty serious dudes
they didn't have like they were pretty
stoic dudes
and when you could make them laugh it
was like a real it was a real Joy the
silliest things I remember you know we
were told
there was a club it was called cafe or
Europa or maybe Cafe Americana there's
where everyone really hung out like all
the the real dudes the real dudes
in St Petersburg
and they had told us that like they told
us in our class that uh Russian women
didn't have tampons so they were like
bring tampons to give to the Babushka
the devotchka that ran the floor
after all this time the fact that your
Russian sucks is awesome yeah if you
keep mispronouncing words horribly I
horribly I'm so fucking bad I am so bad
you know that's how I got the name of
the machine right yeah I was trying to
say yeah and I said I'm a car yeah and
they just were like huh and so I came
into the room one night with a top
pocket full of tampons yeah and they
were like what are those for I said
girls how are we gonna pick up girls and
the look on their face was so it was so
pure joy I remember the first night I
pulled out lemons and this is it sounds
it sounds make-believe now to say it
because it's been in the movie and yeah
but I brought out lemons we were in
lemon drops I vodka and lemons and sugar
and a pocket knife and a fanny pack and
I put out lemons and and this guy Igor
goes oh the machine runs on lemons like
it was just so foreign that you would
need lemon for them and so I I think and
I made friends with those guys like I
mean like friends whatever you can but
like definitely me and that guy equal
legit friends legit friends like but
from a place of Joy like green yeah it
was like it was like real seeing them
light up and then I remember backpacking
through Europe after that and realizing
I could bring a spark of fun to like a
campfire and I had little tricks like I
learned all the currencies around the
world and so I I challenge people to a
currency game I go let's go head to head
you say you you name a country in the
currency and I'll name a country in the
currency and I would I would slow roll
them I'd just do all the dollars right
the Chinese dollar the American dollar
the Australian dollar I'd run through
all the dollars and they'd be like you
only know the dollars and then and then
I get started getting really deep I
could make an event out of a night in in
Europe I could make an event I remember
we were in uh Strasbourg and the bar was
supposed to close but I had friends
coming to the bar the train hadn't
gotten uh in in yet and I said
I said don't close the bar I'll stand on
the bar and I'll entertain everyone in
this room I'll dance I'll do whatever if
you just keep the bar open and the guy
goes if you can keep me laughing I'll
keep the bar open and I danced and and
made this guy laugh on a bar for legit
I'm not even like a legit 30 minutes
until my friends walked in and they're
like what the fuck's going on I had this
ability to
to without humility I didn't mind
looking like a fool and like doing and
there were really stupid jokes at the
time just very like base American frat
boy jokes but I didn't Sparkle when I
came back I feel I feel like I learned
how to like to do that and do funny
things that were like fun like I would
we go to a football game and I'd I
brought a camera around with me a lot I
like to take pictures
and I remember one of the jokes I'd go
is I go hey everybody I told my parents
I have a lot of friends can you guys
gather around and we'll take a picture
and so you know like 50 people would
lead around like hey and like just the
dumbest yeah silliest things and and
and and I don't and I wasn't a big
self-promoter so these would happen and
I would just I was just doing them for
me and my friends
I'd bring a guitar out and I just make
up songs and and uh
and and so I think in in watching this
this serious bird get chipped away at
until my like six and a half year of
college where it was just this silly guy
and then Rolling Stones written about me
and I'm like and then I'm like well and
I remember a couple serious Dads going
yo you got a chance to turn this into
something you need to go to you need to
follow your dream and I try to stand up
the first night and I was like I maybe
not wasn't the funniest guy but man they
laughed and we had a good time for 30
minutes and it worked and it was stream
of consciousness
and I was like yeah and then of course
you know that same little path you take
gets convoluted in in New York because
you want to be a serious comic and you
want to be taken seriously and you want
to be edgy and you want to say the and
then slowly but surely that you're the
real bird chips away at it and he's like
yeah man just fucking take your shirt
off kill a beer yeah like fucking tell
the machine stories tell a story about
your stupid kids like just you don't
need to be the fucking edgiest dude in
the room leave that to the good ones let
let Bill and fucking Joe and Tom they're
the those are the legit fucking gangster
Comics they're I mean those are the
fucking
I'm you're never gonna out fucking
Chappelle those those guys are fucking
gangsters do what you do have fun make
life fun and seize the day and fucking
try to bring a spark to people and let
them forget about their fucking day
and the the interesting thing about
alcohol that I've I don't really like
drinking
in terms of the actual physical like how
it makes me feel but there's the the
camaraderie that happens
I I wish there was another way to get
there but I don't think there is that
Joy you get of just everybody getting
together and taking shots or drinking
not the polite kind of drinking but just
everybody just
the the fuck it kind of drinking yeah
and when someone goes all right I'm in
like that all right yeah that's the
funnest and then especially when you
have a big group yeah and there's like a
big group and like we were at the
premiere the other night and and uh and
I was working I was legit working I do
I'm trying to sell the movie to outlets
media Outlets and uh Boston with the boy
Boston with the boys my wife flew them
in to surprise me and they're over on
the red carpet and they're like yo this
the skull a beer let's kill a beer and I
was like oh and then I'm like ah fuck it
I Don't Give A F this is what life's
about and that moment where they're like
yeah that's the funnest fucking
especially when I can get Leanne to do
it when I get Leanne to get a drink and
she'll and she's like
like I wasn't supposed to drink last
night and she was like you want to just
we still have a glass of wine in the
front yard and you're like oh my heart
skips a beat I go glass one in the front
yard are we gonna talk wild are we gonna
say crazy shit to each other like fuck
yeah in the front yard front yard what
are you doing in the front yard let the
dogs play oh Big Trees in the front yard
in the Adirondacks on the front porch
letting the dogs play letting the dogs
rest in the front yard maybe go over
pick some cherries look at the fucking
trees hear the wind going through the
front yard and then you go to the
backyard that's where the cigar comes
out a little more privacy but yeah
red wine Mall back
keep our sulfites low
yeah wine is a whole nother one too I
feel sophisticated oh yeah I've went I
traveled uh before Ukraine I went to
Paris for the first time I drank wine
there and I felt like
I was uh a sophisticated man
you know dude
I didn't speak much French but you don't
need to you don't need to just start
smoking too just have a fucking
cigarette I was gonna start writing
poetry duding Hemingway there's uh like
a glass of wine in Italy and like uh
like just out in like we went we went oh
the most beautiful fucking day of my
life
just outside Florence
they have all the Vineyards and stuff
and we took a Vespa tour nice and uh and
it was fucking and Isla's too young to
ride so she's on the back and now
everyone can drink there you know you're
not supposed to drink and drive Vespas
but they don't they go a glass of wine
is nothing yeah and you're like okay
I guess I'll have a couple then if you
think one's nothing then I think two's
nothing also so this is drunk Bert on a
Vespa drunk not even drunk but just
lightly lightly feathered yeah where
and it's beautiful my wife hasn't been
drinking Georgia has Georgia's too young
Isla is too young but I had at dinner we
had a couple and we're going through
these Hills and it starts raining
and it starts raining and I go
Isla what are we missing and she goes
music big boy and I go what do you want
to hear and then she just starts going
I can't stop this feeling she's
screaming it and behind and then I hear
George is screaming it and then Leanne's
singing it and then Sandy and her two
daughters are singing it we're on these
Vespas and we're all singing it and and
I and I swear to God if I hadn't been
lightly feathered I don't know if I
would have been like Idol what are we
missing because you know alcohol will
give you that thing like what's next
what's bigger how do we take this to the
next level and then I got this little
girl who's still my little girl at that
moment when she's singing sing it all
the good times aiming up so long yeah
give it up girl and then we stop at the
and we stop at the light and all of us
are looking and it's pouring rain
don't do the feeling don't it is I mean
I remember uh solving crying sobbing
crying sobbing crying and then I was
like let's get these fucking Vespers up
and get to a Vineyard and then we went
to a Vineyard and the all the girls
tried a little wine no one got buzzed or
anything but you're just sitting there
with your family going like
fuck dude it and I'm not certain you get
that without a little bit of a little
bit but then a lot is also interesting I
had uh a lot of whiskey with Rogan once
I think I saw that yeah I think I saw
that with Whitney too he was in the
push-up concert contest with uh David
got is the only time I met David Goggins
in person one of the great
embarrassments of my life is uh trashed
out of my mind I'm trying to say how
much of a fan I am and I could tell by
the look in his eye that what is
actually coming out of my mouth is not
good
it's not good and his wife is
embarrassed standing right there also
just everybody's embarrassed for me man
I'm trying my best and then somehow I
find myself a minute later doing
push-ups with him as a challenge I
didn't it wasn't counting all I knew I'm
not stopping
and he was polite enough to stop I think
probably like 50 I don't know
there's a gift someone gives you when
they get drunk and they allow they get
drunk and they lower their guard and
they allow you to see them that way it's
a gift it's a real gift it's just as
cool as like pulling someone's side and
going yo I'm into anime like are you
cool with that and then they're going
yeah oh yeah can I show you some cool
anime and then you're like that's not my
thing but it's like a cool thing it's
like sharing cool music with someone or
like telling them something about your
childhood when you when you get drunk
like real drunk around someone
you're giving them a gift yeah and that
gift is I want you to see me for
everything I am yeah you're not going to
get any lies you're not going to get any
bullshit this is me at my absolute worst
I have a rule I will never never get mad
at someone for getting too fucked up
because they're giving you a gift
they're saying like yo I did this on
accident but I trust you enough to let
you know that this is who I am and this
is what you're getting I love it I love
it especially when it comes to someone
you don't expect like you shut the fuck
up David gockins should have hugged you
and said thanks for showing me this yeah
I guess that really you're right I
haven't thought of it that way there's
an intimacy to that because that is a
gift of like fragility like this is me I
mean I'm I'm a very loving drunk but I'm
boy am I a dumb drunk
well dumb in terms of the eloquence of
the words that are coming out of my
mouth so like you're just not stitching
words together correctly to make
sentences no I turn into Hemingway Lost
in Translation like I'll start saying
random words but like translated to
Japanese and back to English it's not
making any sense but there's love like I
think what you feel is this kind of
desire to connect that I think I always
feel towards other people but when I'm
drunk I'm just say fuck it I don't need
to be polite I'll just be loving fully
yeah yeah it's uh
it's cool when people let you see that
in them because some people are really
like measured like not one drink and
then I'm done I don't want it no no no
no and you're like show me a little more
and then like it's cool and I never like
I love my favorite moments in the next
morning when they're like did I make an
ass out of myself and you get to say not
at all yeah not at all that's the
coolest thing because some people bad
people will leverage that over yeah you
can you see it's a bully tactic they'll
leverage that the bad interactions I've
had with in this business
that we were talking about earlier
they were people that that when you got
fucked up they used it against you yeah
they held it over your head and they
said listen man
I don't know what the fuck but if you
want and you're like hold on and then
and then they made you they Gaslight you
into thinking you're the only one that
was fucked up and you're like okay I
guess I know who you are now and I was
like didn't you get fucked up a little
bit too yeah like I know we smoked weed
and I thought we ate Xanax but like what
about the I know I had a couple beers
but like I wasn't that fucked up
well Whitney's really good at that
because she's the person I woke up next
morning and she just she said yeah yeah
you're wonderful you're eloquent you're
great I I'm sure she was making that up
completely it was funny I got blackout
drunk at Whitney's roast of me like
black don't remember any of it and don't
remember any of it don't remember
speaking on the microphone I don't
remember talking in the microphone
and and I I did the set apparently yeah
and I said to Whitney like in a real
moment of vulnerability Whitney's like a
sister to me like a legit sister
my daughter's call her aunt Whitney
Leanne shook his sister Leanne if she
comes over to do a podcast with Neil
show up an hour early and sit with
Leanne out in Leon's rose garden and
just talk and Whitney I
I said the next day I called Whitney and
I was getting on a plane
and I was new I was hungover I said how
bad was I last night she goes you were
fucking fantastic and just didn't let me
sit with it and then I watched the video
and I was like oh I'm fucking out of
control I was way out of control thank
you for lying to me yeah so while being
a wild out there comic she's also this
like caring and loving human being she's
so interesting she is she is the most
nurturing
Sensibility
she is you she sends my daughter's gifts
out of nowhere just out of nowhere to
send Georgia gifts up to college it's
just a gift box like she is just she
takes care of people that's her love
language and she's also the person that
taught me what what the hell love
language even means apparently there's a
book and there's like five of them oh
you and Whitney I would love to sit in
the fucking room and watch YouTube talk
yeah she has a robot yeah it looks like
her
and um
that's the future that robot I told her
she should have that robot do porn
unless someone fuck that robot and then
and she can she get deep faked the face
if she wants but I go
promote it promote a special that way
like a full-on not like Showtime
softcore porn like full-on foreign full
on like the dude like it's like hi
welcome inside you looked tired do you
need a drink yeah oops I'm stuck in the
dryer you know what's the promotion
you're most proud of that you've done
without a doubt it's got to be what I
took dance lessons yeah that was epic
because I tried to get Joe and Tom and
Ari to do it for sober October I was
reading for you and they said no she was
like absolutely not I knew Joe was gonna
say no but Joe's a legit dancer like he
can legit dance he took like dance
lessons for a movie and is apparently an
amazing dancer and so you're right he
could have said yes
he could have said yes because I don't
remember listening to that podcast where
you really made the pitch yeah and I
said we all Take hip-hop dance lessons
it's your cardio's through the roof yeah
and and those you do an hour dance loss
and then we all do a hip-hop dance and
then we all put our hip top dances
against each other and we see who has
the best hip-hop dance it's different
than the typical stuff we do it's fun
and we can also work out we can do
everything but like let's do hip-hop
dance and Joe Adam Lee was like that's a
horrible idea I will not do that and
then and then Tom and Ari just you know
just whatever they were like yeah I
started with Joe we'll do something else
and then I was like but I knew I liked
hip-hop dance and so I was like I'm
Gonna Take hip-hop dance lessons anyway
I'm gonna just do it over sub October
and I'm just gonna I'm gonna fucking do
it and then maybe maybe I'll do a
hip-hop dance video and then show it to
them and let them rape me and then we
did it
and I and it was twelve hundred dollars
and I for hip-hop dance lessons for like
a month or whatever for like a couple
weeks
and then when we did it I thought you
know what I bet we could put tour dates
next to this because it's it was it
turned out being like kind of good but
kind of funny but we could put tour
dates next to this and it was the
beginning of me figuring out the whole
like my promos were short and quick and
they were always like something silly
what's up guys it's your boy Brooke
Chrysler
and then that one blew up and
immediately I was announcing the tour
and immediately every tour date sold out
and then every we added shows that day
we added shows and every one of those
sold out and I was like whoa and then
Tom was like the fuck was that and I was
like
I think I just sold out my whole fucking
tour
and
and then Tom and then when Tom did his
one like that and put his tour dates on
it went over the top he sold all his
tours and and he was like whoa he's like
did I sold out every fucking show we've
added shows I'm doing like an arena here
and this is before we were doing Arenas
I was like shut the fuck up and that
changed my game where I was like all
right so everything's got to be
and then and then I was like I don't
mind spending a little money and then
the next one I did was the marching band
and I was just like and but it was you
know it's real crazy I just said
can you guys get me a marching band and
they were like yes like it's like 2400
bucks I go cool and they're like what do
you want them to do and I go I don't
know we'll figure it out and they came
over and they had outfits and they were
like so where did what do you want us to
play what song do you guys know and then
they didn't even know each other they
were all hired people and they were like
rubber Band Man and I was like oh sure
yeah and then we just scripted it out I
was like all right I'll pretend it's a
regular thing let's go wait so I'll walk
out and then I'll blow a whistle and
then you come out with the room
and then and then we should we got like
two videos out of that and that sold out
dates and I was like fuck
and then and then and then and then and
then the real baller one the fucking
real one the real one was
I tore all the muscles in my arm going
into and do shooting the movie and I
ripped all the tricep muscles off and
they were retracted so I'd go in for
surgery
and the anesthesiologist said to me
the night before he's like what music do
you want going in going under and I was
like what he goes you can pick your
music going under I said wait hold on
what is it like he go I go is it like
casual and he was like yeah
I said I'm doing a promo read going
under he goes what do you mean so I'll
explain it to you tomorrow but I'm gonna
I'm not gonna count backwards I'm just
gonna do a promo read until I pass out
and my phone's gonna fall on the ground
all I need you to do is hit
stop record
and
so they rolled me into surgery I had Red
Rocks I had only sold like 75 of Red
Rocks which is the biggest ten thousands
the biggest venue I'd ever played in and
I rolled in with my thing with CCR
playing in the background and I just was
like as I lay here on this mat or on
this steel terrified as I go into
surgery I want you to know one thing I'm
playing Red Rock September 10th and I
started doing my promo read and he was
like yeah I go Jimmy Buffett's there the
night before the night after he's like
for real I go yeah you want to come he's
like hell yeah he's like all right he's
like you're going under and he hits it I
go through and I drop the phone
woke up out of surgery and the first
thing I said is where's my phone and he
goes you got it and Leanne's like I've
already watched it it's good and I went
for real and so like that was a that was
uh that was a that was a big one that
was a big one too yeah that was genius
but that was the sort of opportunity
kind of jumping on an idea have you ever
met Mr Beast Jimmy no
so he he's I got to hang out with him
for uh a day and listen to him
brainstorm with the team ideas yeah he
kind of sounds like you but on steroids
in terms of like
first of all
willing to spend any amount of money on
an idea like anything anything is
allowed anything is allowed I love that
energy uh the only thing is no like
rated R stuff so he's really trying to
go like
um for the broader audience for kids and
so on so that's the limitation so you
can't do like most of the ideas that pop
into my head when anything's allowed
it's kind of dark yeah but the point is
to really aggressively brainstorm every
single day at the Whiteboard like what
and he does that for YouTube shorts too
for one minute videos really it's just
like really like what is the coolest
thing we could possibly do I love that I
love that energy and that energy most
people don't do that and they should
basically YouTubers do that because
they're obsessed about this particular
YouTube algorithm and so on and and
Jimmy is the best at that but like that
can benefit you if you're a scientist if
you're a comedian if you're whatever
just go all out it's there's something
really fun authentically fun about
just coming up with a really stupid idea
and just going let's see what happens
who gives a fuck we've had those like I
thought I could catch an arrow one time
and
yeah and my wife's like absolutely
fucking not like I really think I can I
go let's just get really close shoot it
and then I'll see if I can catch it and
she's like no that's not what you're
doing and then my cousin's like hey we
could cheat it to make you look like you
caught narrow and I went what he was
here just okay let's do it like this and
so we did it and it got sold a ton of
tickets it looked like I really caught
it everyone knows I didn't catch an
arrow I mean for the movie we did a
promo legendary was like you do all the
promos and we did a promo and I thought
I could slide out of my car like Tom
Cruise did
in a in a helicopter yeah and with
roller skates and get behind the car and
then skate behind the car and we just
ran over my foot and it was real and it
was scary but we just caught it all and
in doing it my cousin's like give me the
read and I'm like duh my movie comes out
Memorial Day Weekend uh I think we have
to go to the hospital and then we went
to the hospital and I'm in the speedo
with a helmet on one broken roller skate
and then
and then that did really well and so
like I said the whole thing is just turn
the camera on you never know what's
gonna fucking happen
and don't be afraid to look stupid and
all that kind of stuff just go all out
fucking ego's the death of Comedy like
when you when you really give like
if it's hard to be the coolest guy in
the room and still want to be a comedian
is just let yourself be whoever you are
and you'll see the great ones they're
like that they don't the you know
they're they're just regular fucking
dudes and you get some real slick ones
like Dave Dave's probably might be the
coolest guy in the fucking room he might
really might be yeah but I think that's
just who the fuck he is
who are the outside your close friend
group who are the greats to you top five
outside of my friend group so uh like
for me probably no McDonald's Mitch
Hedberg
George Carlin
Thompson Gore number one oh yeah no
I wanted to say that it's an interesting
pairing No Mitch Hedberg Dave Attell
David Patel David everybody deeply
respects David more than even his comedy
I love this show where he was uh
Insomniac insomniac he's so good at just
the the natural comedy of human
interaction he's a brilliant comic he's
just a brilliant fucking mind
um Norm MacDonald's a fucking genius an
absolute genius
I mean look you know Chappelle and Bill
Burr are are the two best in our
generation in my opinion and that's you
know and that's understanding that like
I'm still friends with some of the best
in our generation but like just the way
their brains work is really on the next
level like you know those are guys Stan
hope is the same way just fucking genius
you know Rogan's to grow those are my
friend group that's my really close
friend group but like those other guys
I'm friends with but they're not like
that's like
yeah Louis CK bro Louis CK fuck he's
amazing it's hard to do because you
start like forgetting the like people
and then it's almost like people go oh
so you didn't like that person you're
like no I fucking love that person yeah
I mean there's uh for me like Robin
Williams which is a whole nother thing
oh yeah Sarah Silverman uh fucking uh I
love Janine I mean I'm a fucking big
Janine fan I love her brain Marin's
fucking hilarious you know uh Patton's
brilliant David Cross I mean there's
like it's you know it's really to ignore
those guys and those guys were like the
whole Forefront of the alternative
comedy front they're fucking amazing
yeah and the people that have like Marin
or Joe that have podcasts is interesting
it's an interesting pairing because you
get to know like everything about them
but then they're also Comedians and I've
gotten I've gone to Joe's Club a lot
listen Joe and just that whole group of
comics do comedy and go to the same set
over and over and over and to see how it
changes it's really cool it's the
coolest thing when I first started to
watch someone I could tell was really
brilliant at it because you'd watch him
Tinker with a set yeah and he'd he'd
have an idea like hitting someone over
the head with a hammer from behind and
then he'd work it nine different ways
you know and you'd be like whoa so
you're the hitting hammer in the head is
the thing that he's working on
I hope uh Eddie Murphy comes back
he's one of the greats Chris Rock Chris
Rock's fucking bring the pain is like
the reason I got into comedy yeah
do you have advice for Young Folks you
seem like a stellar example of a
successful human being
um or more seriously a very kind of
non-linear life idea of advice for young
people in high school and college I
don't have a a good life they can be
proud of don't worry too much
about what you do when you get older
but when you do start worrying
find the thing you love and it'll never
feel like work
to fucking I can't imagine what it must
feel like to be a lawyer and have to
read papers or whatever they do all day
and know that that's my day yeah I mean
it must feel like what I what school
felt like for me
if you find that thing you love to do
you will work endlessly effortlessly and
hard as fucking shit every day and
you'll love every day of your life fine
when you love and let it kill you
Bukowski said that for then that's the
fucking thing because that's what I'm
doing I'm gonna fucking take I'm I'm
fucking I'm I'm on that fucking bullet
train to fucking nowhere on this fucking
comedy journey I love it I love it so
it's like the Hunter S Thompson thing
what is it however you put it he
basically you're not supposed to be uh
end up in a well-preserved box you slide
it in sideways smoke just beat up yeah
just just a giant mess I love I love
those guys that can really live that
life that are like yeah man I'm breaking
it I'm breaking it down like a guy like
Tony Hawk or Matt Hoffman who like yeah
if I if I don't fucking break the fuck
out of this thing before I I'm then I'm
not doing it right then again there's
also Churchill who tried to break the
thing and he couldn't lived into his 90s
a bad motherfucker just a bad
motherfucker
so I guess the only hope we can have for
bird Chrysler is that you're going to be
the Winston Churchill of Comedy my life
has lived perfectly
if I'm 95 years old and All My Friends
Are Dead yeah
they're like they're like can you
believe that wolf got Rogan yeah can you
believe sagura 600 pounds and they had
to carry him out in a crane out of that
house
can you believe that it's just Burt
Chrysler and Joey Diaz laughing
just standing there in October October
just the two of you left just laughing
October is just I'm 95 at the Mark Twain
Awards and they're like Bert Chrysler
still fucking here who saw that coming
I hope so Bert I'm a huge fan of yours
it meant so much to me when you said
that you knew who I was like we were
talking about it just it's so cool it's
so cool thank you for putting so much
joy and love out there in the world I'm
a huge fan and thank you for the love
you've given me thank you man I am a
huge fan of yours you keep doing you
I'll keep doing me and then let's see if
we can meet in the middle sometime
having cold beer in the afternoon love
you brother love you
thanks for listening to this
conversation with Bert Kreischer to
support this podcast please check out
our sponsors in the description and now
let me leave you some words from Hunter
S Thompson
life should not be a journey to the
Grave with the intention of arriving
safely in a pretty and well-preserved
body but rather to Skid in broadside in
a cloud of smoke thoroughly used up
totally worn out and loudly proclaiming
wow what a ride
thank you for listening I hope to see
you next time